I am more than willing to discuss the two pieces of my work that are public on this board. They are seperated by about 7 years, so they should be quiete different in style.

If you don't read Raz's or Kami's writing, you're a moron. These stories may be some of the best writing the Vast Empire has ever seen.

Comments/questions always welcome.

Just dont be rude.

I'm honored - and only slightly nervous - to be able to share my story Mate: A Dark Jedi Knight's Journey with the VE's general membership.  Your comments and critiques are more than welcome, they're needed!  The only way to improve as a writer is to do three things: read critically, write a lot, and learn from both.  Help me learn as much as I can from writing Mate, by sharing your thoughts about the story here in this thread.  Thanks for reading, and enjoy! 

Or if you have no life like myself, a few hours.

Took me a while, Trick, but I read through it.  Absolutely brilliant, my friend, as ever!

High points were definitely the use of Zaq as a POV character for the first half, before switching to your character's point of view.  That worked really well.  And though at first I was a little unsure of some of the Kuati characters, I got a feel for them after a while and really empathised with how hopeless Zaq's life was becoming as they tried to keep him down.

It also seems that you really ramped up your descriptions for this one, and I found myself wincing at some of the terms you used in the sewer scene.  I've also never seen you swear or allude so blatantly to themes like sex in a story, so that was a nice surprise!

One last positive was the fight scenes.  They moved quickly and above all emotionally, and I really liked that.  I personally hate fight scenes that laboriously detail strike, counter, riposte, on and on ad naseum.  You don't do that, focusing more on the over all feel of the engagement, and I much prefer that.

A couple of criticisms if I may, though.  First, I didn't like how the prologue fit into the rest of the story.  When I first read it I was like "ooh, holocron, cool!" and instantly intrigued.  However, the story then went to Kuat and a far more grounded set of events before the Force was re-introduced.  This left the prologue a little... out of place.  As good a read as it was, perhaps the story would have been fine without it?

And secondly, I was a little thrown by the description of your character!  The term 'old' was used a lot, and you even went so far as to say 'codger'.  Not sure how I feel about that in relation to a 30-year old!  Yes, I grant he is older than Zaq, but 30 is not even old by the standards of the real world.  In Star Wars, where improved medicine can lead to substantially longer lifespans, I'd never use the word 'old' for a 30-something.  Unless the inference is that expose to the Dark Side has wasted at Trick so much as to give the impression of age?

Anyway, aside from those two little hiccups, I loved this story.  You're damn talented, my friend, and a great reflection on the DJO!

I've added the first half of another runon to shadownet.