Kelkor
ComNet n00b
The Vast Empire [ARMY]
Post Number: 1
Total Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2005
Status: Offline
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Biography
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January 22, 2005
3:26:15 PM
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This is Kelkor. My eyes color is purple. I have hair color is black. I'm 18 years old. I have a few scars on my back and one big one on my chest. I am one of those guys who jokes around but is serious when needed to. I don't like to be pushed around. I have a twin brother named Kyricor. When I was 12 my father died from a group of thugs. My brother and I trained each other to be warriors. We both picked melee fighting instead of ranged. I always picked on little kids so I could get there IC if they had any. When my brother told me that he joined The Empire I did as well. I will always serve the empire.
[This message has been edited by
Kelkor
(edited February 4, 2005
7:50:53 PM)]
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Cosmic
ComNet Disciple
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 2662
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 22, 2005
3:39:55 PM
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Nice start, but I'm going to let you write this up again.
The Vast Empire is in a specific timeline, and I believe that we have now moved forward into the Thrawn Era (someone correct me if I'm wrong). When you mention a "great war", you're going to have to be more specific and state exactly which war the Empire was participating in. Chronology, Timelines, and knowing your Star Wars history/facts is extremely important when writing. You can't just make up stuff and say that it happened when it might have not.
Also, be sure to be careful in your writing. Be detailed, but be careful. From what I've read, your character has only one eye. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
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Fury
ComNet Overlord
[VE-ARMY] High General
[VE-VEHC] High General*
Post Number: 1692
Total Posts: 2689
Joined: Jun 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 22, 2005
8:04:50 PM
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In addition, when done, add this to your character profile. You'll find the link to it near the top of this page. -----------------------
PRF/HG Fury/VEA/TADATH/VE [SCP][PoC][SotE:HC][SotE:VEA][IOC]
Prefect - Stormtrooper Corps
Administrator - Imperial Center |
Kyricor
ComNet n00b
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
Post Number: 6
Total Posts: 8
Joined: Jan 2005
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 25, 2005
11:40:06 PM
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What do you want kelkor to put on his profile.
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"SURRENDER IS BETRYAL" and The Empire shall rule all nuff said. |
Cosmic
ComNet Disciple
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 2672
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 26, 2005
9:55:00 AM
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Umm... We just said what we wanted. Read both Fury's and my posts. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
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Cosmic
ComNet Disciple
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 2688
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 29, 2005
11:43:23 AM
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Kelkor, you really need to be more active, otherwise I'm going to have to give you the boot. Because you are in Drill, am I your Squad Leader, and that means you report to me. If you have some real life situations you need to deal with, then you need to inform me. I may just very well be the hard-ass Squad Leader, and I take care of slackers. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
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Squall
ComNet Cadet
[VE-ARMY] Lance Corporal
Post Number: 279
Total Posts: 635
Joined: Feb 2004
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 29, 2005
11:56:09 AM
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Is Kelkor related to Kyricor? -----------------------
- Squall Lionheart
- Lance Corporal -
- Raider Squad
+ Advance Recon Commandos {ARC} +
TRP/LCPL Squall/2SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR] [EW1]
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Kyricor
ComNet n00b
[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
Post Number: 7
Total Posts: 8
Joined: Jan 2005
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 31, 2005
9:56:09 PM
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It would seem that way -----------------------
"SURRENDER IS BETRYAL" and The Empire shall rule all nuff said. |
Cosmic
ComNet Disciple
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 2695
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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January 31, 2005
11:57:26 PM
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Ok... I'm going to make you do this again. The Vast Empire is an RPG (Role Playing Game) club. On top of that, it's a writing-dominant club, meaning that pretty much everything we do is based around writing. Gaming really only comes into play when competitions are around. Every thing else is based on Vast Empire Chapters, Squad Missions (on ComNet), etc.
You did make amendments to your biography, but it didn't help it at all. The biography is to let everyone else - people other than you know who your character is: what is his personality? what is his attitude like? why is he the way he is? what past did he come from to make him the type of person he is today? All of these questions must be answered, and they must be answered in an effective story format. Your sentences are choppy and grammar needs work.
Before I place you into an active duty squad, you're going to have to get through training, and this is what this is: training; and I'm not letting you go until you pass the basics. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
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Cosmic
ComNet Disciple
[VE-ARMY] Brigadier General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
Post Number: 2709
Total Posts: 7772
Joined: Sep 2000
Status: Offline
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RE: Biography
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February 6, 2005
2:26:26 PM
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Still choppy, but an improvement over the last. It has also filled the criteria of what I wanted to see: your characters personality and attitude, and a little concerning his past as to what made him join The Vast Empire in the first place.
Well done on the amendments. -----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][KC1][OAK]
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