Name: Deak Sokar
Age:19
Height:6'10
Weight:200 lbs
Hair Color:dark brown
Eye Color:brown
Physical Features:Scar on left eye, athletic, strong, very muscular.
Race:Mandalorian
Bio: Deak was born in a planet on the outer rim, his parents died when he was young and was forced to work for a rich politician who treated him badly. After he fled the politician's house he was caught in the Rebellion. He didn't like the idea of killing the Galactic Empire becuase he liked the Galactic Empire. He then travelled to Tatooine to become a miner. He worked fourteen hour days and spent most of his time mining or lurking around in his hut. His personality is that he wants to be left alone. He also just dosen't say anything(most of the time). He also has had experience on heavy weapons and melee weapons. Deak is a very good pilot, he has had experience with many starfighters. When he was eighteen he started his training at the Imperial Stromtrooper Academy. When he was passing by his mining office he noticed a Stromtrooper officer, the officer told him about the Stromtroopers and Deak wanted to join. From here on end he was training to be a Stormtrooper.

Its ok. Hellra

Sorry cos, but thats like the 4th time you've said "write" instead of "right"
 
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Senior Sergeant Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi
=[Arrogant Elitist]=
Assistant Squad Leader (ASL) - Iron Horse Squad
AS-2/ASL/SSG Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/1SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1RGT/1BAT/VEA/VE/Tadath [LoR] [RoM] [BC] [CDS] [WM] [GRoM] {BoA}
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The Angel of Death
CM/DJK Jikkyo "Angel" Nimiichi/Eagle 1-1/Sith/VEDJ/VE/Lopen [VP:1]
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The three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God..

Thats the new revised edition.

Yeah it does, there is only one spot that is bother ing me, we know you are talking about Deak, so you don't have to repeat his name so often, there is some kinda english word for that kinda thing, can't remember though....
But overall, great improvement, i atke it...you are receiving a LoR

Ok. you got the story down, now I want to know more about your personality. you're a little vague with it. what is he like? whats his attitude, likes/dislikes about the factions, homeworld, etc.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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A Madalorian? Well, you have a good idea, Deak, but you just need to work on it a little.

Oh, and there's a button on the top right corner of your posts that looks like a paper and pencil. It's the Edit button. You can use it to edit that post instead of making a whole new one.
 
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Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

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Senior Chief Petty Officer and Reporter Jack Nebulax, Imperial Navy and VE Today Staff, Vast Empire.
XO/FL/SCPO Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 5 (2-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:S]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
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Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)

I read both versions of your story Deak, seconds obviously much better than the first. Do your best to make a smooth transition from sentence to sentence. Also work on the things Cos mentioned and it should be a great bio.
 
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Private First Class Jakireth Cadrimos
Army of the Vast Empire
TRP/PFC Trooper/3SQD/1PLT/1CMP/1RGT/1BAT//VEA/VE[LoR]

"Courage and bravery are your two primary weapons on the battlefield, without them, it is difficult and sometimes impossible to prevail"-Jakireth Cadrimos