vint
ComNet n00b
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
Post Number: 3
Total Posts: 771
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 3, 2005
1:23:06 PM
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i didnt have time to write this. i just found out this is mostly about writing stories, im good at that kinda. if imust do it again i will |
Angel
ComNet Expert
[VE-ARMY] Sergeant
[VE-DJO] Dark Jedi Knight
Post Number: 1603
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 3, 2005
2:49:13 PM
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*points to the VE-DJO underneath his name*
Yeah, you need that to be Force-sensitive. -----------------------
=[Arrogant Elitist]= Iron Horse Squad
TRP/SGT Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/1SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE/Tadath [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] {BoA}
------------------------
=[Dark Knight of the Sith]= Eagle Sect
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/VEDJ/VE/Lopen [VP:1]
------------------------
Fallen....only to rise.
Risen...only to fall.
The circle is now complete.
The Angel of Death has returned. |
vint
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 3, 2005
4:38:25 PM
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i post that to join djo?????
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Jack Nebulax
ComNet Veteran
[VE-NAVY] Petty Officer 1st Class
Post Number: 1219
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 3, 2005
5:53:44 PM
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Kairo
ComNet Member
[VE-ARMY] Senior Sergeant
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 3, 2005
7:46:51 PM
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Plus be supremely active and a very good writer. -----------------------
Senior Sergeant Kairo
Squad Leader
*DarkDragoons*
SL/SR.SGT Kairo/2SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [CDS][BoA][CoR] |
vint
ComNet n00b
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 3, 2005
8:26:08 PM
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ok iget it. i understand. finally
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Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
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[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 4, 2005
12:57:17 AM
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And yes, you do need to write your bio again. 
The biography isn't just to graduate from Drill. It informs others who your character is and what kind of person he is (personality, etc.) Give us a little more background as to how your character grew up, why he is who he is, and why he joined the Empire. Be creative with it.
And yes, in order to be Force-sensitive, our Dark Jedi Order must recognize you and "find" it within you beforehand. After 4-6 months time of active service, you may submit an application to join the Dark Jedi Order. Information concerning this is on the Dark Jedi Order's Information board. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
vint
ComNet n00b
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 4, 2005
8:26:34 AM
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i did write another bio(i now see even that wasnt long enough)but the edit button didnt work on my post. ill try to get a story out as soon as i can. |
vint
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 4, 2005
8:45:28 AM
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name: vint
age: 16
height: 6"
weight: 150 pounds
hair color/length: jet black/short
eye color: gray
tatoos: imperial insignia on calf
piercings: none
homeplanet: Nelcor4
Living on Nelcor4 with Rebel friendly parents was like living in Germany hating Hitler during WW2. I always lived in fear, never able to figure out whom i was more afraid of; the empire or my family. In my confusion at age fourteen, i seeked out something neutral. I tried to believe that a gang was neutral, but at the back of my mind i new the truth. I was scared and didnt have the best reason for it. I should have run. When my gang started anti Imperial(they have since been ended) activity i ran for it. All the way to the center of the Empire, Coruscant.
Upon arriving i was astounded at the glory of the vast city planet. It seemed to have more wildlife then most planets. Glowhawks glided on the air currants, Granite slugs had races to the top of buildings, and vast array of species!
After many weeks it came my sixteenth birthday. I had the crazy idea of joining as a stormtrooper, I thought, and thought, but couldnt make up my mind on what to do with my life.
But the Empire came to me. I became part of the third sectorG Coruscant draft. And here i am.
[This message has been edited by
vint
(edited May 4, 2005
3:51:43 PM)]
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Cosmic
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 4, 2005
9:27:13 PM
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Hmm... well, a big progression over your last bio, but I'm still going to let you rewrite this.
1) Use Microsoft Word! Grammar needs a lot of work. Use Word for checking your sentence structure and spelling (even the spelling you'll have to keep an eye on because Word's not that smart).
2) Never use Earth history. Earth doesn't exist (yet). Hence the "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..." All of the Star Wars saga was to have happened a long time ago prior to Earth history beginning. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
vint
ComNet n00b
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 5, 2005
10:05:16 AM
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my computers crap. i dont even have word! im trying to get it, i figured puting ww2 was a bad idea. ill see what i can do, dont have a lot of time on the computer. |
Cosmic
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 5, 2005
12:35:45 AM
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There's also Word Perfect. And if you don't have enough time to create a bio in one sitting, span it out. I don't care how long it is - I'm looking for quality.
I suggest reading Kiara Blackstar's and Ranger38's biographies for reference. They're pretty good. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
vint
ComNet Novice
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 5, 2005
2:17:13 PM
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ok. il have it at least by saturday, and i have started my own story on storynet, but theres hardly anything so far. |
Shakey
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 5, 2005
4:31:12 PM
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Oh come on Cos,what about mine.Don't make me take along time on my specialties too so you can point noobs in my direction.No offence ment Vint. -----------------------
*DarkDragoons*
TRP/PFC Shakey/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA [LoR] |
vint
ComNet Novice
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 5, 2005
5:47:05 PM
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vint
ComNet Novice
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
Post Number: 39
Total Posts: 771
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 6, 2005
3:58:00 PM
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name: Vintious Repser
age: 16
height: 6"
weight: 156
hair color/length: jet black/ short and raggedly cut
eye color: steel gray
piercings/tatoos: silver imperial insignia on calf
features, scars,ect.: scar on forehead that fades down to the nose
homeplanet: Nelcor4
Vintious was raised on the jungle planet Nelcor4. His family ran a small spaceport on one of the planets fourteen cities.When his father died of one of the jungles many diseases he took over the port. After a few months, supplies stopped coming to the city. When another city reported the same thing the next week, the planets high council decided approved an investigation. They discovered a small imperial faction was blocking all hyperspace routes out of the system. As soon as the news was told to the council, Moff Tolborn(the imperials leader) struck three of the cities, demolishing two of them.
In the months that followed the great Nelcor4 war was began. Tolborn gave promise of a revived Empire to the many that had not appreciated what the New Republic was doing.
The many that still loved the history of their planet fled to the caves underneath the monsterous trees. The last of the cities still standing was now in Vintiouses hands. Moff Tolborn gave him one chance to surrender, and that he did. He joined Tolborns faction as a stormtrooper,along with his brother and several cousins. How anyone believed he had really given up was beyond him.
In a small three weeks he was already leader of a squad. At the first meeting, he sat only three feet away from Tolborn. Before he asked for summery of the week Vintious was up and had slit the cowardly leaders throat. His guards leapt after him as he fled to the docking bay, he already had his astromech droid do preflight calculations. Without a second thought he was up in space and going towards Kadann territory, it was his last hope to see the Empire truly reborn.
On his application he the name Vint!
[This message has been edited by
vint
(edited May 6, 2005
4:08:21 PM)]
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TK-112
ComNet Member
[VE-ARMY] Senior Sergeant
Post Number: 815
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 6, 2005
7:50:09 PM
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Heh, here's an example of a half-arsed biography :P
Name: David TK-112 Bowman
Rank: Senior Sergeant
Specialty: Cook
Gender: Male
Species: Humanoid
Age: 22
Height: 1.65m
Weight: 70kg
Eye: Black
Hair: Straight black hair, cut to the standard servicemen standard.
Homeworld: Correllia
TK is of average build and is shorter than most of the stormtroopers but is able compete among the best of them. TK is dark skinned (Brown).
TK was a part of a typical swoop racing gang in Correllia when he was still in his teenage years. But after six years of a hard but happy life, the leader of the gang was murdered by an opposing gang, after a period of turmoil the gang finally disbanded. With nowhere to go, TK decided to explore the galaxy as a Stormtrooper. During his time in this gang he was recognised as a formidable knife fighter using a street fighting style. Though he has had limited experience with blasters he still prefers the smaller melee weapons. His rather violent teenage years has also made him proficient in using a range of support weapons ranging from medium repeating blasters to sniper rifles.
TK s family history is somewhat blurry. He has always despised his parents and grew up in a dysfunctional family. His father was the bankrupted owner of a restaurant while his mother was the logistician of the restaurant.
TK decided to leave home at the age of fifteen. For the next year he spent his time working part time in various places to gain experience. He developed a need for speed when he worked as a patrolman in the dark streets of Correllia.
After two years serving in the stormtrooper corps TK decided to specialise on Field Cooking and is currently serving as Dark Dragoon Squad's assistant squad leader and master chef. -----------------------
Senior Sergeant David "TK-112"Bowman - Master Chef
*DarkDragoons*
ASL/SSG TK-112/2SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [CoR] [IH] [BoA]
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KnightWind
ComNet n00b
The Vast Empire [ARMY]
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 6, 2005
9:37:14 PM
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I shall adjust my bio.
Thanks for the tips Cosmic. |
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 7, 2005
12:41:01 AM
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Interesting, TK.
Does need some grammar work and some loose ends to tighten up. Other than that, not bad. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
TK-112
ComNet Member
[VE-ARMY] Senior Sergeant
Post Number: 819
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Joined: Aug 2002
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 7, 2005
2:04:52 AM
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I DID say half arsed :P -----------------------
Senior Sergeant David "TK-112"Bowman - Master Chef
*DarkDragoons*
ASL/SSG TK-112/2SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [CoR] [IH] [BoA]
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Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
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Post Number: 3069
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 12, 2005
5:44:26 PM
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kovoo has been removed from Drill. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
OatesATM
ComNet n00b
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 13, 2005
8:15:02 PM
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I accidentally posted my Bio in the Army Main ComNet yesterday, so I will post it here as instructed, if there are any questions, let me know:
Name: Barley OatesATM
Age: 19
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 165 lbs
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Home Planet: Unknown
Physical Features:
None really to speak of, no tattoos -- I don't deface my body, no scars -- I've never lost a fight. If you care to recognize me, I'm the one with the rugged looks and the perpetual 5 o'clock shadow that never seems to fade.
Background History:
My history is mostly classified, but what I can say is that at an early age I was orphaned, never knowing if my parents were killed or just left me for dead. I was discovered by an operative for an "unnamed" galactic agency who delivered me into his world of espionage and assasination. I look normal, unordinary, designed to fit in, but I was trained without conscience and bio-engineered to become a killing machine. I never did know if I was working for the good guys or controlled by cold-blooded killers.
At 19 I was let go due to "budget constraints" and dropped into a remote corner of the galaxy, but my desire for order and discipline led me right into the ranks of the military academy, which is where I find myself today. Although starting from the bottom of those ranks is a bit out of place for me, being a stormtrooper seemed the no-nonsense decision for a man with nowhere else to go. |
Epock
ComNet n00b
The Vast Empire [ARMY]
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 14, 2005
10:14:30 PM
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Name: Epock Ziothia
Age: 22
Height: 61"
Weight: 200 lbs
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Home Planet: Will not tell.
Physical Features:
Epock has earned a few scars on his legs and arms from mock fighting and accidents. He now sports a good physical condition.
Background /History:
Born in a remote star system Epock grew up almost untouched by Empire influence. Epock was trained in the tribe's traditional manner, learning stealth and tactics. Days in the jungle against his rivals soon made him indifferent to weather, pain, being disliked. After becoming a man, Epock ventured out to find his calling. After a few minor wars between local, he found the Empire's establishment. He realized that his calling to be a warrior, and had finally found the place to excel.
That is my bio. Please tell me if I need to make changes. Thanks
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Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 3078
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Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 14, 2005
11:20:41 PM
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Not bad. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 3088
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 15, 2005
4:16:55 PM
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Welcome to Drill, Trooper512. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Trooper512
ComNet n00b
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 15, 2005
7:12:04 PM
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Thank you sir *salute's*
Name: Austin Musser
Rank: private first class
Eye color: Light grey
Hair color: Stark white (obviously dyed)
Height: 5'9
Weight: 175
Gender: male
Age: 16
Scars: 1
Home planet: Totooine
I was just a little boy when the rebals recruted my parents,they said that they would be ok,that was 10 years ago. Ever since then i have been in many riots and juvenial activites. at the age of ten i had the blood of another spilled on my hands, that was the day that i became who I am now, a emotionless being. I got the scar on my left eyes the same day, I was fighting my friend because he wasnt doing wat he was supposed to, so i old him to stay were he was and that i would be back. Ten minutes later I come back with an ice pick and stab it into his spine paralyzing him instantly, then I killed him. That was six years ago,now i am a proud trooper in the empiral army doing wat I love most...killing the rebal scum...the reason i joined the army was to find my parents and extract vengence for leaveing me to fend for my self. I vow, with this blaster i shall show no fear...long live the empire. 
[This message has been edited by
Trooper512
(edited May 16, 2005
1:26:38 PM)]
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Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
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Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 15, 2005
8:33:20 PM
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Not bad. Kind of liked the "comic-book" intro/narration.
You need to really work on the spelling and grammar though. Also, the story was going good until you got to the part where you talked about "killing your friend slowly". It kind of jumped there, and I didn't know what was going on. Try smoothing the story out a bit more.
Also, it'd be nice if we knew your last name.
Re-post your bio with the corrections. Other than that, looking good. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 3094
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Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 15, 2005
11:40:52 PM
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Welcome, Kar-Zaza, to Drill Squad. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
Trooper512
ComNet n00b
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
Post Number: 8
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 16, 2005
1:29:03 PM
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Name: Austin Musser
Rank: private first class
Eye color: Light grey
Hair color: Stark white (obviously dyed)
Height: 5'9
Weight: 175
Gender: male
Age: 16
Scars: 1
Home planet: Totooine
I was just a little boy when the rebals recruted my parents,they said that they would be ok,that was 10 years ago. Ever since then i have been in many riots and juvenial activites. at the age of ten i had the blood of another spilled on my hands, that was the day that i became who I am now, a emotionless being. I got the scar on my left eyes the same day, I was fighting my friend because he wasnt doing wat he was supposed to, so i old him to stay were he was and that i would be back. Ten minutes later I come back with an ice pick and stab it into his spine paralyzing him instantly, then I killed him. That was six years ago,now i am a proud trooper in the empiral army doing wat I love most...killing the rebal scum...the reason i joined the army was to find my parents and extract vengence for leaveing me to fend for my self. I vow, with this blaster i shall show no fear...long live the empire. |
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 3100
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Drill Squad
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May 17, 2005
2:35:19 AM
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Hmm... hard for me to see any difference... though I "feel" improvement. Did you even change the bio itself after my last tips? I know the name was changed, but it seemed that you didn't even really touch the body of your biography.
Post it once more, and please watch the grammar. Write this in Microsoft Word (if you have it) and use the spellchecker. Also, use spaces! Submit this biography as if you were submitting an English paper - try for as little errors as possible.
Practice makes perfect. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
----------------------- |
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