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Topic:  Yoder's bio
Yoder
ComNet n00b
 
[VE-ARMY] Private
 
Post Number:  17
Total Posts:  486
Joined:  Feb 2006
Status:  Offline
  Yoder's bio
February 4, 2006 8:08:36 PM    View the profile of Yoder 
Age: 24
Eye's: brown
Hair: dark brown
Race: Coreillian
Skills: I can run or walk silently
Height: 6"00'
Weight: 178 pounds
build: medium
History:
    I was ten when my parents died from resisting arrest from CorSec, now called the P.S.S (public security sector) and I was let go with only a vibrosword, hold-out blaster, some rations,4 days worth of water if used right, survival kit with instructions, a few photos of my parents and some other relatives I know only by name and sometimes met them but rarely, and only one other  place to go and my grandaunts orphanage so I went there until I turned Eighteen.
  After that she died in a raid from pirates she saved my life by pushing me in there ship. Later they found me and recruited me in. I accepted with a devious plan to kill the captain steal a small ship with a hyperdrive and blow there small capital ship into a million pieces, also killing personally the captain my grandaunts killer.Two years later I killed him with a blaster in his face with him begging for mercy and I first shot of each toe and finger before he gave me a small frigates access codes to leave then I shot him in the stomach then the heart then between the eyes.
    I escaped but I was barely able to convince the astro droid that was badly damaged during a gunfight, to take the ship I killed the "winner" of the fight and stole the ship and left. The astro droid guided me to Coreillian space after two years I went to imperial space and I worked my living there ever since.

Bio:
  I go to a bar after a long day of hard work on the Imperial world. I walk in to see a familiar face "Hello my old friend. How's it going "the human says "Not bad until you showed up?" * I smile* "Well you could give me some Coreillian ale not the brand made here, the brand made in coreillia "human says" Well you have gotten back from work, so here's one on the house" "thank you a day of fortune to us both we need it" *both of us laugh* the trandos in the corner of the room, suddenly,start a fire fight with 5 stormtroopers all blasters set to knock out of course.I knew well enough that they were to my surprise the stormtrooper closest to us shot me and used a vibroblade on my friend.
    *Hours later * Ughghhh * I get up* *notice that im in a Imperial stormtrooper recruitment stormtrooper line * a few hours later* a petty officer says" now go into this room and you will take a test by a droid answer as best you can "I say" how did I get here" petty officer" well you were knocked out and now have to work some personal depts. for a ale you gave to a now dead bartender the law requires you go into service, but since the bartender is dead you have to stay in service until you reach 45 at least if you are still a enlisted, now take that test"
    I say "Sir Yes Sir" * marches into room* *hours upon hours later the droid goes out to the officer * *I barely hear scrapes of what the officer was saying to himself* *the petty officer come in* petty officer" upon your test you passed *he smiles moment* now go and make the empire glad your in at all "I say "WHOOPYEEE I MADE IT YAY HIPHIPHORAAY" *goes to training next day *

End of Holo


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i have a very bad feeling about this :han solo
why do you say that: luke skywalker
oh no reason :han
do you say it beacuse were being run over by a kid in a super sized death star :luke
well you could say that then again obi wan likes to jabs us alot too:han
yea that too :luke
[This message has been edited by Yoder (edited February 4, 2006 9:44:46 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Yoder (edited February 4, 2006 9:45:56 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Yoder (edited February 5, 2006 3:27:48 PM)]
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
 
Cosmic
 
[VE-ARMY] Major General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
 
Post Number:  4441
Total Posts:  7772
Joined:  Sep 2000
Status:  Offline
  RE: Yoder's bio
February 4, 2006 8:42:47 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Better than last, but I'm going to have you fix it up a bit more.

1) The words "Imperial" and "Empire" are pronouns in your context. They must always begin with uppercase letters.

2) Spell out your numbers. Do not say "2 years later" or anything similar. Write "Two years later". Using "2" and not "two" makes your writing miserable to read, and it makes you look sloppy/lazy.

3) It's good that you are using a program with grammar/spellchecker, but you need to watch out for those punctuation errors as well. There were quite a few sentences that lacked commas.

4) Make use of paragraphs. Don't clutter all of your text together. It makes it harder to read.

5) I think that people are misunderstanding what a Character Biography is. A character biography does not include both a "History" and "Character Biography". The Character Biography that you are required to write is simply an informative story of your character. It allows our members to understand who your character is, where he/she came from, his/her attitudes/personality, and why he/she is the person they are. Just keep that in mind. Note that you should put some time and effort into your Character Biography - this story tells the past events of your character and informs the readers of who your character is.

And just a side note, Microsoft Word-to-ComNet copy/pasting gets a little messy. Kadann has done an amazing job with fixing the code to allow ComNet to recognize Microsoft Word characters, such as curly/straight quotes, etc., but, unfortunately, the "&" symbal still doesn't truly copy/paste well from Word to ComNet. When you type "..." in Microsoft Word and paste that sentence in ComNet, you will typically see those three dots turn into an ampersand. Once you paste it here, you'll have to go to every location with a "..." and just retype those three dots.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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Yoder
ComNet n00b
 
[VE-ARMY] Private
 
Post Number:  20
Total Posts:  486
Joined:  Feb 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: Yoder's bio
February 4, 2006 9:48:51 PM    View the profile of Yoder 
Is it good enough now cos. I will make my bio bigger if I think of more of the past of my character more. Did I fix everything? 
 
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i have a very bad feeling about this :han solo
why do you say that: luke skywalker
oh no reason :han
do you say it beacuse were being run over by a kid in a super sized death star :luke
well you could say that then again obi wan likes to jabs us alot too:han
yea that too :luke
Merrick
ComNet Marshal
 
Merrick
 
[VE-ARMY] 1st Lieutenant
 
Post Number:  396
Total Posts:  659
Joined:  Feb 2002
Status:  Offline
  RE: Yoder's bio
February 5, 2006 3:43:57 AM    View the profile of Merrick 
Short answer: No.

Long answer: Censored
 
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Jester Squad
XO/1LT Merrick/VEA/TADATH/VE [CotE][SoA][CoH]
Army Executive Officer
Verastinian Republic - Minister of Subversion
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To thy protection fear and sorrow flee, and those that weary are of light find rest in thee.
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.
Yoder
ComNet n00b
 
[VE-ARMY] Private
 
Post Number:  22
Total Posts:  486
Joined:  Feb 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: Yoder's bio
February 5, 2006 11:07:28 AM    View the profile of Yoder 
What is uncensored supposed to mean. I thought it meant that black box thing or not showing some body part. And what did I not fix.
 
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i have a very bad feeling about this :han solo
why do you say that: luke skywalker
oh no reason :han
do you say it beacuse were being run over by a kid in a super sized death star :luke
well you could say that then again obi wan likes to jabs us alot too:han
yea that too :luke
Jakireth
ComNet Member
 
Jakireth
 
[VE-ARMY] Lance Corporal
[VE-DJO] Uninitiate
[VE-VEEC] Reporter
 
Post Number:  897
Total Posts:  1356
Joined:  Apr 2005
Status:  Offline
  RE: Yoder's bio
February 5, 2006 4:45:06 PM    View the profile of Jakireth 
...

 
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Iron Horse Squad
Army of the Vast Empire
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TRP/LCPL Jakireth/1SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR]
Rep/Reporter Jakireth/NewsRep: 2/News Division/VET/VE
Yoder
ComNet Novice
 
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Post Number:  28
Total Posts:  486
Joined:  Feb 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: Yoder's bio
February 5, 2006 9:19:41 PM    View the profile of Yoder 
LOL
 
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Yoder
trp/pvt
Yoder/
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
 
Cosmic
 
[VE-ARMY] Major General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
 
Post Number:  4456
Total Posts:  7772
Joined:  Sep 2000
Status:  Offline
  RE: Yoder's bio
February 20, 2006 10:07:20 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
It's an improvement. Don't use actions within asterisks, though. Write your stories in third-person, not like you're in mIRC chat.

I'll place you in a squad.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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