Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash,
Expert Says.[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers.[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over.[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death. [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant. [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace.[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile.[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide. [They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge.[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger Test Group.[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft. [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery;
Hundreds Dead.
