Well, enough about the information, you writing is kinda stop-start, try to get it more flowing.
Since Cosmic suggested you get a new bio, I decided to rewrite your old one for an example.
Also, i am posting your bio, but with comments in between.

Also i am going to press enter between each sentence, read every single one of them, you will notice that you used un propper grammar and literature.

Old one:
My Character:
Name: Revan "666" Ragnos
Born: 2 years Before the Battle of Yavin
Born After Revan in Kotor 1
Not Related to Marka Ragnos
and Born After him!!!!!

{dont use so many
exclamation marks}

Eye Color: Red
Hair Color: Black
Age: 22
Physical Features: Unique Tatoos on back, arms, legs, chest, and head.  12 Lightsaber, 2 melee weapon, and 3 blaster shots that scarred him on his chest and back.

History:
Born on Korriban and Raised By his Father Ragnos. 

that was killed by The Jedi.

His Mother was killed by Mandalorians at his age of 2 years old.

His Father Is died on Korriban, 6 years after Battle Of Yavin, when he was 4 years old.

{His Father Is died on Korriban?} read your sentence through, before just posting, that sentence deosn't make sense, dont mix your tenses if you dont know how to use them.

He lives on Tadath.

When he returned when he was 19 years old to see what has changed and he had found a cave that was not there when he was a child.

He went in and the spirits there told him about a Secret of Immortality.

They gave him the serum, that would make him Immortal. He took it and he felt even stronger.

The spirits told him that he had to keep it a secret or the Cave's Creatures would find him and kill him.

After, He then went to back to Tadath at the academy on the planet, to be trained as a Special Imperial Trooper to fight the Rebellion and later, become a New Republic Trooper.

He was in Every War The Empire/ New Republic was in.

His Speciality is Sniping, Hacking, Demolitions, Close Combat, and Mastery in Martial Arts, Heavy Arms, and Everything a Trooper needs. Not A JEDI!!!!!
---------------------------------------------

When you write an bio, organize the subjects.
State everything about your father in one paragraph, then everything about your mother, dont mix them unless they flow into each other.

Example:

Born on Korriban and Raised By his Father Ragnos. 

that was killed by The Jedi.

His Mother was killed by Mandalorians at his age of 2 years old.

His Father Is died on Korriban, 6 years after Battle Of Yavin, when he was 4 years old.

I hope you understand what I mean.
--------------------

Dont write telegram style, make full sentences.

Example:

He lives on Tadath.

Did he live there since he was two?
Why did he go to Tadath?

---------------------------------------------------------------


Here is what i did with your bio.

My version:
My Character:
Name: Revan "666" Ragnos
Born: 2 years Before the Battle of Yavin
Born : After Revan in Kotor 1
Not Related to Marka Ragnos
Time of birth : Born After Marka Ragnos
Eye Color: Red
Hair Color: Black
Age: 22


Physical Features: Unique Tatoos on back, arms, legs, chest, and head.  12 Lightsaber, 2 melee weapon, and 3 blaster shots that scarred him on his chest and back.

History:
He was born on Korriban and raised by his father Ragnos, who was killed by The Jedi on Korriban, 6 years after Battle Of Yavin when he was 4 years old, it left him an orphan since his mother was killed when he was two. He lived on Tadat afterwards, but returned when he became nineteen to see the changes the planet suffered or lived through.

In his return he stumbled upon a cave, which were not there when he left the planet.
As he entered its dark realms, spirits came to him; they told him he could be granted immortality as long as he kept silent about it. The cave's creatures would hunts him and kill him if they ever found out. Revan agreed and took the serum handed to him, he felt stronger as the serum coursed through his veins.

He returned to Tadath, joining the academy to be trained as a special Imperial trooper to fight in the rebellion, as the times passed he became a new republic trooper, as he part of every war the Empire/New republic was and is.

His Speciality is Sniping, Hacking, Demolitions, Close Combat, and Mastery in Martial Arts, Heavy Arms, and Everything a Trooper needs. Though he is not a Jedi.


And on a side note, why is your character's eyes red?



  -----------------------
Lance Corporal Hellra
-=Lancer Squad=- -=EL=- -=Blue Technical=-
EL/LCPL Hellra/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C]

I'm not a timeline fanatic, but for christ's sake, don't molest the space time continuum in such a way. KotoR was a cool game, but have you ever checked out when it was? And that the Mandalorians are somewhat extinct by now. If you rewrite your bio please keep that in mind.
 
-----------------------
Iron Horse Squad

Who dares wins!

FTC/LCPL Eviscares/1SQD/1PLT/COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR]

I'll get in touch with him General, and get this lined out.  I'll do what I can sir!  I don't know if Revan has rewrote his bio or not, but if he hasn't I'd like to help him out.  I was new once too!
 
-----------------------
TRP/PFC Slick/4SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA[LoR]

"Someday we will all be alone.  All alone in a combat zone, but the Corps going to bring us home."

"Physical Features: Unique Tatoos on back, arms, legs, chest, and head.  12 melee weapon, and 3 blaster shots that scarred him on his chest and back.
History: Born on Tadath and Raised By his Father William and His Mother Cindy . His Father was killed by the Rebels along with his mother, 6 years after Battle Of Yavin, when he was 4 years old. Then he was sent to his uncle and Aunt,by the academy. He currently lives on Tadath. He then went to the academy on the planet at the age 17, to be trained as a Special Imperial Trooper to fight the Rebellion and fight on as an Imperial. He was in every battle The Empire was in 21 BBY. His Speciality is Sniping, Hacking, Demolitions, Close Combat, and Mastery in Martial Arts, Heavy Arms, and Everything a Trooper needs."

1) You say you were born 6 years after the Battle of Yavin. If you're really into the books, then we're in the Thrawn Trilogy, which is 10 years AFTER the Battle of Yavin. At this time, you would be 8 years old in our timeline. He may be a little more into that, so I can accept that - I'd be happier if you set your age to like 15 or something initially there though.

2) You then mention this at the end: "He was in every battle The Empire was in 21 BBY". This doesn't make any sense. If you were born 6 years AFTER the Battle of Yavin, how could you have been in all of the Imperial battles 21 years BEFORE the Battle of Yavin?

Double-check everything before you post. Also, when you make your amendments, just make it in a new post - I don't know when you make amendments because when you click the Edit button and then repost, it doesn't show up as a new post on the topic, so I have no idea when you redo all of this. Just make it a new post.

It's a big improvement over your last version, however. Good on on that.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------

Still needs work, Revan. We're 10 years after the Battle of Yavin, which means you would be twelve according to when you were born. Plus, if you were born 2 years before the Battle of Yavin, you would not be four 6 years after Yavin. You would be eight.
 
-----------------------
Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

------------------------------------------------------------
Senior Chief Petty Officer and Reporter Jack Nebulax (*Formerly and No-Longer a ComNet Spammer*), Imperial Navy and VE Today Staff, Vast Empire.
XO/FL/SCPO Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 5 (2-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:S]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
------------------------------------------------------------
Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)

Is that better??


 
-----------------------
Darkness is one way to Life and the Light leads to death and that is why i am Dark and Immortal!!!!!!!!!
HaHaHa!!!!
Surrender to the Darkness you are weak to resist and Strong to Bask in the dark energy!!!! HaHaHa!!!

hmmmm, you edited it.

Nice name: )  um, i think your time is still a little off, and the names sound funny now.... so common.  Well, see you at 3 ill explain.
 
-----------------------
"I have walked the paths; the shadowed roads
that lead to terror's breast. I have plumbed the depths of Hatred's womb and scaled Destruction's crest.
For every secret left unveiled, for every power learned,
I'd sell the remnants of my soul, regardless how it burned.
And still I sought a higher wisdom few could have attained,
'Though I found it, it would leave me-broken, damned, and drained.
For now I find this power gained is more unto a curse,
My spirit burns with every spell and each irreverent verse.
Despite this strength and knowledge earned, I have paid a heavy toll,
Never should've traded power for my own immortal soul."

Aye, I would say it is better, contrary to what jack says, but not by much.  Some details have been fixed but others have still been totally ignored.  But, still, nice effort.
  ^^ what hunter wrote^^

Anyways, his time is still messed, he would be eleven if he was born 2 years BBY
-----------------------
Lance Corporal Yillis
-=Lancer Squad=- -=ASL=- -=Moonbeam=-
ASL/LCPL Yillis/2SQD/2PLT/1COM/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE/Tadath [LoR] [WM]

I am going to be honest. Your bio looks great in comparison to your previous attempts, but something is still bothering me.,...this

His Speciality is Sniping, Hacking, Demolitions, Close Combat, and Mastery in Martial Arts, Heavy Arms, and Everything a Trooper needs.

You are 15 at the moment in VE, how would you have learned that in 15 years?

Yes, i know some people might have achieved it, but to be honest i find reading about people who is totaly flawless a bore,

Also, Cosmic you never said anything to me about my age, i was also 15 years old when i joined, well, now i am 16.



 
-----------------------
Lance Corporal Hellra
-=Lancer Squad=- -=EL=- -=Blue Technical=-
EL/LCPL Hellra/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C]

He is in a squad now, if you folks haven't been paying attention.

Revan, your bio was accepted, but if you want to revise it further to match more of our criteria, I wouldn't stop you (let's put it that way).
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------

My Character:

Name: Tony Kerea

Birthplace: Tatooine

Eye Color: Black

Hair Color: brown

Age: 22

Languages Spoken: Twilek, Wookie, and Basic

Skin Color: White

Height: 6'5"

Weight: 140lbs.

Physical Features: Unique Tatoos on back, arms, legs, chest.

Scars: Two on right arm and 1 on left arm from working on

heavy machinery that cuts metal and the metal chipped and

scarred him on his arms

History: Born on Tatooine and Raised By his Father William
and His Mother Cindy . His Father was killed by the Rebels
along with his mother, 6 years after Battle Of Yavin, when he
was 11 years old. Then he was sent to Tadath with his uncle
and Aunt,by the academy. He currently lives on Tatooine. He was 17, when he went to be trained as a Imperial Trooper to fight the Rebellion and fight on as an Imperial. He became a bounty hunter at age 17 the same year he was accepted into the academy. He did 30 bounties before he was excepted as an Excellent Assasin of the nearby guild of Assasins. He assasinated a govenor of the planet of Tatooine then he retrired as an Assasin Squad leader with all his credits spent from keeping himself out of jail and spending it on building his house and funding the guild. He then went home to continue his time as a trooper which he did when he was an assasin also. He had built a house on Tatooine by himself and a few friends of his. He has 2 pets that he captured by himself and put them in arenas. 1 Krayt Dragon that he tricked it to think food was in there and 1 rancor that was caught the same way. His skills/talents are Heavy Lifting, Repairing, and assembling weapons and machines.


 
-----------------------
Darkness is one way to Life and the Light leads to death and that is why i am Dark and Immortal!!!!!!!!!
HaHaHa!!!!
Surrender to the Darkness you are weak to resist and Strong to Bask in the dark energy!!!! HaHaHa!!!

Umm.... I'd think this one through first, Revan.

1) There's no such thing as an "Assassin Squad Leader".

2) The Imperial Academy won't admit anyone under the age of 17.

3) It takes years of experience in order to even call yourself "experienced", and well over the age of 18. More like in your late twenties.

4) Having both a Krayt Dragon and a Rancor as pets is highly unlikely. Both are extremely wild species, and have you even seen the size of a Krayt Dragon? They're incredibly huge - the size of a small building.

I'm happy that you're not mixing up your timelines in this one, but a lot of the "logical/reasoning" in this post is a bit off.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------

A human that can speak Shyriiwook?

*slaps his forehead*

It's spelled "Wookiee" by the way.
 
-----------------------
OO/SM Sierra "Talon" Taurus/HC-3/VEHC/VE[BC][IOC][LoC][SoS][BM][CDS][MSM][MoH]
GM-SL/DJM "Nightblades"/DC-1/Elite Griffen Sect/VSD-II Griffen/VEDJ/VE[IOC][OQD][WoS 2nd Class][EoP][SoY][SCx2]
-----------------------
SCAP/COM Vincent "Claw" Taurus/ISD Nemesis/Offensive Fleet/VEN/VE[=*A*=][=*SA*=][LoM][IOC][IC2]
CEO Vincent "Claw" Taurus/ECHC-1/Endoven/Dome 8473/VEEC/VE
-----------------------
Verastinian Republic - Minster of Antiquities (Fossil Technology)

wait...you joined some assassin guild, became the leader and retired in the same year?? At the age of 18??

*twitches*
 
-----------------------
Iron Horse Squad
SL/SSG Kami/1SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR] [CoR] [IG] [GCA] [BC]
TRN/KAD Kami/Training 1-3/VEDJ/VE
-=Surrender to your darkest dreams, and you'll live as you've never lived before...=-

(o^_^o)

Hmmmm, I say it is a lot better.  Only the logic is in question.  I dont know about the krayt dragon, but the rancor.... i guess it is okay.  It's in the ICS after all.


/me remembers he has an acklay in the bank...
 
-----------------------
"I have walked the paths; the shadowed roads
that lead to terror's breast. I have plumbed the depths of Hatred's womb and scaled Destruction's crest.
For every secret left unveiled, for every power learned,
I'd sell the remnants of my soul, regardless how it burned.
And still I sought a higher wisdom few could have attained,
'Though I found it, it would leave me-broken, damned, and drained.
For now I find this power gained is more unto a curse,
My spirit burns with every spell and each irreverent verse.
Despite this strength and knowledge earned, I have paid a heavy toll,
Never should've traded power for my own immortal soul."