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Topic:  Echelon: SCFE
Echelon
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Echelon
 
[VE-NAVY] Warrant Officer 2nd Class
 
Post Number:  453
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  Echelon: SCFE
August 4, 2012 4:52:22 PM    View the profile of Echelon 
Rhycus “Echelon” Bandoran paced up and down the confined width of the bridge, his footsteps in a rhythmic beat that seemed to be keeping the crew in perfect sync. The various bridge officers sat tacitly at their stations, working mundane tasks at a calm and steady pace. The tapping of keys, clicking of switches, and the occasional cough were the only noises that filled the room, not counting the captain’s repetitive footsteps. It was just yet another mild morning hour aboard the Duty, a Warden-class Light Cruiser.

The ship was patrolling Helmsman’s Turn, a hyperspace junction where vessels stopped to adjust their angle to their destination and hyperjump once more. Any ship that wanted to get from the Sian system to the Vectra system would have to go through Helmsman’s Turn, which was why it was a vital position. Most of the ships that passed through were Vast Empire Navy ships, and they were immediately disregarded by the Duty’s scanner. However, civilian ships under suspicion had to undergo boarding which was often a long and slow process, but it had to be done. They had been out patrolling for three days, but they still had yet to find any illegal goods.

Before they had left Abrae to go on the patrol, Rhycus had ordered a massive clean up of the ship. It was not to the crew’s liking, but it had to be done. He had the walls cleaned, the floors scrubbed, and while in the starport, he even ordered a new paintjob of the exterior. In a matter of days, the Duty went from completely wrecked to spotless. Not only that, but it helped make the crew more disciplined, but even that needed more work.

Stopping his continuous pacing, he looked around at the bridge officers. Most showed little military etiquette as they were slumped back in their chairs and acting sleepily. If they suddenly had to go into combat, they would never be ready. Something had to be done, he thought. Perhaps a little wakeup call?

“Crew!” he firmly called. One officer jolted upright at the sudden noise, quickly looking around to see what happened. “Prepare for battle! This is a drill!” Turning to each of the stations one by one, he continued, “Communications, alert the rest of the ship of the drill. Helms bring us around fifty degrees. Weapons, get our gunners ready and guns charged up. Engineering, raise our shields to spread formation. And tell me when you're done!”

In that moment, the bridge kicked into a frenzy. Each station was like its own tornado as the officers darted about, yelling out orders and rapidly pressing buttons. They were truly surprised by the drill and were frantic about getting ready. One would think that being frantic would cause the task to get done quicker. That was not the case. Every military officer knew that performing your orders quickly and with discipline was the way to go, not a mad race to get done fast. These bridge officers, Rhycus noted, failed to realize that.

As each second past, Rhycus bit his lip harder. He had set a timer on his datapad, seeing how long it would take to get from a non-ready stance to combat capable. As the seconds grew, he began to lose more and more faith in his crew. It was a terrible performance.

Suddenly, the bridge doors slid open as Elbatt Andia, the Executive Officer, filed into the room.

“What the hell are you doing, Captain?” he demanded, just as surprised as his crew was.

“Well, I’ve noticed a lack of military discipline and etiquette,” he presented, “and I felt I needed to test how ready the crew could be. Also, Mr. Andia, you do not curse in front of your captain, nor do you run up here and demand answers. Out of everyone, I expect the most discipline out of you.”

Andia’s face curdled as he glared at the captain, but he knew it was true. When he first entered the academy, he was crisp and firm with his duty, but as time went on, he began to lose his grip. Perhaps this drill was a good thing, he wondered.

“Still, Captain, you scared the sh-...wits out of me.”

Rhycus’s eyebrows frowned. “Mr. Andia, the enemy will scare you, and the enemy will surprise you. We are a military vessel, sir, what did you expect?”

“I just...I...” Andia trailed off, lost in his thought.

“Never experienced a sudden drill?” Rhycus continued for him, smiling slightly. “Andia, your last captain was a deficient one. He knew nothing of proper military action. I, on the other hand, won’t succumb to such laziness. This is a vessel of the Navy, and it will be worthy of such a title. I-”

“Done!’ yelled the weapons officer, interrupting Rhycus. Next came the helms station, then communications, and lastly, engineering. At the last call, Rhycus turned off the timer, and glared at the screen. He was disgusted at the number and could feel the frustration growing inside of him. Ever since he had arrived on the ship, he had been trying to get it and the crew into good shape. He was putting a lot of effort into it, but it seemed to him like he was not receiving any effort back. All he wanted to do was train on a ship with a disciplined, organized crew, but he doubted that would ever happen.

“Orders captain?” Andia asked, trying to get over the accusations his captain threw at him a moment earlier.

Rhycus blankly stared at him for the longest time, a library of thoughts swirling through his head, none of which he could decipher fully. They began to assemble into something. That something was rage and frustration. After a moment or two, he let his anger out.

“Two minutes!” he yelled across the bridge. Pointing a finger at the communications officer, Dak Coven, he yelled, “Put this on the intercom, I want the entire ship to hear it!” He turned away and proceeded towards the front of the bridge, so the entire bridge could hear him. He sighed, trying to let his anger out before continuing. An Imperial Captain would never scream at his crew, or at least, Rhycus hoped not. “I’m apologize for screaming like that, but this is just unacceptable. We should be able to get to a combat stance within thirty seconds. The enemy could have just destroyed us already, and we wouldn’t have been able to fight. This crew purely lacks discipline. It isn’t your fault, it was Captain Irson’s fault. Discipline does come with time, but I expect all of you to be following the textbook guidelines: sitting up straight, following orders quickly - not frantically, and always being on your toes. By the time I’m off this ship, you all will be the shining example of the Navy. I have faith in you, but I can’t do the work for you. Please, just try an put in more effort.”

As he looked around, he noticed everyone had their head down and their eyes low. Even Dak Coven, who Rhycus had never seen frown before, was doing so. It made him feel guilty, to put down their efforts, but it had to be done. The tough love was necessary, and it could have been a matter between life or death if they had been fighting an enemy. “I’m sorry crew, but we need to work on this. You won’t get anywhere in your career if you become lazy and disordered. For the next hour, we’re going to do this, over and over again until we get it right. Underst-”

“Sir!” Dak Coven interrupted, turning back to his control station, “We’re receiving a distress transmission from the Ferindal, an X-26 StarHaul freighter.”

Rhycus’s eyes lit up with surprise. “Alright, our training will have to wait,” he began, heading towards the center of the room, “Get me details Mr. Coven.”

“The ship is being attacked by a pirate vessel, but they didn’t say what model - just a light cruiser.”

“What are the coordinates?”

“Outside the Sian system. It turns out we’re the closest military vessel.”

“Helms, how long would it take for us to get there?” he asked, quickly turning to his right.

Typing away on his control station, Tolod replied, “About...not long sir. Five minutes tops.”

“Mr. Coven, tell them we’re on our way and to hold out for a little longer. Helms, bring us to her location. The rest of you,” he paused, “prepare for battle.” And this time, the crew acted a little more orderly.

OOC:
Word Count: 1,448.

Imperial Network Star Wars Image

MS/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/Warden-class light cruiser Duty/TF:TH/3Flt/VENA/VEN/VE

TO/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA] [NAR] [CAR] [MC2] [BWC] [HNS] [MC1] [SWC] [1NS] [LoM] [VC:B] [=*ENG*=]
{VehM} {SfrM} {HypM} {Astr} {LogS} {Shut} {Gunn}

MVP of Out of the Invisible

Echelon
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Echelon
 
[VE-NAVY] Warrant Officer 2nd Class
 
Post Number:  454
Total Posts:  546
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  RE: Echelon: SCFE
August 4, 2012 4:58:35 PM    View the profile of Echelon 
Rhycus felt the small jolt of the Duty blasting into hyperspace, but he remained stationary, keeping firm and still in front of his crew. A billion streaks of light filled the viewport window as they darted around, separating and mingling in with each other. They changed colors, becoming slightly more blue, then white, then blue again. It was truly magical, Rhycus thought. However, a different thought entered his mind. The ship was approaching battle, and with battle, there would always be a winner and a loser. He did not exactly know what he was coming up against. The freighter in distress had told them it would be a “light cruiser”, but the term “light cruiser” could mean a lot of different classes, large ships and small ships alike. He just hoped it would be a ship he could stand up against. Even then, he realized, his chances could be slim. His crew were disorderly and undisciplined, and he doubted they could win against better crew. But he waved away his thoughts. His pessimism would not serve him any good during combat. But was it pessimism, he wondered? Perhaps it was realism.

He thoughts were interrupted by his approaching Executive Officer, Elbatt Andia. The First Officer came up to Rhycus’s side, and stood there with him, staring into the mystifying field of hyperspace streaks. They were silent for a few moments, taking the situation in, then the Rhycus spoke.

“Do you think they could do it?” he asked, quietly, as to keep the conversation between him and Andia.

“What do you mean?” Andia asked, slightly puzzled.

“Do you think they could do it? Them.” He discreetly gestured backwards towards his crew.

Andia nodded, finally understanding what his captain meant, then he stood silent, allowing himself to think for a moment. “I...yes. I think they can,” he finally replied.

“How? They’re completely unfocused on their job. They lack order. They lack discipline. They-”

“Yes. Yes. That is all true. You’ve said it a billion times before, but that speech you gave a moment ago. I think it really inspired them.”

Rhycus raised an eyebrow. “I’m listening. Continue.”

“In the deepest part of their hearts, they want to make their captain proud. They want to do well. We just got stuck in a rut with our old captain, Irson. He didn’t really care about us, so we couldn’t make him proud. So we lost order, and discipline. I think they see the problem now, and they want to fix it. Just give them until after this battle, and I promise, you’ll start to see definite changes.”

Rhycus looked at the ground again, feeling his pessimism gain a foothold. “We’re going to need them to change during the battle if we’re to survive,” he gloomily muttered.

“Sir!” Tolod, the Chief Helms Officer, notified, “We’re approaching the distress signal. Expect arrival in twenty seconds.”

Rhycus bit his lip. The next twenty seconds would kill him with anticipation. He had no idea what to expect, and therefore, he had no idea about how to approach the situation. He could only wait and see. A slight nervousness crept upon him. That was odd, he thought, he was never nervous. Then again, this was his first mission as a captain.

Suddenly, the ship bolted out of hyperspace and the stream of light ending with a jolt. Out the view port, a stationary backdrop of stars hung dimly. Then Rhycus saw it, a brief flash of light on the right side of the view port.

“Three ships twenty degrees starboard of our position sir,” Coven, the communications/sensors officer began, “Our sensors detect them to be...one X-21 freighter, its escort - a Guardian-class Light Cruiser, and an AEG-77 Vigo transport ship...that seems to be the hostile ship. I’ll begin a detailed analysis in a moment.”

Rhycus was stunned. If he remembered correctly, the AEG was an eight-gun ship, versus his four-gun cruiser. To him, the situation seemed bleak. Then again, he had that Guardian-class ship as support, but even then, they were out gunned. The only thing he could do would be to engage, and pray.

“Orders, Captain?” Andia calmly asked.

“Get us over to those ships, Helms. Andia, I want you to communicate with that Guardian. We’ll need to coordinate with that ship if we’re to survive. Weapons, await the order to fire. Communications, get me a line with that AEG,” Rhycus ordered swiftly and firmly.

“Actually sir, the AEG is contacting us. They seem to be claiming that they’re a New Republic affiliated pirate ship, and that they have war rights to raid the X-21 freighter, and that this is none of our concern,” Coven replied, confused.

“That’s the most blasphemous thing I’ve ever heard. That ship is in Vast Empire space!”

“Also, sir. It seems to be going by the name Blazer. If my data is correct, the ship was spotted raiding a convoy in Imperial Remnant territory a few weeks ago.”

So, this is a serious threat we’re dealing with...

“Get an audio transmission with them. I want to have a talk with their captain.”

Rhycus strode over to the bridge’s auxiliary communication station, and a moment later, the crackly buzz of static filled his ears, only to be cut off a moment later by a raspy, high pitched voice.

“Vast Imperial scum!” the voice began, “Halt your approach on our position, or die!”

“By the order of this ship and the Vast Empire Navy, cease your fire and surrender at once! Refusing to do so will cause us to engage,” Rhycus demanded, putting as much authority and intimidation into his voice as possible. However, the pirate on the other end only chuckled before ending the transmission with a click. Rhycus was infuriated with the lack of cooperation. Pirates these days have no decency, he thought. “Are we in firing range, Libnor?”

“Almost sir,” the Mon Cal replied, “We’ll be upon them in a few moments.”

“Andia, what’s happening with that Guardian?”

“Well sir, they’re just being chased around by the Blazer, and they’re exchanging fire, but overall, they seem to be losing. The transport is trying to escape, but its engines are damaged. Its just turtling along over there.”

Rhycus silently cursed. The situation was looking more worse than ever.

“In firing range now sir!” Libnor, in his deep alien voice, said aloud.

“Alright! Laser cannons, give them a volley!” Rhycus ordered, releasing his anger towards the pirates.

Outside the Duty, the deathly cold, silence, and stillness of space was suddenly shattered. Two laser cannons began to fire at all of their might, and speed, spewing fiery red blasts towards the AEG ship. Most of the blasts struck their mark, but instead of tearing through the hull of the ship, they merely were absorbed by the deflector shields of the vessel. One lucky shot struck at the right place, at the right time, and slammed through the metal exterior of the ship, sending debris flying everywhere. However, that damage inflicted was minute to the size of the ship. It would take a lot more firepower to bring it down.

“Attack report?” Rhycus asked, impatient on learning how effective his shots were.

“One percent made in past the shields, sir,” Libnor relayed.

Rhycus crossed his arms in frustration. What would it take to bring down this ship, he wondered?

“Sir,” Gren Rudemo, the Chief Engineer, alarmingly called, “The enemy ship has turned some of its guns on us and is beginning to fire.”

“Shields?”

“Operational sir, and in spread formation, but those cannons look powerful.”

“Divert stern shielding to the bow. We’re not getting attacked from the rear yet.”

Without warning, the bridge shook as several laser blasts pounded onto the hull. Rhycus grabbed the wall to stabilize himself.

When it had stopped, he yelled with exasperation, “Damage report!”

“Shields at seventy percent. Minor hull damage. I’m not sure how many of those blasts we’ll be able to take.”

Then, when Rhycus thought it could not have gotten worse, Andia, with a slight bit of fear in his voice, yelled “Sir, the Guardian is retreating!”

“The enemy ship is advancing towards us, sir!” Coven blared.

Rhycus brought his hand to his forehead, wiping away beads of sweat. Everything had happened too quickly. He had no time to think. If he did not come up with something quick, they would be defeated. Suddenly, the ship shook once more, this time more violently. All of the sudden, the bridge lights went out, leaving him and the crew in pure, distasteful darkness.

OOC:
Word Count: 1,435

Imperial Network Star Wars Image

MS/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/Warden-class light cruiser Duty/TF:TH/3Flt/VENA/VEN/VE

TO/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA] [NAR] [CAR] [MC2] [BWC] [HNS] [MC1] [SWC] [1NS] [LoM] [VC:B] [=*ENG*=]
{VehM} {SfrM} {HypM} {Astr} {LogS} {Shut} {Gunn}

MVP of Out of the Invisible

[This message has been edited by Echelon (edited August 4, 2012 6:45:27 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Echelon (edited August 4, 2012 6:45:50 PM)]
Echelon
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Echelon
 
[VE-NAVY] Warrant Officer 2nd Class
 
Post Number:  455
Total Posts:  546
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  RE: Echelon: SCFE
August 4, 2012 7:54:09 PM    View the profile of Echelon 
The lights seemed to be out forever, but it was really only a few seconds. In that moment of darkness, Rhycus’s heart skipped a beat. He was not sure if he was dead, or if he had just been blasted into space, or what had happened. It seemed stupid, he later realized, to know you were feeling emotion and wonder if you were dead, but that’s what happened.

As soon as they had gone out, the lights flickered back on, and he sighed in relief. But then, he realized, there was nothing to be relieved about. The enemy ship was advancing on them, and the Guardian-class cruiser was retreating, leaving him and the Duty to face the eight-gun enemy ship alone. Something had to be done quickly.

“Andia, contact the Guardian and order them back here immediately!” Rhycus ordered, pointing firmly with his index finger. He swiftly turned around to face the other bridge crew as if to give more orders, but he could come up with nothing. His mind was truly blank of any ideas. Here they were, trapped against a ship they would not be able to beat. His mind filled with old naval stories, trying to figure out what the captains did in a situation like this. They all used deception and trickery, he figured, but he could use none of that. This was the real world, where only the amount of firepower mattered. Or, did it?

“Keep firing the laser cannons,” he reluctantly decided, “Just inflict as much damage as possible while I think of a plan.”

“Sir, the Guardian-ship isn’t responding,” Andia replied a moment later. “Either their communications are damaged or they’re fleeing.”

“They’re coming in for another attack run!” somebody yelled. Before Rhycus could figured out who said it, the bridge once again shook. A noise, much like a metallic roar, lightly echoed about the chamber as each laser blast pounded against the hull. It was a disheartening sound.

When the captain had regained his footing and the shaking had stopped, he, with a touch of desperation, yelled, “Damage report!”

After a moment of apprehensive silence, Rudemo fastly replied, “Shields at forty percent. Our internal structure is beginning to show signs of damage. No casualties.”

Suddenly, a plan popped into Rhycus’s head. Turning to his communications officer, he asked, “Coven, are there any blind spots of the armament on that ship?”

Coven, typing away at his console, after a moment replied, “No sir. The engineers made sure of that. They’ve got full coverage of the exterior.”

Rhycus bit his tongue as the plan was thwarted away. If there was a blind spot, he could direct the Duty there and fire with his weapons, while the enemy wouldn’t be able to return fire. He was now once again planless, and his ship was a sitting duck to the Blazer’s guns.

“Attack report?” Rhycus monotonously muttered, feeling slightly hopeless.

Libnor, turned in his chair, facing the captain before replying, “We’re inflicting little damage upon them sir. Our laser cannons just aren’t getting through their deflector shields! May I suggest-”

His words were interrupted as the room rattled about once more, this time even more violently. Rhycus dropped to the floor to regain his balance, but even then, he tumbled about. The lights began to flicker on and off again, until the shaking stopped.

This time, Rhycus did not even have to ask for a damage report. Rudemo instinctively shouted, “Shields at three percent. Frame damage on our port side. A small fire on deck three. Sealing it off now.”

“Three percent shielding?” Rhycus gasped.

“Yes sir. I may be able to get it a bit higher if I divert engine power to the shield generator.”

“But then they won’t have to do the sweeping attack maneuvers!” Andia protested, “they’ll be able to sit right behind us and shoot a constant stream of shots!”

“Our shields are about to give out, captain. We need to do something! Let me divert the engine power!”

“That’ll do us more harm, than good, Captain. Don’t listen to her.”

“As I was saying,” Libnor, calmly stated, but he was unable to continue as a sudden verbal argument broke out on the ship. Every officer had their own idea about what to do, and they were all arguing viciously over it. Noise and confusion ensued over the bridge, and Rhycus, dazed, stumbled back to the viewport, still thinking of a plan.

The Blazer would come back around for a new attack run in a few moments, and with their current condition, they would be done for. There was something he did not want to do, but it had to be done. He was going to surrender.

Turning back around to give orders, he found his entire bridge crew out of their seats, and yelling loudly in each other’s faces.

“Crew, I’ve come to my...” he attempted to say, but his words were drowned out in the mass of noise. “Crew...” he said again, louder, but still, his voice was inaudible. Rage, once again, was filling up inside him. The unorderly conduct in which his crew was governing themselves was unacceptable. “Everyone! Quiet!” he finally screamed, and this time, everyone stopped their miniscule squabbles. “I’ve come to my decision. We need to surrender.”

“That won’t be necessary!” Libnor retaliated. “Please listen.”

“Libnor, please, we don’t have time. I all know you have your opi-”

“No! Listen!” And before Rhycus could protest, Libnor continued. “You’ve only ordered us to fire with our laser cannons! They only think we have laser cannons, which is why they haven’t booted up their ray shields, but they’re wrong. Because we’re a modified ship, we also have missiles! And they won’t expect a physical based attack!”

Rhycus’s jaw dropped open. Why hadn’t he listened to his weapons officer earlier, he wondered? Nevertheless, the plan was brilliant, and they still had a little time to engage the Blazer before it finished them off.

“Alright Libnor, start firing the missiles! All of them! Every single one! Make your shots count! Helms, get us into a good firing angle. We can’t miss. Engineering, divert the shielding power into the weapon targeting systems. Our shields are about to go anyway. The rest of you, pray to the Emperor that this works.”

Hearing that, the bridge crew returned to their seats, and got to work, knowing time was of the essence.

“Sir, the Blazer is turning around for an attack run,” Coven notified.

“How long till we’re in their range?”

“Not long sir. We’re quite close to their position.”

“Libnor, how long till we can fire?”

“In a few moments sir, we’re getting our targeting equipment calibrated. They’re moving too fast for our normal sensors.”

Rhycus brought his hands up to his mouth. It was a mannerism he couldn’t help but doing when he was nervous. It would be a race to see who shot first. A race that decided his fate. A race that decided all of their fates. They would have to win it, or else they would die.

A few seconds later, and just as nervous, Rhycus moved over to the viewport, to try and locate the Blazer. Though dimly in the distance, he could see slight movement and the faint outline of the narrow craft. Then, the outline slowly began to grow bigger. It was approaching the Duty.

“How much longer, Libnor?”

“We’re working as fast as we can!”

“How much longer?!”

“Give me fifteen seconds!” Rhycus looked back up at the Blazer. It was coming closer now, at an ever alarming pace. The Captain counted the seconds, digging his fingernails into his palms as the time went on. The suspense of the moment was killing him.

“Sir, we’re within the Blazer’s firing range!” Coven squeaked, fear being the motivation behind the words.

“Libnor, we need to fire now!”

Then, as if a prayer had been answered, Libnor excitedly yelled, “Done!”

Turning his gaze towards the viewport, Rhycus watched as a series of fast moving objects darted out of the Duty, flames from their boosters trailing behind them. A second after they were launched, they became too small to see, but Rhycus knew they were there. Only a half a second later, a large explosion blasted in the distance as the missiles met their target. Then another explosion, this time bigger. Then another one, followed by another. Finally, a huge explosion rocketed last, sending debris and flame in every direction. The Blazer had been completely destroyed.

Rhycus stood in awe, disbelief, and pure amazement. He couldn’t believe, after all of this worry and danger, he was still alive, and they had defeated the enemy. Instead of cheering madly, he kept his emotions to himself. As a captain, he would need to look firm in front of his crew. Though, after today with his nervousness, anger, and despair, he wasn’t sure if that was possible. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew celebrated, jumping up and down and hugging each other. Rhycus smiled at the sight. He gave them a moment of congratulations before ordering them back to their duties.

“Crew,” he began, pacing up and down the bridge once more, “You defeated the enemy today. You came up with the plan to do so. You carried out that actions. You won this battle. You did it with your skill, your intelligence, and most importantly, today, you did it with your discipline. During this battle, you carried the most discipline I have seen in a long while from you. Sure, there is more work to be done, but it was a major improvement from the drill this morning. I’m proud of all of you, and today, when I showed weakness, you carried on. And for that, I would like to thank you.”

The concluding speech gave Rhycus a round of applause, but he waved them away.

“Mr. Coven, contact the freighter and Guardina-class ship and tell them it is safe. Mr. Tolod, direct the ship back to Abrae. We need repairs. The rest of you, get secondary shift up here, and go take a nap.”

And with that, they all followed their orders with a new sense of discipline, order, and respect for their captain.

=====

They had won, but he couldn’t have done it without them, and of course, what was a crew without its captain?

OOC:
Word Count: 1,746. And that concludes my Ship Captain Fitness Exam. I hope you like the plot, writing style, and the overall story. If anything needs to be fixed, let me know. But I do consider this to be one of my best works in the Vast Empire.

Imperial Network Star Wars Image

MS/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/Warden-class light cruiser Duty/TF:TH/3Flt/VENA/VEN/VE

TO/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA] [NAR] [CAR] [MC2] [BWC] [HNS] [MC1] [SWC] [1NS] [LoM] [VC:B] [=*ENG*=]
{VehM} {SfrM} {HypM} {Astr} {LogS} {Shut} {Gunn}

MVP of Out of the Invisible

Trykon
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Trykon
 
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  RE: Echelon: SCFE
August 4, 2012 10:06:52 PM    View the profile of Trykon 
You're right to be proud, Echelon: that was a great read.    I'm pleased to announce you've passed your SCFE.  Complete the last bit of the SCTP, and you'll graduate to SCAP! 

Things to work on, moving forward:
1.) Sometimes, your choice of word is a bit questionable.  "Distasteful" darkness, for example.  It's getting less frequent the more you write, and your meaning is always intelligible, but still: try to use the best word for the situation, every time.
2.) Similarly, you've improved a lot when it comes to understanding psychology and writing believable interpersonal interactions, but I'd like you to focus even more on it.  The character of Rhycus, over the arc of this piece, is pretty inconsistent: by turns, he's stern, apologetic, quick to speak, indecisive, etc... Work more on figuring out who he is, so that he reacts to situations more consistently.

Things that were especially praiseworthy:
1.) The suspense-building, during the battle, was pretty note-perfect.  I wasn't completely sold on every detail of the techno-babble, but the individual beats of the battle played out very well, regardless.
2.) You've done a great job proving you know what it means to be a SCAP, OOC: you chose an appropriate enemy for your ship, and you've developed an NPC crew with enough personality differences to make for interesting interactions.
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SCAP/LT Wyl Trykon/VSD Brilliant/TF:B/1Flt/FC/VEN/VE
CNT/LT Wyl "Trick" Trykon/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA][SoV][BWC][NSM][E][NAR][HNS][DSM][SWC][1NS][VC:B][LoM][VC:S][NC][GWC][VC:G]
(=*AE*=)(=*SAE*=)(=*TG*=)(=*SCFE*=)

TRN/AD Trykon/DJO/VEDJ
Echelon
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Echelon
 
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  RE: Echelon: SCFE
August 4, 2012 10:09:05 PM    View the profile of Echelon 
Thank you sir!

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MS/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/Warden-class light cruiser Duty/TF:TH/3Flt/VENA/VEN/VE

TO/WO2 Rhycus 'Echelon' Bandoran/PLF Cappadocious/VENA/VEN/VE

[SoA] [NAR] [CAR] [MC2] [BWC] [HNS] [MC1] [SWC] [1NS] [LoM] [VC:B] [=*ENG*=]
{VehM} {SfrM} {HypM} {Astr} {LogS} {Shut} {Gunn}

MVP of Out of the Invisible

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