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Topic:  Phenix's Biography
Phenix
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Phenix
 
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  Phenix's Biography
September 27, 2005 6:39:43 PM    View the profile of Phenix 
Physical Appearance

Native Language: Basic
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Eye Color: Platinum Blue
Gender: Male
Skin Color: Almost pale white
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 143 lbs
Age: 24
Full Name: Phenix Hades Jansen
Physical Build: Tall and slim, but with a slight muscular build
Home world: Bakura

Talents/Skills

1. Comprehension of complex machinery
i)    Skills in vehicle repair and operation
ii)    Experience in working with electronics and weapon mechanisms
iii)    Knowledge in programming and computer hacking
iv)    Skill in piloting and navigating starships and ground vehicles

2. Personality traits adequate to carry out complex tasks and endure complicated situations
i)    Superior creativity and resourcefulness
ii)    Quick reflexes and intuition
iii)    Highly intelligent, matched with a sharp personality
iv)    Good natural instincts and important survival knowledge

3. Practice in the following fields:
i)    Vehicle maintenance and operation
ii)    Computer slicing, programming, and comprehension
iii)    Electronic circuitry
iv)    Weapon repair, maintenance, and construction
v)    Survival skills
vi)    Surveillance using electronic equipment

Flaws/Weaknesses

1. Since Phenix has not had any real battle experience yet, he will tend to be a little hesitant to shoot somebody on instinct. This is why he preferred to enter the Imperial Army as a vehicle technician/pilot.

2. Having a sheltered childhood on a lonely planet, Phenix has had some new experiences that have opened up some new curiosities inside him. He may be a little too inquisitive at times.

3. Phenix's will to impress his superiors also leads to his nervousness. When all eyes are on him, it somewhat causing him to be a little muddled about the task he is doing.

4. Phenix never has been much of a physically strong man. He has had his share of workouts, but by no means is a hercular individual. His mind is his real strength.

5. Phenix can become very hot-headed when it comes to being topped by other people. He has learned to be the best that he can be, and that makes him strive to be better than everyone else.

6. Finally, Phenix has not yet proven his inner strength yet. This makes him a little bit intrusive about his confidence. He needs to be assured that he has the potential, even though he knows it is inside him.

Biography

    Phenix Hades Jansen lived on the planet of Bakura as early as he can remember. Most of Phenix's mechanical experience with machines came while growing up on this planet. Many Imperial fleets could be seen coming and going from the planet at all times.

    Phenix grew up in a prominent family, in a supportive household. Everything Phenix wanted, his parents made sure it was there for him. Of course, he did not get what he wanted at no cost; his parents always made sure he earned his privileges. As a day job for a majority of Phenix's youth, he worked for his father (Mick Jansen) as a maintenance mechanic for the local townspeople. He would spend his days fixing landspeeders for the majority of the time, until one day his father (who owned his own shop) taught Phenix how to repair the hyperdrive system in a small private starship.

              After this, Phenix had the experience to begin working on small spacecraft, and eventually got himself enough credit in the town, and customers would bring their vehicles to him, instead of only his father. Phenix became known as his father's partner, rather than his son, and shared ownership of the shop. Eventually, Phenix's skills developed, and he was eager to improve his abilities.

    As a gift for his 17th birthday (in standard Galactic years), Phenix's father made a deal with a stranded merchant who he happened to come across. In return for fixing the merchant's ship, Mick wanted only for the merchant to take Phenix somewhere, so that he wasn't stranded his whole life on a dull planet with no future.

    On the night of his departure, Phenix lay on the grass outside his family's home, watching the stars blink in the mysterious night sky. As he began to wander into a dream, Phenix sees a small yet piercing light erupt from the reaches of space outside his planet's atmosphere. This light belonged to a Class 1-Imperial Star Destroyer. From then on, as the excitement and admiration of such a breathtaking piece of machinery rushed into his mind, Phenix was determined to eventually build giant starship wonders for the Empire, like the one he saw that night.

    Phenix was brought aboard the merchant's ship (called the Liberator, by chance), and was introduced to the merchant. He was only known to Phenix as Kil Raider, and was a phenomenal pilot. On the way to the planet Druckenwell, where Kil had to make a quick stop, he taught Phenix some of the tricks he picked up over the many years of space adventuring. Phenix learned all kinds of useful programs and techniques for hacking into ship computers, how many kinds of electronics worked, and how to work with electronic devices.

    After Kil and Phenix landed on Druckenwell, in the city of Farahan, they went to an urban industrial area, which contrasted to some of the beauty that Phenix noticed in other parts of the city. Phenix never forgot the dilapidated buildings, crippling under their own weight. The greys and blacks that were laid upon the structuring were a pain to Phenix's eyes...a pain that he did not know he would soon learning to serve. Kil introduced Phenix to his contacts, and introduced them as loyalists to the Republican flag. Phenix had not known much of the Rebellion, only that they were supposedly adversaries to the Imperial principles.

    After a long talk about something called an "XD-99" (which Phenix assumed was either a vehicle model number or some sort of weapon), the group wandered into a nearby warehouse, filled with dirty wooden crates. Unfortunately, the latter was indeed the accurate presumption. A datapad was provided to the Rebel contacts in exchange for a box of rather hefty weight and size. What the content on the datapad was, Phenix never discovered. The box, however, Kil opened back on the ship with a grim smirk. That grin was definitely a sign of pure treachery, be it to some poor soul or an infamous regulation. Kil made Phenix swear under his own life that he would not tell anyone about what they had just acquired.

              Phenix soon learned that the weapon, which was a small laser rifle that was capable of punching through reinforced steel, was not quite what Kil was settling for. Kil was, unbeknownst to Phenix, a dealer of illicit weaponry. He knew everything there was to know about lasers. He knew all the mechanisms, special features, electronics, assembly, and even how the laser blast itself is produced. To Phenix, Kil was a genius...even his mentor.

    Once Phenix was 20 years old, he had known everything Kil could teach him about guns. Phenix had made two of his own guns out of high-end parts of disassembled guns he had worked with. Once Phenix decided to attend the Technical University of Druckenwell, he sold his guns to one of his shady customers for a little extra cash. From all the work he had done on Bakura and his recent business with Kil, Phenix had enough money to go to the best classes possible at the university.

    Phenix had an easy four years at the university, since the classes he was studying were all things he had learned in his lifetime by his most influential acquaintances in his lifetime. He graduated out of university with honors in computer programming, electronic technologies, mechanical engineering, advanced piloting, navigation, and tactical mastery.

    Once out of university, Phenix had gotten news of Kil's death. He never figured out how he died, though. Phenix then applied at the Stormtrooper recruiting center nearest him, determined to be a valuable asset to the Empire, and live his childhood dream for so long ago, that he so vividly remembers...
[This message has been edited by Phenix (edited September 28, 2005 2:25:07 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Phenix (edited September 28, 2005 2:33:15 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Phenix (edited January 22, 2006 9:15:25 PM)]
Cosmic
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Cosmic
 
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 27, 2005 11:12:01 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Good. Very well done. The story was great, but I did notice a few things:

1) When copy/pasting from a Word document to ComNet, you have to be aware of a few things:

a. "..." in Word come out as "&" symbols in ComNet. Be sure to replace these in ComNet's text box before submitting your post. Similarly, curly-quotes turn into boxes in ComNet - there's some code mixup or something's lost in translation. :P So you'll need to either be sure to change all of your curly quotes to straight quotes in Word or have to deal with changing them while in ComNet's text-box.

b. Grammar is overall pretty good, just watch for things such as this: Kil's instead of Kils

2) Imperial Star Destroyers are built in space from Naval shipyards. It's just easier to construct and deploy them in space because everything is weightless. If they were built on the ground, it'd take considerably longer due to the added weight.

3) The problem we sometimes run into when making a character for an RPG is tha we want to make them as god-like as possible, so we give them attributes that are completely amazing and sometimes unreasonable. What I'd like to see you add at the top of your list (beneath the Talents/Skills category) is make another category titled "Weaknesses" or "Flaws" and just describe what limits your character has and his inability to do certain things. I'm not trying to make your character seem weak - on the contrary, allowing others to see the flaws in your character actually helps the audience to relate to the character easier because it makes your character appear to be more Human.


Other than that, very well done. You will be placed in a Squad. I'd still like to see those changes made, however.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Jack Nebulax
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 4:44:55 AM    View the profile of Jack Nebulax 
A little addition to Cosmic's second suggestion: Imperial-class Star Destroyers cannot travel in a planet's atmosphere. They are only for use in space.
 
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Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

------------------------------------------------------------
Senior Chief Petty Officer and Reporter Jack Nebulax (*Formerly and No-Longer a ComNet Spammer*), Imperial Navy and VE Today Staff, Vast Empire.
XO/FL/SCPO Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 5 (2-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:S]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
------------------------------------------------------------
Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)
Angel
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 9:01:05 AM    View the profile of Angel 
Actually they can. In I believe it was one of the later X-Wing books, an ISD was in atmosphere. Also, let's not forget a Super Star Destroyer by the name of Lusankya  was buried underneath the surface of Coruscant and then lifted off.
  -----------------------
=[Arrogant Elitist]=
=[Jikkyo the Horrible]=
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Iron Horse Squad/WildCard/Phoenix/Dragon/Osiris/Stormtrooper Corps/Vast Empire [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
------------------------
The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/Dark Jedi/Vast Empire/Lopen [VP:1]
------------------------

I'm the sheep that was lost, madre.
[This message has been edited by Angel (edited September 28, 2005 9:01:32 AM)]
Jack Nebulax
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 12:59:46 AM    View the profile of Jack Nebulax 
Well, yes, but according to Lucas apparently, he stated that ISD-I's and ISD-II's could not enter the atmosphere. Remember, not all of the books of the EU are parallel to Lucas's vision.
 
-----------------------
Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

------------------------------------------------------------
Senior Chief Petty Officer and Reporter Jack Nebulax (*Formerly and No-Longer a ComNet Spammer*), Imperial Navy and VE Today Staff, Vast Empire.
XO/FL/SCPO Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 5 (2-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:S]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
------------------------------------------------------------
Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)
Phenix
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 2:01:48 PM    View the profile of Phenix 
"2) Imperial Star Destroyers are built in space from Naval shipyards. It's just easier to construct and deploy them in space because everything is weightless. If they were built on the ground, it'd take considerably longer due to the added weight."

    I was researching planets on the internet so I could create my story to fit my character, and on this site (which I will provide the link for), it says Bakura is a planet used to build the Empire's Star Destroyers. Now, I'm not going against the idea that they can't fly in a planet's atmosphere; that I don't know. I'm just saying that possibly there is an in-space Naval shipyard located around Bakura? If so, that could work with the story if I edit it.

http://www.answers.com/topic/raxus-prime
[This message has been edited by Phenix (edited September 28, 2005 2:25:57 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Phenix (edited September 28, 2005 2:28:28 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Phenix (edited September 28, 2005 2:34:35 PM)]
Angel
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 4:30:41 PM    View the profile of Angel 
Your story is fine. Jack, we ourselves are "outside Lucas' vision," just by the fact that we're writing DURING EU events and about EU things. (I.E. Thrawn, having an ESSD, Dark Jedi Order, etc...) What he wrote was realistic and if Cosmic did not see a problem with it, then I do not see the need to have it changed.


But what do I know about realism in writing..

/me looks at the lightsaber hanging from his belt

Oh yeah, I guess I know a little something.


Oh and Phenix. Great job. Head and shoulders above what we usually get mate.
  -----------------------
=[Arrogant Elitist]=
=[Jikkyo the Horrible]=
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Iron Horse Squad/WildCard/Phoenix/Dragon/Osiris/Stormtrooper Corps/Vast Empire [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
------------------------
The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/Dark Jedi/Vast Empire/Lopen [VP:1]
------------------------
I'm the sheep that was lost, madre.
[This message has been edited by Angel (edited September 28, 2005 4:31:17 PM)]
Jack Nebulax
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 4:33:06 PM    View the profile of Jack Nebulax 
Well, trust me, Phenix, don't trust Wikipedia. There are people who edit it and add nonsense crap onto articles. Trust me on this one, but that whole "Star Destroyer manufacturing plant" is not true.

And Angel, I know we're outside Lucas's vision. But, just because we are doesn't mean Star Destroyers aren't.
 
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Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

------------------------------------------------------------
Senior Chief Petty Officer and Reporter Jack Nebulax (*Formerly and No-Longer a ComNet Spammer*), Imperial Navy and VE Today Staff, Vast Empire.
XO/FL/SCPO Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 5 (2-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:S]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
------------------------------------------------------------
Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)
Sniping101
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 5:18:37 PM    View the profile of Sniping101 
Jack, you lose.

it realy is quite well done, Phenix, as Angel said, dont often see that coming from a new guy. 


 
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TRP/SSG Sniping101/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR][IH][BoA]

The wind in oregon dosent blow, it sucks.
Jakireth
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 5:45:02 PM    View the profile of Jakireth 
Meh...
Great job with that writing Phenix, glad to see some new talent coming in.
 
-----------------------
Lance Corporal Jakireth
- Raider Squad
-
Assistant Squad Leader
Army of the Vast Empire
------------------------
ASL/LCPL Jakireth/3SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR]
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"Faithful to the end..." Raiders squad motto
Phenix
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 28, 2005 7:08:29 PM    View the profile of Phenix 
I have edited my biography so it makes sense now. But, of course, it depends on what you think, Cosmic, not me. If you think it is finished to a satisfactory level then perhaps I can be put into a squad now?

By the way, if I can, may I request being put into Nightstalkers? I have aquaintances I would enjoy writing with.
[This message has been edited by Phenix (edited September 28, 2005 7:09:59 PM)]
Nicholas Star
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
September 29, 2005 3:40:37 PM    View the profile of Nicholas Star 
I agree this is an awesome bio!!
 
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TRP/PFC Nicholas Star/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/Tadath/VEA [LoR]
Cosmic
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
October 1, 2005 2:04:31 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Done. You've been placed in Nightstalkers.
 
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Jakireth
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
October 2, 2005 9:30:11 AM    View the profile of Jakireth 
Cos, try to give Raiders some of the good ones...
 
-----------------------
Lance Corporal Jakireth
- Raider Squad
-
Assistant Squad Leader
Army of the Vast Empire
------------------------
ASL/LCPL Jakireth/3SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR]
Rep/Reporter Jakireth/NewsRep: 2/News Division/VET/VE

Storm, you better get your ass in gear, cause Wildcard's gonna make it hot in here.
Cosmic
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
October 2, 2005 9:40:36 AM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Next one will go to Raiders. He requested to be placed in Nightstalkers because he has some buddies there.

Besides, *coughNightstalkers is in my storycough*

:P

j/k, I'm not biased.


-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
[This message has been edited by Cosmic (edited October 2, 2005 9:41:12 AM)]
Hellra
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
October 2, 2005 9:56:28 AM    View the profile of Hellra 
You mean the next recruit beside Shardeth right?
SInce he  requested to be placed in Raiders
 
-----------------------
--Lance Corporal Hellra--
- Raider Squad
-

TRP/LCPLHellra/2SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1REG/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR][ES2C]

Storm, you better get your ass in gear, cause Wildcard's gonna make it hot in here.
Jakireth
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  RE: Phenix's Biography
October 2, 2005 1:01:35 PM    View the profile of Jakireth 
It doesn't have to necesarily be the next one...just the next one with talent
 
-----------------------
Lance Corporal Jakireth
- Raider Squad
-
Assistant Squad Leader
Army of the Vast Empire
------------------------
ASL/LCPL Jakireth/3SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT/Tadath/VEA[LoR]
Rep/Reporter Jakireth/NewsRep: 2/News Division/VET/VE

Storm, you better get your ass in gear, cause Wildcard's gonna make it hot in here.
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