NAME:SEVOR EN BRATH
CALLSIGN:Silent Assassin
RACE:Human
DESCRIPTION:                                                                          For a human, SEVOR has a very commanding presence,standing at an imposing 6' 4" tall. Due to what some consider a birth defect, he has a pale blue skin complexion and an eerie blue glow emanating from his eyes.He is bald and has an intricate tribal tattoo which runs from the back of his neck,around both shoulders and down his back.His age is unknown but it is believed he may be in his early thirties.He has a very athletic build and a natural high vitallity.Has a deceptively high physical strength; Most likely attributed to the righorous and incredibly demanding physical training he endured throughout his many years in the village clan SEPH'ROTH NOR.
PERSONALLITY:                                                                        SEVOR is a man of few words; As there is no need for acquaintances of any type in his profession.If he speaks it is always important, As he has no time to waste and even less patience for banter.Although little is known of his past,his enrollment into the Imperial Navy may seem uncharacteristic,But he is a man of clear vision and focus,always has an ahlterier motive and is believed it is the next level in his training;merely a means of information gathering and easier target acquisition.
HISTORY:                                                                          Very little is known of his life before the Imperial Navy as of yet,but it is known that he is a highly trained threat,conditioned from birth in a well known clan,dedicated to the arts of stealth and subterfeuge.Unmatched are his skills with most known and unknown bladed weapons.He is truly a physically intimidating presence who demands no less than absolute respect.His enrollment into the Navy was never questioned in the least as he is believed to excell quickly in the ranks, and his skills are a very rare and valuable asset to the Empire and all who serve.



STILL NEW TO THIS AND HAVE NEVER REALLY DONE THIS BEFORE,SO I'M VERY OPEN TO ANY CRITISIZM I CAN GET,JUST TRY AND BE NICE,PLEASE.IF ITS TERRIBLE THEN TRY AND TELL ME HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER,WITHOUT USING THE WORDS (YOU SUCK!!!).
ALSO KINDA NEW TO THE COMPUTER AND COULD'NT GET MY SPELL CHECK TO WORK RIGHT OR AT ALL HONESTLY.CONSIDER MYSELF A VERY COMPETENT SPELLER ....BUT NOWHERE NEAR PERFECT SO PLEASE FORGIVE IF THERE ARE SOME SPELLCHECKS IN THERE.DONT EVEN KNOW IF THIS IS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THIS SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW.MANY THANKS AND HOPE TO HEAR SOME COMMENTS,THE MORE THE MERRIER.

Hello Silent, I'm Ibram Tyrol and I'm one of your Operators here at the Academy.

Whilst your Bio is getting there, i'm afraid i have to fail it on this instance. The reasons may seem small or pedantic at first, but beleive me the little things make all the difference.

First off, a couple of formatting points (these did not affect your mark):
- Get rid of the Capitals
- Paragraph your bio properly
- Actually post the Bio in your initial training thread. The on entitled "new recruit."
- Remember Spell checking.

Now, onto the actual critique:

-Your missing some key background elements: you mention a clan, SEPH'ROTH NOR, who are they? What planet are they from? etc...

- I'm afraid that you have to edit out the mention of a "blue glow" behind your eyes - we do not allow super-natural attributes here at the VE, as they can be linked to the force.

-You mention how your character "demand complete respect", I'm afraid that has to be edited out aswell, since your not allowed to "God" other people like that.

- comments like "His enrollment into the Navy was never questioned in the least as he is believed to excell quickly in the ranks, and his skills are a very rare and valuable asset to the Empire and all who serve." also have to be edited out, as you are making an assumption on behalf of the administration.

- It's all well and good saying that "little is known" about your character's background, but that leaves your chracter sounding a bit hallow - try to flesh him out a bit.

- I would also recommend going for a bit of origionality. This is just my person opinion, so this is isn't included in the official mark, but anyone can pretend to be a bad-ass super-soldier who will one day rule the galaxy - we do not appreciate allusions of granduer here. The truly skilled will create a unique and interesting character from a normal person.

Take these points away with you for now, do a re-write and fix the formatting. Then we'll take another look at it.

Good luck.

Howdy- I'm the Officer of Training (TO) and I'll just throw my total support behind what these gentlemen have shared with you.  You're new here and this is likely to be different than other organizations you may have been a part of, so we're only on your case to help you get the most out of your training here at the Academy; we ask that you listen closely and try and learn from what we tell you.  Thus: the caps is the first thing that has to go, lol.  As for reshaping your character: I've always found that the best characters are the ones that have nothing to do with physical or technical abilities: giving them a memorable characteristic or idiosyncratic device (taps his foot all the time, writes with both hands, is a clean-freak, etc) are traits that make people root for your character.  Remember that this bio is just an outline, however- so keeping it simple isn't necessarily a problem: we just want you to leave enough room for yourself by eliminating some of the more over-the-top qualities.  Otherwise, I'm really just ganna mirror exactly what they said: I hope you enjoy yourself, Silent, and learn from what your trainers have to share with you; the best to ya, Silent.