Physical Appearance:

Native Language: rumanian
Hair Color:none
Eye Color: red
Skin Color: White (with a tan)
Height: 4.8'
Weight: 150 lbs
Age: 127
Full Name: alfiet shiave
Physical Build: Muscular
Home world: rumana
Hobie: potion making


Talents/Skills

1) hand combat and home world fighting skill huru
1A) useless with guns and can make a simple stick a powerful weapon
1B) mostly carries a long wooden stick
2) creates various potions as Hobie

Background History


It started in rumana. A young boy at the age of  73  was found  alone with no one to look out for him accept himself. The ski was lit with red flames and black smoke and the oxygen was low on rumana at these tense times. Most of the the planets population was whiped out by the octo plasmic bomb but there was still few who suvived.
alfiet shiave was one of them. he wasnt very tall and he was only 73 years old ( this is young for rumanians ) he had no hair but this is normal for there species and dark crimson red eyes which glowed bright at dark times. His skin was white with a tan and a few large burns from the explosions. He was pretty strong for his age and look fairly muscular. He enjoyed potions making , they remind him of his mother.

he grew up in the harsh conditions of rumana, soon he was forced to move to the planet of heropheria , a small purple planet a few light years away. the conditions was better there but was treated like a slave by the home kind. The work he was put to was hard and exhausting but he still continued. A few years time he was used to the ways of the heropherians and he started to understand there language but still missed a few words here and there. After around 10 years of slavery he was left to himself to explore this new world he has been dumped in. He found so much was different and he soon met someone of his own kind they stayed together for awhile and started to teach themself the ancient art of there home kind fighting skill known as huru.

They trained long and hard he wondered how long he would have to stay on this planet , would this place be attacked aswell?
He knowtised that the slavery had made him alot stronger and now he could put this to a test , both him and his new friend trained against each other , learning from a holo-book.

As alfiet shiave came to 124 years of age he set himself a task of defending his home kind and fighting for what had once happened.
A month later the same fleet which attacked his home kind attacked heropheria. He couldn't do anything. he could not fight . They would not let him
only heropherians could fight but once again they lost.

Now he is 126 and fighting for a chance to prove himself worthy to defend his own planet.

oh ok i didnt know that

is it ok if i change a few things then to avoid earth

Oops...acidenlty deleted my post, .*sighs* :P

*salute*

good to be here

This is my bio, and i am going double post, so the bios stay seperate...

    ------------------------------------------------------------ Name: Hellen Le Clerique
Callsign: Hellra
Race: human
Gender: female
Eye colour: Blue
Skin: light
Hair colour: Dark blonde
Hair length: Underneath shoulders.
Hairstyle: spiky and wild, sometimes held back with a black bandanna.
Length: 1, 4 m
Age: 16...
Build: short, yet slim. with a slight stout stature{Build needs to be reconfigured}
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------

On a stormy night on the Planet of Tadath, a baby was found, screaming her lungs out as rain beaded down on her raging face where she was left on the doorstep of a humongous house. A sea of light suddenly flooded the small space where she resided. An irritated man look through the doorway in hopes finding the sound that woke him. The crying baby's scream made him look down. His face softened as he stooped down and picked the baby up.

The man was head of a highly respected family in the society and community. At that time he wanted to raise her as a servant in the family's house, so they gave her a simple peasant name; Hellen, but the baby girl crept into his heart and he adopted her as part of the family, although his wife heavily objected against it.

Her new brother and sister didn't mind though, and she quickly to charge over both of them, manipulating them to do missions and pranks with her. She was a born mischief-maker at that time. Hellen grew up to a healthy and hyperactive four-year-old girl before her adoptive mother and father sent her off to institutes to further educate her, much to her mother's relief to be ridden off her.

To her father it was a disappointment they sent her back, concluding she didn't cooperate with their codes and rules. He assigned her to martial arts classes just to keep her busy and out of trouble. This attempt proved successful as Hellra participated in the classes even though she didn't excel at it as she hoped she could. It lowered her moral considerably When her master died she refused to continue any further training not wanting to waste her time with something she can't do.

At the time she reached the age of ten, she was rebellious mischief-maker, way to early to her adoptive parent's liking. She lived in regret towards her self for not living up to her family's name as her brother and sister did who both excelled in academics that time. By the age of twelve, she spent most of her time in nearby forests. Her rebellious spirit grew silently; years of being verbally abused by her mother and several other family members made her lose her calm. In a raging fight with her adoptive parents she stormed from the house when she found out she was adopted. Not able to adapt to this, she turned her back on them vowing never to return.

How long she spent in the forest varied from long days to mere weeks before off-world slave traders captured her. She spent long, suffering days in an overfull cargo filled with other captives, slaves, dead bodies, and human soil. She was taken to Tatooine. This changed her life; she immediately understood what happened if she proved her self-weak. Death. Taken in by abusing masters she lost her spirit, and was forced to stoop down to a beggar's life almost. Rummaging the early mourning filled trashcans and stealing.

Her master was killed by his competition and his wife committed suicide shortly afterwards. Not minding their fortunate deaths Hellen thought she was free at last.

(Not finished)

-----------------------
--Corporal Hellra--
- Raider Squad -
FTL/CPLHellra/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C]
Storm, you better get your ass in gear, cause Wildcard's gonna make it hot in here.
The world is about me, it revolves around me, take that in mind... :P

OK i understand I'm not a very good writer but
i had another shot at it and i hope this is a bit more imaginative
and more like its in the star war universe

Right Caps.
I'll remember that.
Any comments to improve the history?

Hmm... different, yes, but it's still pretty much the same in some ways.

What I would like you to do is look at my biography (disregard the fact that I wrote in 1st person, because I want you writing in 3rd person), and see how I write. I don't write in quick, direct statements. I present my biography in a story format, and that's how yours should be as well. Look also at the other biographies that were made - they are all in story format. Yours is like a brief one-liner comment, not really a story to follow about what your character's past was like, where you came from, and why you are who you are.

Be creative with it.

Keep trying. Everyone gets better with time and practice.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------

Ok, this is what we discussed on the main channel: I'm highlighted some portions in bold to show you where changes were needed - a miss-spelled word, using uppercase letters instead of lowercase in various parts, adding sections, etc. I didn't fix it completely, but just showed some various parts that were important.

Pronouns (names of people, cities, etc.) always start with an uppercase letter.

Knowing where to put commas, periods, colons, semi-colons, etc., come with time and practice.

There are many words that sound alike, but are not alike at all. Some of the most common mistakes people make are "their" and "there", "no" and "know".

The bio is a vast improvement over your last two. I will place you in a squad - your grammar will be learned in time (as is the case with everyone else).

Great job on the improvements

-----------------------------

Physical Appearance:

Native Language: Rumanian
Hair Color: none
Eye Color: red
Skin Color: White (with a tan)
Height: 4.8'
Weight: 150 lbs
Age: 127
Full Name: Alfiet Hiave
Physical Build: Muscular
Home world: Rumana
Hobie: potion making


Talents/Skills

1) Hand-to-hand combat and homeworld fighting skill: Huru
1A) Useless with guns and can make a simple stick a powerful weapon
1B) Mostly carries a long wooden stick
2) Creates various potions as Hobie


Background History

It started in Rumana. A young boy at the age of 73 was found alone with no one to look out for him except himself. The sky was lit with red flames and black smoke and the oxygen was low on Rumana at these tense times. Most of the the planet's population was wiped out by the octo plasmic bomb, but there was still a few who suvived. Alfiet Shiave was one of them. He wasn't very tall and was only 73 years old (this is young for Rumanians). He had no hair, but this is normal for there species, and dark crimson red eyes which glowed brightly during dark times. His skin was white with a tan and a few large burns from the explosions. He was pretty strong for his age and looked fairly muscular. He enjoys potion-creation because they remind him of his mother.

He grew up in the harsh conditions of Rumana, and was soon forced to move to the planet of Heropheria , a small purple planet a few light years away. The conditions were better there, but he was treated like a slave by the natives. The work he was assigned to do was hard and exhausting, but he still pressed on. After a few years, he was used to the ways of the Heropherians and started to understand their language, but still missed a few words here and there. After around 10 years of slavery, he was left to himself to explore this new world he had been dumped on. He found so much was different from his own homeworld, and soon met someone of his own kind. They stayed together for a while and started to teach themselves the ancient art of their homeworld's fighting skill known as Huru.

They trained long and hard and he wondered how long he would have to stay on this planet; would this place be attacked as well?
He noticed that the slavery had made him alot stronger, and now he could put this to a test: both he and his new friend trained against each other, learning from a holo-book.

As Alfiet Shiave came to 124 years of age, he set himself a task of defending his fellow natives and fighting for what had once happened.
A month later, the same fleet which attacked his homeworld attacked Heropheria. He couldn't do anything. He could not fight . They would not let him,
only Heropherians could fight, but they lost once again.

He is now 126 and fighting for a chance to prove himself worthy to defend his own planet.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------