New Version (Edited)

Full Name: Tony Lee Kerea

callsign: Revan

Planet of Birth: Tatooine

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Brown

Age: 23

Languages Spoken: Twi'lek, Wookiee, basic, and Mandalorian

Skin Color:White

Height:6'5

Weight:140lbs

Scars: Two on his right arm and one on his left arm, all which were from machinery

Skills/ Talents:
1. Heavy lifting
2. Repairing
3. Assembling weapons and machines


History: Revan was born on Tatooine and was raised by his Father
William
and his mother Cindy . When Revan was elevan years old, Rebels killed
Revan's
father and mother. Because of this he was sent to Tadath with his uncle
and Aunt,by the academy, where he still lives today. He was
then went to the academy on the planet at the age 17, to be
trained as a Special Imperial Trooper to fight the Rebellion
and fight on as an Imperial. He became a bounty hunter at
age 18 the same year he was accepted into the academy. He
did 30 bounties before he was excepted as an Excellent
Assasin of the nearby guild of Assasins. He assasinated a
govenor of the planet of Tatooine. And  then decided to retrired as an Assasin with all his credits spent from keeping himself out of jail and spending it on building his house and funding the guild. He then went home to continue his time asa trooper which he did when he was an assasin also. He had built a house on Tatooine by himself and a few
friends of his. He has 4 pets that he captured by himself and
put them in arenas. 4 rancors that was caught by walking into Revan's Arenas and eating the food in the arenas.

 
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TRP/PFC Revan666/1RGT/1BAT/1PLT/3SQD/Tadath/VEA/VE[LoR]

"My kills are my life and to attack the enemy from every which way. The enemy's reinforcements and main forces run in fear." Revan 666

oh yeah and the scars say two on his right arm and one on his.....um yeah his what. ..
 
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Private First Class Zar Mulix
TRP/PFC Zar Mulix/3SQD/1PLT/1COM/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE [LoR]

"When the big man jumps, the world shakes in terror"- Zar Mulix
"Experience does not exist, nor does it have value, for it is just a word used to describe our past errors."

I'm not really interested in reading much of that, but I noticed he's 6'-5" and 140 lbs. Am I the only one that thinks that would make him look like Jack Skellington?
 
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OO/SM Sierra "Talon" Taurus/HC-3/VEHC/VE[BC][IOC][LoC][SoS][BM][CDS][MSM][MoH]
GM-SL/DJM "Nightblades"/DC-1/Elite Griffen Sect/VSD-II Griffen/VEDJ/VE[IOC][OQD][WoS 2nd Class][EoP][SoY][SCx2]
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SCAP/COM Vincent "Claw" Taurus/ISD Nemesis/Offensive Fleet/VEN/VE[=*A*=][=*SA*=][LoM][IOC][IC2]
CEO Vincent "Claw" Taurus/ECHC-1/Endoven/Dome 8473/VEEC/VE
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Verastinian Republic - Minster of Antiquities (Fossil Technology)

at least he tries
l mean compare it  to the original version
ok so his lenght and height is a bit of...meaning he must edit and improve...
 
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Lance Corporal Hellra
-=Lancer Squad=- -=EL=- -=Blue Technical=-
EL/LCPL Hellra/2SQD/2PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C]

Are you seriously quoting yourself in your signature? With a quote that makes no sense?

And I'm pretty sure you can't be a bounty hunter and a stormtrooper at the same time....the whole "on-duty" thing...
 
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=[Arrogant Elitist]=
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Iron Horse Squad/WildCard/Phoenix/Dragon/ Osiris/Stormtrooper Corps/Vast Empire [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
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The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/Dark Jedi/Vast Empire/Lopen [VP:1]
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I'm the sheep that was lost, madre.

No...Don't "got it." I won't get into details, but in short: you aren't really allowed to just jump on a ship after duty and run around the galaxy (nevermind the hyperspace travel times)

Its just not possible.
 
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=[Arrogant Elitist]=
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Iron Horse Squad/WildCard/Phoenix/Dragon/ Osiris/Stormtrooper Corps/Vast Empire [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
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The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/Dark Jedi/Vast Empire/Lopen [VP:1]
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I'm the sheep that was lost, madre.

Rev,
What everyone is basically saying: (summarized for your reading pleasure)

Do not insert facts, events or animals in your writing that you cannot verify yourself. If there is ANY question whatsoever that you might be wrong, dont put it in until you get it straight. There are always people on willing to help you, but you have to open up, LISTEN, and take in that advice.
 
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Lance Corporal Jakireth
- Raider Squad -
Fire Team Leader
Army of the Vast Empire

"Faithful to the end..." Raiders squad motto

Attitude?
All anyone is trying to do is help, and those people can become frusrated when no progress has been made. You may have not been "sitting around and doing nothing", but I honestly dont see an improvement in the way you do things (write) generally.
Apply what you've learned and appreciate that.
 
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Lance Corporal Jakireth
- Raider Squad -
Fire Team Leader
Army of the Vast Empire

"Faithful to the end..." Raiders squad motto

Full Name: Tony Lee Kerea

callsign: Revan

Planet of Birth: Tatooine

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Brown

Age: 23

Languages Spoken: Twi'lek, basic, and Mandalorian; can understand Wookiee

Skin Color:White

Height:6'5

Weight:170lbs

Scars: Two on his right arm and one on his left arm, all which were from machinery

Skills/ Talents:
1. Heavy lifting
2. Repairing
3. Assembling weapons and machines

Personality: Friendly to some, easily angered, has many rampages when tempered to a level.

Why?: Because of the Rebels killing his parents and friends

Influence:By his fellow troopers, his father, and the Imperial Guards on Tatooine.

History: Revan was born on Tatooine and was raised by his Father  William, who was a great Imperial Soldier and a Great Imperial Guard, who personally Guarded Vader and Palpatine till he was sent home before the destruction of the Second Death Star; and his mother Cindy, an Imperial Sniper, Spy, and Slicer . When Revan was elevan years old, Rebels raided the planet, Because it was an Imperial Controlled Planet.  They killed Revan's father, being that he was an Imperial Guard, his Mother, who was an Imperial also, most of the people there, except for Him, a few elders, and a few teens. He wanted Revenge for what the Rebels did! Because of this he was sent to Tadath with his Uncle and Aunt, which lived by the academy, where he still lives today. He was then went to the academy on the planet at the age 17, to be trained as a Special Imperial Trooper to fight the Rebellion and fight on as an Imperial. He became a bounty hunter at age 18 the same year he was accepted into the academy. He did 30 bounties before he was accepted as an Excellent Assasin of the nearby guild of Assasins. He assasinated a govenor of the planet of Tatooine. And  then decided to retrired as an Assasin with all his credits spent from keeping himself out of jail and spending it on building his house and funding the guild. He then went home to continue his time asa trooper which he did when he was an assasin also. He had built a house on Tatooine by himself and a few friends of his.

He has 4 pets that he captured by himself and
put them in arenas. 4 rancors that was caught by walking into Revan's Arenas and eating the food in the arenas.
 

 
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TRP/PFC Revan666/1RGT/1BAT/1PLT/3SQD/Tadath/VEA/VE[LoR] HWS
- Raider Squad -

i would think Mandalorian would be a quite dead language, i could see twi'lek and basic becuase supposedly they're the two most commonly spoken languages, understanding Shyriiwook would work if you'd had lots of contact with them, i guess.

tem·pered (tm'pYrd) pronunciation
adj.

  1. Having a specified temper or disposition. Often used in combination: sweet-tempered; ill-tempered.
  2. Adjusted or attuned by the addition of a counterbalancing element; moderated or measured: "prepare the country to expect hard choices and to appreciate tempered values and moderation in private and public life" (Haynes Johnson).
  3. Made appropriately hard or flexible by tempering: a sword of tempered steel.
  4. Having the requisite degree of hardness or elasticity. Used of glass or a metal.
  5. Music. Tuned to temperament. Used of a scale, an interval, semitone, or intonation.

angered works better.

the whole assassin/accepted into the acadamy/bounty hunter part makes no sense whatsoever. A bounty hunter isnot an assassin, they have two very diffrent goals. if you were accepted into the acadamy, what it seems you always wanted, why would you run off and be a bounty hunter? also, after skipping out on the acadmy like that i dont think they'd let you back in. 30 bounties is alot, i do believe it would take a few yeara to get that.

bout all i can find for now.
 
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TRP/SSG Sniping101/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR][IH][BoA]

The wind in oregon dosent blow, it sucks.