As I promised a whole lot of three A.M. humor with lots of stuff left out but oh well, we're working on a budget here. Varneck Inheritor Nergal: Episode something “The New Years Episode” Due to contract negotiations with our previous dubbing agency we must apologize for the bad dubbing in this episode.  We hope to have this inconvenience settled by the next episode. After working really hard last year our team has decided to all sleep in for New Year.  We bring you really fabulous episode to explain all.  So watch and enjoy. ***Begin Varneck Inheritor Nergal opening credits*** ***End Varneck Inheritor Nergal opening credits*** ***Begin Immortal Warrior opening Credits*** IMMORTAL WARRIOR HO!!!! Begin the day like any other:  eat, shower, shave and destroy your enemies. If you get hit just keep going.  The writers have all made sure you have super heroic powers so that you won’t die no matter what. These are the stories of the Tenth Lyrian Guard. I am Kai Allard Laieo.  I am the Immortal Warrior.  There can be only one. ***If you don’t know what song to insert at this point, that’s okay it really doesn’t matter*** ***End Immortal Warrior opening credits*** ***Sorry I can’t stay with the bad dubbing*** The scene opens with a shot of the New Avalon Institute of Science at dawn then moves to a non-descript TV room with Kai Allard Laieo sitting next to his wife Miss Lear, with Victor Steiner Davion sitting next to them(Victor also happens to look like he’s ten years old even though he’s over fourty, we got a spot next to the plot continuity fair on the fire place for anyone who wants to fill it).  Vlad Ward stood in the doorway looking as gloomy as ever. “Ah dang it’s going to be one of those episodes with fillers.”  Victor said from his spot on the couch. “What?”  Kai said trying to keep up. “Don’t you know that they always do this in the middle of animated series to let new viewers know what’s happening.”  Victor replied. “Wow you really know a lot about this anime stuff Victor.”  Kai said after composing himself. “He he.”  Victor chuckled to himself. “That’s not the only reason.  They were probably falling behind in their production schedule.”  Vlad made his presence known to the others. “You’re always such a gloomy guss Vlad.”  Victor retorted. ***Camera switches to the TV screen*** “One two three… KABOOM!!!” Tina’s voice said while a cartoon drawing of her in a bunny suit and Ruri in her ‘cute kid overalls’ exploded onto a cartoon background. “That’s right kids it’s time for another episode of get to know the Nergal.”  Tina said as she and Ruri entered the scene in their previously mentioned costumes with a wooden picket fence separating them. “Close up please.”  Ruri said as the camera focused on her.  “This episode will be filled with interesting facts and tidbits of information about the Nergal and her crew.” “Oh let me explain.  In 2195 the VE was facing the greatest threat it had ever known.  Invaders known as the Clan Federated Jovian and Associated Moons and Asteroids attacked the colony of Varneck.”  Geist narrated on as the scene faded from Ruri’s close up to a battle sequence originally used in the first episode. “Sir our beam weapons seem to have no effect.  They’re bouncing right off the enemy’s shields.”  Ninja Extra One said from a sensor panel. “All hands abandon ship, we’re going to ram that enemy gate ship.”  Kevin Setzer said as he posed with a glimmering smile for the camera. “The VEN and VEA were helpless against the invaders so the VEEC, a private corporation, built the high mobile battle ship Nergal from the engine section of a Dreadnaught class cruiser, the main hull and command section from a Carrack class cruiser, and a miniaturized super laser was modified and fitted to the hull to become the munchion cannon.”  Geist resumed his narrative. “The Nergal weighs 37,530 metric stones.  Measures in at 375 paces long, 6 levels high, and 75 paces wide.  The Nergal is powered by two rippion particle engines and four solar ionization engines.  The Nergal is also equipped with one Jansom Colpman in a fish tank linked to a 2193 Uberkomputer.”  The narrative continued. “Right.  My turn.  At the front of the ship is the command center where our staff is ever vigilant.  Oops I forgot everyone had the day off, no matter.”  Tina said as various stuffed animals and Immortal Warrior plushies were in each crewmember’s spot instead of the crew member. “On the next level down we have the virtual reality room.  The room was designed to relieve the crew’s stress and other types of urges.  For some reason the Japanese high school is the most popular setting.”  Geist took over as the scene changed from the bridge to the virtual reality room to Daishi and Aku in the simulation of the Japanese high school. “You want to pretend that you’re my after school adviser again Robert?”  Aku said. “I’m not so sure about this.”  Daishi said as he tried to edge away, not even sure how he got here. For a brief instant the Assistant Writer enters the frame with his thick bushy beard, long dark brown hair, wearing a ‘Big Dog Remote Getaway:  Give me the remote and get away’ shirt, and a pair of black sweat pants.  The Assistant Writer then gives a thumbs up and backs out of the scene before Daishi can rip his head off for this. “This is a time to give up our inhibitions and bare our inner souls.”  Aku said as she squeezed Daishi then removed her scarf. Daishi ran out of the door screaming like a madman.  Panting and wondering why he was so afraid.  He again accursed the Assistant Writer for this. ***View of ship’s schematic is displayed*** “Behind that we have the galley where the Deathwookie prepares all his wonderful foods.  The most popular dish is the Fried Wah Wee bowl.  I don’t think I’m such a bad cook myself but it’s amazing what a real chef can do.”  Tina narrates as the scene fades to the Deathwookie and the Deathwookie dragging some hapless prisoner into a closed off area followed shortly by screams of shear agony. “They also have a rather impressive array of teas, especially when I add my non-regulation stimulant.”  Kevin Setzer added. “[Admiral you leave that tea alone.]”  Deathwookie growled. “I prefer the instant noodles out of the vending machine myself.”  Ruri said as the scene went to a view of the recreation lounge. “Right next door we have a recreation room equipped with a 2192 table tennis table and a lounge for the crew.”  Geist added. “Let’s not forget Uncle Jociam’s Bar & Grill.”  Tina interrupted Geist. The scene changed to a view of the six piece ninja jazz band, a quick close up of the plot continuity fairy with an absolute look of fear frozen on it’s face and a stake protruding from it’s chest. “Also we have the spacious grand ball room where all political official functions are held, understandably we don’t have too many of those on board but we’re sure we can find some other creative use for it.”  Geist added as a well-adorned ballroom filled the screen with a full ninja symphony orchestra. Stormie-chan and Argon Viper were in their dancing best waltzing away to Johan Strauss Junior’s Emperor Waltz.  Suddenly a new figure burst into the scene. “STORMTROOPER1026 PREPARE TO DIE!!!!”  Cosmic shouted as he burst into the room carrying a bamboo decorated light saber in one hand. In the split second it took Stormie-chan to realize who it was and duck the first blow she couldn’t remember why this person would want her dead, especially since she was such an attractive young woman. “What’s your problem?”  Stormie-chan chirped back between dodging blows. “As if you don’t already know, but because I’m feeling a might bit charitable I’ll go ahead and tell you.”  Cosmic replied as he stopped trying to kill Stormie-chan to explain. The scene fades back to the Stormtrooper Training Academy circa when the two were in the academy together.  In specific it was the mess hall of the academy.  All the eager cadets were in line to get their meal for the day, a ration bar. “Last one.”  The cook shouted as he tossed a ration bar out to the cadets. Cosmic jumped up above the crowd and his outstretched hand almost grabbed the last ration bar then suddenly Stormtrooper1026 bounced off Cosmic’s head and grabbed the last ration bar and forced Cosmic to the ground. “Because of you I had to eat in the officer’s mess.  They were serving stewed wampa.  Do you know what that tastes like?”  Cosmic rambled on as the scene came back to the ball room. Stormie-chan just stood there looking stupefied as to why that was such a big deal but apparently Cosmic was bent on fighting. “Masculine Machismo Attack with ‘Oh yeah™  technology ’.”  Cosmic shouted as he charged toward Stormie-chan. Suddenly Cosmic sprung into the air and landed next to Stormie-chan and hurriedly grabbed her and placed her in ‘The Rack’, followed by a ‘Pile Driver’, and finished with an ‘Elbow Drop’. Stormie-chan gradually got to her feet then looked scornfully at Cosmic. “Hell hath no fury like that of a woman’s scorn special attack.”  Stormie-chan said as she grabbed a prematurely celebrating Cosmic and landed a flurry of blows with various kitchen items and a few shots from automatic weapons in Cosmic’s direction. Cosmic was a crumpled mass of human on the floor and lay there until he was carted away by medics. “Next we have the observation lounge which is equipped with a holographic projector which can be programmed to project any environment.  Temperature and air pressure can also be adjusted.”  Geist said as the view went to the observation lounge.  “The ship is also equipped with a Zen meditation room were the crew contemplates their troubles and questions.” The view darted from the observation lounge to the schematic then to the Zen room with a stick wielding R2 unit bonking Tina on the head. “Below that we have the hanger bays where Daishi and all the other pilots launch from to defend the ship.”  Geist continued. “This is where I come in.  This is my thing baby.”  Mr. Aniston started. “First we have the land engagement mode.  Just look how it munches.  Then it really gets me going the way it jumps.”  Mr. Aniston said as the first episode battle scene played in the background. “Next we have the air/space engagement mode.”  Mr. Aniston started. “Hold on this is my department.  Now this is the hatav a real hero pilots.”  Jerard Cranston interrupted. “Umm… Mr. Cox…  Shouldn’t you be dead?”  Ruri asked as confused as she could possibly get. “I ain’t an Immortal Warrior fan for nothing.  Besides you kidding, this is the most fun I’ve had in months.  What really makes this baby so special is the payload, one Jerry Cranston.  We have the technology.  We have the ability.  Galactic peace is at hand.”  Galen Cox said as his hatav closed in on an enemy gate ship and engaged in physical combat with the point defense turrets. “Then there was the hatav that rescued me.  It was brand new model.  At the time we didn’t know we had lost time because of our bosan jump from Varneck.”  Daishi entered the narrative as the scene shifted from the dramatic space battle he had with the enemy warships in orbit of Varneck to the engagement where he was rescued by Talon. “This new model gets me all hot and bothered.”  Mr. Aniston broke in. “You know I’ve ridden on Robert’s artillery frame.”  Aku said with that hint of innuendo that comes close to making this story exceed the PG-13 rating limits. “The heavy artillery frame isn’t very mobile but it sure packs a punch.”  Mr. Aniston replied. The scene switched to the battle scene between Generic En Pee See One and the burrowing alien war machine in the artic regions. “We know next to nothing about the invaders and since they use unmanned weapons we don’t even know what they look like.”  Geist added. ***Flash of pervious dramatic fight scenes*** “Somehow we managed thus far.”  Ruri added. ***Back to the couch*** “Don’t you just love anime.”  Mrs. Lear said. “The fight sequences are sure animated realisticly.”  Kai responded. “What do you suppose is going to happen to them next?”  Victor asked excitedly. ***Begin Immortal Warrior commercial break*** ***Begin Varneck Inheritor Nergal break*** “Today’s episode is brought to you by ‘Immortal Warrior’.  The first thirty seasons are now on holovid channel 345673.”  The Assistant Writer said as he was chased around by Daishi. ***End breaks since no one is advertising*** Scene opens with a dramatic view of a skull motif Overlord dropship in space, then goes to an interior room with a large holovid screen with the image of The Arch Heritic, leader of Damage Force +™. “What is the matter Ken, why haven’t you conquered New Avalon yet as I have ordered?”  The Arch Heretic began the scene. “Uh… I will have it conquered very soon.  I am currently collecting cultural data on normal humans as we speak.”  Ken Williams the second in command of Damage Force +™ replied. Scene changed to that of a lovely woman watching Varneck Inheritor Nergal on a vidscreen. “Enough cold hard facts for now.  Let’s talk about all the human relationships that happen aboard this ship.  With over 200 hundred regular personell and countless ninja extras there is a great deal of human relations happening on this especially what’s happening between our captain and the bossman.  Appearantly it has been going on since before they came onboard the Nergal.”  Tycho interrupted. Scene changes to Robert’s run in with Tina’s hover limo and loose suitcase. It seems that those two have had some sort of relationship since they first meet on Gauss.”  Tycho continued. Scene changes to a touching scene when the two were children together (don’t ask how since Tina’s over 300 and Dai is only 50) and their first kiss. “I had no idea that this is going on and here I have been humiliating myself for the captain’s sake and she’s still messing around with the cook.”  Narm broke into a solo close up with him in his ridiculous Atlas costume performing a funeral service for a ninja that was an Immortal Warrior fan that got hit while trying to cross the street when Tina’s hover limo hit and killed him during the flash back scene even though the ninja was never there during the first limo trip. “Yes while they may fight a lot they still seem to connect rather well at times.”  Tycho said as the scene changed back to his close up. Scene changes to a flurry of Tina scenes. “Poor Mr. Lee, it must be tough having to deal with all those adult relationships.”  Ruri changed the scene to the bridge as she passed some course corrections to Stormie-chan. “You’ll understand someday when you get older.”  Stormie-chan replied. “Please our ratings.”  Argon interrupted as he (for a whiphid) blushed. “You know those rabbit ears?  Wear them tonight.”  Stormie-chan countered. “How embarrassing.”  Argon’s face turned totally red. “As I said a lot of interesting things go on around here.”  Tycho said from his close up. “Lots of interesting things.”  Two said. “Not even nice things.”  Generic En Pee See One said as the scene changed to her and her two ever present companions. Begin scenes of Daishi helping the Generic En Pee See’s. “With her hull so full of human passions what will become of the Nergal and the war?”  Tycho added. “Oh will Ken ever notice how I feel for him.”  The woman said as she watched “Mie Mie, have you gathered that data I requested yet?”  Ken asked as he entered the room. “Yes my lord.  I have found that this animated series, Varneck Inheritor Nergal, is one of the best sources of information on normal human culture.”  Mie Mie replied. “What is this anime?”  Ken replied. “It is a way of telling stories using animations and comes from a nation known as Japan.  I find that many of their war stories are also filled with tales of love.”  Mie Mie responded. “How interesting perhaps I can use this to my advantage.  Gah what kind of weapon is that?”  Ken shrieked as he watched One perform her retarded wave compression field fly by attack. “It is called a ‘Retarded Wave Compression Field’  my lord.”  Mie Mie answered. “That is the answer.  Have my Phoenix Hawk outfitted with one right away.”  Ken replied. “His leadership’s Phoenix Hawk LAM has been outfitted with the distortion field.”  A ninja technician extra said as the scene changed to a hanger with a Phoenix Hawk LAM in Guardian mode waited for launch. “Sir an UFO is heading this way.”  A scientist extra alerted the head scientist. “Raise the shield immediately.”  The head scientist responded. “That won’t do you any good.  Distortion Field on.”  Ken said “Kai, Joe, Victor.  We’re under attack by Damage force +™.  We must act now.”  The scientist said over the comm to the viewing room. “If we do nothing Damage Force +™ will commit acts of hideous genocide against the populace before they get bored and leave, but it we fight them and loose they will not stop until every last living being on this world is dead even if it takes them the rest of their lives.  We must defeat them.”  Kai said as he rushed to the mech bay. “Launch units now.”  The scientist shouted as the under gound hanger opened and the three pilots and their mechs reached the surface in true evangelion style. “Large laser.”  Vlad voice activated his weapon. “No such weapons shall be of any use against my distortion field.”  Ken replied as the beam bounced harmlessly off his shield. “You must help them professor.”  Miss Lear pleaded with the head scientist. “Kai, Victor, Vlad.  This has only been fitted to your mechs recently so you must be careful.  You must use the Rotary Autocannon 5 at maximum fire rate to penetrate that shield.  Be warned that there is a chance that the gun will jam and the rounds explode in the barrel.”  The scientist said over the comm.. “Right, we have no choice.  Rotary Autocannon 5 maximum burst now.”  Kai shouted as the three mech combined fire on the lone Phoenix Hawk. “Ken get out of there now.”  Mie Mie pleaded with the Damage Force +™ pilot. Ken hit the conversion button to make his mech become an aerospace fighter and broke out of the atmosphere. “You will regret this day 10th Lyrian Guard.  Mark my words.”  Ken said as he escaped. “How did you come up with such a weapon professor?”  Kai asked. “Well they had it on Varneck Inheritor Nergal recently.”  The professor answered. “You watch Varneck Inhertor Nergal too professor?”  Victor asked back. “Yes well now come on inside we got some special New Years noodles for dinner.”  The professor responded. “Are there rice cakes too?”  Kai added. “Those are for tomorrow’s dinner.”  The rest of the group replied. ***End credits for Immortal Warrior*** Scene changes to Tina and Ruri on the bridge of the Nergal. “Can we really release an episode like this?”  Tina asked as ditzy as normal. “One time is fine.”  Stormie-chan entered the shot. “Don’t worry captain we’ll be back next time, I really want to sign my own contracts from now on.”  Ruri added. ***End credits for Varneck Inheritor Nergal***
 
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RA(U) Daishi COSOS
"If we had all knowladge then why would we seek what we already know and if we had no knowladge then how could we even ask the question?"  Plato
"Indeceant exposure is fun." Sonatina
"There are at least three sides to any situation." Me