Im a little emberassed to be talking publically about this, but I need some help making my mind up and I really cant trust anyone closer to me.

Where do I start. My girlfriend has a busy life, I've grown used to it. She is out pretty much every friday and saturday night with her friends. I miss her like crazy but I've grown to accept thats the way she is and the way she's always going to be.

Just over a week ago I got attacked. I dont want to go into much more detail then that, apart from their numbers went into double figures and well over half of them were harmed. I was left pretty messed up - concussion, bruised ribs, broken nose, and some other minor things.

So yeah, I'm pretty vulnerable a the moment. The saturday I got out of hospital i was told by my girlfriend she had a party to go to. She said she was sorry she couldn't stay with me, but that it would of been rude to cancel soemthing that was so long in the making. She said to make up for it she would spend all of Sunday with me, so i shrugged, accepted I had no other choice and let the day pass.

Sunday morning she told me she was babysitting on the night. When i confronted her about the promise she told me she had simply said she was going to spend the day with me, and needed the money anyway.

The main reason I cant cast my own mind on this is simple - I have relationship issues. Not major like, I flip out and run out the door once the word commitment is mentioned. Quite the opposite. When im on friend status with a girl, Im fine. Im charming, Im polite, im a great listener, etc. But once i step up into the girlfriend area, i panic. I try and step up my game and normally screw it up. Im afraid of being replaced, I've took first position in the race for her heart, and im too busy watching the people behind me that i trip up. The idea that someone else is making her laugh and smile, scares the hell out of me. I get mad and start asking myself questions, and say things I reget later. Pathetic I know.

But the reason im saying this, is i need a third party decision. My girlfriend tells me that Im right and that it is her fault, but I cant help feeling im being majorly inconsiderate. I think Im trying to make her change a life she's had for nearly seventeen years now.

Just anyone, dont worry about personally offending me or anyone around me, I'd like to hear your opinion. it would really help, thanks.
 
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Lance Corporal Kanderin Draken
-=Wraith Squad=-


Wraith Squad Motto: When staring in the face of death we see our reflection

TRP/LCPL Kanderin/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/VEA/VE/

Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain, or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands! - Auron, FF X

to be honest I dont think she's ready for a relationship, when you get into a relationship that both parties want to be serious they will need to make sacrifices for each other. Personally I say screw her if she can't make any time for you whatsoever but of course thats also being selfish.

How about going to the parties with her? Is it she doesn't want you to go? Or do you not want to go for fear of squeezing her until she can't breath? I know the feeling of when you spend so much time with your girlfriend due to an obsession or something and there is always the fear that at the parties she might hook up with someone else. The question is; do you like this girl or are you in love with her?

EDIT: basically what Kadann said but his has better and more detail, beat me to it

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Raiders
Faithful To The End
Heavy Weapons Specialist
He will give them death, and they will love him for it -Gladiator
Eat a hearty breakfast men, for tonight we dine in hell -King Leonidas, 300
Clearly Canadian!

ASL/SSGT_Rogueboy/3SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR][ES1][CDS][CoR][EW2]

Relationship advice:  Leave her.

Self Defense advice:  Buy something with big pockets, put a knife in said pocket.  And read http://www.gutterfighting.org/files/Kill_or_Get_Killed.pdf

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Lance Corporal D'har Leth
-=Wraith Squad=-
TRP/LCPL D'har Leth/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/VEA/Nar Shaddaa

{Grand Imperator}

The way I see it, it all boils down to whether or not you are happy with the relationship, and whether or not you consider the way she treats you worth putting up with.

Put yourself in her shoes for a moment though; what would you be thinking about the relationship, and the person it is with, if you were acting exactly as she was? If it was me, I would be acting that way if I had very little intention on taking the relationship seriously.

Ultimately, considering her treatment towards you, what makes you happy is paramount. Sort out what is best for you overall and make your decision(s) based on that.

Hope I helped.
 
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Private First Class Marka
- Raider Squad -
TRP/PFC Marka/3SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE
[LoR][ES2C]

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together"

Hey Skar, I've experienced a similar thing (minus the being attacked). On a number of occasions, my last girlfriend would make plans/promises with me before breaking them and going off to do something else on her own and giving me some excuse. Two such times included a formal run by the university that we had bought tickets for and another where we were hanging out (were supposed to go to a movie a little later on in the night). She gets a call from a friend about a party...I ended up being sent home and she went to the party...

It took a while longer, some other problems, and some talking with friends but I realized how little she cared about me. With you in the situation you're in and her doing the same thing...she doesn't seem to care about you ... especially as much as you'd like. Let her go..."there's other fish in the sea"
 
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Senior Chief Petty Officer 'Tomas' Dagoram
FL/SPO Tomas/Nazgul 3-1/mSSS Atrus/VEN/VE (=*A*=) (=*SA*=) [SoA] [MC1] [MC2] [VC:B]

"Fight on and fly on to the last drop of blood, the last drop of fuel, to the last beat of the heart."

Clearly Canadian!

Kanderin...all I can suggest in that case is that you show her taht you care. Make sure she knows you don't want to hurt her.

be there for her like she's been there for you. it may take awhile for her to feel real secure, but those things take time. Show her your  love and that you are differnt from all those other men. She will eventually "settle down" and you both will be very happy I'm sure.
 
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TRP/CPL Luckystar/1SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/ Tadath/VEAVE [ES1]

-Paladin-

To Embrace the Darkness is to bring about the Light

Bleh, immature relationships always sucked, but that's the way it's going to be at least until you get into your twenties, maybe until your thirties.  Hell, Ive dated women in their thirties that act like theyre 15.  Anyways, if you're in a destructive relationship, get out of it.  Date a few women, get to know the field.  There are too many fish in the sea to deal with a girl that blows you off, especially if you guys are boyfriend/girlfriend in name.  Unless of course you like being blown off.
 
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Senior Crewman Gunnay
Nazgul 3-2
Adjutant to the Training Officer
A:TO/FM/SCRW Gunnay/Nazgul 3-2/Wing I/mSSD Atrus/1VIF/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

A suggestion for martial arts:  Filipino Jujitsu.  Engineered specifically for street fighting, very effective.  You don't need to be perfect to do it.

Actual fighting advice:  Hold your hands close to your face, punch fast, but DO NOT punch people in the skull, you'll break your fingers.  Kick when you can, before they're too close.  Always go for the knees or the nads.  Punch them in the chest, try to go for the solar plexus.  If you think there are more than you can handle, run like hell.  If you're in a life or death situation, hit them in the throat, but only do it if you need to, because it will most likely kill them.  And again, the best way not to get beaten up is to not get in a fight in the first place.
 
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Lance Corporal D'har Leth
-=Wraith Squad=-
TRP/LCPL D'har Leth/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/VEA/Nar Shaddaa

{Grand Imperator}

Well, the girlfriend issue has been addressed in myriad of different ways and I won't further confuse you with my likely skewed opinion. I personaly don't really date per se so I'm really not fit to give advice.

However It seems to me you live your life according to others standards. I could be wrong, I have been before. What you need to decide is what you want, why you want it, when you want it, what you hold value in, what traits you admire and which you despise. Then you need to start holding everyone, including yourself, to your own standards. That's not saying become arrogant, it's just saying make people prove their worth to you instead of trying to prove your worth to them, the only person to whom you need prove worth is yourself, and if you haven't done that there's still no need for anyone else to know. Example: Say you hold altruism in high regard. This means holding yourself to a certain standard of altruism, meaning you try to help people whenever you can, even if you don't look for people to help it means you may help those who cross your path. It also means expecting and encouraging said trait among your fellows. Hope that all makes any sense at all. Compromise is something you'll have to do from time to time but you shouldn't always have to.

I've always found avoiding fights simpler than fighting. Usually you can talk your way out of a fight, the best way to do that is to knock down the differences between you and whoever is getting lippy, find a real similarity and exploit it, or make them question the worth of doing whatever it is they are intent on doing. Failing that if there's more than one and you're not big on pride run like hell. There's not really any shame in running when you're outnumbered, although they might try to make you think there is later. But at least there is a later and that's the point. Having a later is always nice. That being said avoiding situations and people that you're likely to feel the need to fight is a wise course of action.

And like rouge said, A reputation is always handy, I have a friend who used to get a lot of hell in school because he was funny looking. It's a fact, he is one goofy looking guy. However the solution his dad came up with was, since no one knew what he looked like, to pretend to be the kids Parole Officer, he asked around the school a little about how his son was doing. He then told them that no one much messed with the kid after the incident with the three marines. He was always very vague about what happened with the marines, but somehow it always came out that the kids parents had to pay a bunch of medical bills. Don't get me wrong, that's not really a typical case, it's more of an interesting story that came out of high school and really is questionable advice.

Take my advice and anyone elses with a grain of salt though, we all live in very different social situations and what works for one may not work for any others. Good Luck with whatever you decide.
 
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{Comnet Hermit}
-=Wraith PRIDE=-
The few, The proud, The CrAZy RAIDERS.
TRP/GSG Sniping101/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR][IH][BoA][CDS][CoR]

Stultior stulto fuisti, qui tabellis crederes!

On your girlfriend,give her one week.If she keeps blowing you off,ask her to take 10 minutes to sit down with her.Tell her that you love her(if you really do,dont lie)then ask her does she love you and ask her for the truth.If she says she does,ask her why she then keeps leaving you alone?But ask it gently and emit the occasional hiss of pain(make it sound real!).If you do it right she should feel sorry for you.And remember,just because you love her a lot(i know how it feels,trust me)a relationship is 2 people,and no matter how much you think the world of her,she must love you back.Hope that actually helps!

The fact that she's been in a series of abusive relationships seems to explain a fair bit of her behavior. No doubt she's wary of committing herself entirely to someone with that kind of dating track record behind her. Plus I'm guessing that her group of friends were there for her through all of that, which makes them a significantly important component of her life. Perhaps she feels the need to juggle you and them without sacrificing time with either one of you?

I'm going to go against the trend here and say stick it out. You've only been together for a year, a lot of these jinks can be worked out over time. I agree completely with what Lucky said, reinforce the fact that you're there for her and try to relax about losing her. She's with you for a reason

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Sergeant First Class Kami

AD/SFC_Kami/1XOM/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE/Tadath [LoR][CoR][IG][GCA][BC][BM]
|| DJK Dark Jedi Order || Krath || Vast Empire ||
-=Surrender to your darkest dreams, and you'll live as you've never lived before=-

= VE Advisor =