This was a commentary column in The Minaret, my University's newspaper.

A Politics Carol: A Ghost Story of the 2008 Election
By Jack McGeachy

Last night around 3 a.m., I'm doing my usual--a caffeine-fueled, sleep-deprived, organic chemistry study session--when all of a sudden, a specter leaned over my shoulder and said, "Organic chemistry, now that's something I should've gotten into."

I Spun around, and sure as day, it's the ghost of Hunter S. Thompson.

"They teach you how to synthesize LSD yet, kid?"

"Uh, no, Mr. Thompson, it's not that kind of laboratory course. By the way, why are you in my house, and aren't you dead?"

"Technically, yeah, but I picked up a part-time gig as the ghost of politics past. Which explains why I'm here, to drop some knowledge on your apathetic self; let's hurry, I've got a few million other appointments across the nation."

I found myself transported to a strange and frightening place--1987.

We stood in a Washington D.C. boardroom and observed a somber meeting of five suit-clad bureaucrats. I though I recognized one of their faces.

"Spirit, that guy looks like John McCain, but with about two decades fewer of jowls!"

"Good eye--he is; do you have any idea what the son-of-a-!@#$% is up to?"

"Mavericking, I guess."

"Not by a long shot. Ever heard of Charlie Keating and the saving-and-loans crisis?" Before I could speak he continued, "I doubt it."

"Anyways, old Charlie tried and succeeded in sweet-talking the government into deregulating his financial institution so he could pad his pocketbook."

"He lavished five senators with contributions and gifts, and, in return, these stooges intervened on his behalf."

"When the cards came tumbling down, and Charlie-boy couldn't make good on the bonds he sold, the whole mess ended up costing $3.4 billion in taxpayer money; the priciest bank failure since a few months ago, in fact."

"So McCain was a part of this?"

"Bingo. It was big-news back when, although you kids probably haven't heard of it. For all the talk against cronyism, your man is an old-school Washington insider."

My head was spinning.

I saw Thompson's ghost turn and walk out the door. "Spirit, don't abandon me here in this weasel-den!"

"You'll be fine, kid; the change of shift will be here any minute."


END PART I

I have divided into three parts, I will post the second ghost tomorrow. and the third will be the following day.

Ok I know I'm retired now, but I'll still log on sometimes, and sometimes I'll have something I've worked on that I'll post for a squadron. I'm now posting the last part of the Politics Carol, then I'm gonna be gone for a while.


A silver DeLorean came screeching out of the night and pulled next to me.

"Neil Patrick Harris! Where'd you get the sweet ride?"

"Call me NPH. It's a loaner; I have to get it back to Marty and the Doc by 1984, so hurry up and strap in."

"So you're the ghost of politics future?"

"Some know me as such. Do me a favor and set the timer for 2010 and the flux capacitor for 1.21 jigawatts."

By the time we had reached 88 miles per hour, I noted that the scenery had taken a distinct change. "What's with all the New Testemant billboards and the robed women?"

"Oh, President Palin's mandate. Those graven images are pleasing to the Lord and the robes are beneficial in reducing teen pregnancy."

"Wait, President Palin? Wasn't she just a mascot, Spirit?"

"About a month into his term, McCain developed malignant melanoma, third-degree heart block post secondary to a myocardial infarction and then kicked a clot and suffered a massive stroke."

"And I thought you just played a doctor on television, Mr. Harris. Why's it so overcast by the way?"

"Two things: first, climatology, along with evolutionary biology, was declared a blasphemy punishable by death and pollution regulations were discarded. It also has something to do with all the dust those nukes kicked up."

"Nukes?"

"Yes. A large majority of the Middle East is now a glass hockey rink, including Israel, but hey, it's the cost of doing business."

"NPH, I've seen enough; can you end it?"

"I'm good, but not that good. I can send you back to your time, but you have to do the rest."

"I will! Anything!"

"Just vote."



That concludes the story. Opinions?

Joining in the wholesale destruction of evidence.
*Post deleted*

meh

meh

Joining in the wholesale destruction of evidence.
*Post deleted*

Lets take this to PMs people?

(Please don't hurt me)

/me goes one better and goes after Blue with a rusty saw.