Um... okay, the bio sucks.... I am in a hurry so ill rewrite it

Instead of trying to guess if Cosmic will accept it or not, why not just let Cosmic say yay or nay? You aren't in charge of the bio approvals, so why not let those who are deal with it. Neither of you having shining examples of biographies, so I don't believe you are in a place to critique.
 
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Senior Sergeant Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi
=[Arrogant Elitist]=
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Iron Horse Squad/WildCard/Phoenix/Dragon/ Osiris/Army/VE [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
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The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/VEDJ/VE/Lopen [VP:1]
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He who sheds man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed. The three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God..

I don't want to do Cosmic's job, ze, but I think you shoud have height, weight, eye color, and a few other minor things like that.
 
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Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

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Senior Chief Petty Officer and Reporter Jack Nebulax, Imperial Navy and VE Today Staff, Vast Empire.
XO/FL/SCPO Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 5 (2-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:S]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
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Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)

1) Giving positive pointers to people is one thing. Criticising them and attempting to do my job (horribly I might add) is not part of your job description.

2) Unlike what you all may say, this bio is actually better than most - better than the vast majority of bio's that YOU GUYS made. His story was smooth, flowing, not choppy, and very detailed. It's a little rough around the edges (grammar and syntax), but it is a model bio.

ze, I would like you to add some stats such as eye color, hair color, height, weight, and physical features (scars, tattoos, etc.). I ask this because everyone needs to get a sense of what your character looks like. Also, the story was excellent, but I'd like to see a bit more of what kind of personality your character has. We've got your character's background history, now write for me what he's like.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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Model bio? well i wouldn't say that...  I still have to fix it up alot...

thank you jak... i cant believe you guys are saying this

are you being nice because i am new?

LOL LIKE HUNTER!

that is very true but he's not all that bad .... it only gets out of hand once in a while.  It is annoying, people hre tend to digress do they?

i plan to change it maybe today

erm... hey.

just wanna apologise if i insulted anyone. im sorry. really.
*innocent eyes*

and oh ze..i like ur storyline too.
 
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TRP/PFC Alez/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/Tadath/VEA/VE [LoR]

I haven't even read Zar's bio Hunter....  But i did imply something but it's not important here is my bio :


Name:Unknown , known as ze094 from early days
Age:19 years of age
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Height: 6'2
Weight: 135
Scars: None that are major a few small ones from training with vibroaxes.


Born into a wealthy family on Tatooine, ze094 was the twelve offspring that his parents had.  Deciding that twelve kids were too much and left ze094 with his aunt when they left for home, their trip to Tatooine over.  As he grew up Ze094 was adjusted to cope with Tatooine's harsh conditions, his aunt had spent all of her money on deathsticks due to her addiction.  Because of this, there was hardly any food on the plate everyday and he had to compete with the aunt's own children.  Ze094 learned to eat fast and get the most food and exercise and work out everyday.  He became taller and more fit than the aunts children from his acquired skills.  He never knew his real name as he was called by the nickname of darling or son by his aunt and he never had any friends.  When he was about seven, he met his family again.  They were going to move to Naboo, a bombing from the Rebels had destroyed their home, and other properties.  The bank there had also went backrupt so they lost most of their money too.  Too feed more than fifteen people, all the children were working.  Ze094 became a gaurd for a weapons facility owned by a Hutt.  It was there he became known as Ze094, a brand name.  There he was treated as if he was a droid but he liked it there.  With some pocket money Ze094 bought his very own vibroaxe and soon he had two of them.  He had little free time but he replaced his time working out with training to use the vibroaxes.  He trained a long time and it was then he mastered the art of using two blades once.  However, an escape happened where a slave escaped and the enraged Hutt fired all his guards.  He became depressed and spent his entire day trying to find a job but could not.  He then came to his home only to find dead bodies.  His entire family was killed by Tusken Raiders.  Before, however, he was told that he had a sibling within the galaxy and Ze094 began his quest searching.  It was then that he found the Galactic Empire recruiting center.  He became a recruit and was eventually known for his selflessness, loyalness and patience.  However, he still a bit of a cynic from his childhood, never trusting a person too much.

heh ze is funny his writing gets more and more choppier but i dont think it is choppy and Cosmic didnt see this so wait what he says he caught us by surprise , maybe he will again...
 
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HUnter EMnis

"Combine self-hate with pride,
a leader with a follower,
seriousness with immaturity,
smartness with idiocy,
merciful with relentlessness,
a friend with an enemy.
Combine two opposites,
and in the middle,

yeah, hunter has neither wrting nor reading skill, good bio ze, but more flow though good editing
 
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Private First Class Zar Mulix
TRP/PFC Zar Mulix/3SQD/1PLT/1COM/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE [LoR]

"When the big man jumps, the world shakes in terror"- Zar Mulix
"Experience does not exist, nor does it have value, for it is just a word used to describe our past errors."

Naboo?  I think I read the story wrong... Did he change it because didn't he live on Tatooine the first time???  Yes, ze good job but make it seperate paragraphs...
 


ah, Ze I think I know why everyone is confused or at least me,  your sentence of the parents leaving ze behind is very very blurry, it's kind of wierd and gives multiple suggestions
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HUnter EMnis

"Combine self-hate with pride,
a leader with a follower,
seriousness with immaturity,
smartness with idiocy,
merciful with relentlessness,
a friend with an enemy.
Combine two opposites,
and in the middle,