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Topic:  VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
Hades
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Hades
 
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 8, 2012 8:05:52 AM    View the profile of Hades 
I'll TRY and get a post up within the next 24 hours.. Life's decided to be hectic again, though, so no promises.

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Petty Officer 2nd Class Demetrius "Hades" Aita, Tuk'ata Squadron
FM | PO2 "Hades" | B-3 | S:26 "Tuk'ata" | W:58 "Javelin" | mSSD Atrus | TF:A | 1Flt | SC | VEN | VE
[MC1] [CBV] (=SWC=) [CAR] [BWC]
{INTER} {SfrM} {XenMA} {AFM} {HypM} {INFL}

"Life is warfare."
~Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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[This message has been edited by Hades (edited March 8, 2012 8:06:58 AM)]
Serpent
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 10, 2012 10:41:09 PM    View the profile of Serpent 
My latest post is up!

Let me just say that I for one have been very impressed with all of the activity on this story.  Everyone is contributing loads, and I feel bad for only posting twice thus far!  Everyone is raising the bar on this one, and I shall up my game to match!

Let's keep it up folks!
FO/MCPO Pherik “Serpent” Zail / ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Besh/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
[SoA][MC2][LoM][NAR][E][HNS][SWC][CBV][VC:S][SoV][=^Eng^=]
DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 11, 2012 4:50:17 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
Just finished catching up with all the new posts and I've got to say - whilst I'm impressed with the level of activity and interest... I'm not as impressed with a few presented situations.

To try and keep the order in which I believe these were all written in:

- Echelon, the Atrus is a very big ship as you've pointed out yourself in your own post. As well as being the flagship of the entire VE it stands to reason that it is also equipped with the best equipment we had access to, including sensors. Vectra being the system housing our Naval HQ it also stands to reason that we would have small stations and satellites scattered throughout. For a lone officer to detect an incoming enemy fleet is thus somewhat strange, especially since the mentioned fleet would hyperjump in the system and that would be picked up even sooner as it would create temporary gravitational anomalies or whatever. It'd be rather hard as such for a supposed expert to even consider the strange red blips could be asteroids.

Also consider Drac's post in which the Warrior learned of the fleet jumping in as well as their origin and even models - even though his fleet is currently sneaking far, far away from the current action...

- I sort of liked the rat post... all except for the part about a fighter fuming in some corridor. I have two separate objections regarding this. The first is regarding the speed at which the action takes place. You've made the same -let's call it assumption- in some of your other posts as well, that the enemies would just jump and almost immediately be in fighter/bomber range. That's hardly true. There would be a physical limit to just how close a ship could jump to another ship/station/planet. In this particular case there would also be a matter of strategy involved, as only a bunch of suicidal fools would jump in the line of fire of other patrol ships and orbital defense platforms and whatever other stationary defenses we may have normally situated around Abrae.

The second issue I have with that post is the more obvious fact that the fighter somehow managed to breach the ship's hull - at least that is what I for one gathered from your post. As far as that goes - it'd be downright impossible for a fighter not to explode upon hitting the reinforced hull of a SSD. Even if the explosion would be large enough, then the hull would at best crack and not really give way and allow the remains of the fighter to pass through. Even crash landing inside a hangar or docking bay is unlikely to cause the inner walls/doors to just give way in this manner, seeing how those are usually also reinforced to prevent vacuum, explosions and boarding parties from affecting the rest of the ship...

- Scral, I don't mind the XO being drunk but I do mind him being as drunk as you described him to be. Especially since if you're still lucid enough then the rush of adrenaline you'd get from realizing what's happening around you would greatly diminish the effects of any alcohol in your system. I would as such ask that you edit your post and make his flying and subsequent dying more natural. I would also appreciate it if in the future you'd first inquire about killing off possible key NPCs. I didn't really have any plans for this one so I don't mind the current outcome but I could've however kept him around a while longer to better describe him and his actions, thus providing more angles (both direct and indirect) as far as controlling Tuk'ata goes.

- Back to Echelon, this time in regards to your news post. First, as far as the world would know the VE and ID were allies, if only on paper. Thus a good idea would've been to concentrate on this bit right there. Something like "we just got confirmation that the invaders are ID" then a stand by and soon enough after a short description of that faction and their previous relations with us. That would've been a good, solid and professional approach.

You should know that usually reporters aren't allowed on important vessels and installations. When they are allowed then they're typically military reporters that would be concerned mostly with making their faction look good, righteous, strong and so on. Truly neutral and objective civilian reporters would no doubt require getting clearance from the commander of said ship/installation. Sometimes such orders can come from even higher up...

Next, and most serious in this post, of all the people you could've had the report interview you choose your own char? There are so many wrong things with that bit that I'm not even sure where to start. 1. The location - a ship's captain would have to be a complete idiot to allow a report to send live feeds from one of his supposedly more important areas of the ship. Especially withe enemy having access to such unsecured feeds. Think I once saw an episode of Andromeda or Star Trek in which the good guys noticed the bad guys shield frequency because of similarly leaked footage.

2. The fact that the Imperials are quite organized and would have just the right people to deal with such situations. If anyone were to be taken an interview then that would be the ship's captain, the XO, security chief or specialized individuals working either in the Public Relations or Human Resources departments. Random crewmen or officers would otherwise be pointless as they'd at best know only part of the larger picture and at worst would be utterly and completely useless.

3. That's the whole interview? Two fairly vague questions with even vaguer answers that do not in fact really state anything, followed by a sudden interest in a tiny position aboard one ship that is currently engaged in a huge battle?

4. In your first combat post you go off about everyone in that room being busy and everything yet now you somehow find time to stop and give an interview? Seriously...?!

My suggestions for you are to consider this battle's pace and not try rushing it. Also to better consider your scenarios - whether they are or aren't truly plausible. If you're uncertain then feel free to ask as there are plenty of members in a position to answer. The reason I've mentioned all of the above is not to pick on you or dissuade you from further posting. Quite the contrary in fact. You've proven thus far to have enough free time and interest to keep this story fresh and I like that fact. My intention is as such to help you improve your writing so as to be able to add quality to the quantity, an outcome that I'm certain would benefit both yourself and all the other members reading this story.

- All Tuk'ata squadron members, I know I may not have mentioned it yet nor have I finished properly describing her IC but the Zyg SC is more of the silent, short, snarky replies type. She's also an ace pilot that would continuously be on the hunt for new kills. Oh and you already got this next part right - she doesn't really give a damn about any of you.

WC/CWO DeepSix/A-1/S:412th Razor/W:58th Javelin/SSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [=*TG*=]

TRN/JRN DeepSix/DJO/Training Sect/VEDJ
Echelon
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Echelon
 
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 11, 2012 8:26:56 AM    View the profile of Echelon 
Oh, I'm sorry.

In regards to your sensors feedback, I understand. And with the fighter breaching the hull, yeah I found that a bit far fetched (I just didn't have a plot).

For the ID jumping very close to the ships, you're right. And I had no idea the VE and ID were allies.

Basically, you're right about everything, and I'll shut up now.


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DMG-CTRL Officer/CPO Finbar "Echelon" Bandoran/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE

TO/CPO Finbar "Echelon" Bandoran/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA] [NAR] [CAR] [MC2] [BWC] [HNS] [MC1] [SWC] [=*ENG*=]
{VehM} {SfrM} {HypM} {Astr} {LogS} {Shut} {Gunn}

DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 11, 2012 8:56:25 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
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Guru DeepSix

Like I previously mentioned, I don't want to discourage you from writing but rather to encourage you to write better - something that everyone should aspire to.

WC/CWO DeepSix/A-1/S:412th Razor/W:58th Javelin/SSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [=*TG*=]

TRN/JRN DeepSix/DJO/Training Sect/VEDJ
Ryuno
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 12, 2012 9:55:30 AM    View the profile of Ryuno 
I only just read the SC's personality explanation (What DeepSix mentioned about snarky, short replies) ... I'm thinking I may need to revise the reply Naomi got in my latest post? If not, fine. If so, I'll do it, just let me know.
I'm told that my mind is a restless nomad with goldfish characteristics.

FM/LCRW Naomi Ryuno/A-4/S:26 "Tuk'ata"/W:58 "Javelin"/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SC/VEN/VE [SoA]
DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 12, 2012 3:50:10 PM    View the profile of DeepSix 
Your choice really. The NPC would be the type to just groan a simple "No" followed by no other explanation - something that would likely infuriate most people, but I personally liked your second part with the star thanking

A couple of notes: Slasher isn't rejoining with us but with Drac so our sensors wouldn't pick that up. My suggestion is that you make it clear that either the missiles detonating had nothing to do with the enemy ships losing their shields or add in the fact that you ended up losing yours as well in the process. That's because apparently the ID fired the first missile, you shooting only afterward. It thus stands to reason that the two blew up somewhere around the middle - closer to you even, rather than them. If you want to have shields affected go ahead. I could also suggest affected sensors as an alternative. The blast screwing with them and making them temporarily blind to the Gamma attackers that would find them easy pickings for instance. As said, merely a suggestion.

You haven't crossed any lines yet and this next warning is more of a preemptive measure to ensure that you won't either. Basically don't end up relying too much on luck and perfect sets of circumstances. Abusing these things would be deemed GMing and nobody likes seeing that. The older members can attest to the latter. My suggestion is try to rely on skill, technique and teamwork for instance. By all means get lucky sometimes but just don't make a habit out of it. I still remember and shudder at the times when I would almost facepalm after reading about "a million in one shots" occurring as many as two times in a single post and repeated every other one... Like I said, you haven't gotten there yet and I'm hoping you won't either in the future.

On a more humorous note, the Avengers are supposed to be assisting you guys not the other way around I know it was Hades who decided to help them out but they'd already been ordered to do the same for you guys. You wouldn't know about this however so feel free to try it. Maybe brag about helping them on the wing channel only to have a couple of them laugh out loud and set you straight. The might actually make some good minor CD - illuminating revelations as to your place and role on the larger VE hierarchy Meh, just thought I'd mention this too...

WC/CWO DeepSix/A-1/S:412th Razor/W:58th Javelin/SSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [=*TG*=]

TRN/JRN DeepSix/DJO/Training Sect/VEDJ
Ryuno
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 13, 2012 12:34:14 AM    View the profile of Ryuno 
I'll make edits before putting another post up, then. I think it worth noting that I may be slow on that, however, as I'm trying to square a new OS installation away, and having a little trouble with that (Been at it all day as of now and only just gotten online.) But I'll make corrections, and in the mean decide what exactly I am going to correct. ... That said, I appreciate the feedback.

EDIT: Decided to rewrite the whole post. <_<

'Nother EDIT: ... Or most of it anyway.
I'm told that my mind is a restless nomad with goldfish characteristics.

FM/LCRW Naomi Ryuno/A-4/S:26 "Tuk'ata"/W:58 "Javelin"/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SC/VEN/VE [SoA]
[This message has been edited by Ryuno (edited March 14, 2012 10:19:32 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Ryuno (edited March 14, 2012 10:20:09 AM)]
Hades
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Hades
 
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 13, 2012 12:49:25 AM    View the profile of Hades 
I get the impression that Deep is trying to make us lowly fighter pilots feel... well, like lowly fighter pilots.


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Petty Officer 2nd Class Demetrius "Hades" Aita, Tuk'ata Squadron
FM | PO2 "Hades" | B-3 | S:26 "Tuk'ata" | W:58 "Javelin" | mSSD Atrus | TF:A | 1Flt | SC | VEN | VE
[MC1] [CBV] (=SWC=) [CAR] [BWC]
{INTER} {SfrM} {XenMA} {AFM} {HypM} {0Gee} {INFL}

"Life is warfare."
~Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 13, 2012 2:52:21 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
More like "useless cannon fodder" from the SC's perspective and "pawns" from the WC's. Don't worry though, this will help build character. At least I think it will... I heard it might... Ehm, why are you all still reading this anyway? Go out there and fight & die for the glory of the VE - as well as my extra shares of Blue Stuff.

WC/CWO DeepSix/A-1/S:412th Razor/W:58th Javelin/SSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [=*TG*=]

TRN/JRN DeepSix/DJO/Training Sect/VEDJ
Drac
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 14, 2012 1:01:52 AM    View the profile of Drac 
For reference, so everyone knows what we're up against:

1x Allegiance Class Super Star Destroyer Loyalty
3x Imperial-II Star Destroyers
4x Imperial-I Star Destroyers
3x Victory-II Star Destroyers
4x Victory-I Star Destroyers
2x Imperial-II Class Frigates
4x Dreadnought Heavy Cruisers
2x Lancer  Class Cruisers
3x Strike Class Cruisers

Our forces total (at least):

1x mSSD Atrus
2x Imperial-II Star Destroyers (including the Halcyon Warrior
3x Imperial-I Star Destroyers
3x Victory-II Star Destroyers (including Dead Gun)
3x Victory-I Star Destroyers
3x Imperial-II Class Frigates (including the Fearless and the Chrome Fox
2x Dreadnought Heavy Cruisers Excise and Ad Valorem
1x Interdictors Binder
5x Strike Class Cruisers (including the Surprise and the two troop transports)

There are also orbital defense platforms involved on our side, as well as plenty of smaller ships on both sides. Feel free to create those as they're needed.

I should have a new post up moving things forward in about...twelve or thirteen hours. Sorry for the delay, guys.

-Drac
TFC/CAPT Drac/ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Besh/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
Captain of the ISD II Halcyon Warrior
Chief of Naval Warfare
CNW|Captain Drac|NHC|VEN|VE
"Think Ackbar, but Imperial."
Ryn
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 14, 2012 6:18:36 AM    View the profile of Ryn 
Thank you Drac. You must have read my mind, I was just going through the posts trying to compile something just like this list yesterday (and failing at it miserably, lol).

The only thing I'd also like to know is which starfighter squadrons are in the fray. I know we have:
  • Elix Squadron (TIE Avengers) ---->  covering Tuk'ata and Bha'lir (TIE Interceptors)
  • Varactyl Squadron (TIE Avengers) ----> covering Blackguard Squadron (TIE Bombers) is ordered to target weaker support ships

I also think Surprise has its three squadrons (Shock, Awe, Smash) somewhere in it.

Are there more than this?
FM/PO2 Kathryn 'Ryn' Kerdi/A-3/S:26 "Tuk'ata"/W:58 "Javelin"/SSD Atrus/TF:Aurek/1FLT/SFC/VEN/VE
{VM} [MC2] [MiD] [MC1] [CBV]
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DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 14, 2012 1:33:51 PM    View the profile of DeepSix 
There are also my Razors (TIE Defenders), sent as individual hunter-killers. And to answer your question yes there are more squadrons out there. Dozens if not hundreds of them - on either side too. Think Echelon also named another one - Stopper I believe. Can't recall what types that one was flying though. Anyways, we may be focusing our attention on only a few of them, but all around them hundreds of nameless fighters and bombers are fighting and blowing up...

WC/CWO DeepSix/A-1/S:412th Razor/W:58th Javelin/SSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE [=*TG*=]

TRN/JRN DeepSix/DJO/Training Sect/VEDJ
Drac
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Drac
 
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 14, 2012 8:59:55 PM    View the profile of Drac 
Deep's right. Considering the huge number of ships involved capable of carrying starfighters, there's a crazy amount of them out there. Feel free to come up with squadrons to interact with on both side.

That goes for smaller capital ships as well. I've basically outlined the major players, but there are tons of smaller ships escorting the big guys. Feel free to create and interact with small ships as well. So if you want to go take down a CR-90, for example, go right ahead (within reason).

-Drac
TFC/CAPT Drac/ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Besh/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
Captain of the ISD II Halcyon Warrior
Chief of Naval Warfare
CNW|Captain Drac|NHC|VEN|VE
"Think Ackbar, but Imperial."
Serpent
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Serpent
 
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 20, 2012 10:17:48 PM    View the profile of Serpent 
My new post is up, and I am detailing the battle between the Halcyon Warrior, and a rival ISD2, the Countenance.  The Warrior must deal with the other warship first before proceeding on to assist against the ASSD Loyalty.

Drac, I have no long-term plans for the Countenance.  You can destroy it in your next post, or you and I can play with it for a while.  Your choice, Captain!
FO/MCPO Pherik “Serpent” Zail / ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Besh/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
[SoA][MC2][LoM][NAR][E][HNS][SWC][CBV][VC:S][SoV][MiD][=*Eng*=]
Trykon
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 21, 2012 4:39:12 AM    View the profile of Trykon 
Was "kidnapped" for a day at Disneyland, but now that I'm back I should have a post up by the end of the day tomorrow (Wednesday).
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SCAP/LTJG Wyl Trykon/SMC Surprise/TF:B/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
CNT/LTJG Wyl "Trick" Trykon/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA][SoV][BWC][NSM][E][NAR][HNS][DSM][SWC][1NS][VC:B][LoM][VC:S][NC]/(=*AE*=)(=*SAE*=)(=*TG*=)(=*SCFE*=)

TRN/AD Trykon/DJO/VEDJ
Echelon
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 22, 2012 9:28:14 AM    View the profile of Echelon 
So with my new story arc, I'm using two ID Imperial-class II frigates: The Star Webber and the Lantium. I'm also using a VE Victory-class I Star Destroyer, the Caster.

Just wanted to post the names, and call dibs on the ships.

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DMG-CTRL Officer/CPO Finbar "Echelon" Bandoran/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE

TO/CPO Finbar "Echelon" Bandoran/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA] [NAR] [CAR] [MC2] [BWC] [HNS] [MC1] [SWC] [=*ENG*=]
{VehM} {SfrM} {HypM} {Astr} {LogS} {Shut} {Gunn}

[This message has been edited by Echelon (edited March 23, 2012 8:29:18 AM)]
Trykon
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 22, 2012 2:25:30 PM    View the profile of Trykon 
Great work everybody!  My initial estimate was optimistic (work is ROUGH right now), but I'm still workin' on a post!
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SCAP/LTJG Wyl Trykon/SMC Surprise/TF:B/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
CNT/LTJG Wyl "Trick" Trykon/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA][SoV][BWC][NSM][E][NAR][HNS][DSM][SWC][1NS][VC:B][LoM][VC:S][NC]/(=*AE*=)(=*SAE*=)(=*TG*=)(=*SCFE*=)

TRN/AD Trykon/DJO/VEDJ
Echelon
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Echelon
 
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 22, 2012 2:36:30 PM    View the profile of Echelon 
Great Trykon!

Can't wait to see what you produce.

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DMG-CTRL Officer/CPO Finbar "Echelon" Bandoran/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE

TO/CPO Finbar "Echelon" Bandoran/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA] [NAR] [CAR] [MC2] [BWC] [HNS] [MC1] [SWC] [=*ENG*=]
{VehM} {SfrM} {HypM} {Astr} {LogS} {Shut} {Gunn}

Trykon
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 23, 2012 8:42:52 AM    View the profile of Trykon 
Apologies for the lack of major plot developments in that last post... I was sort of floundering mid-draft, and then my free time dried up, so I had to reign in the scope of what I was writing.  But even though I'm not able to contribute as much or as often to this one as usual, guys, I am reading, and everybody's activity is really encouraging!  Keep it up! 
Imperial Network Star Wars Image

SCAP/LTJG Wyl Trykon/SMC Surprise/TF:B/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
CNT/LTJG Wyl "Trick" Trykon/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA][SoV][BWC][NSM][E][NAR][HNS][DSM][SWC][1NS][VC:B][LoM][VC:S][NC]/(=*AE*=)(=*SAE*=)(=*TG*=)(=*SCFE*=)

TRN/AD Trykon/DJO/VEDJ
Serpent
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Serpent
 
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 23, 2012 3:21:59 PM    View the profile of Serpent 
I am trying to get a post up soon, but I am away for a long weekend to celebrate my birthday!  Expect the Serpent to strike by tuesday or wednesday next week though!

And I would also like to congratulate everyone on the great activity!  This story really has everyone motivated and that's great to see!
FO/MCPO Pherik “Serpent” Zail / ISD II Halcyon Warrior/TF: Besh/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
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Trykon
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 23, 2012 3:46:00 PM    View the profile of Trykon 
Ooo, happy birthday, Serpent!
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DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 24, 2012 10:56:03 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
Yeah, happy birthday. Also, you are treating your favorite WC to a whole bunch of booze... right?

In other news posted again as well.

Also Echelon Tartans, Lancers and generally all other anti-starfighter ships have their lasers distributed so as to cover multiple angles (up, down, front, sides, possibly back too). Even with fast firing quad lasers it would be hard to destroy whole squadrons in a few seconds. With good gunners and regular TIE Fighters maybe. Fast moving crafts however would be difficult to target and Bombers on the other hand would be able to just shoot back. You may be able to possibly intercept torpedoes from lone bombers, but if a whole squadron would fire your way then you'd be kaput.

Also, the Imperial Frigate's greatest assets aren't its guns but its complement of six squadrons - the same number of crafts a regular ISD carries. Also, Star Destroyers of any sort are pretty damn tough. Bombers may weaken and possibly even cripple them, but it's quite unlikely for them to pose a huge threat. Not unless there are a bunch of squadrons all focusing on the same target. Also, for two ship captains to bicker in the presence of an admiral that could demote them on such grounds is also unlikely. It's fine for the two to harbor less than amiable feelings towards one another but to express them this openly in that manner...

Also, for a puny squadron commander to ask for an admiral likely directing the whole, or at least part of the battle is very, very, very unlikely as well. Can you imagine me demanding to talk to Stormz in the middle of the battle only to tell him that "oh gee boss, there are many fighters coming my way and i don't know what to do"? My imagination for one happens to include broken consoles, torn limbs and bloody Wookiee fur. Also, a squadron of bombers would be enough to take out a Guardian-class ship. It would technically be enough to take out a Marauder corvette as well - though given the circumstances their numbers are likely to dwindle before the latter could be achieved...

Also, ordering a suicide mission might not be a great way to make fans but it's hardly unacceptable by military standards. By that logic the captain was the one in the right and the officer in the wrong. Further continuing with that logic the security forces guarding the bridge would've had to neutralize the mutineer.

Not all the above are major issues and a few would actually be fine too... if not for the number involved. I for one managed to count quite a few "alsos" there.

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Drac
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 24, 2012 11:29:10 AM    View the profile of Drac 
I'm back! Even more exciting, I managed to not break anything while skiing (which isn't to say I didn't hurt myself at all, lol).

If I can manage it, I hope to put a post up in the next few hours. Othewise we'll probably be waiting until either late Sunday night or sometime Monday.

-Drac
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 24, 2012 11:47:21 AM    View the profile of Hades 
I'm still a victim of writer's block and lack of time IRL, so I apologise for my lack of posting

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DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 27, 2012 3:02:27 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
/me victimizes Hades some more

Echelon, although your stories grow in scope and complexity - which I for one like - you still seem to hold on to some basic flaws that over the course of said stories become more and more apparent, in turn affecting them negatively rather than further improving them.

For instance I can tell you wanted this latest arc to have action, drama and possibly some dry humor in it - and to some extent it does posses all of those. For me personally however the existence of certain characterizations and actions subtracts from the experience as a whole. I'm talking here about the way the captains were portrayed as well as some action that occurred on all those ships.

There's nothing wrong with using inept captains but there should however be a limit to just how inept you end up making them be. In order to have reached the position their holding most of them would've had to actually study and fight a great deal. That in turn would provide them with at least some degree of knowledge, wisdom and experience. Same for the gunners - for them to have gotten assigned to a warship they would've first needed to prove they can do their jobs and seeing how you're focusing mainly on ship-to-ship fights, the latter's speeds wouldn't fully compensate for their sizes. Sort of a "you can run, but you can't bloody hell hide too"...

The thing that strikes me as odd and generally wrong the most however is the borderline insanity implied by certain actions. Suddenly developing a conscience after spending years in the service of the military and stepping down from a relatively important position - all of this in the middle of combat no less - well that sort of thing couldn't have possibly gone unnoticed beforehand. Psych evaluations should've raised some red flags, crew should've filed some concerning reports and so on...

Even if the latter could be turned in such a way that it would work - thanks to sufficient explanation of the exact circumstances leading to those sudden epiphanies - I for one don't really see how you or anyone for that matter could explain an officer being stupid enough - because that's the word in this case - to sabotage his own ship, quite possibly killing himself and everyone else in the process all because of a threat that wouldn't have even fully worked. A ship's captain can possibly choose his crew, but said crew would end up serving the Navy and not him directly. So whilst getting rid of them would be relatively easy, firing them from the Navy would likely require actual paperwork and possibly official investigations or hearings or whatever.

My suggestion to you - think about these things, keep them in check, and your writing should further improve as a result.

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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 28, 2012 8:24:38 PM    View the profile of Serpent 
Back from my birthday to a really busy week at work, so sorry for the lack of activity folks!  However, my 4th post is now up!

Trick, I included your ships' approach in my story, and added my own character's musings about how your action will be percieved.  Drac, I have left your reaction to it all open, of course!

And yes, Deep, I hand out the booze to celebrate my birthday!  I believe you pilot folk call it the... Blue Stuff?
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 28, 2012 8:30:30 PM    View the profile of Drac 
Sounds good. I'll see if I can get something up tonight...hopefully. Who thought the first week of school after Spring Break would be this crazy?

-Drac
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DeepSix
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 29, 2012 2:14:40 AM    View the profile of DeepSix 
Yay for more posts! Bigger yay for more booze!!!

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Trykon
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  RE: VEN: Out of the Invisible Discussion
March 29, 2012 7:46:55 PM    View the profile of Trykon 
Just wanted to chime in: Echelon, your latest post made for a great read.  I'm very impressed with your activity these past weeks.  Twenty story posts on this run-on so far, each one used as an opportunity to experiment with some aspect of storytelling: character development, action, comedy, introspective emotional writing.  Keep challenging yourself, man!  It's really great to watch you develop as a writer, even between one post and the next!

Serpent, I appreciated your lending your character's POV (and your ID captain NPC's POV) to my little relief effort.    I love the NPC, by the way: he's a great foil for Drac.

Pilots, I'm loving what you guys get up.  The only thing is, I want more!    Remember, leadership positions are up for grabs: post early and often and well!

Sorry a gain that I'm not as "present" for this one as I am usually, guys.  Real life is just short of totally overwhelming, right now.  But it is nice, when I can get on and check the story, to see you guys keeping things going so marvelously!  Let's keep it up!  The "Dominion" isn't nearly Vast enough to claim to be the continuation of the Galactic Empire! 
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CNT/LTJG Wyl "Trick" Trykon/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

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[This message has been edited by Trick (edited March 29, 2012 7:47:25 PM)]
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