Time for some comedy. THE GUYS RULES 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Check your oil! Please. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
 
-----------------------
"Pain is weakness leaving the body" - US Marines

EFM/PO2 Liquid/Aegis 1-3 (Aegis Three)/Wing1/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE/(=A=)(=SA=)

strange i can only see rule 1 (albeit a lot of rule 1's)...were there meant to be rules 2,3,4...etc?
 
-----------------------
SL/SGMTRaziel/4SQD/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/Tadath/VEA/ {EW1}
Squad Leader - Squad4 Wraiths
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989.

ROTFLMAO, where the **** did u get that?
 
-----------------------
IA/FL/PO2 Swomz/Venom Squadron 3-1/Wing 2/ISD Overlord/Offensive Fleet/VEN/VE[=A=][=SA=]
Flight School Instructor's Assistant
Venom Three Flight Leader

LOL!!!  Great stuff Liquid.  /me waits for Merrick to kick the living crap out of Liquid  Here's some of my own: MALE BATHROOM RULES OF ETTEQUITE(Not sure how to spell that...) *note:  These rules will only make sense if you are a guy.  You will never have thought of them consciously before, but you will know that you have always known them the second you read them.  If you don't know them, you have either been killed by someone who does or you are not a guy. 1) When there is one occupied urinal and three unoccupied ones, which one do you take? a) The one next to the occupied one b) One space away from the occupied one c) The farthest one possible from the occupied one Answer: c: b is a little bit worrisome, but it is also acceptable. 2) When going in a urinal, what is the proper direction of your vision? a) To one side b) Up or down c) Straight ahead of you Answer: c: Once again, b is also somewhat acceptable, but still somewhat worrisome. 3) When there is a line for the urinals, where will it start? a) Right behind the urinals b) Anywhere is fine c) At the other end of the room Answer: c: b is not acceptable in this one, there is only one place for the line to start. 4) If there are eight urinals at maximum passenter() capacity, how many will be occupied and in what pattern? a) Eight and every one of them b) Six, wherever they want to be c) Four in an alternating pattern Answer: c: yet again, this is getting predictable isn't it? 5) When the stall is out of toilet paper, what do you do? a) Ask the guy next to you for "just three squares" b) Wait till you think it's clear and make a break for another stall Answer: b: and if you chose a, you have some serious gender-identity crisis going on there... 6) When turning away from a urinal do you: a) Turn, tuck, zip? b) Tuck, turn, zip? c) Tuck, zip, turn? d) Zip, tuck, turn? Answer: c: b is somewhat worrisome, but not too bad.  If you answered d, tell me, is it as painful as it sounds?
 
-----------------------
Argon Viper
IW COL Argon Viper{ret}
"History is on the move, those who cannot keep up will watch from a distance, and those who get in our way will not watch at all" - Grand Admiral Thrawn
"How boring life would be if everyone felt the same way we do..." - Argon Viper
"Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses" - Carl G Jung

Anybody want to start posting websites up here?
 
-----------------------
IA/FL/PO2 Swomz/Venom Squadron 3-1/Wing 2/ISD Overlord/Offensive Fleet/VEN/VE[=A=][=SA=]
Flight School Instructor's Assistant
Venom Three Flight Leader

lol, that is such BS, tell her she is wrong, at least sometimes, actually, u may lose points ;P
 
-----------------------
IA/FL/PO2 Swomz/Venom Squadron 3-1/Wing 2/ISD Overlord/Offensive Fleet/VEN/VE[=A=][=SA=]
Flight School Instructor's Assistant
Venom Three Flight Leader

Why it's great to be a guy 1.  there is no #1 reason, and that's okay 2.  Child birth 3.  A five day vacation requires only one suitcase 4.  Monday Night Football 5.  Your bathroom lines are always 80% shorter 6.  You can open all your own jars 7.  Old friends don't give a crap if you've lost or gained weight 8.  Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind 9.  Screw up the laundry once, never allowed to do it again 10.  Guys in hockey masks don't attack you 11.  You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go 12.  You can still get away with MAKING a Valentine's day card 13.  You can go to the bathroom without a support group 14.  Your last name stays put 15.  You can understand Homer Simpson 16.  You never get a stupid Love Quiz in GQ 17.  You can kill your own food 18.  The garage is all yours 19.  You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness 20.  We're treated like royalty when we're sick 21.  You never have to clean the toilet 22.  You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes 23.  Wedding plans take care of themselves 24.  If someone forgets to invite you to something he or she is still your friend 25.  Your underwear is $10 for a three pack 26.  None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry 27.  You don't have to shave below the neck 28.  If you're 34 and single nobody notices 29.  Everything on your face stays its original colour 30.  Chocolate is just another snack 31.  You can be president 32.  Flowers fix everything 33.  You never have to worry about other people's feelings 34.  Three pairs of shoes are enough 35.  You can whip your shirt off on a hot day 36.  Middle aged, big gut? No problem, it's expected. 37.  Underwear lasts longer than most marriages 38.  Car mechanics tell the truth 39.  You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without thinking: He must be mad at me 40.  The world is your urinal 41.  Wake up, shower, eat, brush your teeth, leave... max 15 minutes. 42.  You get to jump up and slap stuff 43.  One mood, all the time 44.  You know at least twenty ways to open a beer bottle 45.  You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing 46.  Same work...more pay 47.  Gray hair and wrinkles add character 48.  You never have to wear high heels. 49.  Sometimes women will fight over you, and you get to watch 50.  The remote is yours and yours alone 51.  People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them 52.  People never complain about men drivers 53.  Bachelor parties kick butt over bridal showers 54.  You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mom 55.  You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom 56.  If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed 57.  If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit you might become lifelong buddies 58.  Dad always let you stay out late while your sister had to be in before midnight 59.  The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected 60.  You're expected to stink if you work out 61.  If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room 62.  New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet 63.  If someone bothers you, you just don't talk to them and problem solved. 64.  Telephone company commercials don't make you cry 65.  Girls play barbie. You had GI Joe 66.  Baywatch 67.  There is always a game on somewhere The Rules of the Game 1.  THE FEMALE ALWAYS MAKES THE RULES. 2.  The rules are subject to change at any time without notification 3.  No male can possibly know all the rules. Nearly all females are born with this knowledge. 4.  If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she may immediately change some or all of them. 5.  THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG 6.  If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong. 7.  If rule #6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. 8.  THE FEMALE CAN CHANGE HER MIND AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME. 9.  The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female. 10.  THE FEMALE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET AT ANY TIME. 11.  The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. 12.  The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. 13.  Any attempt by the male to change these rules is against the rules.
 
-----------------------
EFM/PO1 JMac/Aegis 3-4/Aegis 12/(=A=)(=SA=)(MC1)

"In order to find his equal an Irishman is forced to talk to God."
- Braveheart
Aegis 4ever!!!

Great stuff JMac, that was hilarious    Can't wait to see what Merrick does to you, me, and Liquid 
 
-----------------------
Argon Viper
IW COL Argon Viper{ret}
"History is on the move, those who cannot keep up will watch from a distance, and those who get in our way will not watch at all" - Grand Admiral Thrawn
"How boring life would be if everyone felt the same way we do..." - Argon Viper
"Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses" - Carl G Jung

It's reasons such as this that I don't like most people that are 12-25. And why is it you are so scared of Merrick? Can't voice your opinion without living in fear of other people? Yet another reason..
 
-----------------------
PRF-RC/BG Sierra "Talon" Taurus/HCA-1/VEA/VE[BC][IOC][LoC][SoS][BM][CDS][MSM]
WDN-SL/KM "Nightblades"/DC-4/Elite Griffen Sect/VSD-II Griffen/VEDJ/VE[IOC][OQD][WoS 2nd Class]
CEO Sierra "Talon" Taurus/ECHC-1/Endoven/Dome 8473/VEEC/VE
-----------------------
SCAP/COM Vincent "Claw" Taurus/ISD Nemesis/Offensive Fleet/VEN[=A=][LoM][IOC][IC2]
CE Vincent "Claw" Taurus/Endoven/Dome 8457/VEEC/VE