OOC:

PVT Zeshuan
Vehicle Crewman
Level 1: Basic Operations
story 1:Vehicle Operator

Zeshaun got up from his bunk and looked over at his pearly white stormtrooper armor sitting at the foot of his bed. He was so proud that he made it through basic training. Although it was a small step it was a step toward repaying his life debt. Zeshaun got dressed in the uniform that was supplied. He was disappointed that he was specifically instructed to not wear his armor. Zeshaun made it to class with 10 minutes to spare. He took a seat in the back and watched his classmates as they filed in. He noticed that he was one of the few non-humans in the room. There was a low hum of conversations but all conversations stopped when a woman in a black officer's uniform stepped into the room. The women stepped into the middle of the room.

"Attention, just because you passed basic training doesn’t mean you are troopers yet. You must prove yourselves useful." The women started to pace back and forth between the rows of seats.

"I am Cpl. Creight. I know you are the smart group, vehicle pilots are one of the most important jobs in the Empire." She pointed a remote at the holoprojector in the room.

A hologram of an AT-ST rose. "You will all start by completing the mission provided to you in an AT-ST. The simulator room is across the hallway." Cpl. Creight smiled. "Let’s move". The class filed out of the room.

    Zeshaun was assigned to a simulation pod right next to Cpl. Creight. Zeshaun put on the helmet provided and started up the engine. Cpl. Creight’s voice came in over the comm.

"I will be observing you through links in your helmet, when and if you get destroyed your simulator pod will open up and you will wait for everyone else to finish. Good luck."

With that the screen brightened and he saw his surroundings. He was in a large forest, a variety of vehicles and squads around. A clear voice came over the intercomm,

"Learn your way around the controls don’t be afraid to try things out, you have reinforced shields so you could take a broad side from and intredictor cruiser and you wouldn’t be blown to pieces."

Zeshaun looked down at the controls; there were so many buttons and levers he didn’t know where to start. Zeshaun grabbed the big joystick that seemed to be how to move and pushed it forward. The AT-ST lurched forward. Zeshaun let out a sigh and wiped sweat from his forehead.

"At least I’m not a sitting duck anymore." Zeshaun had some previous experience with speeders and frigates but not much with ground transports.

Luckily he has used some things like it. Zeshaun moved the AT-ST toward a group of rebels he saw taking cover behind a log. He started to press a sequence of buttons that should have brought up the targeting screen, nothing happened. The rebels noticed the large vehicle and revealed an E-web mounted blaster. Zeshaun felt a wave of fear come over him. He started pressing buttons randomly trying as hard as he could to get the weapons to come up. After pushing almost every single button in front of Zeshaun the target system came up. Zeshaun sprayed the whole area with laser fire and hoped to hit his targets. When the smoke cleared he saw the E-web was melted and charred bodies were scattered. Zeshaun calmed down and started moving again. He was rocked sideways when a large impact hit his shields from his left. Zeshaun turned his AT-ST toward the origin of the explosion. He saw a rebel soldier reloading a large rocket launcher, Zeshaun repressed the feeling of butterflies in his stomach and quickly targeted the area of the soldier. He rapidly pressed down the trigger hoping the lasers reached before the man could launch his rocket. They burned a crater into the ground where the soldier stood. When Zeshaun turned to head back toward the main battle he felt another rock from behind him this time. He quickly turned and saw a whole group of rocket launcher holding soldiers. Zeshaun knew he was done but he held down the trigger and pointed toward the soldiers. He saw at least 3 of the rockets launch, They smashed onto the shield enveloping him in a cloud of dust. Zeshaun out of pure fear started to charge forward, a leg caught on a fallen tree and Zeshaun felt the machine jolt forward. He fell and the screen went blank.

    The pod ceiling opened up and the bright light made Zeshaun flinch. He stepped out and stretched his legs. From the start Zeshaun was afraid he would be the first one out but it seemed he was in the later half. Students were already getting together and talking about what happened in their simulation. Zeshaun slowly made his way over to a group of 1 male and 2 females.

"Did any of you face 6 rocket launchers?" Zeshaun tried to break the ice with things from the simulation.

The 3 people looked Zeshaun up and down; they all seemed pretty surprised to see a non-human in their class. The male seemed to recover the fastest.

"No, but I faced another AT-ST, it was a pain to take it out but then a whole platoon of soldiers arrived and I was taken out by them."

"Wow" Zeshaun knew that look that he got from them.

They didn’t accept that the Empire has started reaching out toward the alien species. He went and sat down on a bench and dozed off as he waited for the rest of the class to finish. He awoke to a sharp pain on his cheek. When he opened his eyes he realized Cpl. Creight was hitting him. He started to shield himself but then the hitting stopped. "That will teach anyone to doze off in my class." Cpl. Creight walked off and went to the front of the room. Zeshaun was so embarrassed that he couldn’t look up to see what was going on. He felt like he could die, he just lessened his chances of becoming a part of the Empire. If he fails he will not know another way to pay off his life debt. "After watching al of your simulations I see that most of you need help with moving your vehicle. Since that’s the case next class will be all about moving your vehicle over all terrain’s and under all conditions." When Zeshaun heard that his spirit rose slightly. He was actually good at that kind of thing. He would have to prove himself next class.

COMMENTS: I like it...just be careful of the terms you are using. Ex: Women --> woman (there is more than that instance). Good Work!

OOC:

PFC Zeshaun
Vehicle Crewman
Lvel 3 Laser/Blaster Gunnery
Part 1 of 4: AT-AT

Zeshaun walked down a hall filled with bustling new stormtroopers like himself. 349, 350, 351 ... ah 352. Zeshaun looked down at his datapad to check to see if he got the right room then entered. The door made a hissing noise as it slid open and everyone turned toward Zeshaun as he entered the room.

The student in this room seemed to be less green than in his previous class and Zeshaun would bet money that he was the newest one here.  As he walked toward the back of the room to find a seat he swept the room with his eyes. Zeshaun's eyes suddenly fell on a familiar face.

Jenna was sitting near the back by herself looking rather uncomfortable. Zeshaun walked over and sat down next to her.

"Hi." Zeshaun nervously said.

Jenna's face lit up when she saw Zeshaun. "Hi Zeshaun, I was afraid I would be the only one from our level to be here but I guess not."

"Yeah, I guess not." Zeshaun said, he tried to quickly think of something to say so that they didn't fall into an awkward silence but a tall man walked through the door.

He was younger than Cpl. Creight but only by about 5 or 6 years. His hair was jet black and slicked back. The officer had a sharp jaw.

"Welcome to all new and returning students. I am Major Kidd your instructor for this course." He gave a nod to a man that stood next to him, "this is Sergeant Temsyr, he will be acting as a helper when I'm not available."

Major Kidd took out a datapad and starting to tap it, "We will be covering the use and abuse of manning the guns and becoming a proficient gunner."

"First we will teach you to be quick and deadly. Our first classes will be teaching you to be proficient with an AT-AT or an all terrain armored transport. They are the most deadly ground vehicles that the Empire owns." Major Kidd pointed to a holo in the center of the room. "Now here's the fun part, there will be a test at the end of this section to show that you were paying attention through my lectures and holos instead of watching whatever you kids watch these days."

This drew some chuckles from the class. The class started to get up and walk toward the door.

"What makes you think that I'm done with you?" Major Kidd signaled for everyone to sit down. "I'm giving the lecture on the all terrain armored transport today, sit tight and listen close."

The class groaned and made their way back to their seats.

"Now lets look at the controls and weapon targeting systems..." Major Kidd started to talk Zeshaun concentrated on every word determined to distinguish himself from the rest of the class at the exam.


"the AT-AT as I said before is the most powerful ground vehicle in the arsenal of the Empire. You will learn to become proficient with the lasers on it. For your exam you will go through a simulation, you may have heard of it, it’s the Battle of Hoth." Major Kidd started pacing.

Zeshaun let out a whistle, this was going to be fun.

**********************************************************

>3 weeks later<

Zeshaun walked into the simulation room and sat down. He looked around and saw Jenna already talking to her new friends and discussing some tactics.

"Alright kids let’s do this. Everyone get into your simulation pods and the best of luck. Just to let you all know no one has ever beaten this scenario before, but you know that." Major Kidd’s voice trailed off as the simulation pod closed.

alright let’s do this. Zeshaun thought to himself.

He was almost blinded by the bright snow and the blaster fire already flying. Zeshaun checked his sensors. He already saw that the speeders were on their way over to them and they had to move fast.

Zeshaun could see the shield generators on the sensors. He immediately moved toward them. His forward shields took a large amount of laser fire from the turrets and rocket launchers. Zeshaun didn’t miss a beat and turned the head ninety degrees to target the soldiers and turrets. He let out a million tons of lasers and poured it into the trenches.

He saw soldiers running as the turrets started melting and bursting into flames. Zeshaun did a little fist-pump and moved on toward the target.

He made the blasters so that his heavy laser cannons would fire without the medium blasters. He held down the trigger and saw the lasers splashing against the shields of the generators. He saw the shields ripple and slowly the shields faded. He linked all four blasters together and fired away. The shield generator exploded in a brilliant flash of light.

Zeshaun yelled "Yahoo!" He turned back toward the second generator which was located on the other side of the base. He turned the whole vehicle one-hundred and eighty degrees.  He pushed down on the throttle as hard as he could. After watching the other simluators attempts he had seen far to many AT-AT’s go down as they crossed the battlefield.

He let of a couple spurts of laser fire on the turrets to make them think twice about firing on him. His shield started to go down as the turrets fired. He aimed his lasers on the line of turrets and fired. They exploded and sent soldiers flying.

Zeshaun had the next generators in sight, they weren’t in range yet but he started firing so that he could hit them at maximum range. He saw the lasers hitting the shields but they weren’t wavering. Turret fire poured on his rear shields and he felt a jolt as he got some warning banners come up on his screen.

"Sithspit.’ Zeshaun said as he tried to get the banners to go away.

Zeshaun could smell a bit of smoke. He advanced and put more power into his lasers. He knew it was going to be a race. Who could destroy their target first. Zeshaun saw the shields falter for a second and he put more power into the lasers. He was down to nearly no shields and the armor, although sufficient, could not take a barrage of laser fire. Zeshaun finally broke through the shields and left a smouldering crater where the shield generator was but then his screen was filled with warning.

The shields were gone and his engines were gone. He was a sitting duck. The turrets kept up the laser fire and suddenly he felt the heat of a large explosion. The cover came up and he was sitting in the room again.

After a couple of minutes Major Kidd called everyone over. "I’m happy to report that everyone did very well and you all passed. Although I would like to make a few points good and bad about some people."

Major Kidd turned toward Zeshaun. "You were the only one to destroy two shield generators, I congratulate you." Zeshaun got a couple pats on the back. "But you left all your troops in your transport to perish along with you because you had to win, work on that."

Zeshaun nodded.

"Make sure you are ready to listen to some more lectures tomorrow." Major Kidd left the room and dismissed the class.

OOC:

Lance Corporal Zeshaun
Level 3 Laser/Blaster Gunnery
Story 3 of 4 AT-ST

Zeshaun stepped into the classroom after the long weekend given by Major Kidd because everyone had passed the exam. Zeshaun had slept through most of the long weekend and played a few games of down at the cantina. Zeshaun took a seat in his normal spot. It seemed most of the class was finally used to having a trandoshan in their class and had opened up to Zeshaun a little. All conversation stopped when the door slid open.

"Welcome back from your well deserved long break." Major Kidd said walking into the room with a smile.

Something was different. Then Zeshaun noticed that Sgt. Temsyr was not with him.

Someone raised their hand, "Where’s Sgt. Temsyr, sir?" he asked.

"Sgt. Temsyr has successfully  passed his exam as well and will not be helping me any longer, if you see him in the halls be sure to congratulate him." Major Kidd said not even looking up from his papaer.

"Today we will be learning how to use the most common AT-ST." the class groaned. "I know, I know everyone already knows how to use one right?" Major Kidd looked up from his desk. The class all nodded laughing.

"Well be prepared to be knocked off your chairs. You will learn to pilot one with an open cockpit. It was one of the first models used during the clone wars." The classes eyes opened up wide.

"During your test you must also protect your pilot as well or else you will fail the test, without your pilot you are nothing." Major Kidd stood and walked over to the holoprojector. "Have fun learning a bunch of new tactics before the exam comes up."

"Oh yeah, the exam is in two weeks." Major Kidd said walking back to his desk, the class let out a loud groan "I have sent you all the specifics of the AT-ST and some nifty maneuvers, get to work."

Zeshaun got up from his seat and went to Major Kidd’s desk. "Are the simulators open sir?" he asked, the Major nodded.

Zeshaun left the room to go spend the next 2 hours in the cockpit of a simulator, going over the maneuvers until they were pressed into his brain. When he got there, a couple other troopers were standing around talking, probably after just finishing a simulation run. They turned to look at Zeshaun as he walked in and their conversations stopped. They looked back at each other then left the room. What ignorant men. Zeshaun thought as he sat himself down in the nearest simulator and pressed the on button.

<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>Two weeks later<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>

Zeshaun walked into class on the day of the exam nervous. He wasn’t sure if he had memorized everything.

"Welcome class, I hope you are all ready for this exam." Major Kidd looked up and was met with the faces of sleep deprived students. Major Kidd just smiled. "Let’s head over to those simulators."

Zeshaun sat down in his simulator and let out a deep breath. here we go.

The screen went black then cleared up again showing a big open plain near a large lake. Zeshaun saw that his pilot was sitting behind him and he had a large group of troopers backing him up on the field.

"Okay troopers, we have to take out the rebels as they try to drop off large quantities of troops. We have to hold them here or else the whole city will be taken." The leader said. "Good luck men."

The troopers hid in the tall grass in the plains, if you can call lying in the grass in bright white armor, hiding. The sound of repulsors could be heard coming over the hill. One trooper transport  came over the hill. When they saw Zeshaun’s AT-ST they paused for a moment. But they continued on when they thought that the AT-ST was all they were facing. Zeshaun started firing grenades at the transport. It weaved in and out to make it hard to hit.

"Move around! We’re sitting ducks." The pilot yelled.

Zeshaun had totally forgotten that they weren’t protected. He started to move and get closer and closer. When the transport was close enough tot he troops they popped up from the ground and started firing at the soldiers in the transport. The new threat cause the transport to stop moving.

"Grenades, shoot them into the transport!" the pilot yelled again.

Zeshaun was getting agitated by being ordered around by a computer but did shoot the grenades. They landed in the transport and Zeshaun watched as the transport blew up and all the remaining soldiers went along with it.

"Nice shooting troopers." The leaders voice came in again. "We’ve lost our element of surprise so we need to bring the fight to them.

"There should be at least 4 more transports waiting behind this hill. They should be fairly bigger than the one we just took out so be on your guard." The leader ordered.

"Sir are we getting some reinforcement?" A trooper’s voice cut into the silence.

"No we must win this battle." The leader said matter of factly.

Zeshaun let out another big breath and charged over the hill he was faced with 4 more transports significantly bigger than the first.

He let out a spray of laser fire and grenades onto the sitting transports. They started to scramble.

"Looks we still have surprise on our side, they must not of heard our last battle. Fall on them boys1" the leader said charging down the hill.

A sudden shot pierced the leader through the head. Zeshaun felt a twang of pain and remorse even though it was only a computer. He kept shooting grenades and lasers to keep the transports moving and not letting them set up a shot on anyone else.

By the end of the day they had only lost half of the squad that they came with and they had captured two transports and 10 rebels. The rest of the class was a blur, he was so tired from this simulation that all he got out of the next hour of class was that he had passed the exam. He went home and slept. I need another long weekend Zeshaun thought as he lay down on his bed.

COMMENTS: EXCELLENT! I should have you teach some people about character development. Stories are well written (first two were rough) and you always tell me what your character sees, does, thinks, and also how others react to him. Also...I liked the time jump you used I haven't seen that used in spec stories before. Keep up the good work!

I'm on IRC like...always

There are also quite a few vehicle pilots around here you could ask for advice, seeing as how they've 'been there, done that' already.

OOC:

CPL Zeshaun
Vehicle Crewman
Level 4 Defensive Operations
Story 1 of 4: AT-TE

"Welcome back, I'm glad to see that none of you were killed during that mess with J'ak Frozt." Major Kidd said from behind his desk.

They had just returned from their leave, after the very brutal episode with J'ak Frozt, trying to steal information and the mercenaries. Zeshaun now realized that he hadn't seen Major Kidd in close to a month. I hope I'm not too rust, maybe he'll start slow with some review Zeshaun thought, crossing his fingers.

Major Kidd stood up and walked slowly to the front of the class room, clasping his hands behind his back. He turned his back to the class and started typing in some things on the holoprojector, when it looked like he had finished, he turned back to the class and gestured toward the door, some people started to stand and leave but Major Kidd motioned for them to sit.

"I would like to introduce you to Sergeant Vanhough. He will be joining me in teaching this class to you for the next semester." Major Kidd announced.

Sergeant Vanhough stepped forward "Thank you Colonel Kidd, I look forward to working with all of you."

Sergeant Vanhough emphasized Colonel Kidd's rank, apparently Major Kidd had gotten a promotion after he lead a small force of troopers and defended the main square of the city single handedly, saving countless number of civilian lives. I'll have to remember to congratulate him later Zeshaun thought, whilst clapping and cheering along with the rest of the class. Colonel Kidd seemed embarrassed, but continued on with the class after he got everyone to calm down, Sergeant Vanhough sat in the front row at the left edge of the classroom.

"Let's get back to work shall we." Colonel Kidd pressed a button on his remote and the holoprojector sprung to life. A hologram of an AT-TE was shown.

"This is the All Terrain Tactical Enforcer, a little outdated." A couple of snickers. "But still a mighty vehicle."

Zeshaun listened intently, this assignment was going to be slightly different than all the other, So much for easing into things Zeshaun thought quickly taking out a notepad and started to write down some of the important things that the Colonel was explaining. The AT-TE, like the AT-AT, needed multiple people to make the whole vehicle work properly. On this assignment they would be paired up with 5 other people, and within two weeks, they must learn to get along, and become in sync with one another so that they could replicate the work of a vehicle crewman team that had been working together their whole lives.

"The simulation rooms are all open at the moment, and I know you are all excited to find out who your partners are." Colonel Kidd said with a grin on his face.

You don't have to treat us like children Zeshaun thought rolling his eyes, he looked down at the datapad and found that Colonel Kidd had taken the liberty of sending everyone their assignments, and who they were to be paired up with. Zeshaun was paired up with two human males, Jason, and trey, a rodian male, who everyone called, blue because he had dyed his horns blue by accident, a human female Taylor, and a twi'lek female, Rhik'at, they were labeled group T2957.  They all greeted each other, and then went straight to the simulation rooms.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^^-two weeks later-^-^-^-^^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

"Here goes nothing." Blue said, nervously.

They all sat in their own pods, only connected by the commlinks that they had. For this exam, since each group had six people in it, one group went at a time while the other groups watched your performance. Each scenario was going to be different, however, not giving any team any advantages. Zeshaun locked in his belt and then pressed the button to start the simulation. A mechanical voice started a count down and the screen went black, when the counter reached zero the screen brightened and they were thrown into a city, building scorched and some still on fire.

Up ahead stormtroopers were retreating hastily as an advancing rebel force was running hard after them. A quick message popped up onto Zeshaun's screen. Defend your retreating stormtroopers from the tanks pursueing them, don't be afraid to give up ground, just don't die, without you the troopers are defenseless against the tanks. Zeshaun rolled his eyes. don't die, easier said than done Zeshaun thought, seeing at least 3 hover tanks, now advancing behind the rebel troops.

"Is everyone set to go?" Blue's voice came in over the comm, he was the pilot today.

"Lasers are set and go." Zeshaun said.

"Mass-driver is operational" Rhik'at said.

"Lasers, locked and loaded." Jason, Trey and Taylor said simultaneously.

Humans Zeshaun thought rolling his eyes. Zeshaun took hold of the controls in front of him and started to search for the nearest threat. Hope Blue knows what he's doing Zeshaun thought, looking up in the direction of the pilot's seat. Zeshaun aimed carefully at the front of the wave of rebel troopers, making sure his shots, went over the heads of the retreating stormtroopers. He strafed their front lines, hoping to slow them down and give his troopers time to run.

A sudden large green beam, signified that Rhik'at had fired the  mass-driver cannon, the beam hit one of the three tanks, head on, causing it to flip, and explode mid-flip. One tank gone, two to go Zeshaun thought, but I'll leave those to her Zeshaun aimed carefully again, and strafed once more. As the wave of rebels got closer and the tanks got within their range as well, Blue started to backpedal the AT-TE, although a little slow, it was fast enough to be a hard target to hit. Blue walked the AT-TE back and forth across the street, making the hulking vehicle as elusive as possible. Heh, I taught him that Zeshaun thought, thinking back to the hours they had spent every weekend practicing their moves.

Something made the vehicle rock slightly, and Zeshaun hadn't seen or heard an explosion that would have signaled that they had been hit. Zeshaun searched but couldn't find any explanation. A loud blaring voice suddenly came in over the comm.

"Your stepping on your own troops, watch yourself!" apparently the message was coming from the commanding officer of the battle.

Damnit Blue, that's a rookie mistake. Zeshaun thought. Blue had stopped back pedaling and the firing from the laser turrets commenced. The rebels seemed to be gaining on the retreating stormtroopers however and it was getting harder to avoid hitting his own men. Guess I'll just have to kill the rebels that are farther back. Zeshaun thought, sadly, not wanting to give up protecting the last row of stormtroopers.

The retreating stormtroopers were moving fast but the attacking rebels seemed to move faster, soon the rebels were on the verge of over running Zeshaun's position. Zeshaun fired and strafed as quickly as he could, trying to keep the rebels at bay but their forces were just too many. The remaining two tanks came into range once again, and this time Blue had only a little bit of space to retreat.

"brace yourselves." Blue yelled.

A couple of rockets smashed into the front of the AT-TE, the light armor, seemed to have shed most of the damage, but they couldn't take another volley of that magnitude.

"Rhik'at, hurry and take out those tanks!" Jason yelled.

"I'm working on it, but the tanks move too fast." Rhik'at yelled back.

Blue slowly started to move the AT-TE back, the retreating stormtroopers were still in the way to move effectively. Zeshaun decided that it was more important to stop the tanks at the moment than to stop the advancing rebels. The colonel said, if you have to choose between your vehicle and your men, always choose your men, I guess i'll make this an exeption. Zeshaun thought, spinning his turret to face the tank. He started to spray it's shields with his laser fire, not to really do damage, but to distract it and keep it from getting a clear shot at their AT-TE.

Zeshaun kept watch on the shields intently, waiting for the right moment to call in Taylor, Jason, and Trey. After a few long minutes of constant laser fire, the shileds flickered.

"Quick, all turrets on the tanks!" Zeshaun ordered.

He got a few grumbles in response since he wasn't really in a position to be giving orders but they figured Zeshaun knew what he was doing. All four turrets now focused their fire on the tanks shields and soon enough, they flickered again and then they fell,

"YEAH!" Trey yelled.

Everyone cheered, the shock of losing their shields caused the tank to stay in on place for too long, allowing Rhik'at to line up a shot and blow the tank away. Zeshaun could see the stormtroopers cheering as they ran. Zeshaun, Trey, Taylor, and Jason, switched their attention back to the remaining rebel troops but with the tanks gone, the stormtroopers could now turn and fight back with out the threat of enemy tanks. Score one for the imps! Zeshaun thought, mowing down a row of rebels.

The screen blackened, before Zeshaun expected it too but we weren't finished getting our revenge Zeshaun thought slightly disappointed. The click signaled that his simulation pod was now open, and he unclipped himself from his pod and then pushed the hatch up and climbed out. The other five members of his group came out in an orderly fashion and they all stood at attention, as Colonel Kidd, paced back and forth in front of them.

"Congratulations T2597, you all pass. Blue had some remarkable maneuvering, aside from that one volley of missiles, you protected yourselves very well. Rhik'at, nice shooting, but learn to anticipate movement so you can fire even when you don't have a definite lock."

The colonel turned to Zeshaun. "Your move to abandon the retreating troops was risky but it payed off. this time, but it can prove fatal, this move should be a last line of defense."

Zeshaun nodded, acknowledging  Colonel Kidd's comment. I'd call that situation pretty desperate Colonel Kidd dismissed them, and Zeshaun sat down in an open seat near the back to watch the other groups and see how they fared against their scenarios.

OOC:

A good post, overall, if a bit short. It passes. This was noticeably (if not significantly) different than your previous missions up to this point, which is good. I'd like to see more improvement like this: diversified missions and objectives, as well as more writing about the usage of the vehicle. There were quite a few small errors (missed commas and such), which I'll let slide this time. But, as I keep saying, you must proofread, proofread, proofread. One reading-through could've taken out nearly all the errors, and made this story that much better. Error-free writing, even if not exceptional, just seems more professional. That's the impression that you want to give; the impression that you knew exactly what you were doing when writing this.

Anyway, I digress. You may continue on to the next story.

Okie dokie.

hmm bump... just saying cause i don't believe this last post was graded and i've been thinking about going on with this so a grading would be much appreciated thanks