This is Ronoc reporting to the Imperial Naval Academy for training to become a a vital gear in the machine that is the Vast Empire. I await appointment of a TO and instruction in proper procedure to become accustomed to Naval life. Thank you for your time in this matter.

Good morning, sir. I'm sorry if I gave the idea that I know more thar I actually do. But ad I have learned, never give "I don't know" as an answer so this is my answer until I am corrected. Base knowledge, mind you. Naval High Command and Starfighter Corps. Only Starfighter Corps takes trainee's. So just Starfighter Command. Sir.....

Welcome to the Vast Empire Naval Academy, Crewman Ronoc.

My name is Warrant Officer 2nd Class Wyl Trykon, and I'll be your Training Officer (TO) while you go through the Academy's Orientation program.  I'll be around to help get you acclimated to life in the Vast Empire (a process we call, "Basic Training"), the most important part of which is learning how to role-play as an Imperial character (a starfighter pilot or junior officer aboard a capital ship) in an ongoing, collaboratively-written story.  If you choose to serve in the Starfighter Corps, these skills will be taught in a program we call, "Flight School," and if you choose to serve in Fleet Command as a junior bridge officer aboard a capital ship, you'll learn these skills in a program called, "Command School."  Those are the two branches to which Dunny referred, Fleet Command (which just means folks who serve on capital ships) and the Starfighter Corps (which just means folks who serve in starfighters). 

But with all that said, Training is fairly straightforward, and very quick.  Heck, with your first post here on the Naval Academy board, you've already completed Imperial Initiation, (well done) and are hereby clear to choose a training School, which will prepare you for daily life as a pilot in a VE squadron or on a ship.  One tip, though: "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable answer to a direct question, if it's the truth.  Never be afraid to ask me for clarification, or to offer suggestions, okay?

Your next step should be to visit the VE Wiki page for Basic Training, found here, and read through the information provided.  Choose a School (Flight School if you want to pilot a starfighter, or Command School if you want to serve on the bridge of a capital ship), and begin working on Chapter 1: Character Development by clicking the appropriate link.  When you finish the assignment, post your work here (bio and ID line), so I can review it, and we'll proceed from there.  Please note: here in the VE, we write stories in the third person, past tense; you should too.

If you need further guidance, please send a Private Message with your questions to "Trykon" here on the ComNet, or go to the Naval Academy channel on IRC, which is #VENA, and make an inquiry of any staff member.  Good luck with your training, Crewman, and again, welcome to the Vast Empire.

Sincerely,

WO2 Wyl Trykon, your TO

Useful Links:
  •  An overview of what exactly we do here in the VEN
  •  The Vast Empire Naval Academy wiki page
  •  The wiki page for Basic Training
  •  Flight School: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3
  •  Command School: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3
  •  How-to-create-a-wiki-page Tutorial
  •  Java-based IRC chat

Nice meeting you, sir. I will get right to work and not waste any time. I will be sure to defer to you on matters I may not be well versed in or are just plain confusef about. Thank you very much, TO Trykon.

Any better?

http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/Ronoc
Sir. I'm quite proud of myself on that actually.

Thereee we go.

Ohhh yes yes yes yes. Sorry. I guess I keep overlooking some things...important things. Haha. I'll rectify that.

Last minute critique?

Once it is as it should be basically, then personalize it. And I put very brief because....I'm a trainee. Haha

With Ronoc seated at his Communications Post, the simulation started up. His fingers trembled as he brought them down to begin work.

Executive Officer - "Communications! Send word to the vessels to surrender peacefully and be searched or be destroyed under Imperial Law declaring this area off-limits!"

Communications Coordinator (Internal) - "Aye aye, Captain! You heard the Captain, now dictate it."

Communications Coordinator (External) - "Convoy entering the Alderaan System, you are in violation of Imperial Law. Cease all action and allow Imperial Boarding parties to search your ships so you may be declared innocent. Will you comply?"


Ronoc typed this word for word and sent it out on a general signal so that all vessels would receive it. He knew the history of this simulation and hoped it had a diverse system of responses. He had a habit of being cruel, but these people...pilgrims....didn't have to die. Not then, and not now.

Communications Mate - "No response, sir. Course of action?"

Communications Coordinator (External) - "We will send the message two more times, any violent action from them and I will inform my superiors. They will decide the best course of action."

This was playing out as the gunners had hoped, Ronoc had assumed. They were going to get to practice. These people weren't going to be reasoned with. He knew that.


Convoy - "This is the Veroclaw, flagship of this convoy. We are carrying innocent men, women and children on a peaceful mission to the remains of Alderaan. However, we will not be boarded. Proceed as you will, but we will defend ourselves."

Communications Mate - "You heard them, sir. Response?"

Communications Coordinator (Internal) - "Inform them that we will offer them one more chance to surrender, or we will render their ships inoperable then board them and they will be held as prisoners of the Galactic Empire."

Communications Mate - "Aye Aye, sir."

Please...please accept it. If you truly are civilians you have no reason not to be searched. Please.....

The ship shook ever so slightly. It could only be felt if you were trying to feel it.

Second Officer - "Captain, we have been fired upon by the convoy. One ship only, the Justic, as I am informed.

Captain - "Tell the Chief Pilot to maneuver our full might towards the convoy. The commander of our security detail should also prepare for boarding. How are our shields?"

Shield Technician - [i]"Sir, shields are at full capacity. These weapons are primitive compared to ours and are not any threat."

Captain - "Inform me of any changes. Chief Gunner, fire close to the convoy, but do not hit any under any circumstances. I want our star fighter complement to be on alert and be ready in case the convoy has fighter support."

Executive Officer - "As you wish, sir"

I knew it....I knew the Captain had common sense. This will blow over really quick. The trouble makers will be dealt with, and all of this will be resolved.

Veroclaw - "Cease fire! We have children on board!"

Communications Officer (Internal) - "They are just ion blasts, Ronoc. Don't worry."

He could hear the turbolasers firing. Pointless firing, but the gunners enjoyed it nonetheless.

Second Officer - "Sir, the Veroclaw is in tractor beam range. Should we capture her?"

Captain - "This was my intention. Have the boarding party in the hanger ready to execute their orders. I want them alive."

I could hear him say "alive" with such strength. He wanted this over as much as we did. The Marines do their job well, they always do. This time will be no different.

Chief Sensor Technician - "Captain, reports read no life forms on two of those ships."

Captain - "How is the Justic doing?"

Second Officer - "Still firing, sir."

Captain - "Tell the Chief Gunner to destroy one of those ships. Largest weapon we have too. Maybe we can stop them."

Second Officer - "Yes, sir."

Security Detail Commander - "Sir, we have captured the Captain of the Veroclaw, what should we do with him?"

Captain - "Hold him in the brig. Communications, send them a message that we will execute their captain if they do not cease fire."

Ronoc - "I heard him, sir. I will send the message immediately. Sir....they won't actually execute him, will they?"

Communications Officer (Interior) - "No, he is too valuable. If he is indeed behind this treachery, he will be sent for trial"

Ronoc's fingers loosened. He felt calmer for some reason. He realized why....the firing stopped.

Second Officer - "The Justic has ceased fire, sir. Orders?"

Captain - "Send out a message, all ships are now under the authority of the Imperial Navy. Any attempts to circumvent this will be dealt with swiftly. Imperial personnel will board their ships and we will remain with them until they are escorted to the nearest outpost for processing."

Ronoc did exactly that. With all said and done, he felt it had been a pretty easy situation resolved.

(Word Count: 840. Comments: I felt that this wasn't that bad....not too technical or long but you can follow. First attempt on a "story" so not my worst.)

Good work posting, but yeah - it should go in the thread with the other responses to the story prompt to be "official."

Since it isn't official just yet, though, I'd like to take this opportunity to offer some suggestions for improvement, and suggest you revise a bit before posting to the story for evaluation.

You're quite right that is wasn't overly long, and it was certainly easy to follow... but I can't help but feel that it wasn't particularly dramatic, either.  The scenario is fraught with possibilities for conflict, and conflict is absolutely essential to fiction-writing, but with your post as written, none of those possibilities are used...  There wasn't much conflict of note.

In your post, one ship fires on the Star Destroyer, but it isn't a threat all by itself, so the reader isn't excited.  We know the Imperials will be okay, so there's no tension there, and the other Alderaanian ships, with the civilians on board, decide not to attack, so we're not worried about them, either.  Who are we meant to care about?

In the very brief tutorial about writing posts, two major points are made:
1.  Every post must have a reason for being written.
2.  Every post should (generally speaking) have a beginning, middle and end.

Keep these points in mind as you reread and possibly rework your post.

For example:
1.  If everything ends happily, with very little effort on the part of your character, why do we need to read about it?  In other words, why are you writing the post/why should the reader care about what you write?  Use the conflict inherent in the scenario... Maybe the "rebel" ships attack all at once, and your character desperately tries to talk them out of their suicidal maneuvers, as his ship is actually damaged after being caught unawares?  Perhaps the Alderaanians lie to you over the channel, to buy time for them to set up an offensive move, or a retreat?  Maybe one particular freighter's captain decides to ram the Imperial vessel in a rage, but his horrified wife is on the comm pleading with you to save her and her children?  My point is, there are plenty of reasons we (the readers) might care about this scenario, as told from the perspective of a communications mate, but I don't really see one so far.
2.  Structurally, the beginning/middle/end idea may help with this.  The post is short, but doesn't really have all three "beats" of a story.  There's almost no introduction to speak of (the simulation just sort of starts, without any insight into your character's thoughts or feelings), and the post also just sort of ends, with no real resolution.  That leaves only a "middle" without a beginning or end, so the reader can't really "get into" the story, or reflect on the events afterwards.

So, okay, that's a lot of critique, right?  Try to read all of this as helpful suggestions, rather than some sort of chastisement, Ronoc.  You are doing really well, and I'm very impressed by you.    In your OOC note at the end, you say this was your first real story and that you're proud of it; you absolutely SHOULD be proud of it, and there's a lot to admire about your post so far.    I just thought, since it hadn't been "officially" posted yet, we could take a moment for some (hopefully-constructive) feedback, which you could consider before posting to the story itself.  I tend to ramble, but hopefully I've done so helpfully, in this case.

-Trick

I am very impressed, Ronoc.  Your efforts during training have been consistently very good just to begin with, and you've then made them better afterwards, in accordance with the standards of the VE.  Great job.  For the story post, the changes are right on, in terms of establishing point of view for your character and the other Imperials, and hooking your readers with a dramatic situation: well done indeed.  You pass Chapter 2, naturally, and are hereby clear to move on to the final Chapter.  Send a report to Atrasin and send me a copy as well, so we know you know how, and then post a copy of the report here for reference, and you'll have completed Command School and be ready for placement aboard a ship.

-WO2 Trykon