Oh god, you put Kevin and Stan in this...  Anyways, hopefully you don't screw my part over too badly(though, knowing Geist, I still have to worry...).  Looks to be interesting 
 
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Argon Viper
IW COL Argon Viper{ret}
"History is on the move, those who cannot keep up will watch from a distance, and those who get in our way will not watch at all" - Grand Admiral Thrawn
"In combat, second place is only the last to die."- Anonymous
"Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses" - Carl G Jung

I see all the references, but I won't tell you them until I get the cookies.
 
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Corporal Tycho Celchu, Slicer
Dread Knights, Vast Empire's Stormtrooper Corps
Union Representative of the Dread Knights
CorranHorn99@aol.com
AIM: Tycho987
ICQ: 110585444

The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between any existing characters or people is strictly coincidental, I swear! Besides, casting was largely out of my hands anyway, so its not my fault! This series does not edorse the activities portrayed herein, nor is it aimed at portraying anyone in particular, living or dead. No, really. After all, are we really here, or are we just the figment of a quantum physicist's imagination? VARNECK INHERITOR NERGAL (english dub) Episode 1/2: Tying up ends before they get loose It happened on Stormtrooper 1026's leave. That event that he didn't like to talk about, did his best to keep secret. The place he had visited had seemed harmless enough. A series of natural springs, used by martial artists for millenia for training. In its own way, it was serene, peaceful. That is, of course, until Stormie, knocked aside by a stampeding herd of ninja, fell into one of the springs. "Oh no!" the guide at the springs had said as Stormie was pulled out of the water. "That was most tragic cursed spring of drowned girl. Tragic story behind that one..." ***** Riel Fury stumbled into his home, three days after going missing. He still didn't know what had happened to him. Every now and then, when he closed his eyes, he saw flashes of his kidnappers, pale grey creatures with overlarge heads, huge and ominious black eyes, and few other features to speak of. He didn't know what they did to him, or where they took him. All he knew is that he needed a stiff drink. "DADDY!" a young woman sitting on the couch in his front room cried. She lept to her feet, vaulted some furniture, and embraced Riel Fury as though she hadn't seen him in days. Some part of Riel Fury's brain screamed that this was all wrong. This made no sense. This girl, no more than sixteen, squeezing the air out of his chest, this was... his daughter? "Oh daddy," the girl said as she hugged Riel Fury, "I was so worried about you..." He knew her, Riel finaly realized. This WAS his daughter. "Tina," he said to her, returning the hug in a moment of wholesome warmth that would make most dark jedi physically ill, "I'm home." ***** "Fifty cases of Glengary Black Label, as promised," Geist said to the chief Grey. The scrawny little alien and he were supervising the loading of the scotch into the saucer shaped spacecraft the Greys prefered. "I don't know where you could scare up that much Glengary Black Label, ole buddy," the chief Grey said, "I hope you didn't kill anyone I know." "Nope," Geist replied, deciding to leave it at that. The Greys were simple businessmen. They didn't care what their clients did, just as long as the scotch was paid in full on time. The chief Grey nodded. He and Geist had always had a good working relationship, even if Geist occasionally decided to handle his own pranks. As creative as the human could be, he knew that for the truly artful bounty-pranking, the big jobs, you always went with the Greys. They had millenia of experience with this sort of schtic, even before humans had begun to walk the stars. "Those were the days!" the chief Grey (his name was Wuyap, and he was several hundred thousand years old) said. "Back then we could get millions of people going just by buzzing Mexico city once or twice or knabing a farmboy out of an Iowa cornfield. Now everyone wants mindwipes and hydrospanners and gag human-alien hybrids. You know where it went wrong? When David Ducovny left X-files. After that, Aliens just weren't as sexy as they used to be. Gah, if I buzzed Mexico city now, I'd as likely be shot down as filmed." Geist just decided to nod in agreement. He didn't quite catch all the references the Grey was using, but then he wasn't several hundred thousand years old. "Did I tell you about that gag we pulled with the time machine?" Wuyap asked, then plunged on before Geist could respond, "We found this guy named George back in the good ole days and gave him a Coruscant junior high history book. To his death bed he claimed that he had come up with the whole thing himself! Everyone though he was some kind of creative genius, but really he was just this guy who liked to sue people. You wouldn't believe how much scotch he paid us to get..." "Yeah, I know," Geist said. "You told me this one. So how did the job go?" "Like a charm," Wuyap said. "We fed him the false memories while he was drunk." Contrary to myth, Grey abductions didn't actually involve hideous experimentation, but rather just rampant drinking parties using liquor refined over several hundred thousand years of careful work. The alchohol didn't so much make a person drunk as beat his brain into submisssion. The probes, scanners, and implants that everyone always remembered were just party favors. "So eventually he'll figure out his daughter was made by Special Projects," Geist said. That wasn't technically true, of course. The body was made to order by the VEEC special projects division, but the mind that had gone into it was not. Tina had been around for a long time. "Yeah, and he's going to be good and honked off when he does," Wuyap pointed out. "He's got a lot of that force mojo." Geist shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it. He might just decide to try to turn her into his evil disciple." Geist chuckled. THAT would certainly turn out interesting. "Besides, Tina's been alone for three hundred years, she needs a dad." Wuyap shrugged as though such matters were beneath him (which they were). "Well, I'd better get back on the road." Geist nodded. "I'll see you when I see you," he said. His communicator started beeping. "What is it?" he said into the device. "This is Argon," the voice on the other end said. "I've got someone here who wants to see you." ***** Geist studdied the red haired girl carefully. "Interesting..." he said as he poked one of the girl's brests with his finger. "Hey!" the girl said, "Knock it off!" Geist turned to Argon. "Nobody else knows about this?" he asked. Argon shook his head. "I ran into her just inside the base fence. Didn't recognize her, and I was going to turn her into the guard when she told me her story, so I brought her here." "Well if its a fake, its a remarkably well made fake," Geist said, then turned back to the girl. "Are you sure you didn't just get drunk and pass out in a deranged plastic surgeon's office?" "I told you already!" the girl said angrilly, "I fell in a spring, and when I got out I looked like this. The guide said the spring was cursed, and warm water would turn me back to normal, but cold water would change me back into a girl." She slammed a fist into the table. "Everything would have been fine if it hadn't started raining before I could get inside!" "Relax, Stormie," Argon said. "It could be worse." Stormtrooper 1026 just glared at Argon. "Argon's right," Geist said. "You could have been turned into a wamprat." "So can you help me or not?" Stormie asked. "This kind of wierdness seems right up special project's alley." "Hmm..." Geist sat and thought. "I don't know. If it were quantum mechanics related, or some kind of genetic disease, I might be able to. Even if it were related to the force I might be able to do something, but a curse? That's a little out of my league. If I had some time, I'm sure I could cure you, but I'm retiring in a couple of days, technically I don't even work here anymore." "GEIST! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!" Stormie yelled. "IF YOU CAN DO SOMETHING YOU DO IT OR I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR HEART WITH MY MORNING COFFEE!" Geist blinked once at the outburst, then shrugged. "Um... okay. It's going to take a while though," he said. "You are going to be stuck like that until I figure this out. No way around it, so you better get used to it." "I have no intention of getting used to this," Stormie replied. "Aw, come on," Argon said with an evil grin. "You're kinda sexy like that." "SHUT UP!" ***** And somewhere else, a Vorlon nodded. "And so it begins..." TO BE CONTINUED! Next Episode: Invasion!
 
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"Catching fishies, catching fishies,"
"on a hook, on a hook,"
"Pull em out the water, fry them up in batter,"
"Yum yum good, yum yum good."

Since it looks like Giest hasn't poisted this yet I'll do it for him. Invasion. Tycho e-mail me the refferences and then I'll credit your blackmarket account with eight cookies. VARNECK INHERITOR NERGAL Dubbed in English “You get to burning, It’s only arson, just control yourself, Those burns will heal…” Episode One: Invasion! Prologue: To go like a man! The entire shelter shook as far above the mysterious attackers continued their bombardment. In the meantime, Daishi frowned at the new tattoo that he had found on his hand. This was the last time he got drunk with the R&D guys. He didn’t care if the tattoo was part of some kind of direct neural interface system that would let him pilot some of the cool new weapons platforms they were cooking up, they had no business injecting him with nanomachines while he was passed out.  Daishi caught sight of a small boy greedily eyeing the crate of citrus fruit he had managed to bring down into the shelter with him when the raid sirens had started going off. The kid looked hungry. “You want one?” Daishi asked, offering the kid a piece of fruit. “Wow, cool,” the kid said as he snatched the fruit. The kid’s mother turned and smiled. “How kind of you,” she said. Daishi shrugged. “Naw, I’ve got a whole crate of them here.” “You’re a nice man,” the kid said. “You married?” “Wha…?” Daishi said, surprised. “My dad ran off with his secretary, and my mom is lonely,” the kid said. “She needs a man. You want the job? Dad used to say that mom was dynamite in the sack.” “Jay!” the mother said, smacking her son in the head. “I told you to stop trying to fix me up!” Daishi didn’t have much of a chance to say anything, as an explosion wracked the shelter, and a hole opened in the roof, through which a massive armored form dropped. The vaguely humanoid figure raked the shelter with slugthrower fire, strewing bodies about. The storm troopers assigned to defend the shelter opened fire in response, but their blasters seemed to have little effect on the attacker. “Keep firing!” the commander of the troopers yelled to his men. “We’ve got to get these civilians out of here!” Daishi could tell that the stormies weren’t doing much more than making the attacker mad. With an almost annoyed sigh, he ran to a nearby forklift. It seemed like he always had to do everything himself, even when he was on leave. The forklift was simple enough to operate. He switched it on and began revving the engine. “I’ll hold that thing off!” he said. “You people get out of here!” He thought he heard some shouts of protest, but he was already speeding towards the armored figure. The forklift slammed into the creature, pinning it to the wall, but Daishi didn’t stop, he kept his foot pressed down on the accelerator, slowly crushing the armored figure. “Kick his ass Mister!” he heard Jay yell. “We’ve got the doors open!” someone else said.  Any shouts of success were short lived, however, when another explosion ripped through the shelter. The force of the blast nearly threw Daishi from the forklift, and his foot slipped from the accelerator. As the sound of the forklift’s engine died, he looked around him. “Ah hell,” he said as he saw row upon row of armored figures marching into the shelter. There was no way out. ***** “One year has now passed since the disastrous defeat at the battle of Varneck” Tycho said. Around the table in this conference room on Erebria were a number of senior officials of the Vast Empire Engineering Corporation. “If the Vast Empire Navy continues to be unable to stop these invaders, Erebria will soon fall as well.” “Which is quite unacceptable,” a senior VP made sure to point out. Up till now, these invaders had proven to be virtually unstoppable. They had conquered Varneck in a short, brutal fight, wiping out a Vast Empire battle group in the process. “I have a question,” the whipid in the business suit at the other end of the table said. “What is that, Mr. Viper?” the senior VP asked. “What does this have to do with me?” “Project Copyright Violation,” the VP replied. “Are you aware of it?” “Of course,” Argon Viper replied. Project Copyright Violation was something of a pet evil project that had been floating around the VEEC for some time. It used to be called Scaparelli, but there had been an unfortunate encounter with a band of lawyers that had necessitated a change. “We want to implement it,” the VP said. “And given your extensive military experience, we believe you to be the best choice to carry it out.” “I don’t know,” Argon said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve worn a uniform.” “When do we ever wear uniforms?” Tycho asked. “Besides, this is going to involve at least a few lovely young women.” Argon raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” “And then there’s your bonus,” Tycho added, typing up some figures on an electronic notepad and passing it to Argon. “How’s this?” Argon studied the notepad for a second before turning back to Tycho. “One more question,” he said. “Is that… after taxes?” ***** “Now all we need are our human resources.” Tycho said as he and Argon left the office building. “You mean our crew?” Argon asked. “Since when did you start talking like an accountant?” Tycho shrugged. “So I’ve been working as an accountant part time. It pays the bills. But yeah, our crew. I’m sure we can get a hold of most of the old gang, but there are some that just aren’t around anymore.” That was the truth. Geist had retired a while back and pretty much vanished. Daishi had been on leave on Varneck when the whole mess started and hadn’t been heard from since. Others had just left here and there. The pair halted at a ninja crossing to allow for a herd of ninja to cross the road in a chorus of hyahs. As everyone did when encountering herds of the black cloaked urban game animals, they immediately decided not to worry about where the creatures were coming from, where they were going, or for god’s sake why they would be traveling in herds. Some things are better left unknown. “So anyhow,” Tycho said, breaking the awkward silence that always follows herds of ninja, “I’ve managed to find a lot of good people to fill out the crew, of course a few of them have some slight personality disorders…” Argon nodded. Somehow that didn’t surprise him at all. ***** They began collecting their new crew immediately.  An engineer, Mr. Aniston, was the first one they picked up. He seemed more than willing to sign on for this job, not even bothering to read his contract. Between the damage caused by the security droid he had apparently been building and his desire to escape from his wife, he was more than anxious to get away for a while. Stormtrooper 1026 came next, signing on as helmsman. His current job was fast becoming little more than that of a glorified secretary anyway, and he was up for something more interesting, even if only temporary. It probably also helped that Argon was able to blackmail him with a certain secret. A young blonde girl named Excel signed on after Stormie as ship’s janitor. Though her blatant personality defects nearly prevented her from getting the job, a glowing recommendation from the ghost of Yoda sealed the deal. Her companion was refused a job on the grounds that she kept dying. Somewhere along the way a writer wearing a black hat was also picked up. His primary assignment was apparently to write strange stories that meshed far too many science fiction stories together at once. A voice actress named Aku Koibito (who, if you want the hot gossip, is actually the evil clone of Jociam Geist’s wife Mellisaa) was chosen for the position of communications officer. Despite the stigma of being a dedicated servant of all that is evil in the universe, she soon proved to be a welcomed addition to the crew, in addition to helping fill affirmative action quotas for cute girls serving in important positions on capital warships. After much legal wrangling over copyright infringement, and the buying off of at least one federal judge, a twelve-year-old girl named Ruri Hoshino was named the ship’s computer specialist after being kidnapped from a rival company in a rival story. “One thing still bothers me,” Argon said soon after delivering Ruri to the naval base. “What’s that?” Tycho asked. “If I’m supposed to be tactical officer for this mission,” Argon said, “then who is going to be the captain?” “Don’t worry, I’ve got someone in mind.” ***** “TINA!” Admiral Riel Fury’s voice could be heard to echo through the house. “Tina,” Lieutenant Narm Greyrunner said to the closed door, “your father is starting to get upset.” “Well I’m sorry,” a woman’s voice came back through the door, “but this uniform is just so… it’s just not me.” “It’s a bit late to complain now,” Narm said.  “I know,” Tina replied. “But speaking of late, are you sure cutting the VE fleet to come with me is such a good idea?” “Well… I was worried,” Narm said. Even as he said it he realized how that sort of sounded. “That… That you might need help,” he quickly added. “Ah Narm,” Tina said, “you’re the best friend a girl could ask for.” “Yeah, sure.” Narm said. Riel Fury came stomping down the hall, stopping in front of Tina’s door. “Damnit Tina!” he yelled as he started pounding on the door. “You were supposed to leave an hour ago!” He reached for the doorknob. Narm leapt forward to stop the admiral from opening the door. “She’s still getting dressed right now!” he said. But the admiral would not be swayed. The two briefly struggled over the doorknob, in the process managing to knock the door open. Both men sprawled forward into Tina’s room. “AHHHHHHHH!” Tina screamed as she did her best to cover her mostly naked form. “Urp!” Narm uttered as he turned beet red. “My little girl is a woman!” Riel Fury exclaimed. With expert aim, Tina downed both men with a piece of her luggage. A bit later, Riel Fury watched his daughter leave. “Not only is she an officer, but she’s well endowed as well!” Riel Fury said as he watched the badly over laden landspeeder speed away. “Tina, your father is very proud.” ***** “The evil lizards from beyond the rim are attacking Erebria,” the monitor in the restaurant blared. “Its time to knock them out with our united fist!” A woman in the picture declared. She joined hands with a ring of children, all of them wearing little imperial navy uniforms. “THE VAST EMPIRE WILL PROTECT EREBRIA!” they declared. “This message has been brought to you by the Vast Empire,” the announcer said. The image changed to that of an ominous man wearing a black robe. “Remember, you belong to us,” he said. The picture suddenly cut out as a distant explosion rocked the building. “Not another air raid,” one patron said. “Hey!” another yelled into the kitchen. “What’s holding up my stir fry?” In the kitchen, Daishi clutched the handle of the frying pan tighter as he heard the explosions of bombs detonating, the screaming fall of TIE fighters being swatted aside by invader fighters. The images continued to flash through his mind. The boy named Jay, his mother, all the other civilians that had been killed in that shelter, the legions of armored figures. “ARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!” He yelled in rage, smashing the frying pan into the counter and splitting it in half, spilling the contents all over. Daishi stopped for a moment, looking at the stir-fry he had spilled. “Ah damn, I burned it!” he said. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he found himself confronted by the manager of the restaurant. “We need to talk,” the boss said. ***** “Damnit!” Daishi yelled as he rode his swoop bike down the nighttime streets of Erebria. His boss at the restaurant had been very forthright and honest, saying that Daishi’s behavior during the air raid just wasn’t the sort of image that he wanted his restaurant to show, and perhaps it was time for Daishi to move on. “What’s wrong with running away! And whose business is it anyway!” Daishi demanded of the night sky, his former employer had used the term yellow soldier to describe him, and in exchange Daishi had taken all the money in the register, three bottles of some very good brandy, and his former employer’s teeth with him as a severance package. “Why do I have to do all the fighting? Why can’t those damned VE brats handle the battles on their own!” Daishi had been very happy for the past year now, just working as a cook, fulfilling his family tradition of being a mighty chef, and then this happened. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?” A landspeeder, hideously overloaded with luggage, shot past at well over the local speed limit and pulled in front of him. “Jerk!” Daishi yelled. “You think you own the damn road!” On the landspeeder, one of the bungee cords gave way, and a suitcase flew free. There was no time to avoid it. The suitcase slammed directly into Daishi’s upper body, flipping both man and swoop bike over. The latches on the suitcase came free next, scattering possessions all over the road. “Why me god?” Daishi asked as he lay there, buried under a pile of women’s unmentionables. “Why always me?” “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry,” he heard a woman’s voice say. Sitting up, he saw a not too bad looking girl standing before him with a look of concern on her face. Up ahead, the landspeeder had stopped and the passenger side door was open. “I’m so terribly terribly sorry, how can you ever forgive me?” the woman continued. She seemed genuinely concerned in a mildly spastic sort of way. “Are you hurt? Is anything broken?” Daishi shook his head as he got to his feet. Aside from a rather painful lump now developing on the back of his head, he seemed to be perfectly fine. Rather remarkable, really, considered all the nasty physics involved in that collision. “I’m fine,” he said. “But you better get that luggage better secured, or you’re going to kill someone.” “I don’t understand,” the girl replied. “We packed it the best we could.” Daishi shook his head. “No you didn’t,” he said. “Let me show you.” The job took twenty minutes and as many meters of space tape, but soon enough, they had completed the job. “Thank you so much for all your help,” the girl said as they loaded the last bag back onto the landspeeder.  “Yeah, whatever,” Daishi said. “Just be more careful next time.” The girl nodded. “Yeah, I will.” She suddenly looked at Daishi intently. “You know, this is going to sound really strange,” she said. “Yeah?” Daishi asked. “Have you and I met before?” she asked. “Huh?” “Don’t you feel like there’s some connection here?” the girl added. “No, I really don’t feel like that at all actually,” Daishi replied. “Oh, how very strange,” the girl smiled. “Well, thanks for all your help. Bye.” Daishi watched the landspeeder pull away for a moment before turning back towards his swoop bike. It was time he got going wherever he was going. Not that he had an idea where that was or anything. Somewhere, maybe another restaurant would be willing to hire him. He noticed an object lying in the road, and stopped to pick it up. Probably another of that girl’s possessions that they had missed. “Wha…?” he uttered when he looked at it. It was a picture of him. “Wha? How? Why would she have a picture of me?” It hit him suddenly. “Of course, Tina!” Daishi ran back to his swoop bike, and sent it barreling down the road after the landspeeder. **** “Say what?” the ferret like creature protested. “What do you mean you don’t need us? We’re Kevin’s personal aids!” He waved his stubby arm in the direction of the rest of the ship’s bridge, as though to indicate the crewmembers that were gathered about at their various stations. “Do you really expect this band of primadonas do nothings and children will be able to do the job of trained officers?” Argon Viper, still in a business suit, briefly turned to glance at the crewmen the ferret (named Ferrox by the way) was pointing out. Stormtrooper 1026 was talking with Aku Koibito and Ruri. He turned back to Ferrox. “There’s nothing wrong with our crew,” he said. Technically Ferrox was a naval captain, and tradition and regs dictated he should be addressed as sir, but Argon just couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Of course they may be a little unusual, but they’re all experts in their fields, and our captain has never been defeated in the simulations.”  Ferrox scoffed. “Oh yeah?” he said. “Well just where is this miracle worker?” “Well, actually…” The door to the bridge slid open.  “This must be it!” Tina exclaimed with inhuman cheerfulness as she strode into the room. “Hi everyone! Have no fear, your new captain’s here!” For a moment, all anyone could do was stare blankly. Argon shook his head. Tina. Of all the possible candidates of all the planets of all the galaxies, why did Tycho have to choose Tina? ***** “Well you see sir,” the security guard was saying, “this guy just rode up to the front gate on a swoop bike and started raising a ruckus.” Tycho stepped further into the cell to get a better look at the prisoner, then froze. “Remove his restraints,” he said to the guard. “Sir?” the guard asked, confused. “Now!” The guard quickly complied, though he was still obviously confused about the order. “Leave us,” Tycho said. The guard saluted, then walked out of the cell. “I almost didn’t recognize you,” Tycho said, “without your armor.” Daishi rubbed his wrists as he got to his feet. “It’s been a long time,” he said. “A year,” Tycho said. “Everyone had assumed that you had been killed when the invaders attacked Varneck. How did you get to Erebria?” Daishi shook his head. “I can’t remember,” he replied. “All I know is that I was on Varneck, and the next thing I knew I was here on Erebria.” “That’s it?” Tycho asked. “That’s it. I’m as in the dark as you are.” “Hmm,” Tycho said. “So why are you here? I see you’ve got the new neural interface implants. Did you come to sign on as one of our pilots?” “No,” Daishi said. “I’m not a pilot, and I’m sick of being a soldier. Right now I’m just a cook. I came to see Tina.” “Why do you want to see her?” “Her connections,” Daishi replied. “I want to know who it was that attacked Varneck and what they’re doing there. Since her dad is so high up the VE totem pole, I’d hope he would have some answers. That planet is my home, and I need to know what’s happened to it.” “I see, but I don’t think there’s all that much her father could tell you.” Tycho scratched his chin for a second. “A cook, huh?” he said. “We need cooks. I guess this means you’re in luck. From now on, you’ll be a cook on the Nergal.” “The Nergal?” Daishi said with surprise. “You mean it’s finished?” “Yeah,” Tycho said. “We’re going to launch in a couple hours, so why don’t you take a walk around to get to know her.” Daishi shrugged. “Why not?” then followed Tycho out of the cell. ***** “Let’s go Battlemech!” a voice echoed through the hangar bay. On the main bay floor a giant robot seemed to be shadowboxing. “That’s a hatav, not a Battlemech!” the chief engineer protested from the hangar bay floor. The pilot of the giant robot didn’t seem to care. “Get back you evil invaders or I shall crush you with my wrath!” he said with pure glee. “I’ll finish you off with my particle cannon!” Leaning against the rail of the catwalk above the hangar bay floor, Daishi watched the exchange. So this was a hatav. Daishi had heard about the new humanoid weapons platforms but had never seen one. He knew it was controlled by a direct neural interface system through nanomachine implants in the pilot, allowing the pilot to control it as though it were his body. This was supposed to make piloting a hatav so simple literally anyone could do it. “Hey!” the chief engineer was saying to the giant robot, “Who are you and how did you get up there? Our pilots aren’t supposed to be arriving for three days!” The giant robot stopped and began to shake slightly as the pilot laughed, in essence chuckling right along with him. “Are you kidding?” the pilot said. “When I heard that we were going to be piloting real robots, I couldn’t get here fast enough! This is the real thing baby, WOO!” The hatav struck a semi-dramatic pose. “Will you stop that!” the engineer demanded. “Playtime’s over!” “Hey, you’re talking to the greatest robo pilot who’s ever lived!” the pilot replied. “And to prove it I’ll show you one of my super amazing JERRY KILLER MOVES!” The robot drew back for a punch. “JERRY SUPER CHIN STRIKE!” the pilot cried out as he swung at an imaginary opponent. Even before he completed the swing, it was obvious that he had thrown his balance horribly off. The robot’s arms flailed about briefly, but there was nothing that could be done as the machine crashed to the hangar floor. The hatch of the machine popped over, and the pilot climbed out, laughing. At first he seemed fine, but fairly suddenly he collapsed to the floor. Daishi couldn’t quite hear everything that was being said as the engineer was checking the pilot, but he heard something about a broken leg. Daishi didn’t know how anyone could break their leg piloting a war machine, but apparently that was what happened. “Hey!” the pilot yelled as they were hauling him out on a stretcher. “You up on the catwalk!” “Me?” Daishi asked. “Is there anyone else up there?” the pilot asked rhetorically. “My most precious possession is still in that cockpit, could you get it for me, pretty please?” It took Daishi a while to get down to the main floor, and by that time the stretcher had already been taken away. Daishi climbed into the cockpit of the hatav. “A museum scale Atlas is this guy’s most precious possession?” Daishi asked himself as he spotted the pewter miniature laying in the pilot seat. “Just how old is this guy mentally?” An alarm began to blare, and Daishi suddenly heard Argon Viper’s voice come over the intercom. “Our forces are now engaged with the enemy’s tactical fighters,” he said. “All bridge crews, report to the command center immediately!” Daishi looked up at the ceiling. Far above he heard a faint explosion. “They’re here!” ***** “The enemy seems to be concentrating their attacks directly above our position,” Argon said. The main holotable was displaying the forces buzzing around the massive facility where the Nergal was housed. All the senior officers were present for this meeting. “And we can assume that the Nergal is their target,” Kevin said. Kevin was their liaison with the VE fleet, a decorated admiral (okay, not WITH the VE per se, but lets not worry about that), and though actually just a figurehead to give the operation some legitimacy, technically in charge. “If that’s the case,” Ferrox said. Some quirk of fate (and possibly ninjas) had made the ferret like creature Kevin’s adjutant. “We’ll hit them where it hurts!” “What do you mean?” Argon asked. “If we sweep the perimeter with the Nergal’s cannons, we’ll burn them to a crisp.” “Are you proposing to vaporize our own fighters?” Stormtrooper 1026 asked.  “Well why not?” Ferrox asked. “They’re going to die anyway.” “Would you call that cold blooded,” Aku asked Stormie, “or just cowardly?” “Captain,” Kevin said, speaking to Tina. “Do you have any suggestions?” The cute and bubbly young woman that had pranced onto the bridge not that long ago seemed to vanish instantly, replaced by a woman of deadly seriousness. “The Nergal will go through the underwater passage, and into the open ocean,” she said, “flank the enemy from behind, and obliterate them. We’ll need a decoy.” “That’s where Jerrard Cranston comes in!” the ship’s only current pilot said once everyone got over the shock caused by the captain acting seriously. “I can engage the enemy with my giant robot, and lure them away from the base. It’ll be great!” He raised one crutch high in excitement. “It’s my destiny, YEAH!” “With a triple compound fracture?” Aniston, the chief engineer, asked. Suddenly realizing he was feeling pain, Jerry stumbled to the ground. “I forgot that,” he admitted. “Not to contribute to this grotesque feeling of déjà vu any more than I have to,” Ruri, the computer officer, interrupted, “but we already have a decoy.” Everyone looked at the twelve year old in surprise. “There’s a hatav in the main elevator shaft,” she elaborated. In that hatav, Daishi continued to gripe to himself. “There’s no way I’m going to die aboard this ship!” he said. Piloting this thing really was as simple as it was supposed to be. Just resting his hand on the control port allowed him to control it as though it were part of him. “I’m just a freaking cook now! I’m not going to get killed in some stupid war!” Without warning a holographic image of one of his former commanders, Kevin, appeared before him. For a second he thought it was some sort of evil spirit coming after him (or perhaps another ghost like Tina used to be) but then he remembered the special holographic communication system that had been installed aboard the Nergal and tied into each crewmember’s communicator. “Identify yourself,” Kevin started. “Wait… Daishi? I didn’t know you were on this ship. You’re one of our pilots?” “Um, no,” Daishi replied. A second holographic face appeared. This one was that pilot that had been in the hangar bay. “That’s my battlemech!” he protested. “So what are you doing…” Kevin started to ask. “I signed on as a cook,” Daishi replied. “A WHAT?!” the pilot yelled. “WHAT’S A COOK DOING INSIDE MY ROBOT!?” Back on the bridge, Tina began to wonder. This was the man that helped her on the road. “Daishi…” she said, running the name over in her head. Suddenly, it hit her. “Robert, ITS ROBERT!” In the cockpit, a holographic representation of Tina’s face appeared as the others were cut off. “I knew it,” she said eagerly. “I knew we knew each other somewhere Robert, I was right, wasn’t I? Did you just pretend not to know me because you’re so shy Robert? “Now wait just one second here!” Daishi demanded. “Just what are you doing on this ship anyway?” Tycho’s face popped up. “Why she’s the captain of the Nergal.” “WHAT?” “That’s right, Robert,” Tina said. “I’m the captain of the Nergal, pretty cool, huh?” “Does Geist know you gave his favorite toy to Tina?” Daishi asked Tycho. “Relax,” Tycho said. “It’ll all work out fine.” He then cut off his transmission. His floating disembodied head vanished. “Oh,” Tina said. “But I can’t let you act as a decoy against the enemy.” “What? Act as a what?” “But I know how devoted you are towards conducting your mission,” Tina continued, “and mere words from a sentimental woman wouldn’t sway you, will they?” “Yeah they will!” Daishi said frantically. “All right,” Tina said, “I’m entrusting the fate of the Nergal and all her crew to you Robert. Just promise me that… you’ll come back alive.” Her transmission likewise cut off. “Alive? Hey, what?” Daishi said, but there was no further response from Tina. A young girl, about twelve, was the next to appear. “The elevator is about to reach ground level,” she said. “Good luck and may the force be with you,” another girl, who looked disturbingly like Geist’s wife, said next. “GIVE ME BACK MY BATTLEMECH!” the pilot yelled one last time. “JUST SHUT UP!” Daishi yelled back as the elevator arrived at the top. All three holoimages cut off, replaced by Argon. “You have ten minutes,” he said. “Just keep the enemy occupied. Good luck.” Daishi looked around him in shock. There were literally hundreds of armored figures identical to the ones he had faced on Varneck surrounding him. How was he supposed to fight all of these? Tina’s words flashed back through his mind. “I’m entrusting the fate of the Nergal and all her crew to you Robert,” she had said. Daishi triggered the reaction jets built into the back of the hatav, hurling it into the air. “OH THIS STINKS!” he began to yell, “IT’S NOT FAIR! THIS WAS NOT PART OF MY PLAN!” The hatav landed on its feet a good one hundred and fifty meters away from where it jumped. “I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS CRAP!” Daishi yelled as he sent the war machine running. He kept up a good pace for some time, and his radar screen told him he had most of the enemy following him, but he doubted he could keep this pace forever. “Seven minutes?” he said, looking at the timer on his control panel, “How am I supposed to keep running for another seven minutes? I’ve had it with this, damnit! Enough is enough! ARRRRRGHHH!” He brought the hatav to a sliding halt and turned it to face his pursuers. “I’M SICK AND TIRED OF RUNNING FROM YOU MONSTERS!” he screamed as he opened fire with the formidable arsenal his war machine wielded. Clusters of small concussion missiles flew out into the attacking swarm, striking down scores of enemy units. Daishi followed that up with short, controlled bursts from the massive laser cannon-rifle the machine carried, downing more with each volley, but it still wasn’t enough. The enemy kept coming. A lucky barrage from an enemy unit slammed into the hatav’s upper torso, in the process wrecking the rifle. “Okay you freaks!” Daishi yelled as he discarded the rifle. “You want a piece of me? Come and get it!” The enemy swarmed him from all sides, and Daishi plunged his machine into close combat. The battle became a blur, and Daishi responded by reflex. Strike, dodge, parry. A reaction jet assisted jump to evade one blaster barrage, using an enemy unit as a shield against a missile barrage. Without any real idea of how he got there, Daishi soon found his hatav standing in a sea of shattered enemy machines, wielding the leg of an AT-ST (no doubt downed before he arrived) as a club. “WHO WANTS SOME!?!” Daishi yelled at the remaining enemy units, who were forming up elsewhere, as though to respond to another threat out to sea. The sea in the meantime rumbled with a sudden turbulence. Riding powerful repulsorlifts, a warship slowly rose from the depths. The sleek and awesome vessel turned its bow and the improbably huge gun barrel protruding from it towards the invaders. There was a single puff of smoke from the main gun, and it was over. One by one the armored attackers exploded, leaving little more than small fragments behind. “Whoa!” Daishi said. He’d heard estimations of the Munchion Cannon’s capabilities, but he had never imagined this. Tina’s face appeared before him. “I’m sorry we kept you waiting, Robert,” she said. “What do you mean?” Daishi asked. “It hasn’t been ten minutes yet, has it?” “I rushed the schedule for your sake,” she replied. “You were really amazing out there.” “Now hold on a second,” Daishi said. “I didn’t come here to fight, and I didn’t come here to save you or anything. I just came here to see you…” “ME! You came to see me!” Tina exclaimed. “That’s not what I said.” Daishi held up the picture he had found on the road. “I just saw this and I came to find…” “Oh, the picture!” Tina said. “You came all this way to bring it back to me? Oh you’re just too good for little old me!” “Will you stop that!” Daishi demanded. “I have a question to ask you and its important, so shut up!” “A question?” Tina asked with a puzzled look. Her look changed back to excited soon enough, however. “You mean THAT question? Oh, you’re rushing things now Robert!” “NO I’M NOT!” “Yes, of course,” Tina replied. “I know you didn’t mean it like that. First we’ll have to spend a lot of time together and…” “I WANT MY BATTLEMECH BACK FRYBOY!” The pilot interrupted. “WILL SOMEONE LISTEN TO ME!” Daishi demanded. “Oh, Robert,” Tina said, “I know exactly how you’re feeling right now…” “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! YOU’RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!” “Oh my dearest,” Tina said. “You drive me a little crazy too. It will be tough at first, but we can make things work…” On the Nergal’s bridge, Argon turned towards Tycho. “You knew this would happen, didn’t you? Hiring crew is your responsibility.” Tycho seemed to be doing his best to restrain a chuckle. “It makes the whole thing a bit more interesting, doesn’t it?” “I would have said warped.” ***** Epilogue: It only gets worse from here… “I close my eyes and I keep seeing things, rainbow waterfalls…” The song kept playing as the writer typed. He always preferred to write with background music. Of course right now he was at something of an impasse, he didn’t know where to take the story from here. There was a knock at his cabin door. “Come in,” he said. The man who entered his cabin stopped to look around the room with a disgusted look, and for the ten thousandth time, the writer decided that he needed to clean the place up at some point. Every surface was covered with empty pop cans, computer parts, cloths (dirty and otherwise) and books on subjects ranging from Immortal Warrior to quantum mechanics. “Can I help you?” the writer asked his visitor. The visitor nodded. He wore a well-tailored Italian suit (which should tell you something is wrong, I mean, just how did he get that anyway?) and carried a briefcase. “I’m here on behalf of Harmony Gold, to talk to you about this little story of yours.” “Harmony Gold?” the writer asked. “You mean Xebec, or maybe AD Vision?” “No, I mean Harmony Gold. We have the exclusive rights to the story that you are so blatantly copying and we are going to sue you for it.” “No you don’t,” the writer replied. “Harmony Gold has nothing to do with this. You’re just being a brat.” The lawyer looked like he was about to cry. “Shut up!” he said as he tried to hold back the sobs, “How dare you suggest that we don’t have ultimate power over all things related to giant robot anime! We are going to sue your ass off!” “Whatever, pal,” the writer said. “Just get out of my cabin.” “You’re mocking me!” the Lawyer exclaimed. “How dare you ignore us! YOU WILL BE CONSUMED BY OUR UNHOLY FIRE!” The writer blinked. “Okay, this is getting a little weird…” The door to the cabin opened again, and a slightly hyperactive girl came in, trying to hide a sword behind her back. I was going to do a watch your eye line gag here, but it just doesn’t work in this format, so lets just skip ahead. “Oh, a witness!” the girl said, “Excel cannot allow any witnesses to escape, it would be an incredible danger to the security of ACROSS!” she raised the sword. At this point I don’t think it would be proper to describe all the gory details of this encounter, so instead let us meditate on more beautiful things. “Come on! Die like a man!” Picture the beauty of a butterfly, how it looks like a little angel fluttering through the air. “Wow, you’re resilient! You can sure take a slashing!” Imagine the beauty of the meadow. A small white rabbit hops serenely across. “No please no! I’m too self important to die!” The majestic beauty of the Falcon as it glides through the blue sky. “That’s right, I’ll feed you your liver in the name of Ilpalatzo!” All those wonderful things that God, in his wisdom, put on this Earth. “Come off! Who knew that cartilage could be so tough?” Yes, all those wonderful things in that great tapestry of nature, but anyhow, lets get back to this story. The girl slipped out of the cabin, and marched down the corridor, content that her job on the Nergal was done. ***** TO BE CONTINUED! (whether you like it or not!) Next Episode: It’s just like that show…
 
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RA(U) Daishi COSOS
"If we had all knowladge then why would we seek what we already know and if we had no knowladge then how could we even ask the question?"  Plato
"Indeceant exposure is fun." Sonatina
"There are at least three sides to any situation." Me

Hmmm...I'm important...I like this :P. Very good story, Daishi. Nice touches of humor here and there enhanced it greatly. Please keep it up. If I can add to this in any way, please just tell me how.
 
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Corporal Tycho Celchu, Slicer
Dread Knights, Vast Empire's Stormtrooper Corps
Union Representative of the Dread Knights
CorranHorn99@aol.com
AIM: Tycho987
ICQ: 110585444

The last episode was Geist'sd work.  This one is all mine.  No one has e-mailed me with the list of refferences yet either. Episode 2: "It's just like that show..." Daishi was going through the ussual routine of how he shouldn't have done what he did but now that he'd have to stay on as a reserve pilot. "At least that way you'll get paid more."  Argon said as Daishi started looking around the hanger nervously. That's all you're going to do after he stole what should haver been my staring moment?"  Jerry shouted from his place in the hanger. "Look at what you did to my precious hatav."  Mr. Aniston shouted from across the hanger. ***At VEN headquarters on Lotaith*** "I understand your daughter is the captain of that ship."  Anakin said. "You realize Admiral Fury that we cannot allow civillians to retain controll of such a powerfull warship.  Of course if they made a request to join the VEN..."  Threeof4 said. "I understand.  Set course to intercept the Nergal."  Reil Fury replied as he began to think of what his brilliant and well endowed daughter must be doing at this moment. ***Outside Daishi's quarters*** Tina Fury was walking down the hallway in her ussual spastic self. "Robert.  Robert.  Robert."  Tina said outside Daishi's door each time more spastic then the last. "Allright, I'm coming just give me a second to..."  Daishi said as he exited the shower with nothing but a towel on and the door opened. "That's okay as captain of the Nergal I have a key to every room."  Tina said as both were sent into shock. ***A few moments later inside Daishi's cabin*** "Well at least I know you are a fully grown man so I'll forgive you this time."  Tina said as she poured herself a cup of green tea. "Forgive me?  You're the one that barged into my room Tina."  Daishi replied as he finished putting on his cook's uniform. "Oh that's wonderfull, you're still willing to call me Tina even though I'm your captain.  Don't you remember how you used to chase me around every where shouting 'Tina.  Tina.  Tina!'."  Tina said before Daishi could grumble and complain. "That's not how I remember it at all."  Daishi said as he reached off screen and pulled down a flash back of when the two first met. The scene was of Tina chasing Daishi across some field shouting 'Robert!  Robert!  Robert!' and then falling down and giving up the chase.  The flash back goes back off screen to reveal the two still inside Daishi's cabin. "Actually that's how I remember it."  Daishi continued. "You sure?  It really doesn't matter anyway.  I tried to contact you then when I heard about that horrible accident on your homeworld..."  Tina replied. "I don't believe you."  Daishi said dismissing Tina. "Wait, Robert.  Please stop."  Tina said chasing Daishi down the corridor. Daishi walked on to the galley ignoring Tina the whole way until she stopped at an alluminum can recycling bin. "Robert listen to me."  Tina said as she threw three cans at Daishi. "What did you do that for."  Daishi said angerly. "Because you were ignoring me."  Tina replied. "Allright I'll tell you what happened but first...  Empty cans..."  Robert said as he started putting cans back in the recycling bin. "Go in the recycling bin."  Tina finished the sentance and the crew in the immediate area all collapsed. Daishi stood in front of a display case of all available menu items right next to his favorite dish,  Gungan Chow Mein. Tina stood near the Fried Whawee Bowl, limited servings only. "My planet was attacked.  I think your father might now why.  If I find out you or your father had something to do with it I'll kill you both."  Daishi said with a rather serious tone. "You'd really kill me."  Tina said as the scene faded to black. Now on screne was a scene of Robert in a white suit on one knee holding Tina by one hand and resting her back against his only available knee.  Tina was wearing a red dress and netted stockings. "I'll kill you with love."  The imaginary Robert said. "Slay me.  Slay me."  The imaginary Tina replied. The scene faded back to the galley with Tina front and center. "This is just like one of those hard boiled detective holovids."  Tina said getting herself all worked up. "Robert Lee.  Fry cook.  I humbily submit my services."  Daishi could be heard reporting to the ship's cook, Deathwookie. "Captain could you please report to the bridge.  Mr. Celchu would like to make an announcement."  Melissa's evil clone said from her holographic projection. "I'll be right up."  Tina replied. ***On the bridge of the Nergal*** "The reason we have kept the Nergal's destination a secret up until this point is to distract those who would undermine our mission.  As part of Project Copyright infringement we will not be working with the VEN or VEA at all."  Tycho rambled over the comm. "Our destination is Varneck."  Admiral Setzer replied. "What, wouldn't this vessel be better used to defend the Vast Empire?"  Narm said from his position on the bridge. "We need to find out what happened to Varneck, all those people and resources."  Tycho replied. ***Back in the gally*** "Wow this is great.  I'm going to get to go home."  Daishi said as a fry pan bounced off his head. "[Get back to work.]"  Deathwookie growled from the kitchen. ***Back on the bridge*** "We have several new contacts entering the area."  Ruri announced from her post. "Oh my it's the Nemisis, Devastator, and the Atrus, that means..."  Tina said as she was cut off by the sudden appreance of her father's communique. "Tina my dear, have you lost weight?"  Riel Fury asked with the look on his face that could make even a Fallen Angel quessy. "It's my father.  What do you want now daddy?"  Tina replied monotinously. "You see Tina my dear your daddy has his orders, I don't like them but I have to carry them out.  I need you to bring the master key and come on over."  Riel Fury responded. "I think I'm going to be sick."  Argon said from his post still wearing the buisseness suit. "Key?  We don't have a master key.  Why should I surrender to you anyway, we got the munchion cannon?"  Tina replied. "Because I now have control of this ship."  Ferox said as he and dozens of stormtroopers entered the bridge. All the non-VE crewers were taken to the galley, except for Narm, Tina and Tycho.  Narm Tina and Tycho were taken down to the hanger bay where they boarded a shuttle bound for the Atrus. ***Aboard the Atrus's conference room*** Tina waited abourd the Atrus's conference room for Tycho to come back from his talks with the VEEC. "Have you grown?"  Riel Fury inquired with warmth and compassion. "It's only been two days since you saw me last."  Tina replied. "Still Tina dear you must be famished from all the excitement.  We have german choclate cake, double chocolate cake, cheese cake, and angel food cake.  Please try some."  Riel Fury said bubbling over with delight at seeing his daughter again. "Do yiou remeber Robert Lee.  He says that it wasn't an accident that happened to his world."  Tina replied. "The name doesn't ring a bell.  I thought it had been made quite clear that it was an accident, there must be some mistake."  Riel Fury replied. "I see."  Tina whispered from her seat. ***On board the Nergal in the galley*** "Who could have imagined our dreams of freedom and glory lasted less then a day."  Mr. Aniston said as he leaned up against a vending machine. "I was hoping to meet some dashing pilots and have some great adventures aboard this battleship.  Mr. Celchu probably can't help us too much.  He doesn't seem all that reliable."  Melissa's evil clone chatted with Stormtrooper1026. "You of all people should know not to judge a person by thier outer appearance."  Stormie replied. "Come on what's the matter with you people.  I got something that will chase all those blue feelings away."  The insane pilot said on the border of shouting. "[Hey, Daishi.  That crazy pilot says he's going to show us something.]"  Deathwookie said as Daishi was peelling  some potatoes. "Because I have nothing better to do I'm willing to help even you.  I've never tried hook something this archiac to a modern vidscreen before."  Mr. Aniston  said as he finished hooking a laser disc player to the galley vidscreen. "Now behold.  Switching unit on.  Inserting disk."  The crazy pilot said. Suddenly the screen was filled with the original opening sequence to "The Immortal Warrior". "Hey this isn't the opening I remember."  Daishi said from his front row seat. "That's right this opening was replaced by the now classic opening begining in episode four hundred.  Oh it's you."  The crazy pilot said. "Partical cannon.!"  The immortal warrior shouted. "Do they shout everything because they have voice activated weapons?"  Argon said puzzled at the spectacle he was forced to endure. "Don't you see the peotry involved.  It's about blood guts and glory.  A secret base overthrown, a goverment conspiracy, and don't you see how the survivors are going to rise up and make a better future for all mankind."  Jerry shouted in response. "Right."  Daishi said as he got up from his chair and grabbed a frying pan. Opening the door and knocking each of the guards on thier head with the frying pan before any could react, Daishi had incited the revolution. "I'm willing to fight for the ones I care about.  All the VE wants is to protect themselves.  They don't care about what happened to all the people on my homeworld or the people on the other lost colonies.  I'm going to take a hatav and get the captain back."  Daishi said as he took off toward the hanger with one of the stormtrooper's rifles. ***Back aboard the Atrus's conference room*** "I've discussed it at great lengths with the board of directors.  We have decided that the Nergal is still private property and we will not condon this act of piracy."  Tycho said as he entered the conferrence room. "I see."  Riel Fury replied. Riel Fury lead Narm and his staff up to the bridge. "We have an emmergance wave comming from behind us.  The Crocus and the Panzy are being forced into hyperspace."  A sensor operator on the Atrus interupted the Admiral's train of thought. "Allright Tina, I need the authorization codes to the Nergal.  What where did she and Tycho get to?"  Riel Fury asked shocked that somehow the two had gotten away. "Tina weren't you going to surrender the ship?"  Narm asked in shock on the bridge of the Atrus. "I'm sorry daddy but I only came to find out what you knew about what happened to Robert's home.  A captain never surrenders thier ship to someone that they know has lied to them.  You taught me that one daddy."  Tina replied from the shuttle. ***Back aboard the Nergal's main hanger*** "You'll have to set for a manual launch.  Just follow Ruri's directions."  Argon said from the hanger floor blasting away with an assault rifle in each hand still wearing the buisseness suit. "So a manual launch means he just runs out of the hanger bay?"  Melissa's evil clone said to Ruri. "Yes."  Ruri replied cracking a bit of a smile. "Did I just see you smile?"  Melissa's evil clone asked playfully. "Perhaps we are all idots."  Ruri replied. ***In the command information and control room of the Nergal*** A holographic transmition of Argon Viper popped up in front of Ferox and his staff. "Just surrender."  Argon Viper said gleefully. Suddenly the door opened and Deathwookie stepped in with a frying pan and the happiest expression possible for a wookie who used blood for pretty much every cosmetic purpose. The last image of Ferox to be transmitted was Ferox's face showing extreme fear just before it was violantly introduced to a frying pan.  In the galley one of the cute, bubbley, and innocent looking Deathwookie girls changed the display on the Fried Whawee Bowl to say 'now serving, and fresh!' A holographic projection of the captain appeared throughout the ship. "V!"  Tina said gleefully. "Huh, I was supposed to come get you, oh well."  Daishi said mostly to himself. "Oh Robert are you going to be my decoy again.  I'll board the Nergal while you draw thier fire."  Tina said as Daishi floated past the shuttle. "That hatav isn't configured for space borne battle."  Mr. Aniston's shouting finally broke through the commotion. "What?"  Daishi said as he tried to get his hatav to manuever in space. "Just switch it to zero g mode you moron."  Jerry said over the comm. "Oh like this?"  Daishi said as he pressed a few buttons and the hatav reconfigured itself into more of a fighter then a humanoid robot. "Yeah there you go."  Jerry replied. "Partical cannon!"  Daishi shouted as he started firing at the enemy warship in front of him. With the guns overheating Daishi dove right in and began fighting with the enemy warship hand to turret. "Ruri full systems analasys please."  Tina said in serious mode. A bunch of hologrphic displays popped up around the bridge with systems redouts except for the onf in the center, which had a yellow smiley face on it. "Stand by on munchion cannon."  Tina said. "Aye captain."  Ruri replied. "Fire the munchion cannon."  Tina ordered. Suddenly a small puff of smoke dissipated from the barrel of the cannon and a group of ninjas migrated in front of the partical absorbing it but making one heck of a mess. "Close to point blank range so no more ninjas can absorb the shot."  Tina ordered angrily. "Aye Ma'm."  Stormtrooper1026 replied. "Fire again."  Tina ordered with more effect this time. "What a nutbar.  What was she thing closing to point blank range?"  Daishi said from his hatav cockpit. ***On board the bridge of the Atrus*** "Admiral should we persue?"  A bridge offer inquired. "Persue?  What would be the point?  Give me a full report on this Robert Lee she mentioned."  Riel Fury replied. 'Tina what are you doing?'  Narm thought to himself. ***At the evil anime production studios*** *At the beginning of the scene Cannon in D minor can be heard but as the scene progresses it changes to Ride of the Valkeries then finally to the Imperial march "I'm finished Joana, see you same time tommorrow."  Why said as he headed home. Sitting down to work somemore on the production sketches Why turned up the background music. His door suddenly opened Why turned around to face the intruder. "I'm here on behalf of Lucasfilms Limited.  We're going to sue your ass just because we want to."  The lawyer said. Suddenlt a dark shadow crept over Why and all that could be seen now were two glowing eyes and the word meth at a fourty five degree angle about where the mouth should be. The lawyer threw down a smoke bomb and several ninjas appeared. The onlything other then the tourmented screams of his victims, the breaking and teaing of fleash and bone, and the sound of blood running like a water fall that could be heard was the lawyer shouting "He fights like a Goliath Scorpion."
 
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RA(U) Daishi COSOS
"If we had all knowladge then why would we seek what we already know and if we had no knowladge then how could we even ask the question?"  Plato
"Indeceant exposure is fun." Sonatina
"There are at least three sides to any situation." Me

It's the best casting we could come up with for the roles everyone is portraying. I can't help it if Riel was perfect for the role me and Geist agreed upon. You get to blame me solely for Stormie's role though(you'll understand in the christmas episode which will be my duty to write,though if we follow the rotation Geist will be responsible for the Immortal Warrior/New Years episode). Anyway it's all for the sake of having some fun even if we are violating copyrights and trademarks up the wazoo.
 
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RA(U) Daishi COSOS
"If we had all knowladge then why would we seek what we already know and if we had no knowladge then how could we even ask the question?"  Plato
"Indeceant exposure is fun." Sonatina
"There are at least three sides to any situation." Me

Anything Narm did involved swearing... -- The artist formerly known as Fish Surreptitious lurker

Can I have 'all of the above'?
 
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Ramon Stonefish

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Nobody expected sixteen-year-old Tina Fury to do well as the captain of the Nergal. However the captain and her rather eclectic crew have already overcome a takeover attempt by the Vast Empire. Now the high mobile warship is on its way to Varneck... VARNECK INHERITOR NERGAL Dubbed in English Episode 3: Kinda Sorta a Serious Thing To protect Erebria from the invaders beyond the rim, a series of defensive lines has been placed around the planet. The first defensive line, also known as the big barrier, is composed of fusion powered interdiction field generators, supported by a massive defensive shield system. Unfortunately, this field works both ways, and the Nergal will have to cross this obstacle in order to jump to lightspeed. I wouldn't want to die in a place like this... ***** "We cannot overlook the existence of the warship Nergal any longer," the head of the New Imperial fleet said. "The time for wars between our individual factions is long gone, and the Epsilon sector is united in our struggle against these mysterious attackers from beyond the rim." Senior officers from half a dozen imperial factions nodded in agreement. This was a major meeting between every power in the Epsilon Sector. "The crew of the Nergal, however, seems to think Varneck is more important," The chief commander continued, "How can we allow this... disloyalty... to go unpunished!" A number of officers nodded in agreement. A minor aid rose to her feet. "Forgive this interruption, chief commander, but we are receiving an emergency message." "Now what?" the chief commander asked impatiently. "Well sir..." the aid said with hesitation, "its the Nergal." A woman appeared on the massive holoprojector in the center of the room, clad in a thin, fairly short, bare shouldered dress. "HYEE!" Tina said cheerfully, "Happy New Year everybody!" "God she's hot!" A senior officer exclaimed, many others uttering similar statements. The chief commander just shook his head. Tina turned, as though talking to someone away from the holoprojector. "Don't worry, Kevin, just let me charm them all." "Can we get on with this," the chief commander demanded irritably. "Yes, of course," Tina said. "The fact is that the Nergal will reach the big barrier in about three hours, but, unless you shut down your shield emitters to let us pass, we're going to have to destroy some of them." Her matter of fact tone didn't seem to win her any points with the chief commander. "So would you be nice and shut the emitters down, pretty please?" "You want us to disable the big barrier?" the chief commander asked incredulously. "Are you insane? Forget it!" Tina giggled to herself. "Okay, we'll just do this the hard way then." "That was the last straw!" the chief commander yelled. "If you cross the barrier, you will all be outlaws!" A look of mock surprise appeared on Tina's face. "Is that so?" The smile returned. "I guess we'll have to live with it." The transmission cut off, and the chief commander visibly composed himself after such a display of insolence. "This is no longer a time for debate, this is a time for action!" he said to the assembled officers. "To maintain order, we must destroy the Nergal!" An officer from the VE fleet stood up. "But if we destroy it, we will lose the most advanced weapon we have," he said. "Over seventy percent of the Nergal's crew are affiliated with the VE, and currently the VE is bearing the brunt of the fighting. I wonder about you're willingness to let our forces do all the bleeding, and now it looks as though you are looking to destroy our best weapon." The officer turned to the man sitting next to him. "Admiral Fury, do you have any thoughts as to how to bring this to a peaceful conclusion?" Riel Fury stood up. "While Tina is my daughter," he said, "I'm taken aback by her boldness." He chuckled. "And by the way she filled out that dress." Most of the VE personnel present seemed pretty embarrassed by their admiral's words, though a few seemed to agree. In any case, the opinions of the VE officers were in the minority, and it was decided that the Nergal had to die. ***** "Midlevel punch!" a cartoon warrior on the vidscreen yelled as his giant robot threw a punch against his opponent. A burst from the enemy's autocannon tore into the arm, blowing the machine's hand clean off. "But my mech has ferro fiberous armor!" the hero (if you want to think of him as such) protested, appalled at the damage his opponent's heavy guns were capable of dealing. "That was very amusing, Federat," the evil (for indeed he was) enemy said. "NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!" Before the cartoon could continue any more, the picture briefly cut out as an explosion shook the Nergal. "Not again!" Jerrard Cranston (or Galen Cox if you prefer the boring name his mother happened to give him) complained. "Yeah, and just when it was getting interesting too," Daishi said. "Why doesn't Tina do something about those clowns?" he asked. Warheads launched from orbiting defense platforms had been striking the ship almost constantly ever since they had made it out of Erebria's atmosphere. Jerrard (Galen) was busy straightening an Immortal Warrior poster that had been knocked askance by the impact. The two had ended up assigned the same quarters because of their mutual status as pilots. "There's not much she can do," he said. "Our retarded wave compression field was designed as a countermeasure to the invader's energy beams and projectiles. This means, grasshopper, that its use against regular weapons is marginally compromised." Marginally was right. The Nergal had already absorbed enough hits to leave a star destroyer burning in space, and aside from occasional interference as the field automatically adjusted itself to compensate, had suffered no adverse effects. "So why don't you go fight them with your hatav?" Daishi asked as he switched Immortal Warrior back on. "You still don't get the big picture, do you kid?" Jerrard asked. "Robots aren't for fighting missiles, they're for fighting other robots. But wait till we get further out, that's when the real fun begins!" He struck up a dramatic pose. "Oh yeah baby! We'll be kicking invader butt galore once we get past the third defensive line!" "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled the villain in the cartoon. "And this time no cook is going to upstage me!" Jerrard pronounced. Daishi shrugged. "Whatever floats your airspeeder, pal." Jerrard blinked once or twice. "Yeah..." he said hesitantly, not sure what Daishi's semi-archaic expression was supposed to mean. "I'll make sure that the Nergal gets through no matter what the cost might be, and you better not get in my way fryboy," he switched off the player, "or I won't show you the next episode." "What?" Daishi asked in surprise. "Wasn't episode six hundred and thirty seven the last episode?" "No," Jerrard replied with a superior tone, "they changed the timeslot and did another whole season after that, dork." The last he added to show that he wasn't a slouch himself at archaic expressions. Daishi got on his knees in supplication. "Oh I've got to see them, pretty please!" The other pilot smirked. "Alright then! But first promise that you'll stop stealing my spotlight!" ***** "As you know," Argon said to the command staff, assembled before the main holoprojector, "Erebria is surrounded by seven separate lines of defense. We will have to defeat each of these barriers to get out of the system." "Well we've already escaped the atmospheric defenses," Tycho said, "and our reports say that most of their ships in system are engaged with multiple skirmishes with the invaders. The current missile attacks are a part of the fourth line." Three more warheads slammed into the Nergal's retarded wave compression field, sending a minor shudder through the ship. "This is so tedious," Aku said. "Can't we just jump to lightspeed?" "Sorry," Stormtrooper 1026 said, "it's not that easy I'm afraid." Ruri took over the explanation. "Erebria is surrounded by a series of gravity well projectors that prevent a ship from passing through local space at lightspeed, which means we have to be much further away then normal in order to make a jump. Even if we could go to lightspeed now, these projectors are combined with an enormous network of shield emitters that project a shield that would essentially smash us to atoms if we crashed into it at lightspeed. As a result we will have to destroy enough of the shield emitters to give us room to pass." Tina continued, still wearing the short dress. "But before we can even get to that point, we have to get past the third and second defensive lines. Now in theory, our shields should be able to take everything the VE can throw at them..." A fairly large warhead detonation shook the ship, and Tina lost her balance on the spiked heels she wore, falling to the ground. "But they do seem to be weakening," Argon said as his captain yelped in pain. With Tina sprawled out on the deck, the short dress she wore did very little to cover her lower half. Kevin cleared his throat. "Perhaps you should change now, captain," he suggested. "Oh yeah," Tina replied, getting back to her feet, "good idea, but before that..." Tina left the bridge and headed out, a woman on a mission. She stopped in front of the door to Daishi's cabin as a small herd of ninja crept by. "My relationship with Robert has been on rather unsteady ground," she said to herself, paying the black clad urban game animals no heed. "However..." She opened the door, heedless of the lesson learned the last time she had just barged in. "ROOOOBEEEERT," she called sweetly. "KAI!" a voice yelled from within. "Huh?" Tina said to herself. The voice she heard didn't sound all that familiar. She entered the room... ...and found Daishi and the other pilot, Cox (or Cranston), sitting on the floor sobbing together. "What on earth are you doing in here?" she asked, puzzled. "That poor Kai!" Daishi cried, "He sacrificed himself, oh the humanity!" "You see it," the other pilot said with tears in his eyes, "You see it, don't you? You understand!" Tina looked at the cartoon that was playing on the vidscreen. "Thanks to the sacrifices of Kai Allard Liao," the announcer for the cartoon said, "Katherine Steiner has been driven back, but now, the tenth Lyran guards are missing a pilot!" "KAI!" a fairly short character cried again. "This is the way a man should go, man," the pilot said, still sobbing, "dying in battle for the sake of friends!" "Oh thank you, thank you for showing me the light!" Daishi replied. Tina sighed. "How can he pick that over me dressed like this?" ***** “How long are you going to keep us locked up like this?” a prisoner, one of the VE officers that had tried to mutiny with Ferrox, demanded. “This treatment is clearly a violation of all international prisoner of war conventions…” “If you don’t stop yapping about your rights,” Mr. Aniston said, “I’m going to have the Deathwookiee put you on the menu, so shut up and behave soldier boy.” He left the storeroom where it had been decided to keep the prisoners and shut the door behind him. “Well?” the officer asked another prisoner, who was hard at work on the bindings around his wrists. “Almost too easy,” the prisoner said, holding up his freed hands and the shard of durasteel he had used to sever his bonds. “I can’t believe they used rope in this day and age. What a bunch of amateurs.” “I’m really not in the mood to go on the Nergal’s little pleasure cruise to Varneck,” the officer said. “We’ll escape when the fighting breaks out.” ***** High above, on an orbital platform, another member of the Nergal's crew (or perhaps former member?) lamented his fate. "You must listen to me Narm," Admiral Riel Fury demanded over a comlink to the station's medical center. "You are a junior officer with a career in front of you..." "But I'm sworn to stop the Nergal at any cost, sir," Narm replied. Tina and Tycho had left him behind, having most likely just forgotten about him. This, combined with the way Tina seemed to... adore... Daishi, had been too much for him to forgive. "But to receive nanomachine treatment..." Riel Fury said with revulsion. The VEEC's direct neural interface was an incredible piece of technology, but at the same time it was an incredibly painful procedure. "He's right," the medic holding the nanoinjector said, "there's no reason for you to have this done." "It's of minor consequence, admiral," Narm replied. "The nanomachines will give me the edge I need to defeat the Nergal," and kill Daishi, he didn't add. "I've completely given up on Tina," Riel Fury said, "so please don't go!" Narm growled in anger. "Gimmie that!" he yelled at the medic, snatching the nanoinjector out of his hand. He jammed the injector into his arm and squeezed the trigger. Pain, unspeakable pain, ripped through his body as the nanomachines took up root in his central nervous system. Every part of his body writhed in agony, every neuron felt as though it were bathed in acid. Narm could feel the darkness clawing at his vision, but he knew he couldn't black out. The recipient had to remain conscious for the length of the procedure, or the nanomachines could not attune to him properly, and the direct neural interface would not work. Ironically enough, they could attune just fine to someone in REM sleep without the pain, but with the Nergal barely ten minutes out, he didn't have that kind of time. Narm almost didn't make it. The pain was unbearable, but he knew he had to get through this. He closed his eyes and focused on the only thing that really mattered to him anymore. Tina's smiling face. "Tina!" Narm gasped while on his hand a silvery design, the VEEC logo, began to materialize. The tattoo solidified, and the ordeal was over. Narm wasted a precious moment just laying there, catching his breath after such an ordeal. He wanted to lay there for the next few days, but he knew he didn't have time. He staggered to his feet. "Make sure the squadron is ready," he said to another officer present in the room. "We launch immediately." ***** "Alright now!" Jerrard yelled as he brought his hatav to full power and started it walking to the launch bay. "Get out of my way. Move it." In the background he could here Mr. Aniston trying to tell him something, but he ignored it. "Stand aside people, I take large steps. Jerrard Cranston, ace pilot, is ready to launch." "Hey," Aniston protested, "what happened to Daishi?" "Daishi?" Jerrard replied innocently, "he's in his room, crying like a baby. Oh well, more for me." "No I'm not," Daishi said from the catwalk. Jerry's hatav turned to give Daishi an accusing look. "We had a deal, fryboy!" Daishi shrugged. "I'm just a backup, remember? You get first crack." Ruri's voice came over the comm. "Nine TIE advanced are approaching from thirty degrees to port, as in left. Elevation is plus six degrees, distance is ten thousand meters, speed is eighty five MGLT." "That's my cue!" Jerrard cried out gleefully. "Hatav launching!" The war machine shot down the magnetic catapult and plunged into space. "Did he remember to take a weapon with him?" one of the engineers asked another. ***** In the cockpit of the lead TIE advanced, Narm sighed. "Here we go." His control stick stood inert and untouched before him. The direct neural interface allowed him to control his craft with a thought, improving his reaction speed dramatically. "Squadron, ATTACK!" **** "Ah, and here come the bad guys," Jerry said excitedly as he accelerated his hatav towards the TIE advanced squadron, "all of them in one big stinking pile!" Each TIE advanced seemed to be carrying a large number of external pods just under their solar panels. Jerry couldn't begin to puzzle out just what those were supposed to be, and he didn't really care. "Oh yeah, at long last I can show you how a real hero fights!" The external pods on the TIE advanceds started detaching and accelerating towards the Nergal. "You idiot!" Aniston yelled over Jerry's comm, "Those are warhead modules!" "Hey," Jerry said, "relax pall." The pods split open, each one revealing half a dozen proton torpedoes. Jerry soon found himself confronted by a swarm of over two hundred warheads. Fortunately (at least for him) they weren't targeting him. The weapons flew past, on their way to the Nergal. With their weapons launched, the TIE advanced squadron turned to face the lone hatav. "Okay, here they come!" Jerry yelled, then opened a comlink to the Nergal's launch bay. "Okay Aniston! Drop off the space mech external weapons module." A moment passed, and there was no answer. "Drop off the space mech external weapons module please!" "You can ask all you want," Aniston replied, "but this ship doesn't stock any of these battle-techy things." "Umm, maybe he means the heavy rifle for unit one?" a junior tech suggested. "Yeah," Jerry said enthusiastically, "that's it!" Aniston growled. "All right, here it comes," he said. "Just make sure you catch it." A relatively small object shot out of the Nergal's hangar bay, speeding towards Jerry's hatav. "This is great!" Jerry said to himself. One can almost see the crayon drawings as he thought about his plan. "I'll rush down below them and lure them in. The enemy thinks I don't have any weapons, but then I'll grab the launched external weapons module in mid air! I'll crush them all in one sweep! I'll call this plan Operation Killing Stroke!" The TIE advanceds continued their approach as Jerry ran down his rifle. Jerry's threat display lit up as the enemy started firing, but the gun was almost in reach. "Time to rock and roll!" Jerry yelled. "Lets go! KILLING STRO..." Laser cannon blasts tore into the rifle, blasting it to pieces. Tina's face appeared in Jerry's cockpit as she opened a communication link. "Hi!" she said, inconceivably cheerful. "Did the plan not work out exactly right?" Jerry waived off any concerns that Tina should have had. "Ain't no thing. MIND OVER MATTER!" The hatav turned to chase down the nearest enemy TIE, flying a dizzying array of evasive maneuvers as he danced out of the way of numerous laser blasts. As he closed in, he stretched out one of the hatav's hands. "JERRY SUPER WING RAKE!" he yelled as the machine's battle fist tore into the starboard solar panel. The fighter spun away out of control as the panel tore free. "This will do just fine." Jerry said, not really noticing the other eight fighters closing in on him. ***** "Mr. Cox is completely surrounded," Ruri reported to the rest of the bridge crew. Argon sipped his iced tea and turned to the holographic image of Daishi. "Its up to you now, Dai," he said. "Some hero," Daishi said as he readied his hatav for combat, "first he breaks his leg and now this." "Warheads now impacting," Ruri reported. The Nergal began to shake violently as dozens of proton torpedoes struck the retarded wave compression field. True to design, the field succeeded in shielding the Nergal from the vast majority of the hellish energies expended against it, collapsing quantum waveforms in such a way as to negate the effects (or something like that). This did nothing to prevent one serious consequence of the barrage, however. "DAMN YOU ARGON VIPER!" a now very drenched and very female helmsman (or woman) yelled. Argon's iced tea glass rolled around on the floor. "Umm... sorry Stormie," Argon said, "It was an accident." Argon had nearly lost his balance when the last warhead had hit, and had tossed his drink aside in order to grab a handhold. It wasn't his fault that the tea in the glass had ended up on Stormtrooper 1026. "H..h...how did you do that?" Aku asked, stunned that the person sitting next to her was suddenly a woman and a good deal better endowed than she was. "I don't want to talk about it," Stormie responded sullenly. She had hoped that she could keep this little secret quiet, but thanks to Argon's clumsiness that hope had gone right out the window. "Hmm..." Tycho said, more or less to himself, "If we could unlock the secrets of this procedure we could make a bundle on..." "That will be enough!" Tina declared in a surprisingly firm and commanding voice. "If you hadn't noticed, we are being attacked right now. Mind your duties. We can worry about the helmswoman's cross dressing later." "CROSSDRESSING?" Stormie hollered in protest. "I SAID MIND YOUR DUTIES!" Tina hollered in reply. Everyone, even Stormie, returned to their duties. Suddenly, a massive holographic image of Narm's helmet clad head appeared before the bridge crew. "Tina," he said, "this is your last chance. Return the Nergal to Erebria." "Its Narm!" Tina said with surprise. "How can he be accessing our holographic com system?" Stormie asked, momentarily forgetting her other problems. "He still has his communicator," Aku said. Argon looked at the holoimage, then frowned. "You're violating the terms of our contract," he said menacingly. "Tina, I'll stop you with force if I have to," Narm said. "If you don't turn around, the second defensive line will be focused on the Nergal." Though his pilot helmet hid his face, the growing desperation in his voice was evident. "Please! I don't want to fight you!" Tina sighed. "I'm sorry Narm, but I can't turn back now." "But why? Why must you do this Tina?" "I'm doing this because it's my job," Tina said. "I'm not just my father's daughter, Narm. I'm a captain in my own right. This is the only place where I can be myself. The real me." Argon blinked. "What does being yourself have to do with any of this?" he muttered under his breath. There were times when he thought that their captain was completely clueless. Narm growled. "You mean... because of him!" "Huh?" Tina asked, confused. "Pilot Daishi's hatav is now launching," Ruri reported. "Alright then!" Narm said. "That's that! We'll begin by destroying that hatav!" Tina glanced at Ruri, seeking an explanation. "The enemy fighters have pinned Mr. Cox's hatav with their tractor beams," the girl explained. "He has been rendered essentially immobile." Ruri punched a few buttons on her consol and a holographic image of the situation appeared. Six of the surviving TIE advanced had locked their tractor beams on Jerry's hatav, the pull of each carefully balanced, pining him in one location. It was an amazing feat of starfighter piloting to pull off, but somewhat worthless in normal combat. It was, however, perfect for this sort of an execution. The bridge crew watched as Narm brought his TIE to a halt and carefully lined up on the helpless hatav. "STOP IT!" another voice yelled. Waves of small concussion missiles and barrages from a heavy laser cannon ripped into the TIE advanceds, smashing two of them. With the careful balance of the tractor beams now literally shot to hell, Jerry's hatav slipped out of the net. Tina was the first one to realize what had happened. "Robert!" ***** "What are you doing!" Daishi transmitted to Narm's TIE. "We're your goddamned friends!" "You're not my friend!" Narm shouted defiantly as he brou