The following is from http://www.darksun.dk/wl/WL30/WL30.htm - The Imperial Order club's web site:


Disorder In The Court
Things people actually said in court, word for word:


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son-the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A: He said, "where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well I can see pretty well I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played horn for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
lights
flashing?
A: Yes.

 

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time


Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?


 
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Dawk "Cosmic" Rhonaey
CoT/COL Cosmic/HCA-3/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][IH][CDS][EW1][GS][SoS][MSM][CoH][PoC][IOC]
-----------------------
Dawk "Cosmic" Rhonaey
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/mSSD Atrus/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
-----------------------

Hehehe, that's really sad, but it's hilarious 
 
-----------------------
Argon Viper
IW COL Argon Viper{ret}
Fallen Angel and Proud of It!
"History is on the move, those who cannot keep up will watch from a distance, and those who get in our way will not watch at all" - Grand Admiral Thrawn
"In combat, second place is only the last to die."- Anonymous
"Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses" - Carl G Jung

ROLF !
 
-----------------------
Lance Corprol Matthias"Sniping101"Battlemont
Formaly the Perpetual PFC
TRP/LCPRL Sniping101/3SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR]
"Drinking, fighting, and rowdiness is that what you think of when you think of the Irish"

"i have made my peace with death, i do not fear him like others do, to me he is a part of everything, i have accepted he will come for me some day, and i do not live in fear of him, i live my life."

My favorite was "Did he kill you?". Ah, what fun. Thanks for that, Cos. I needed a laugh.
 
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NTO/FM/COM Darkhawk/Kaph 3-4/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE/(=A=)(=SA=)(=JCPA=)(=SCPA=)(=FCO=)[LoC][LSM][BRC][MC:1st][CBV*][VC:Ebony][KC:oc]

DLS/CL/SG Darkhawk/Eagle 1-4/mSSD Atrus/VEDJ/VE/[CR]

Another good one from the same web site:


Bus Ride

A woman holding a baby gets on a bus. The bus driver looks at them and
says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

In a huff the woman slams her money into the fare box and goes to the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sees she's agitated and asks what's wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumes.

"That's outrageous!" says the man. "He's a public servant and shouldn't be insulting passengers."

"You're right!" the woman says. "I think I'll go up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"That's a good idea," says the man. "I'll hold your monkey."

 
-----------------------
Dawk "Cosmic" Rhonaey
CoT/COL Cosmic/HCA-3/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][IH][CDS][EW1][GS][SoS][MSM][CoH][PoC][IOC]
-----------------------
Dawk "Cosmic" Rhonaey
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/mSSD Atrus/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
-----------------------

Aaah yes. Lawyers are fubar.
 
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"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." -Albert Einstien

"Life is about the memories we make, and the duty to remember those who came before us." -Chipmunk Man

"There is a sharp difference betwwen the 'cool' and the 'strong'. The 'cool' are made by the random chance that their tables are never turned on them; they have no concept of hardship. The 'strong' bear the scars of fighting losing-battles like badges of courage and honor. The soldier going down in flaming glory, the astronaut stranded on a far away planet, these are the people about which movies are made." -Chipmunk Man

FM/LCRW Chipmunk Man/Viper 1-4/Phoenix/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE/(=A=)

IO's morale office
 
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Raiders Squad
Wildcard Platoon
Army of the Vast Empire
TRP/CPL Swomz/3SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [ES1] [IH]
"War is for those who are willing to die for a cause, that is why I have learned to respect our enemies." -Swomz

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal
king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first
step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind
of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one
came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then
explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without
any expression on your face or you'll be eaten. "The first apple went in... but
on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one
arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to
him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in
laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The
first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second
one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

---

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young
mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To
the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named
your daughter Candy. "He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the
third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on,
Dick, let's go."
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/COL Cosmic/HCA-3/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][IH][CDS][EW1][GS][SoS][MSM][CoH][PoC][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/mSSD Atrus/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
-----------------------

Hehehe, gotta love good humor 
 
-----------------------
Argon Viper
IW COL Argon Viper{ret}
Fallen Angel and Proud of It!
"History is on the move, those who cannot keep up will watch from a distance, and those who get in our way will not watch at all" - Grand Admiral Thrawn
"In combat, second place is only the last to die."- Anonymous
"Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses" - Carl G Jung

A little more. This is from www.danggoodjokes.com (watch out, there are midis)
------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give  your wife $775.00 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try  to send her a few bucks myself."
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/COL Cosmic/HCA-3/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/mSSD Atrus/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
-----------------------

Once again, "things we can't believe people actually said."    hehehe 
 
-----------------------
Argon Viper
IW COL Argon Viper{ret}
Fallen Angel and Proud of It!
"History is on the move, those who cannot keep up will watch from a distance, and those who get in our way will not watch at all" - Grand Admiral Thrawn
"In combat, second place is only the last to die."- Anonymous
"Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses" - Carl G Jung