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Topic:  Ryan Kenobi bio
Ryan Kenobi
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  Ryan Kenobi bio
April 14, 2006 3:27:23 PM    View the profile of Ryan Kenobi 
Physical Appearence

Native Language:Basic
Hair Color:Brown
Eye color:Blue
Skin color: Light Tan
Height:6' 5"
Weight:125 lbs.
Age:24
Full Name:Ryan Kenobi
Personality:Hot-headed.Compassionate to anybody other than his enemy.
Physical Build:Muscular,a Scar over right eye,another scar across like side burn on my left side of his face.
Homeworld:Coruscant

Talents/Skills
1)Very good at handeling a blaster pistol or any other long ranged weapon.
1a.)Better at long range weapons and is very accurate shot.
1b.)Favorite Blastor Pistol is the DC-15 Blastor Pistol.
2)Good at operating any Ground veichle
2a.)Favorite veichle's are any type of speeder bike exception is the AT-AT walker,but can drive any other veichle efficeiently.

Background history

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "Bring it on", a rebel trooper said as I looked him square in the eyes.
"Fine", I spat back as I drew my Blaster.
"Ha, a measly pistol what that going to do", he cackled as I stood there in the cantina thinking who does he think he is.
"Take this", I said menacingly. I fired two blasts one towards him the other to the right of him. He jumped to the right just as thought he would.
"Gah", the rebel cried as he fell straight onto the bar counter.He ooked up at me, eyes blazing, he was trembling as if he just saw the Devil.
"You asked for it", I said, proud of my Accomplishment.I grabbed my drink and threw it in the guys face. he cursed me while I walked  out of the cantina.
As I walked out I could here some of the rebels friends shout things like, You'll pay for this, and my favorite You Imperial scum. First, at this time I was not a Imperial yet, (I was only 16 and I already killed my first rebel so I guess that qualifies under Imperial scum, and second, he was drunk and he threw his glass on me first so I got revenge. So I walked home the rest of the way fearing for my life.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A week later.

    "Is anybody home", someone said outside Yelling with full force.
"I'm coming", I yelled as I made my way to the door. When I opened it two Storm troopers and a Imperial officer were standing there. My mother ,Kim, ran to the door and talked with the imperials, I stood right there like a body guard for my mother.
"Ma'am, a Rebel was killed at a cantina last week a kid about sixteen, his name is Ryan Kenobi", the imperial officer said.
Fear ran though me as soon as he said my name, the number one question is why are they investigating a rebels      , and why they even care he's    .
"Yes, I know him he's my son", my mother said.
Fear and fury raging through me my hand resting on my blaster, but before I could draw it the stormtroopers each lowered their blaster and the officer asked to come in.
"Could I speak with him", the officer asked
My mother nodded and ran off to get some drinks for the guest. That's when I drew my blaster, and so did the imperials I yelled to my mother to get down, well she did, and before I took the first shot one of the stormtroopers jumped to the right and I moved to the left that's when I knew what was going on they were testing me, at least I thought. I fired a shot at the one trooper he dropped. Then the other trooper fired one shot straight toward me then two off to both sides of me I dropped to the ground to avoid injury and I returned fire I tried to retreat, but I heard a blood      curdling scream that could be heard for miles. That's when it hit me my mother was shot.
I ran behind the counter and looked at her wound it was right into the shoulder,her shoulder lay there  lifeless,dead. The Imperials helped me get her to safety then they explained why they had come.
"We wanted to ask if you would join the empire", the imperial took a pause ,"after the destruction of the clone facility on Kamino we had to recruit more members, and after the video of your amazing kill of a rebel ,even though he was drunk, you did well"
"I would join, but after what happened back there.....", my voice trailed off as I thought about the horrible event.
"If I'm not mistaken you attacked us first, am I right", the imperial officer was questioning me, purposely.
"I was angry I wanted revenge on the Empire for what they did to my father", I said a tear streaming down my cheek.
"If you don't want to join then fine", the imperial officer paused to get up from his chair, "but-"
"No, I'll join the imperials killed my father, But the Rebels killed my brother", I paused, "I don't want to see it happen to my mother also".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eight Years later.
      "Take your troops around to this point we'll pick you up there", an  imperial officer said over the hologram image.
"Yes, commander", I said hurrying my troops through the thick Kashyyyk forest
"Welcome, back", the officer said as soon as we got aboard
"Thanks", I replied
I remember the thoughts going threw my head when we were in that ambush on Kashyyyk. I thought we'd never make it out alive I thought I'd never see my wife, April(Chanchi), again or my mother. I was wrong again, the empire lost once and I was  not going to let them loose again. So as soon as we touched down on the metallic surface of the star destroyer, Interdictor , I made it my number one priority to go to my cabin and to talk to my wife, before it was to late.
Now the ending star wars credit music plays.
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 14, 2006 3:37:24 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 14, 2006 5:55:19 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 14, 2006 6:01:49 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 14, 2006 6:24:41 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 15, 2006 11:15:12 AM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 16, 2006 12:31:19 AM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 16, 2006 12:45:01 AM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 16, 2006 2:27:02 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 23, 2006 9:56:23 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 24, 2006 11:12:14 AM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited April 24, 2006 3:37:04 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited May 9, 2006 3:51:53 PM)]
[This message has been edited by RK (edited June 6, 2006 6:12:27 PM)]
Cosmic
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 14, 2006 4:10:28 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
You've got your skill-template down, but I want to see more history on your character: where's he from, what are his traits - personalize your character.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Evani
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 14, 2006 6:11:15 PM    View the profile of Evani 
I think your character has to be at least 40 years old or something to have been present at the time of order 66. Also, retype it into word, your spelling will need definitivly improvement. Microsoft Word autochecks your spelling and grammar.
 
-----------------------
DarkDragoons
SL/SGT Evani/2SQD/2PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C][CoR]
TRN/IN Evani/Training 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE



Ryan Kenobi
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 14, 2006 6:14:48 PM    View the profile of Ryan Kenobi 
no order 66 was place 19 years before the next movie episode 4 so im righton the mark if you add it all up so im close to 24 oh i get your ppoint this is set after the empires downfall alright ill change how my story i
s
Ryan Kenobi
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 15, 2006 11:16:34 AM    View the profile of Ryan Kenobi 
ok the ending stincksbut its done
Cosmic
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 15, 2006 1:05:38 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
It's an improvement over your last bio - you added a bio to it.

Now I want you to copy and paste this into Microsoft Word (or any other program with a Spellcheck/Grammar feature) and watch the spelling, punctuation, and syntax.

All of your lines must be aligned to the left, otherwise it looks tacky. Sometimes you use uppercase letters, sometimes you don't. You need to add spaces in a lot of areas, and remove them in an equal amount of areas.

Proof read your bio before you send me your final draft. Reading it out loud helps to find errors that you wouldn't normally find by reading silently.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Ryan Kenobi
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 16, 2006 12:07:28 AM    View the profile of Ryan Kenobi 
alrigth whats Synatax or whatever and i dont have microsoft what ever i have Lotus wordpro what sdo i do
Ryan Kenobi
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 16, 2006 12:36:03 AM    View the profile of Ryan Kenobi 
im done
Phenix
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 16, 2006 2:05:19 PM    View the profile of Phenix 
Try to keep in mind that although not everyone absolutely has to keep their writing/grammar skills perfect at all times, in a story it would look really sloppy to see someone spell every fifth word wrong or fuse seperate words together.

Example: "1a.)better at long range weapons nad is very accurate shot"

Also, the way you make your characters interact with each other is very bland...it's like reading something that an eleven year-old might write. Try to take the time to think of better ways to project your character's emotions, rather than simply stating them. For example, one might change a sentence such as...

-"I shot him in the foot. He was mad."

into something more exciting like...

-"A lightning-fast bolt of energy bursted from the tip of my gun, piercing through the flesh of his foot. He looked up at me with a shining rage in his eyes, and gave a scowl that would make a rancor cower."

Try to use these kinds of things in your every-day writing and you will see your skills improve over time, and your stories will develop into much more involved pieces of work. Of course, I'm sure everyone understands that you are new and that it takes time to get the necessary practice, but always put the appropriate effort in to make sure that you prove you are serious about having people pay attention to your input.

And, as a last note...Have fun! Welcome to the Empire, kid!
 
-----------------------
Lance Corporal Phenix
Jesters Squad
Storm Platoon
Army of the Vast Empire
TRP/LCPL Phenix/1SQD/2PLT/1COM/1BAT/1REG/VEA/VE [LoR]

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Fury
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 16, 2006 2:37:35 PM    View the profile of Fury 
Just a few typos and such. Plus you need to flesh out your bio a bit.

Um, you aren't seriously professing to be Obi-Wan's kid, are you?
 
-----------------------
PRF/SM Fury/VEA/TADATH/VE [MoH][SCPx2][PoC][SotE:HC][SotE:VEA][MSM][IOC]
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Cosmic
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 16, 2006 11:27:55 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Ok, not bad. Again, a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but not bad. Also, align everything to the left. Don't make any indentions unless its the first sentence of the paragraph.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Ryan Kenobi
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 18, 2006 4:37:59 PM    View the profile of Ryan Kenobi 
No im not trying to do that im not that stupid if i was my na,e wouldnt be ryan and second off what do you mean to the left

so no im not and everyone know Obi didnt have a wife so no im not
if its such a big deal then if there is a way to change my name i will
Darr-Rann
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 18, 2006 4:40:28 PM    View the profile of Darr-Rann 
Order 66 occured during the end of the clone wars. This is the near the Thrawn era.
 
-----------------------
Raiders
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 18, 2006 8:51:21 PM    View the profile of daminga 
Wow, Ryan is a little grumpy.
 
-----------------------
Raiders
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And when he gets to Heaven,
To Saint Peter he will tell,
"One more soldier reporting sir,
I've served my time in hell."

"Come on you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?" Sergeant Daly, USMC, Belleau Wood 1918
Cosmic
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 19, 2006 6:26:19 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Before Alignment

Physical Appearence

Native Language:Basic
Hair Color:Brown
Eye color:Blue
Skin color: Light Tan
Height:6' 5"
Weight:125 lbs.
Age:24
Full Name:Ryan Kenobi
Personality:Hot-headed.Compassionate to anybody other than his enemy.lovable
Physical Build:Muscular,a Scar over right eye,another scar across like side burn on my left side of myface
Homeworld:Coruscant

Talents/Skills
1)very good at handeling a blaster pistol or any other long ranged weapon
1a.)better at long range weapons and is very accurate shot
2)Good at operating any Ground veichle
2a)Favorite veichle is the speeder bike and the At-At,but can drive any other veichle.

Background history
    "Bring it on", a rebel trooper said as I looked him square in the eyes.
      "Fine", I spat back as I drew my Blaster.
      "Ha, a measly pistol what that going to do", he cackled as I stood there in the cantina thinking who does he think he is.
    "Take this", I said menacingly. I fired two blasts one towards him the other to the right of him. He jumped to the right just as ought he would.
    "Gah", the rebel cried as he fell to the ground.
    "You asked for it", I said proud of myself as I grabbed my drink and walked out of the cantina.
As I walked out I could here some of the rebels friends shout things like, You'll pay for this, and my favorite You Imperial scum. First, at this time I was not a Imperial yet, (I was only 16 and I already killed my first rebel so I guess that qualifies under Imperial scum, and second, he was drunk and he threw his glass on me first so I got revenge. So I walked home the rest of the way fearing for my life.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A week later.

    "Is anybody home", someone said outside
    "I'm coming", I yelled as I made my way to the door. When I opened it two Storm troopers and a Imperial officer were standing there. My mother ,Kim, ran to the door and talked with the imperials, I stood right there like a body guard for my mother.
    "Ma'am, a Rebel was killed at a cantina last week a kid about sixteen, his name is Ryan Kenobi", the imperial officer said.
Fear ran though me as soon as he said my name, the number one question is why are they investigating a rebels death, and why they even care he's dead.
    "Yes, I know him he's my son", my mother said.
    Fear and fury raging through me my hand resting on my blaster, but before I could draw it the stormtroopers each lowered their blaster and the officer asked to come in.
    "Could I speak with him", the officer asked
    My mother nodded and ran off to get some drinks for the guest. That's when I drew my blaster, and so did the imperials I yelled to my mother to get down, well she did, and before I took the first shot one of the stormtroopers jumped to the right and I moved to the left that's when I knew what was going on they were testing me, at least I thought. I fired a shot at the one trooper he dropped then it was mayhem the other trooper fired one shot straight toward me then two off to both sides of me I dropped to the ground to avoid injury and I returned fire I tried to retreat, but I heard a blood curdling scream that could be heard for miles, then it hit me my mother was shot.
      I ran behind the counter and looked at her wound it was right into the shoulder and her shoulder lay there penetrated lifeless the Imperials helped me get her to safety then they explained why they had come.
      "We wanted to ask if you would join the empire", the imperial took a pause ,"after the destruction of the clone facility on Kamino we had to recruit more members, and after the video of your amazing kill of a rebel ,even though he was drunk, you did well"
      "I would join, but after what happened back there.....", my voice trailed off as I thought about the horrible event.
      "If I'm not mistaken you attacked us first, am I right", the imperial officer was questioning me, purposely.
      "I was angry I wanted revenge on the Empire for what they did to my father", I said a tear streaming down my cheek.
      "If you don't want to join then fine", the imperial officer paused to get up from his chair, "but-"
      "No, I'll join the imperials killed my father, But the Rebels killed my brother", I paused, "I don't want to see it happen to my mother also".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eight Years later.
    "Take your troops around to this point we'll pick you up there", an imperial officer said over the hologram image.
      "Yes, commander", I said hurrying my troops through the thick Kashyyyk forest
      "Welcome, back", the officer said as soon as we got aboard
      "Thanks", I replied
      I remember the thoughts going threw my head when we were in that ambush on Kashyyyk. I thought we'd never make it out alive I thought I'd never see my wife, Christina, again or my mother. I was wrong again, the empire lost once and I was  not going to let them loose again. So as soon as we touched down on the metallic surface of the star destroyer, Interdictor , I made it my number one priority to go to my cabin and to talk to my wife, before it was to late.
Now the ending star wars credit music plays



After Alignment

Physical Appearence

Native Language:Basic
Hair Color:Brown
Eye color:Blue
Skin color: Light Tan
Height:6' 5"
Weight:125 lbs.
Age:24
Full Name:Ryan Kenobi
Personality:Hot-headed.Compassionate to anybody other than his enemy.lovable
Physical Build:Muscular,a Scar over right eye,another scar across like side burn on my left side of myface
Homeworld:Coruscant

Talents/Skills
1)very good at handeling a blaster pistol or any other long ranged weapon
1a.)better at long range weapons and is very accurate shot
2)Good at operating any Ground veichle
2a)Favorite veichle is the speeder bike and the At-At,but can drive any other veichle.

Background history
"Bring it on", a rebel trooper said as I looked him square in the eyes.

"Fine", I spat back as I drew my Blaster.

"Ha, a measly pistol what that going to do", he cackled as I stood there in the cantina thinking who does he think he is.

"Take this", I said menacingly. I fired two blasts one towards him the other to the right of him. He jumped to the right just as ought he would.

"Gah", the rebel cried as he fell to the ground.

"You asked for it", I said proud of myself as I grabbed my drink and walked out of the cantina.

As I walked out I could here some of the rebels friends shout things like, You'll pay for this, and my favorite You Imperial scum. First, at this time I was not a Imperial yet, (I was only 16 and I already killed my first rebel so I guess that qualifies under Imperial scum, and second, he was drunk and he threw his glass on me first so I got revenge. So I walked home the rest of the way fearing for my life.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A week later.

"Is anybody home", someone said outside

"I'm coming", I yelled as I made my way to the door. When I opened it two Storm troopers and a Imperial officer were standing there. My mother ,Kim, ran to the door and talked with the imperials, I stood right there like a body guard for my mother.

"Ma'am, a Rebel was killed at a cantina last week a kid about sixteen, his name is Ryan Kenobi", the imperial officer said.
Fear ran though me as soon as he said my name, the number one question is why are they investigating a rebels death, and why they even care he's dead.

"Yes, I know him he's my son", my mother said.

Fear and fury raging through me my hand resting on my blaster, but before I could draw it the stormtroopers each lowered their blaster and the officer asked to come in.

"Could I speak with him", the officer asked

My mother nodded and ran off to get some drinks for the guest. That's when I drew my blaster, and so did the imperials I yelled to my mother to get down, well she did, and before I took the first shot one of the stormtroopers jumped to the right and I moved to the left that's when I knew what was going on they were testing me, at least I thought. I fired a shot at the one trooper he dropped then it was mayhem the other trooper fired one shot straight toward me then two off to both sides of me I dropped to the ground to avoid injury and I returned fire I tried to retreat, but I heard a blood curdling scream that could be heard for miles, then it hit me my mother was shot.

I ran behind the counter and looked at her wound it was right into the shoulder and her shoulder lay there penetrated lifeless the Imperials helped me get her to safety then they explained why they had come.

"We wanted to ask if you would join the empire", the imperial took a pause ,"after the destruction of the clone facility on Kamino we had to recruit more members, and after the video of your amazing kill of a rebel ,even though he was drunk, you did well"

"I would join, but after what happened back there.....", my voice trailed off as I thought about the horrible event.

"If I'm not mistaken you attacked us first, am I right", the imperial officer was questioning me, purposely.

"I was angry I wanted revenge on the Empire for what they did to my father", I said a tear streaming down my cheek.

"If you don't want to join then fine", the imperial officer paused to get up from his chair, "but-"

"No, I'll join the imperials killed my father, But the Rebels killed my brother", I paused, "I don't want to see it happen to my mother also".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eight Years later.

"Take your troops around to this point we'll pick you up there", an imperial officer said over the hologram image.

"Yes, commander", I said hurrying my troops through the thick Kashyyyk forest

"Welcome, back", the officer said as soon as we got aboard

"Thanks", I replied

I remember the thoughts going threw my head when we were in that ambush on Kashyyyk. I thought we'd never make it out alive I thought I'd never see my wife, Christina, again or my mother. I was wrong again, the empire lost once and I was  not going to let them loose again. So as soon as we touched down on the metallic surface of the star destroyer, Interdictor , I made it my number one priority to go to my cabin and to talk to my wife, before it was to late.
Now the ending star wars credit music plays

-----------

You have been placed in Jester Squad. A notification email has been sent.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Leon
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  RE: Ryan Kenobi bio
April 22, 2006 5:14:23 PM    View the profile of Leon 
Dude i dont know why you said it wasnt good i think its really good and congrats, hope you enjoy your pizza lol.
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