Communications Network
Vast Empire  -  New Posts  -  Search  -  Statistics  -  Login 
 
ComNet > Imperial Navy > Archived Naval Academy > Re-Admission
 
 
 
Author
Topic:  Re-Admission
Tokijin
ComNet Novice
 
Tokijin
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  44
Total Posts:  258
Joined:  Sep 2005
Status:  Offline
  Re-Admission
April 4, 2006 4:38:19 PM    View the profile of Tokijin 
Hey, I've decided to put Nazgul on hold and re-do the training under the new system.
 
-----------------------
Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 7/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin ~
Gemini
ComNet Novice
 
Gemini
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  75
Total Posts:  84
Joined:  Jul 2005
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 4, 2006 4:42:48 PM    View the profile of Gemini 
I'm with her on this, mind if I jump back into training as well?
 
-----------------------
Aegis Squadron

FM/SCRW Gemini/Aegis 9/Pheonix Wing/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE (=A=)
Shazam
ComNet Marshal
 
Shazam
 
[VE-NAVY] Lt. Commander
[VE-VEEC] Chief Reporter
 
Post Number:  2248
Total Posts:  4197
Joined:  Jun 2003
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 4, 2006 5:04:53 PM    View the profile of Shazam 
Sounds good; just make a new post Gemeni and I'll get to you.  Make sure you notify your commander of your decision though; I'll have you returned to the same squadron unless we find it incorrect and unresourceful to do so.

Might as well take this opporutnity to go through some basics so you know what to expect out of all of this.  Number one- you can not be considered a part of the class rank system because you have already been through training and have experience under your belt.  You can not receive any additional promotions because of doing training courses, however- the guts to come back and admit you aren't quite confident in your VE career is admirable and coming back to full activity afterword might be more than enough to get you that promotion you've been waiting for.  After all, the idea behind training is to make you a better writer and participant of the VEN.  If you have any questions, comments or concerns about that- lemme know.

So, you've been through training once, but this is a little different.  A two step procedure won't let you through

I realize you already have a bio written up, so we'll go from that

Full Name: Unknown; goes by Toki or Tokijin
Rank: Senior Crewman
Age: 19
Height: 5'10
Weight: 130 pounds
Skin Color: Pale
Hair Color: Light brown with bangs and the tips of her hair blue.
Eye Color: Green
Home Planet: Farhen Rina
Speaks and Understands: Basic, Farhian.
Family: Mother, no father and no other realitives
Other: Can understand many other languages, but can't speak them.

History: Tokijin was from the planet called Farhen Rina. It was once her home, but after she turned 19, change was becoming vital. Farhen Rina is a water planet, almost every piece of land is covered by water. But those few hundreds who live there have perfected their way of making life on the planet. Farhen Rina houses many rare species of fish and plants that can only be found on Farhen Rina. The people have learned how to make money from these without making the natural life extinct. Twice every year, a cargo ship will leave Farhen Rina and go to many different planets and sell and trade their goods.

Tokijin lived a strict life, unable to live as she wished. Her mother was a single, tall and scary looking woman who would not tolerate failure or disobedince. Tokijin would often wander from home to escape the cruel life she had been given when she wasn't locked up in her room. Tokijin would often go hungry from her mother sending her room, forcing her to skip meals.

She also was rebellious; when compared to other people on her planet. When the cargo ships would leave Farhen twice a year, she was usually going with illegally, hidden in with the cargo. She then would wander around the market places that the ship traveled to, trading and buying things she couldn't get at home, like books. Since she was very young she would sneak on to the ships, but only twice had she been caught doing it.

It was on her 19th birthday and the day before the cargo ship had gotten back and Tokijin had found a new book. She had been sentenced to her room, not minding since she had a new book she could read. But without warning her door whirled open, her mother standing in the doorway. Before she could hide her book, and her mother stomped in and ripped the book from her hands. She only had to glance at it to know where it came from; her house contained no other books. Her mother began searching around her room, tearing open drawers and doors, looking for where she concealed the other books, ignoring the cries of terror from her daughter. But instead of finding more books, she found receipts. When Toki went back to the market places, she would trade the books for a different one after she finished it and each of the receipts had been labeled with the date and year. She took the vital pieces of information and her book and left Tokijin's room, slamming the door as she left.

Tokijin layed on her bed, staring out her window. She needed to get out. She loved her home land but the people she had no care for. She grabbed her small bag and filled it with what little she had; another cargo ship would leave the next day because of an accident that had happened the day before.

The next day Tokijin sat still, waiting on her bed. Her mother would be letting her out soon for breakfast. She heard the click of the lock out side of her door. At the noise, she stood up readying herself. The door slowly pushed open and she dashed out the door, only glancing at her mother as she ran past and out the front door. She didn't stop running until she reached the cargo ship. She bribed one of the men loading the ship and he let her on board. The next thing she new, she was waiting for the ship to land, siting in the passenger part of the ship. Farhen Rina was a distant memory now. When the ship landed, she would find a way to the Vast Empire, and start a new life as Tokijin. Those who searched for her wouldn't find her at the Vast Empire, because the people of Farhen Rina never knew Tokijin, and they never would.

Other: Tokijin is a strong person and prefers hand to hand combat, considering her limbs are so powerful. (While she explored her planet, swimming was required) She is also a sort of perfectionist. She is afraid of failing because of the harsh punishment she had to endure while living under her mother's rules. She doesn't like huge crowds, but is outgoing. She has basicly erased her past, preferring not to remember all the hours spent in her room, isolated.


What has changed since I looked at this bio last- Why is it that Toki's mother is so cruel?  What has caused her to be that way?  And why is it that she decided to go to the VEN?  I mean, she could have done a number of things to 'disappear' that were outside the miliatary and most would avoid that course of action because it would put them in harms way.  What makes her so bent on being in the military then?  Attention?  People take her seriously?  No one can mess with her?  And after this decision to join the VEN, does she regret her choice?  Does she miss her mother despite her cruetly?

Also- that bio looks pretty good; I've obviously ran through it once or twice with you so its going to be that way anyways.  However, I'd like you to try and seperate it up a little bit so its easier for people to read through it and get the information they want.  By that I mean split it up so you have 'Emotional Description', "physical description,' and then "history'.  That's about all I'm going to say about that.

Once you are completed with those changes, go on ahead and proceed to the link below to find 'Chapter II' or "Pilot Procedure.''  There you will learn about basic equipment and strategy.  If you have any problems with it, just let me know.  Remember to put all of your work in here, or I might not see it.

http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Flight_School_%28FS%29

Thanks, and I hope this works for you- rock on.
 
-----------------------
*Flash Was Here...*

CMDR/ESN Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]
Tokijin
ComNet Novice
 
Tokijin
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  45
Total Posts:  258
Joined:  Sep 2005
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 20, 2006 5:22:34 PM    View the profile of Tokijin 
Hey Shaz, I've been working on the emotional and physical section in my bio. I want to answer the questions you gave me but I'm not sure how you want to me to do that. Like in my bio or in a post. Thanks!

Sadreen
 
-----------------------
Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 7/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin ~
Gunnay
ComNet Initiate
 
Gunnay
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  134
Total Posts:  319
Joined:  Mar 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 21, 2006 12:30:16 AM    View the profile of Gunnay 
Do them in the bio and repost it here.  If you think the changes may be overlooked, put them in [] brackets.
 
-----------------------
Senior Crewman Gunnay
Nazgul 3-2
Adjutant to the Training Officer
A:TO/FM/SCRW Gunnay/Nazgul 3-2/Wing I/mSSD Atrus/1VIF/VEN/VE (=*A*=)
Tokijin
ComNet Novice
 
Tokijin
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  46
Total Posts:  258
Joined:  Sep 2005
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 21, 2006 4:14:48 PM    View the profile of Tokijin 
Ah Thank you Gunnay! Ok, here's my edited bio with emtional, physical, and etc.

Full Name: Unknown; goes by Toki or Tokijin
Rank: Senior Crewman
Age: 19
Height: 5'10
Weight: 130 pounds
Skin Color: Pale
Hair Color: Light brown with bangs and the tips of her hair blue.
Eye Color: Green
Home Planet: Farhen Rina
Speaks and Understands: Basic, Farhian. 
Family: Mother, no father and no other relatives
Other: Can understand many other languages, but can't speak them.

Emotional Description: Tokijin is very shy around people she doesn't know and has to be associated with, but when she's with a group of friends she's very outgoing. The only thing she's really afraid of is failure because of the torment her mother put her through; making her a sort of perfectionist.

Physical Description: She is physically strong, particularly her legs because of the vast amounts of water on her home planet, swimming was a necessity.

History:
Tokijin was from the planet called Farhen Rina. It was once her home, but after she turned 19, change was becoming vital. Farhen Rina is a water planet, almost every piece of land is covered by water. But those few hundreds who live there have perfected their way of making life on the planet. Farhen Rina houses many rare species of fish and plants that can only be found on Farhen Rina. The people have learned how to make money from these without making the natural life extinct. Twice every year, a cargo ship will leave Farhen Rina and go to many different planets and sell and trade their goods.

Tokijin lived a strict life, unable to live as she wished. Her mother was a single, tall and scary looking woman. Her husband left Farhen Rina when Tokijin had just been born, not wanting to bare the responsibility of a child. He left the two with no money and no connections, making life difficult. As Tokijin grew, her mother's kindness was lost and no love was found in their mother-daughter relationship, her mother only finding Toki a burdence that she didn't deserve.

Her mother would also not tolerate failure or disobedience. Tokijin would often wander from home to escape the cruel life she had been given when she wasn't locked up in her room and would often go hungry from the isolation, forcing her to skip meals.

She also was rebellious, when compared to other people on her planet. When the cargo ships would leave Farhen twice a year, she was usually going with illegally, hidden in with the cargo. She then would wander around the market places that the ship traveled to, trading and buying things she couldn't get at home like books. Since she was very young she would sneak on to the ships, but only twice had she been caught doing it.

It was on her 19th birthday and the day before the cargo ship had gotten back and Tokijin had found a new book. She had been sentenced to her room, not minding since she had a new book she could read. But without warning her door whirled open, her mother standing in the doorway. Before she could hide her book, and her mother stomped in and ripped the book from her hands. She only had to glance at it to know where it came from; her house contained no other books. Her mother began searching around her room, tearing open drawers and doors, looking for where she concealed the other books, ignoring the cries of terror from her daughter. But instead of finding more books, she found receipts. When Toki went back to the market places, she would trade the books for a different one after she finished it and each of the receipts had been labeled with the date and year. She took the vital pieces of information and her book and left Tokijin's room, slamming the door as she left.

Tokijin laid on her bed, staring out her window. She needed to get out, away from the place that kept her from living her life. She loved her homeland but the people she had no care for. She grabbed her small bag and filled it with what little she had; another cargo ship would leave the next day because of an accident that had happened the day before.

The next day Tokijin sat still, waiting on her bed. Her mother would be letting her out soon for breakfast. She heard the click of the lock outside of her door. At the noise, she stood up readying herself. The door slowly pushed open and she dashed out the door, only glancing at her mother as she ran past and out the front door. She didn't stop running until she reached the cargo ship. She bribed one of the men loading the ship and he let her on board. The next thing she new, she was waiting for the ship to land, sitting in the passenger part of the ship for the first time in her life. Farhen Rina was a distant memory now. When the ship landed, she would find a way to the Vast Empire, and start a new life and forget the old one.

Toki had heard rumors about the navy when she had gone to other planets and flying had always been a great interest of hers, but she knew what she had to do once she joined. She thought it would be a great place to go because of only two people on her planet have ever learned how to fly making her choice something they wouldn't think of. If they had a chance of finding her, she would never leave.

After Joining the VEN:
Flight school for her was a challenge but more than anything she wanted somewhere to belong, giving her a goal and giving her more determination because she never had anything to strive for. She wanted something to protect, to hold on to, and something to live for and finally found it.
She misses the immense amounts of fresh water and the only friend she had while growing up on Farhen. But she just wanted to prove to herself that she wasn't a waste of air and she wanted to prove to her fellow pilots that she can't be underestimated. She believes that the people she fights needs to be defeated because the people who fight in the VEN are fighting for the future of happy lives for everyone underneath it. She doesn't like to senselessly kill people and will try to avoid it when she can, but when her friends are in danger, she will do anything to try and protect them.
The few who searched for her wouldn't find her at the Vast Empire, because the people of Farhen Rina never knew her as Tokijin, and they never would.



-----------------------
Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 7/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin ~
[This message has been edited by Tokijin (edited April 21, 2006 4:15:37 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Tokijin (edited April 23, 2006 6:47:05 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Tokijin (edited April 30, 2006 1:36:18 PM)]
Gunnay
ComNet Initiate
 
Gunnay
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  145
Total Posts:  319
Joined:  Mar 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 21, 2006 4:29:51 PM    View the profile of Gunnay 
I like it! Nice job.
 
-----------------------
Senior Crewman Gunnay
Nazgul 3-2
Adjutant to the Training Officer
A:TO/FM/SCRW Gunnay/Nazgul 3-2/Wing I/mSSD Atrus/1VIF/VEN/VE (=*A*=)
Shazam
ComNet Marshal
 
Shazam
 
[VE-NAVY] Lt. Commander
[VE-VEEC] Chief Reporter
 
Post Number:  2317
Total Posts:  4197
Joined:  Jun 2003
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 22, 2006 3:32:07 PM    View the profile of Shazam 
That does look good, but what I was trying to figure out is how we can build off of your character while you post.  A lot of people have a history that either haunts them or daunts them in their task in the Navy- what is that for you?  A bad connection with a mother probably isn't enough, so I was looking to establish something else with you.  By asking you - "Do you regret this?"  we can infer or continue to ask a lot of things.  By your very, very breif explanation of the VE and your character's understing of it, it leads us to think or presume that your character truly knows little about it.  By that I mean that I don't think your character realized what it was going to take to get into the navy-  she was going to be killing people.  How does she feel about joining a group of people and commiting senseless murder?  Does she really beleive that it doesn't matter?  She's caught up in all of these books, you'd think she'd have a greater value for the human life?  What has the empire offered her that makes her so well alligned with it?  Serurity, dependence?  Resistance from the tyranny of her mother?  I'm just asking for something a little deeper- do you understand or do we need to continue to work that out?  Lemme know- your bio is looking excellent otherwise.  You might also want to include whether you had trouble through flight school or night- it appears you have little or no previous flight expereince other than sitting in the hull of a transport every once in a while.  Thas about all I got right now-Keep rocking.
 
-----------------------
*Flash Was Here...*

CMDR/ESN Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]
Tokijin
ComNet Novice
 
Tokijin
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  47
Total Posts:  258
Joined:  Sep 2005
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 23, 2006 6:49:42 PM    View the profile of Tokijin 
ok, i have edited some more. I hope i answered everything...
 
-----------------------
Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 7/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin ~
Shazam
ComNet Marshal
 
Shazam
 
[VE-NAVY] Lt. Commander
[VE-VEEC] Chief Reporter
 
Post Number:  2326
Total Posts:  4197
Joined:  Jun 2003
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 24, 2006 5:01:22 PM    View the profile of Shazam 
So just one last note- your character's need for a place to have for herself trumps the fact that she kills people?  Does she take any pride in her work then or does she beleive that the people she is fighting need to be defeated because the Empire has given you this much and your character beleives that the people who fighter the VEN are only fighting the future of happy lives for everyone underneath it?  I'm just trying to figure out your character's stigma around the VEN.

Anyways- if you are done with that, its time to get to the part you have the most trouble with.  Tactics and technical description

Now, since this is what I beleive you have the ut-most problem with, we're going to work primarilly on this.  I'd like you to start with the assigned underneat Chapter II of the Flight School page found at:

http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Flight_School_%28FS%29

Now- post both your answers here and what I'd like you to do is be very, very in depth with them.  Try to understand every possibility for the two manuevers you decide to choose.  We can start simple with manuevers like 'the barrel roll' and the immelman or it's counter-part the 'split-s,' but eventually we are going to work our way up. 

Also, allow me to help you understand something about flight in the VEN- we use TIE interceptors that are extremely capable craft in space.  Space has no gravity and there is rarely a substance that floats around that inhibits our abilities.  However, when we enter atmosphere, which is the feild around a planet, although I suppose some don't have them, we experience gravity and everything that comes with it.  Within gravity, things get a lot more technical and we expereince things like drag or pull, g's and pressure changes.  So, when you read the offensive and defensive side of the manuevers you choose, tell me if you think they are primarilly atmospheric or space coordinated.  I can't wait to see what you have for us: lets nip this in the butt   Rock On.
 
-----------------------
*Flash Was Here...*

CMDR/ESN Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]
Gunnay
ComNet Initiate
 
Gunnay
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman
 
Post Number:  165
Total Posts:  319
Joined:  Mar 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: Re-Admission
April 24, 2006 6:16:41 PM    View the profile of Gunnay 
I like the bio as a whole.  See Shazam's post for questions :-p
 
-----------------------
Senior Crewman Gunnay
Nazgul 3-2
Adjutant to the Training Officer
A:TO/FM/SCRW Gunnay/Nazgul 3-2/Wing I/mSSD Atrus/1VIF/VEN/VE (=*A*=)
ComNet > Imperial Navy > Archived Naval Academy > Re-Admission  |  New Posts    
 

All times are CST. The time now is 11:15:49 AM
Comnet Jump:

Current Online Members - 0  |  Guests - 248  |  Bots - 2
 
< Contact Us - The Vast Empire >
 
Powered by ComNet Version 7.2
Copyright © 1998-2025 The Imperial Network
 
This page was generated in 1.211 seconds.