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Hellra
ComNet n00b

[VE-ARMY] Private First Class

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Total Posts: 3141
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Biography{Hellra}

May 31, 2005 6:43:13 AM

This post is moved to th drill squad, i am n sure if this allowed

[This message has been edited by Aeos (edited May 31, 2005 2:16:46 PM)]

Cosmic
ComNet Marshal

[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor

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RE: Biography{Hellra}

May 31, 2005 11:35:10 AM

Bio has good potential, but there's a few things I'd like to point out.

1) The Personality portion of the bio is a little hard to understand, so if you could rework that, that'd be great. Make it just a little more clear. Try reading it out loud and see if it makes sense. :P

2) Define your use of "dark side" for me. If you're talking about the Force then only Force-sensitive beings can "fall" to the Dark Side from the Light. If your use of "dark side" is a symbol for something else (the darker side of life, etc.), then please further explain that or make a small note of it somewhere.

Anyway, think about these when you rewrite the bio. Looks good though.

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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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Hellra
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RE: Biography{Hellra}

May 31, 2005 12:26:21 AM

Thanks for the positive critic, i hope this one is a bit more understanding, i didn't change much.

Eviscares
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RE: Biography{Hellra}

May 31, 2005 12:49:16 AM

only a small thing, but your birthplace says 'earth' ;-)

-----------------------
Iron Horse Squad

Take me out
To the black tell 'em I ain't coming back
Burn the land
And boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

Who dares wins!
TRP/PFC Eviscares/1SQD/1PLT/COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR]

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