The same as Toki said. I don't feel to proud about the last time I passed FS, so I want to have a go at it again, if you dont mind Shaz,
 
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Aegis Squadron

FM/SCRW Gemini/Aegis 9/Pheonix Wing/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE (=A=)

Alrighty; now that you seem pretty confident or atleast more so in your bio, I'm going to have to peirce some holes in it,

My main problem with this bio is the fact that 'Rebels took you from an orphanage and did experimens to make you stronger."  That in its self is just a little off-base.  Now, not saying it couldn't happen, but not under correct Rebel rule, or I suppose we'd be dealing with the NR (New Republic), now- or no?  I'm not sure.  Either way, if this was done through the proper channels, the idea would be thrown out immedietly- such an idea is more Imperial than Rebel.  However, if there was some sick leader out there with the ambition to carry out those efforts, whose to say he wouldn't be stopped?  You'd need to give us a planet this occured on so we could make sense of it, but there have been times when commanders in bases on distant planets have begun operations that their higher-ups knew nothing about.  A sadistic commander willing to put the lives of infants at risk for fame among his own comrades is, in fact, possible in the SW universe.  That is all I can say on that, otherwise, you need to change it so that it will be acceptable to us.  Under no circumstance will I allow people to have super human strength or speed (not to say that your character does), because it puts them far ahead of their colleages, despite their just as dramatic downfalls.

Other things I noticed were peices in your bio that were incomplete or led us on wild-goose chases.  For instance-

"Oblivious to her origin she was nicked by Gemini in the medical facility where she was born. Her mother died at birth, a death that caused her father to commit suicide, forgetting about the birth of his twins.

With nothing left do, as they their attempts to contact her family proved futile Gemini was sent to a nearby orphan, never to be adopted."

So- you need to say that Gemeni is a constalation and the nurses took a liking to it.  If you don't, you confuse your readers and further thrown them off; even small gramatical or wording errors can do that like when you said-

"With nothin left do"

Now then, after you've escaped this facility you are reduced to stealing and just living life to a low standard- then some guy just says 'Come With Me'- which you somehow understand- and you do?  I would like to know why your character would trust this man so much as to just go away with him and even vice versa.  Why would this man put so much trust in her despite the fact that she is in fact a theif.  Even if he observed her as an excellent looter, would he take one in and run the chance of losing some valuables of his own?  You may also want to supply us with the age that this happened as well as the age that your character broke out of that facility so you can give us a time frame.  I also noticed that you say your name is unknown, yet in order to join the VEN you must have a full name for Identification.  In order to join the VEN- you need to be a VEN citizen, so ID is essential.  Make up a name   Your commanders would have to address you by it but your squadron mates could still call you Gemeni, which is fine and would make very little trouble. 

You noted that you lost some sense from these test but gained some agility- where do these go to?  What senses have become lessened as a cause of these experiments?  Where does your agility most show?  Just reflex or are you very manueverable or both? 

Now that I'm past all of that good stuff, we need to get into your relationship with Hellra or as I suppose you call her- Evani.  You need to tell us which one she is   Was she Hellra and then when she joined the Army she became Evani or what?  I suppose we could be referred to that bio, but lets keep it all here; shouldn't take more than a sentance to explain.  You mentioned that she was 'notorious' meaning famous or cruelty or gratuitious violence sense she's in the army.  What makes her notorious to Gemeni and why?  Through her assasinations did she hear about Evani in some way?  They have absolutely no relation whatsoever, and you keep saying that she's a Rebel, or I suppose now- NR trooper.  What makes her so special?  And what's really, really blurred is how Evani (Hellra) somehow recruited you.  The both of you were arrested for fighting apparenly, which I think you need to read through and clean up so it's a little clearer, but did Evani join the Empire as well?

All of this really comes down to reading through your bio and making sure its sensible.  So you say," If I was reading this, would I know what the heck is going on?"  If you aren't sure, you'll probably wanna fix some things so its a little more plain.  I suggest that you don't just find minor sentences and replace or add things you think will work, but re-write a bit and compare to what you have so it'll fit and be organized to the reader.

I mentioned organization which you took into accoun, (and looks good, btw), but you didn't really get 'emotional description' out.  You said it takes a while to get to know her, but how well do people know her?  Does she tell them that she ran away from some experimental facility and she suffers as well as capitalizes on what she's gained and lost?  You said that they get through her 'icy exterior'.  Is she cruel to people she first meets?  Does she give the cold-shoulder or become purposefully vindictive to acheive some kind of supremecy over her squadron-mates or other pilots?  Would you say she's a generous person?  Does she enjoy time to herself or is she an extrovert and needs to be around people in order to function?  Is she always working on something or is she a pretty lax person?

Do you see what I'm getting at here, or does it all appear to be just random?  I suppose the idea is to be a litle random, but my point is this- you need to provide information to your fellow pilots that will be useful to them and probably essential.  When they meet you for the first time, are you going to be warm and welcoming or give them an abused look?  They need to know how to react.

One more thing- any really outstanding markings from those experiments?  They may contribute to description and emotional enterprising on both your side and the people who will be writing about you. 

Any questions, comments or concerns- just lemme know.  I know this seems to just be rattling at random things, but you are a little more experienced than these new recruits and someone with that experience should appear to have an experienced bio.  Lol, I should take a look at mine- its been a long time.  Probably sticking my fist in my mouth when I say that, but do trust me and you'll be a lot better off for it.  Keep rockin.




 
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*Flash Was Here...*

CMDR/ESN Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]

Edited,
 
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Aegis Squadron

FM/SCRW Gemini/Aegis 9/Pheonix Wing/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE (=A=)

I hope you don't mind Gemini, but I took the liberty of writing a bio for you with a little bit added.  I think I might be able to help, I have been told I'm a decent enough writer.


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Name: Unknown
Callsign: Gemini
Age: 17
Hair: originally jet black, but now a dark blue due to genetic alteration
Length : 5 feet  (Do you mean height?  Maybe add weight/build as well)
Eye colour: green
Skin colour: pale white
Recruited by: Evani
Planet of birth: Anaxen


History
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Gemini was born to a rough world, coming into the world from her dead mother's womb. Her father, distraught over her mother's death, took his own life, leaving her no family to call her own.  She was sent to a local orphanage where life would grant her three years of bliss before slavers raided the orphanage.  After her capture, the slavers took her to and sold her on the twin-sunned, god-forsaken planet of Tatooine. Their goal was to enhance human abilities, but they failed.  Her hair became a deep blue color, like the depths of the sea, and her sense of hearing was broken down.

Fortunately enough, Gemini found a way to escape. Locals found her wandering around, but due to her inability to hear many things, her ability to speak was also impaired and she was unable to communicate with them. She was handed over to authorities who in turn handed her over to one of the few institutes for physiological maladies found on Tatooine. Gemini jumped at the chance of being made whole again and quickly learned new ways of communicating with the outside world.  Having spent years in a laboratory, she also found time to discover herself, her own personality.  Finally she was truly free from the slavers.

A family volunteered to take her in and help her adjust to the rigors of life. It proved successful and Gemini gained the few cherished moments she was never allowed to experience as a child.  She spent time with her adoptive mother as well as some time in flight school, learning ship and fighter controls and for her own, personal safety, basic blaster management.

"Evani who visited the planet where she spent years in slavery recruited Gemini later. Her new family edged her on to join; with a reluctant heart she took the next shuttle to Tadath.

She joined Flight School again, in hopes of receiving a better training experience then the previous Flight school could offer."

(OOC: I couldn't tell what you were saying here, so I just didn't touch it)

Personality:
Gemini is a quiet woman and mostly keeps to herself as a result of the time spent in slavery. The other after-effects of her time in slavery include her lack of self-confidence, tendency to shy from the spotlight, and lack of trust in those around her.

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I tried to show you what I would have done with it, but it was hard because I was just trying to rewrite what you wrote in more cohesive and understandable manner.  My advice: more detail.

EDIT: By detail I mean description.  Paint us a picture with words, not for everything, but for the most important things.

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Senior Crewman Gunnay
Nazgul Three Flight
FM/SCRW Gunnay/Nazgul 3-2/Wing I/mSSD Atrus/1VIF/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

Okay Gunnay. I know you meant well by this, but perhaps you I should tell you a bit more about Gemini. She has two characters. In the army, she is Evani, a Sergeant, Squad Leader, and DJO member. It probably would have been a better idea to talk to her about your ideas of her bio first.
 
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Raiders
SL/CPL Darr-Rann/3SQD/1PLT/1COM/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE/Tadath [LoR][CoR]
|FL/PO1_Demonic/Kaph 5/PheonixWing/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE| (=*A*=)
CORPORAL
SENIOR CREWMAN
one of few - A vast Empire medic
Read Losses of Vandetta by me and Hellra
Flashmaker

Its not about the ideas, its about you rewriting my bio. I welcome any crititism, always. Yes, your hints and help could have helped me out, without taking the liberty of rewriting my bio.

Whats done is done, Shazam seems to be the one who can actually critisize, I prefer his critisizing above yours. Gemini is being killed off anyway, Im restarting my naval carreer. Its dificult rewriting a bio when some of your squad stories already refers to stuff that happened in your previous bio, I need to keep everything in mind of all. Dont rewrite my bio next time.

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DarkDragoons
SL/SGT Evani/2SQD/2PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C][CoR]
TRN/IN Evani/Training 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE