Hunter Emnis
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 14, 2005
10:55:13 AM
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Zar, I don't see what is so illogical.... Besides, only a few members treat him like he is a person and not just screaming at him... I dont think our squad has any slots left but'll we'll see what we can do... of course if everyone else approves. -----------------------
HUnter EMnis
TRP/PFCHunter_Emnis/4SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA |
Hellra
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 14, 2005
11:01:24 AM
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hunter, i am not screaming at him, but Revan did you even read what Cosmic said?
The only thing that really changed was that you said how many scars he had and by what they were made.
Hunter, i can tolerate most people including you, but i dont hesitate to give my opinion. -----------------------
Lance Corporal Hellra
-=Lancer Squad=- -=EL=- -=Blue Technical=-
EL/LCPL Hellra/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C] |
Hunter Emnis
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 14, 2005
11:06:23 AM
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/me looks around... what did i do..... and notice i said a few.... not one, not two, not.... A Few...okay... You are one of them and i shouldn't have to say it. It's not a competition.... We'll let the god people decide this.. -----------------------
HUnter EMnis
TRP/PFCHunter_Emnis/4SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA |
Hellra
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 14, 2005
11:09:44 AM
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Hehe Hunter, sorry bout then, but ...but...but..oh never mind, hmm, fine ildo an different comment on his bio, that will be concidered constructive critisism. -----------------------
Lance Corporal Hellra
-=Lancer Squad=- -=EL=- -=Blue Technical=-
EL/LCPL Hellra/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C] |
Hunter Emnis
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 14, 2005
11:20:08 AM
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No worries Hellen,
Anyway is revan's bio even done yet? And half of the newcomers make their own thread for their bio rahter than post on this one... ignoring the fact that i did too -----------------------
HUnter EMnis
TRP/PFCHunter_Emnis/4SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA |
vint
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 15, 2005
10:48:47 AM
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An idea: This topic should be stickyed so it would be more noticable. -----------------------
Go here or die. It's updated every day. |
Razgriz
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 15, 2005
11:06:01 AM
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heres my bio.
Race: Trandoshan
Gender: Male
Eyes: Yellow
Skin: Pale Orange
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 137 pounds
Home Planet: Trandosha
Hatched: 17 years before the Battle of Yavin
Native Tongue: Trandoshan
Other Languages: Basic
Distinguishing Scars/Tattos: A black mark running verticaly through his face.
Origin Of Name: Razgriz is translated from Trandoshan to Black Demon. Thought to have come from Sith Lords visiting Trandosha in the distant past.
Special Skills: Sharpened senses, Quite stealthy, Very proficient warrior, A vulgar form of martial arts (self invented).
Personality: Bitter, angry, decietful, to those he trusts/restpects loyal, reliable.
History: Razgriz was the first to hatch egg-litter. In Trandosha culture the first to hatch is given the most attention, and food. In Razgriz' case however, at an early age, his jaw was ripped off and he was thrown out and left to fend for himself in a forest, as he was a runt. Due to some unforeseen strand of DNA, his jaw regenerated in a matter of days and he had built a home in the trees, similar to Wookie cities, in less than a month. He spent the next decade and a half of his life training himself in numerous disciplines and arts, including a self invented form of martial arts. He also developed his regeneration to a previously unheard of level, almost ten times that of the average Trandoshan regeneration rate. Then a couple months before the first Death Star was destroyed, Razgriz, sick of the life alone, in the forest, signed up to join the legions of Storm Troopers serving Emperor Palpitine and the Galactic Empire, hoping to prove he was not the failure the rest of his kind thought he was. -----------------------
Private First Class Razgriz |
Cosmic
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[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 15, 2005
11:44:51 AM
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Interesting. Also, just a note for yourself: if you say you were born 17 years before the Battle of Yavin, that would mean your character is 28 years old.
That was a very interesting story - I really enjoyed reading it. I liked how you incorporated something unique about yourself: the regeneration. It's not over-the-top because, in especially lizards, you're bound to have genetic/cell mutation over time. This makes for some very interesting character development stories on your part.
Very well done. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Jack Nebulax
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 15, 2005
3:38:50 PM
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Angel
ComNet Expert
[VE-ARMY] Senior Sergeant
[VE-DJO] Dark Jedi Knight
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 15, 2005
3:45:25 PM
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Just one thing.
Emperor Palpatine and the Galactic Empire (unlike the VE) were fiercely xenophobic. They wouldn't have allowed a trandoshan to join the Stormtroopers.
But other than that its just as Cosmic said. Very well done.
-----------------------
Senior Sergeant Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi
=[Arrogant Elitist]=
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Iron Horse Squad/WildCard/Phoenix/Dragon/ Osiris/Army/VE [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
------------------------
The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/VEDJ/VE/Lopen [VP:1]
------------------------
He who sheds man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed. The three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God..
[This message has been edited by
Angel
(edited July 15, 2005
3:48:18 PM)]
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zar mulix
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 15, 2005
9:25:04 PM
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yeah I heard about that when I was joining another star wars rpg site......
*Zar looks around guiltily*
I wonder why though, probably doesn't trust them. hmmm that sounds kind of racist or something like that -----------------------
Private First Class Zar Mulix
TRP/PFC Zar Mulix/3SQD/1PLT/1COM/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE [LoR]
"When the big man jumps, the world shakes in terror"- Zar Mulix
"Experience does not exist, nor does it have value, for it is just a word used to describe our past errors."
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Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 20, 2005
9:41:05 AM
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Malficus, did you post a bio bud? -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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Chui
ComNet n00b
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 20, 2005
2:39:31 PM
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Name: Chui
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Homeworld: Corellia
Height: 1.83 meters
Weight: 68.04 kilos
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Blue
History: Born on Corellia during the early days of Emperor Palpatine's New Order, Chui was trained in several styles of wrestling that taught him to rely on his wits, and gave him a hard head to match his stubbornness.
Cast out of Coronet City for starting one too many bar brawls, from which he was usually the last one standing, Chui joined the Stormtrooper Corps. in order to make a living beating people up, plus he got cool armor and a blaster rifle as a bonus.
Personality: Hard-headed and stubborn, but good for a few laughs. -----------------------
[LoR] |
Hellra
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 20, 2005
2:43:02 PM
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I like your bio, i really do, it still lacks some info though, but none the less, its good. I feel that you can add more history with it. But i guess that is also good.
-----------------------
Lance Corporal Hellra
-=Lancer Squad=- -=EL=- -=Blue Technical=-
EL/LCPL Hellra/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C] |
Cosmic
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 20, 2005
2:44:06 PM
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Not bad... that works. For future reference and posting, add a little more detail into your writing. 
I'll place you in a squad once I find room. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Jakireth
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 21, 2005
1:23:39 PM
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Alot of new people have great ideas and history to place in a bio, however they lack the ability to fully expand and elaborate on those ideas. DETAIL DETAIL DETAIL -----------------------
Private First Class Jakireth Cadrimos
Army of the Vast Empire
FTL/PFC Jakireth/3SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT//VEA/VE[LoR]
"Courage and bravery are your two primary weapons on the battlefield, without them, it is difficult and sometimes impossible to prevail"-Jakireth Cadrimos
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Angel
ComNet Expert
[VE-ARMY] Senior Sergeant
[VE-DJO] Dark Jedi Knight
Post Number: 1908
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 21, 2005
2:48:02 PM
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Detail comes with time Jak. People need a chance to develop their characters. It took me almost two years to get Angel sorted out. -----------------------
=[Arrogant Elitist]=
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Iron Horse Squad/WildCard/Phoenix/Dragon/ Osiris/Stormtrooper Corps/Vast Empire [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
------------------------
The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/Dark Jedi/Vast Empire/Lopen [VP:1]
------------------------
He who sheds man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed. The three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God.. |
Cosmic
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 21, 2005
7:03:26 PM
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I've had Cosmic since I started (5 years ago this September), and I'm still working out his character development and creating him to be the person I had planned. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Vindictus
ComNet n00b
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 23, 2005
11:08:23 PM
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My Biography
Name: Vindictus
Native Language: Basic
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Emerald Green
Skin Color: Tan
Height: 6'3
Weight: 165 lbs
Age: 23
Real Name: Kaan Novar
Physical Build: Muscular
Homeworld: Coruscant (now called Imperial Center)
History
The Story Starts back on my home world of Coruscant. i was just 5 years old when it happened. My Father was an Imperial Commander. My mother was an Imperial Senator before the Bastard Emperor disbanded the senate. A few months after Palpatine disbanded the senate My mother had gone missing. My father went after her looking everywhere. it's not hard to find someone if you know where to look, even in a city with trillions of people. Eventually my father found her. she had been kidnapped by the Emperors's Hand Mara Jade. my father went to get her back but Mara Jade wouldn't have it. Mara Jade had been trained in Lightsaber combat and she wielded the Force. When my father tried to take out his E-11 Blaster rifle she used the force to call the blaster to her. Armed with a Blaster and a lightsaber against an unarmed opponet my father was no match. she ignited her lightsaber and threw the blaster to my father to distract him then without a second thought she decapitated him. Then when my mother tried to kill her with a suprise attack from behind Mara Jade Ruthlessly did a backhand Stab which killed my mother on impact.
With My parents dead i was left an orphan. No one wnted to adopt a child whose parents had been assinated by an agent of the Emperor. I was left homeless. I fended for myself in the lower depths of Coruscant for 15 years. i fought numerous criminals in that time. some times i even got into knife fights with these crooks. when i was 15 i fought this 1 guy who sliced me across the chest which left a massive scar. during the fight i grabed his arm and snapped it breaking it and making his own bone impale his arm. i decided that since he wanted to cause me pain i was gonna cause him as much pain as possible. i continued to hit him until i broke every bone in his body. then i grabbed his knife and continued to chop off small parts of his body making sure he stood alive until i finnaly decided to end it by cutting off his head. i was drenched in blood. And for some sick reason i felt pleasure in torturing others til they died. after that i became an assassin and a bounty hunter infamous throughout Imperial City. I took on the name Vindictus and in my 3 years as an assassin/Bounty Hunter i killed over 300 people. killing others had become my life. When i had enough of being an assassin i decided my talents were bieng wasted on these pathetic people. so i decided to join the military. i went to the stormtrooper academy and underwent Basic training under the Commander of training Brigadier General Cosmic... |
Cosmic
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 24, 2005
9:14:13 PM
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Interesting story, but I'm going to make you change it.
1) Coruscant is not under Imperial control, and thus cannot be now known as the "Imperial Center".
2) It's wise to leave famous characters, such as Mara Jade, out of your posts.
Also, with the Jedi Purge, Jedi no longer exist.
Rewrite and I'll read it again. Interesting start though. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Slick
ComNet Initiate
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 24, 2005
9:24:39 PM
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I found it an interesting read, but Cosmic brings the main points to light. It was interesting, and enjoyable. I look forward to the revised version. -----------------------
TRP/PFC Slick/4SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/Tadath/VEA[LoR]
"Even the best soldiers will fall if they stand alone."
"If you question your actions in war... you know that you are still sane." |
Vindictus
ComNet n00b
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 24, 2005
11:39:27 PM
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My Biography (2nd Draft)
Name: Vindictus
Native Language: Basic
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Emerald Green
Skin Color: Tan
Height: 6'3
Weight: 165 lbs
Age: 23
Real Name: Kaan Novar
Physical Build: Muscular
Homeworld: Coruscant
History
The Story Starts back on my home world of Coruscant. i was just 5 years old when it happened. My Father was an Imperial Commander. My mother was an Imperial Senator before the Bastard Emperor disbanded the senate. A few months after Palpatine disbanded the senate My mother had gone missing. My father went after her looking everywhere. it's not hard to find someone if you know where to look, even in a city with trillions of people. Eventually my father found her. she had been kidnapped by one of the Emperors's agents. my father went to get her back but the Imperial agent wouldn't have it. He had been trained to kill and not to leave any opponet alive. When my father tried to take out his E-11 Blaster rifle, the agent kicked it into the air, then did a backflip and caught it. Armed with my father's blaster, the agent had my father at his mercy.the agent was not merciful however and decided it would be best to end this quickly as he grew bored of my father. the agent aimed at my father's head and father's head and fired, killing him instantly. Then when my mother tried to kill the agent with a suprise attack from behind, the agent jumped beind my mother and snapped her neck ending her life as well.
With My parents dead i was left an orphan. No one wnted to adopt a child whose parents had been assinated by an agent of the Emperor. I was left homeless. I fended for myself in the lower depths of Coruscant for 15 years. i fought numerous criminals in that time. some times i even got into knife fights with these crooks. when i was 15 i fought this 1 guy who sliced me across the chest which left a massive scar. during the fight i grabed his arm and snapped it breaking it and making his own bone impale his arm. i decided that since he wanted to cause me pain i was gonna cause him as much pain as possible. i continued to hit him until i broke every bone in his body. then i grabbed his knife and continued to chop off small parts of his body making sure he stood alive until i finnaly decided to end it by cutting off his head. i was drenched in blood. And for some sick reason i felt pleasure in torturing others til they died. after that i became an assassin and a bounty hunter infamous throughout Coruscant. I took on the name Vindictus and in my 3 years as an assassin/Bounty Hunter i killed over 300 people. killing others had become my life. When i had enough of being an assassin i decided my talents were bieng wasted on these pathetic people. so i decided to join the military. i went to the stormtrooper academy and underwent Basic training under the Commander of training Brigadier General Cosmic... |
Cosmic
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Post Number: 3621
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Joined: Sep 2000
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 25, 2005
10:23:08 AM
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Good, that's perfect. I see two mistakes on your part, however - but this is ok since you're new. We all learn this sometime: due to the fact that our primary activity/means of recreation in this club is writing, my standards for your writing are higher than you think.
1) You began your second version of your bio with "2nd draft". Bad idea there. That would imply that you are not yet finished with it, and by looking at the grammar and punctuation of your post, I can see that's the case. You should have either put "Final Draft" or not put any draft version number on there at all.
2) You are in a writing club, young sir. We do not accept "AOL writing". Write "one" instead of "1". Do not capitalize letters that should not be capitalized: "bastard Emperor" not "Bastard Emperor", "Senate" not "senate" when you're referring to an infamous body. All pronouns begin with capitalized letters. Also, you need to watch the syntax/punctuation in your writing. Place periods, commas, colons, semi-colons, hyphens, etc., in their respectable and correct locations.
3) Read before you post! This is of the utmost importance. In order for others to enjoy your writing, you need to be sure that you yourself can enjoy your own post. You need to read, and sometimes reread, in order to produce a fine-quality product. Read your post out loud to see if anything "sounds off". It if does, it probably is.
I'm telling you all these things because people take this club for granted - they believe it to be the regular mundane run-of-the-mill club where you have a bunch of people writing a whole lot of nonesense. We have aims and goals in this club. Yes, one of these aims is to definately have fun for the individual, but we also want it to be fun for everyone else, and that means reading a decent post.
Very well done on the story, but use my tips above and post once more with the corrections in grammar. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Jakireth
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 25, 2005
5:09:17 PM
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Trooper512
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 26, 2005
5:07:32 PM
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Nice too see you again cosmic, im back in drill now so i am not in lancer any more... -----------------------
Lancer squad new recruite |
Jakireth
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 26, 2005
6:39:23 PM
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You can get placed BACK into Drill...wow, congratulations...Im confused... -----------------------
Private First Class Jakireth
Raiders Squad Fire Team Leader
Army of the Vast Empire
FTL/PFC Jakireth/3SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT//VEA/VE[LoR]
Rep/Reporter Jakireth/NewsRep: 2/News Division/VET/VE
"Faithful to the Corps, faithful to each other, faithful to the end..." Raiders Squad motto
"Courage and bravery are your two primary weapons on the battlefield, without them, it is difficult and sometimes impossible to prevail"-Jakireth Cadrimos |
Adar Ree
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 27, 2005
1:38:41 AM
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umm, i dont know if i have to drill with you guys, but i´l just post here. however, gaming will be a problem with me as my computer is not built yet (doing it myself) and that most of the StarWars games im interested in have monthly fees (whch i cannot pay) -----------------------
http://www.madviper.net/images/swc/Adar.gif |
Cosmic
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 27, 2005
11:48:48 AM
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Trooper512, you are not in Drill. Do to your inactivity, you have been placed on AWOL. If you want to get back into Active Duty, then you will have to email your Squad Leader informing him why you were not active and that you want back in.
Adar, you're in the Navy bud, not the Army.  Post on the Navy Main boards. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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Adar Ree
ComNet n00b
[VE-NAVY] Crewman
Post Number: 16
Total Posts: 41
Joined: Jul 2005
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 27, 2005
11:53:06 AM
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lol, sorry . little mistake  -----------------------
http://www.madviper.net/images/swc/Adar.gif |
Jakireth
ComNet Member
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
[VE-VEEC] Reporter
Post Number: 493
Total Posts: 1356
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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July 27, 2005
1:39:30 PM
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Cos, is it even possible to get put back into Drill?
and do you get demoted to GFC when you're inactive? -----------------------
Private First Class Jakireth
Raiders Squad Fire Team Leader
Army of the Vast Empire
FTL/PFC Jakireth/3SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT//VEA/VE[LoR]
Rep/Reporter Jakireth/NewsRep: 2/News Division/VET/VE
"Faithful to the Corps, faithful to each other, faithful to the end..." Raiders Squad motto
"Courage and bravery are your two primary weapons on the battlefield, without them, it is difficult and sometimes impossible to prevail"-Jakireth Cadrimos |
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