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halsey7
ComNet n00b

[VE-ARMY] Private

Post Number: 11
Total Posts: 45
Joined: Nov 2005
Status: Offline

my biography

November 25, 2005 6:38:14 PM

eyes:Ice blue/gray
Hair:deep black
Scars: many from various fights most notable long line on neck

I was named after the great World War Two admiral Halsey. I was a reckless young person getting into many fights. My dad tried to straighten me out by enrolling me into the Imperiel Navy where I arised to rear admiral soon at a battle i don't remember the name of my capital ship was destoyed but I was given another chance after my close encounter with death I decided to join the Army under Major General Cosmic. So now I am writing my biography from drill squad where I am a new private.

[This message has been edited by halsey7 (edited November 25, 2005 6:39:03 PM)]

Marka
ComNet Novice

[VE-ARMY] Private First Class

Post Number: 71
Total Posts: 414
Joined: Oct 2005
Status: Offline

RE: my biography

November 25, 2005 10:09:04 PM

So, is that your characters bio or yours? Because I am slightly confused...

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Private First Class Marka
Fire Team Captain
- Raider Squad -
FTC/PFC Marka/3SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE
[LoR][ES2C]

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together"

Hellra
ComNet Member

[VE-ARMY] Sergeant
[VE-DJO] Uninitiate
[VE-VEEC] Gaming Reporter

Post Number: 843
Total Posts: 3141
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline

RE: my biography

November 25, 2005 10:40:26 PM

Writing is firt person's view is a challenge, and it is required that you write in third person's view when participating in stories with you squad.
Use MSword when typing this type of stories, it help you out with your spelling and ETC.

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--Corporal-Hellra--
-Dark-Dragoons-
SL/SGT Hellra/2SQD/2PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C][CoR]

Cosmic
ComNet Marshal

[VE-ARMY] Major General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor

Post Number: 4275
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline

RE: my biography

November 25, 2005 10:47:05 PM

Ok. Constructive criticism time!

1) Read 'Cosmic's Biography - Also Used As An Example'. Disregard the fact that it's written in 1st person, and I even state that 3rd person should be used, not 1st person because it is more difficult to write effectively in.

2) There is no "World War II" in the StarWars universe. Besides, what world had the war? We're dealing with entire galaxies :P

3) A prestigious "Admiral" would forget the name of a great battle he was in? Hard to believe.

4) The background of the character is a bit unrealistic. Read my biography and then create your own. Be creative!

I'll read it again when you're finished.

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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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[This message has been edited by Cosmic (edited November 25, 2005 11:10:16 PM)]

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