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Topic:  Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
DeepSix
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 6, 2011 3:18:10 PM    View the profile of DeepSix 
Assuming I'm right - and obviously I am - this means that your horns are now mine. I expect to find them neatly packed in my office by morning.

Oh, and I also want you to add a short list of possible utilities for them... 100 should suffice I believe.

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Serpent
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 7, 2011 7:05:22 PM    View the profile of Serpent 
My latest post is now up, and I have finally killed off the Ark of Wrath!  Add this to Drac killing off the Prognosticator and its been a bad week for the Imperial Remnant.  We may lose Belgaroth, but the enemy is going to pay dearly for it!

Imperial Remnant Fleet (Main Force), commanded by Admiral Frinleigh:
Imperial-II Class Star Destroyer Maxima Culpa
Imperial-II Class Star Destroyer Prognosticator
Victory-II Class Star Destroyer All of the Emperor’s Men
1 un-named Victory-II Class Star Destroyer
Victory-I Class Star Destroyer Vulpe Astuta
Victory-I Class Star Destroyer Ill Tidings
Strike Class Cruiser Ark of Wrath
2 un-named Strike Class Cruisers
Lancer Class Cruiser Mikasa
Lancer Class Cruiser Virtue
Carrack Class Light Cruiser Gondjura
Carrack Class Light Cruiser Hrakness
1 un-named Carrack Class Light Cruiser
3 un-named Carrack Class Light Cruisers

Imperial Remnant Fleet (Reinforcements), commanded by Commodore Rhike
Imperial-II Class Star Destroyer Raconteur
1 un-named Dreadnaught Class Cruiser
Dreadnaught Class Cruiser Belaric
1 un-named Imperial II Class Frigate
1 un-named Strike Class Cruiser
1 un-named Lancer Class Cruiser
3 un-named CR-90 Corvettes
JBO/PO2 Pherik “Serpent” Zail / ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Aurek/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE [SoA][=Eng=]
Bernie
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 9, 2011 7:35:36 PM    View the profile of Bernie 
If I have some time, I might write a firefight between remnant boarders and the shipyards, stormies who boarded from a disguised shuttle.
My enemies are flammable.
JBO/LCRW Bernard "Bernie" Simpson /ICF II Fearless/TF:B/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE
Drac
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 10, 2011 12:33:34 AM    View the profile of Drac 
Specifics of any post relating directly to the shipyards need to be run by me before being posted, so nothing ends up conflicting with the final elements of the story.

-Drac
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Bernie
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 10, 2011 6:35:55 AM    View the profile of Bernie 
This might not even happe, but if it does, a remnant shuttle disguised as a tramp freighter unloads stormies onto the station and kill a few guys, and gety beaten back. I want a bit of variety, with a firefight. Then a fighter blows up the shuttle, and all the stormies die. Coolness, with no effect on plot. Okay?
My enemies are flammable.
JBO/LCRW Bernard "Bernie" Simpson /ICF II Fearless/TF:B/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE
Drac
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 10, 2011 4:07:01 PM    View the profile of Drac 
That'll work.
FC/VCAP Drac/ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Aurek/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE
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"Think Ackbar, but Imperial."
Serpent
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 15, 2011 1:01:39 AM    View the profile of Serpent 
Latest post is up now, though its only a short one.  I actually managed to make my Logistics & Supply Ancillary Skill useful in the battle!  Also my ever-expanding backstory, Serpent's Father, has its fifth post up, as does my VENI story.
JBO/PO2 Pherik “Serpent” Zail / ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Aurek/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE [SoA][=Eng=]
Fyston
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 15, 2011 12:19:00 AM    View the profile of Fyston 
Alright guys, good news!

Due to being given more time on my latest assignments I have an extra week and a half to do what we were given a week to do. I have a little left to go but you can expect a post from me up tonight.

I'll also have time to work ahead, so there's less stress and more posts coming up.
FM/PO1 Fy/B-2/S:82 Nightshrike/W:245 Scimitar/ISD Halcyon Warrior/TF:A 2Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [SoA] [=^SUR^=] (CAR)
Trykon
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 15, 2011 3:41:22 PM    View the profile of Trykon 
Lookin' good, Serpent.  Nice to hear, Fyston.  I'm working on my next post today, myself.  Go Second Fleet! 
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SCAP/WO1 Wyl Trykon/CR90 Defiance/TF:B/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE
XNT/WO1 Wyl "Trick" Trykon/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA][SoV][BWC][NSM][E][NAR][DSM][SWC]/(=*AE*=)(=*SAE*=)(=*TG*=)(=*SCFE*=)

TRN/AC Trykon/DJO/VEDJ
Fyston
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 16, 2011 8:37:09 PM    View the profile of Fyston 
Though delayed because the storm was heavier than predicted, my post is up. I'd REALLY appreciate feedback on this one. Tips, comments, criticism, whatever it may be, is appreciated. I haven't done a post as an officer on a bridge before, though the Xreth one was as a communications officer. I appreciate it, whatever it is.
FM/PO1 Fy/B-2/S:82 Nightshrike/W:245 Scimitar/ISD Halcyon Warrior/TF:A 2Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [SoA] [=^SUR^=] (CAR)
Serpent
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 16, 2011 9:29:52 PM    View the profile of Serpent 
Hey Fyston, I loved the post, and can't really offer much in the way of feedback.  I like how you skipped ahead rapidly through the battle, giving a good overview of events so far.  Also this raises an intersting point.  Time.  I'm still nebulous on how long a battle in the Star Wars galaxy takes, so I find myself reluctant to use terms like 'after ten minutes of exchanging fire' or even 'an hour into the battle and...'.  Maybe Drac can clear up just how much time has passed in the Battle of Belgaroth so far?

Also, I think its time for another update on enemy forces.  DeepSix has taken out two CR 90s recently, and Fyston has named a VSD and taken out three Carracks.  The Imperial Remnant is really taking a pounding, so my money is now on the Republic taking the system after we flee.

Shame.  I do so prefer the Empire to the Republic....

Imperial Remnant Fleet (Main Force), commanded by Admiral Frinleigh:
Imperial-II Class Star Destroyer Maxima Culpa
Imperial-II Class Star Destroyer Prognosticator
Victory-II Class Star Destroyer All of the Emperor’s Men
Victory-II Class Star Destroyer Deadly Demon
Victory-I Class Star Destroyer Vulpe Astuta
Victory-I Class Star Destroyer Ill Tidings
Strike Class Cruiser Ark of Wrath
2 un-named Strike Class Cruisers
Lancer Class Cruiser Mikasa
Lancer Class Cruiser Virtue
Carrack Class Light Cruiser Gondjura
Carrack Class Light Cruiser Hrakness
4 un-named Carrack Class Light Cruisers

Imperial Remnant Fleet (Reinforcements), commanded by Commodore Rhike
Imperial-II Class Star Destroyer Raconteur
1 un-named Dreadnaught Class Cruiser
Dreadnaught Class Cruiser Belaric
1 un-named Imperial II Class Frigate
1 un-named Strike Class Cruiser
1 un-named Lancer Class Cruiser
CR-90 Corvette Hand of God
CR-90 Corvette Freedom Forever
1 un-named CR-90 Corvette
JBO/PO2 Pherik “Serpent” Zail / ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Aurek/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE [SoA][=Eng=]
Fyston
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 16, 2011 9:37:27 PM    View the profile of Fyston 
Thanks, Serpent, I was also speculating on how to deal with the time issue, but I plan on allowing the Vulpe Astuta to survive the battle, though severely damaged.

On the NR side of things, they've lost three CR-90s and have a paperweight for a MC40.

Either way, Fyston has bad blood with the NR, so he'd be willing to do anything to prevent them from taking the system. I wonder what ideas shall be forming, but I can't wait for the next "round," so to speak.
FM/PO1 Fy/B-2/S:82 Nightshrike/W:245 Scimitar/ISD Halcyon Warrior/TF:A 2Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [SoA] [=^SUR^=] (CAR)
Trykon
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 17, 2011 2:09:21 AM    View the profile of Trykon 
I dig it, Fyston.  My two suggestions:
1.  Differentiate between your speaking characters a bit more, by giving them different "voices" - speech mannerisms.
2.  I know it's particularly challenging with this story/battle, but the description of tactics and relative positions of the forces wasn't always perfectly clear to me in your post.  As I said, though, that's REALLY hard for this story. 

As for how long battles take in Star Wars, this is a case where I think it's useful to remember the World War II comparison: Star Wars space battles are based not on real-world science (the distances/times in actual space are much bigger), but on propeller-plane dogfights and terrestrial naval battles featuring mid-century battleships and carriers.  This is space opera, not hard science fiction.  Hope that's helpful... I guess my point is that movies (and obviously books) about, say, the Battle of Midway are going to be more valuable for our purposes in figuring out meta pacing and time in-story than, say, a documentary on space flight in the real world.
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XNT/WO1 Wyl "Trick" Trykon/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA][SoV][BWC][NSM][E][NAR][DSM][SWC]/(=*AE*=)(=*SAE*=)(=*TG*=)(=*SCFE*=)

TRN/AC Trykon/DJO/VEDJ
DeepSix
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 17, 2011 7:43:26 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
You asked for feedback so here goes...
1. You seem to emphasize time a little too much in that post. Leaving it vaguer wouldn't hurt though. It's still good when dealing with seconds or a few minutes to say reach/evade/destroy a target but when we're talking even more time it might be easier to either ignore it or use some other story events to pass that time along. The latter approach also happens to read better as it can provide extra depth and continuity.

2. I can tell you're not too keen on ship stats, and whilst that's not necessarily a problem on its own, the effects it can have - and actually does have in your post - can be rather troublesome. The two battlegroups you used were made of a Victory II, Victory I and 3 Carracks vs MC40 and 3 CR90s. Following are a few stats:

Victory II - 2880 shields, 20 quad turbolaser batteries, 40 dbl heavy turbolaser batteries, 10 ion cannons
Victory I - 3200 shields, 10 quad turbolaser batteries, 40 dbl turbolaser batteries, 80 assault concussion missile tubes
Carrack - unknown shielding, 10 heavy turbolasers, 20 ion cannons or laser canons (depending on configuration)
MC40 - 1696 shielding, 14 turbolaser turrets, 2 warhead launchers, 18 ion cannons
CR90 - 400 shielding, 2 dual turbolaser turrets, 4 turbolaser turrets

I ignored tractor beams, which all models except the corvettes have, as well as fighter escorts, which again all the above models except the corvettes have. Even so it should I believe be quite clear that the Imperial group was a whole lot stronger than the Republic force. To thus reach a draw, a rather unfavorable one for that matter, doesn't really seem all that likely.

3. Towards the end you mention flanking the VE and striking from the rear, where their forces are weaker. Two issues here - if you would flank them from the Republic side chances are you would never make it. Especially not with the sort of damage you let on to believe the remaining ships were in. And if you backtracked all the way to the Remnant side then you'd lose a lot of time getting there, judging again by the time standards you used in the same post.

4. This is really only a nitpick but I very much doubt that any military would turn on its own ships because they have a beef with the fellow commanding them. Especially whilst already engaged in a fight for that matter. It's more plausible for that commander to be threatened with a court martial or even dismissed - leaving the XO to take over and comply with the new orders.

To be clear, I am not criticizing you above. I'm not pampering you either however, instead only presenting facts and in a couple of places personal opinions. That's it...

Oh and the way things are now the Remnant still has the best chance to take over the system

SC/WO1 DeepSix/A-1/S:82 Nightshrike/W:245 Nameless/ISD Halcyon Warrior/TF:A/2Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [=*TG*=]

TRN/ACO DeepSix/DJO/Training Sect/VEDJ
Fyston
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 17, 2011 8:08:21 AM    View the profile of Fyston 
Thanks, Deep!

I really appreciate the in-depth analysis and will incorporate it into my future posts. This won't discourage me from making posts like this in the future, but I'll be sure to ask actual ship captains and have research ready.
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DeepSix
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 17, 2011 8:21:47 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
Good, it's always fun to experiment with new things - mechanics, errand boys (i mean junior officers), gunnery crews, XOs, captains, fighter/bomber/shuttle pilots, troopers either boarding other ships or defending against boarders, third parties (such as shipyards personnel in this case)... Chances are not all will be easy, and not all will be great, but then again the same chances would also dictate that quite a few of them would be really fun and interesting, thus making the whole process well worth undertaking.

If above comments helped you improve future writing then that's a win-win situation for everyone involved. You for being able to write better fics and everyone else for being able to read said fics and unwind on one hand but also tense up on the other as they would end up waiting for whatever would happen next

SC/WO1 DeepSix/A-1/S:82 Nightshrike/W:245 Nameless/ISD Halcyon Warrior/TF:A/2Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [=*TG*=]

TRN/ACO DeepSix/DJO/Training Sect/VEDJ
Drac
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 17, 2011 1:47:25 PM    View the profile of Drac 
I'll echo Deep's points in that next to last post.

Also, as Tryk noted, we don't use an accurate time-scale in Star Wars since the canon itself doesn't do so. Much like everyone else, I purposely maintain a good bit of vagueness as to time in most cases, both due to that and to help smooth out any possible continuity errors stemming from so many writers working together.

All that to say, consider the entirety of the battle thus far to have taken about four hours, with perhaps another hour to go before all's said and done.

A note on the New Republic: Their relatively light casualties (at least, as noted thus far) are more due to the fact that most of the posts we're seeing are coming from Aurek's side of things. I'll attempt to correct this in my next post, but know that the NR has been beat up pretty badly too. Anyone who's posting about them from here on out should not move their forces toward the shipyard- instead, try and consider and see whether a different course of action makes more sense for a force that's suddenly found itself outnumbered by the other attacking force...and therefore extremely unlikely to successfully take their objective.

-Drac
FC/VCAP Drac/ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Aurek/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE
Captain of the ISD II Halcyon Warrior
Chief of Naval Warfare
CNW|Vice Captain Drac|NHC|VEN|VE
"Think Ackbar, but Imperial."
Bernie
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 20, 2011 7:53:40 PM    View the profile of Bernie 
Post is up. Anyone can feel free to pursue the firefight and chaos at the station, ( Remnant spacetroopers have boarded ), but I call dibs on Burt and the remnant transport.
My enemies are flammable.
JBO/LCRW Bernard "Bernie" Simpson /ICF II Fearless/TF:B/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE
Serpent
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Serpent
 
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 21, 2011 6:26:10 PM    View the profile of Serpent 
A new post for High Stakes, this one about money and warmongering (next post I shall be back in Michael Bay mode - blowing things up!).  Also, more for the Serpent's Father and my VENI story.

Also guys, don't know if you are monitoring the stats, but we are about five posts from taking High Stakes into the Top 20 biggest articles in the Navy Story forum!  Let's get there!
JBO/PO2 Pherik “Serpent” Zail / ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Aurek/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE [SoA][=Eng=]
Atrasin
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Atrasin
 
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  RE: Second Vast Imperial Naval Fleet Topic
October 24, 2011 4:11:54 AM    View the profile of Atrasin 
Topic Closed until Fleet reactivation. please post in First Fleet Topic
CNO|COMD Atrasin|ISD Iron Duke|TF:A|1Flt|VEN|VE [=A=][=^SA^=][=^ME^=][=*MA*=][=FOCE=][=*TG*=][=*Eng*=][=*BO*=][MC1]{BWC}[NSR:1]{SAS}{SWC}(SOL)[LSM][VC:B][DSM][VC:S]
Vacuus Ordo, Nex  -Without Order, Death
All a man can betray is his conscience. - Joseph Conrad
We few, we happy few. We band of brothers. - Henry V
May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't. - General George S. Patton Jr.
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