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ComNet > Imperial Navy > Archived Naval Certifications > Flensor: "Sneaky, Very Sneaky..Sort of"
 
 
 
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Topic:  Flensor: "Sneaky, Very Sneaky..Sort of"
Flensor
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Flensor
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Crewman (SCRW)
 
Post Number:  7
Total Posts:  25
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  Flensor: "Sneaky, Very Sneaky..Sort of"
July 12, 2011 4:44:18 PM    View the profile of Flensor 
Aboard the IDS Iron Duke
20:00 hours planet time



Flensor looked at the holotable before him, it showed a giant base with four anti-air turrets surrounding it. There's also small chevron arrows moving around the base, these arrows represent the current path in which the rebels patrol. He looked up at the officer briefing him, it was a blue Twi'lek plad in a naval officer's uniform, her rank insignia indicated she was a Lieutenant Commander.

"What's this all about?"

"You've been chosen for a "cloak and dagger" mission."

"Right.. what's the objective?"

"The Rebels decided to plant a base in a planet under our rule a week ago, they tried to be clandestine about the whole thing but failed. We need to destroy that base before the Rebels can successfully use it as a Forward Operation base. You need to infiltrate the Rebel base and find the computer controlling these turrets." The Commander pointed to the four turrets marked on the map and then continued to talk. "We're not 100% sure where the computer is, but we think it's on the third floor."

"No schematics?"

"None, we've tried to recover the schematics before, but as you know, we failed. Once you disable the turrets, you are to contact the Fleet on frequency 131.7 and inform us that the defenses are down. After that, you have five minutes to get the heck out of dodge before the TIE Bombers come and give our friends here some presents. Your callsign on this mission will be Dagger One. Also, the base stations two X-Wings, don't worry.. they aren't patrolling the station due to engine problems. Any questions?"

"Any particular insertion point?"

"None."


Flensor nodded at the Commander and snapped to attention, he gave her a sloppy salute and walked out of the room. He looked at his chronometer(watch) and then headed toward the TIE hangar. As he walked down the hallways of the Star Destroyer he started wonder why he was chosen for this mission.

TIE Hangar Room
20:05 hours planet time


Flensor found his TIE Interceptor with no problem, it had already been place on the take off strip and it was already on too. He walked inside the starfighter and closed the canopy, making sure it's sealed shut. Flensor checked all the systems of the Interceptor, and then double checked them, you can never be too sure. He grabbed the infamous black bucket from the right side of his seat and placed it over his head. Flensor then strapped himself in and switched the Comms switch on.

"ISD Iron Duke this is Dagger One, request permission for take off."
"Dagger One this is ISD Iron Duke, you are cleared for take off, good luck."
"Copy, Dagger One cleared for take off, Dagger One out."


With that, the TIE Interceptor rose from the flight deck and flew straight out of the Star Destroyer. Flensor added the bearings on the navigational computer on the Interceptor and pressed the maroon Auto-Pilot button. "Coordinates received, initiating auto pilot sequence now." The Interceptor swayed from side to side for a few seconds and then dove toward the planet. The ISD Iron Duke had been hovering above the planet this whole time. Thanks to the darkness of the planet's night, the Interceptor was able to fly into the atmosphere and head towards it's target with no problems at all.

Inside the planet Annaj
20:11 hours planet time


"Target is now one kilometer away, suggestion: land the starfighter now."

Flensor woke up with a startle, he looked around the cockpit and sighed. He pressed the lit up Auto Pilot button and then descended into the arid plains. The Interceptor landed half a kilometer away from the base, the base was not within viewing distance, a sand dune that was infront of the TIE  was towering over the starfigher, making it impossible to see the base. Flensor grabbed onto the lever attached to the canopy and pulled and pushed it, opening it without much force. He removed the straps wrapped on his body and his helmet, Flensor turned off the engines of the Interceptor and walked out of the Interceptor. He went to grab his sidearm from the seat but then retracted his hand. If he was spotted with the weapon, he would of immediately been in trouble. Flensor then started his journey, directly north of the interceptor.

20:15 Planet Time


After what seemed to be a eternity of walking, Flensor spotted the first hint of the rebel base. He saw two foot soldiers walking past his line of sight, they were scanning the area around them as they walked. Their heads moving from side to side to spot any oddity. Lucky for Flensor, he had his black uniform on and blended with the darkness. He crouched downward and navigated past the sentries, after a few steps from where the sentries were, he saw the rebel base. It was tan colored and was pyramid shaped. It had only one entrance that Flensor could see, and the doors were starring right at him. Flensor heard a robotic "yeeeeroon" sound and turned his head. It was the anti-air turrets scanning the skies for any aircraft, he wondered why the turrets couldn't pick up his aircraft, after seconds of guessing he came to the conclusion that the rebels weren't using the most up to date weapons and couldn't accurately track objects at night.

Flensor continued down the straight path and stumbled upon the doors. He slid his hand over the panel, it flashed red and said, "Acess Denied". "Of course, they always have to choke a guy half to death and use their hand to get in.. How original." Sounds can be heard coming from the right side of the base, it sounded like two men arguing over shoes. Flensor straightened up and hugged his back against the wall. Two Rebel soldiers came around the corner and started to walk in Flensor's direction.

"I'm telling you, Dikee has the best shoes. They build their shoes for comfort and durability while Badidas's shoes break down every four days!"

"I don't know man.. Badidas has some pretty good shoes."

"Bah! You know nothing about fashion!"


Luckily, the rebels had no lighting equipment with them so they passed by him without ever seeing him. Flensor started to walk towards their location but then stopped himself. His plan was to knock one of the guards unconscious. But the other guard would probably beat Flensor to a pulp, hence why he stopped himself. He continued to walk along the pyramid, his back against the wall. Flensor neared the corner and then heard someone shuffling around and then groaning. After the groaning noise he heard something hitting the sand, something liquid. Flensor poked his head out of the corner and saw a lone rebel peeing on the sand. "Perfect", Flensor crept behind the rebel and placed his left hand over the rebel's mouth and wrapped his right arm around his neck, squeezing very tight. The rebel tried to yell out for help but his shouts were muffled and after a few seconds, the rebel had lost oxygen to the brain and passed out.  Flensor laid the rebel down onto the sand and gave a disgusted look at the man, he pulled up the rebels pants and dragged him by his arms towards the door. He grabbed the rebel's right wrist and placed his hand onto the panel, it lit up green and the door opened.

Flensor walked into the base, it's hallways were pure white and the doors attached to the walls were white as well. The walls had a sleek look to it and the floors were gray tiles that seemed to have been polished every five minutes. Thanks to the fact that this base had been newly built, there wasn't a CCTV system within the base, meaning no cameras. Flensor crouched down once again and placed his right hand onto the right side of the wall, he then walked down the corridor. A big sign saying: "LEVEL 1" was planted onto the wall in front of Flensor and a open doorway flanked it on it's right. Flensor walked into the doorway and saw a flight of stairs. He walked up the stairway and peaked through the next open doorway he saw. "LEVEL 2" He walked back into the stairway and walked another flight of steps. He peaked inside the new doorway and saw: "LEVEL 3". Flensor grinned and brought his entire body into the corridor.

Rebel Base: Level Three
20:22 Planet Time


  Flensor walked through the corridor, looking at each door he passed by. He was a little worried that there was no one in the hallway, the guards probably found the unconscious man or even worse, they knew where Flensor was right now and had a trap waiting for him. Behind him, a door had opened and a middle-aged man in a custodial outfit was walking out. Flensor turned his head and rushed at the man, pushing him back inside while the man said, "What? What's going on?". Flensor placed his right index finger ontop of his own lips and made a shh'ing sound, the Janitor asked the same question.

"I'm the new Janitor, where's the lockers with our clothes?"

"Pfft.. Janitor my as-"

"Listen, I need your clothes and your equipment. I need to speak to one of the generals about something very important."

"Then why do you need to take my clothes so you can speak to them?"

"Because, I'm uhhh.. just give me the damn clothes!"

"Screw off!"

With that, the Janitor started to walk past Flensor and to the door. Flensor grabbed the janitor by the shoulder and turned him around, sending his right fist into his face. The Janitor tumbeled downward and laid on the floor without any motion. "Never knew that'd work.." Flensor chuckled and then started to remove his and the Janitor's clothes. After a few minutes, Flensor was in a custodial outfit carrying everything a Janitor needs on a utility belt attached to his waist.  He walked out of the room and continued to scan the door signs, after three doors he found a door labeled "Defense Grid, DO NOT ENTER!" Flensor walked up towards the door and it opened, two men sitting parallel to each other on black seats turned towards Flensor.

[i]"What are you doing here?"

"I clean up, bad problem here, lot of fumes coming from broken pipes."

"Pfft.. no one informed us of any broken pipes.."

"It happened just now. So, I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave."

"Yeah right.."

The rebels chuckled and went back to monitoring the consoles. One of them said, "Boy I can't wait for the Night Vision Upgrade to come in, can't see anything right now.." Flensor searched his trusty utility belt and found a packet labelled: "PEST-DEAD!" he read the back of the packet and read: "IF YOU WANT YOUR PEST GONE, JUST SMASH THESE LITTLE BALLS AND WATCH THE GAS KILL THEM IN SECONDS. WARNING: use near humans may cause diahrea, gonarhea, exploding diahrea, heart failue, heart attack, imparment of motor skills, brain damage, permanent blindness and death. Flensor opened the packet and grabbed a marble sized green ball, he shrugged and threw it within the space of the two men, but it wasn't anywhere where they can see the ball, it was behind them. A large blue gas started to emerge from the now broken ball and the rebels' eyes started to widen, they got out of their chairs and ran out of the room, coughing furiously. Flensor grabbed the filter mask from his right back pocket and placed it over his mouth, he reached in his left back pocket and found a pair of shades. He donned the shades and looked around, the room was nearly pitch black. He walked towards the console the two rebels were focused on, while bumping into a few objects in the process. Flensor looked down toward the console and saw four screens showing four different scenes. One was pointed towards the sky while the other was pointed at a sand dune.  "They must of thought the dune was a ship in the dark.." He looked at the various buttons surrounding each screen and saw the universal symbol of Power on one of the buttons. Flensor pressed the button and saw the screen turn black and display a white text saying; "CONNECTION LOST", he did the same thing for the three other monitors and walked out of the room, just to see guards approaching Flensor.

20:34 Planet Time


[i]"Why were you in that room?"

"We have a err.. just look for yourself."


He pointed to the still growing cloud of gas in the room, the men nodded at Flensor and Flensor walked off. Flensor hastily walked down the stairs, skipping a few steps in the process. He pulled out his personal Com Link from one of the utility belt pouches and tuned the frequency to 131.7. Flensor pressed the transmit button and started to talk into it while he was walking down the stairs.

"ISD Iron Duke this is Dagger One, their defenses are down, I repeat their defenses are down."
"Copy that Dagger One, Bombers are en-route, Iron Duke out."


Flensor removed his finger from the transmit button and placed the Com Link back into it's original place. He ran across the first floor's hallway, bumping into one of the guards and almost running over another. The guards gave Flensor a bewildered look. Ignoring the sentries telling him to stop, Flensor continued to run towards his Interceptor. The sentries yelled, "STOP!" and started to pursue him. Running in the sand was very hard, especially with baggy pants. Flensor turned his head to see the rebels pointing their weapons at him, Flensor turned around and stopped in his place. He rose his hands up and saw that he was able to get to a safe distance. The sentries were yelling at him but he couldn't make out what they were saying, they were both talking at the same time. Then, Flensor caught a glimpse of four TIE Bombers flying towards the base. Seconds after Flensor saw them, the TIE Bombers dropped their payload onto the base, causing a giant explosion that made the sentries turn around to see what had happened. Flensor made a break for it and ran towards his Interceptor, he was nearing the dune that covered the Interceptor when the guards directed their attention towards Flensor and started to run at him while firing. Thanks to the fact that they were running whilst shooting, their blaster bolts were very inaccurate.  Flensor ran ontop of the dune and jumped downward, next to his starfighter. He landed with a slight groan and jumped into the cockpit, quickly closing the canopy. Flensor switched the engine on and started to lift off, not turning on any other systems. The TIE Interceptor levitated from the ground, hitting the sand dune and causing it to collapse, the Rebels started to fire at the Interceptor but the blaster bolts did no damage to the hull. Flensor set the thrusters to max and flew out of sight in less than a minute.

OOC:
2,524 words. I apologize for how long this story was but I wasn't able to make it more compact.
FM/SCW Flensor/A-4/S:82 Nightshrike/W:52 Javelin/ISD Iron Duke/TF:A/1Flt/SC/VEN/VE/[SoA]
Trykon
ComNet Marshal
 
Trykon
 
[VE-DJO] Initiate
[VE-NAVY] Warrant Officer 2nd Class (WO2)
 
Post Number:  721
Total Posts:  3784
Joined:  Feb 2011
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  RE: Flensor: "Sneaky, Very Sneaky..Sort of"
July 12, 2011 8:08:49 PM    View the profile of Trykon 
Hey Flensor!  Nice to see you jumping into activity right out of the Academy! 

No need to apologize for length - brevity and efficiency of prose are important, but not any more so than detail and adequate description.

I found a lot to enjoy in this story, and it satisfied the requirements for the Infiltration Ancillary Skill, so you've passed!  With that said, though, I always try to give folks constructive criticism, and point out areas in which they might do better in future.  Here are some suggestions:

1.  Read your dialogue out loud, and compare it to everyday speech and to dialogue in other (preferably Star Wars) fiction.  Reading your characters' exchanges, they didn't feel as "real" as they could have, to me.  Maybe this is because of the use of "rebels" instead of "New Republic" in the official briefing (a pet peeve of mine, to be sure, but still worthy of noticing - we're in 11ABY, so the rebellion is actually the New Republic, now, and while old-school Imperials will probably still slip up and call them rebels every now and again, in more official speech, they'd use the proper name for the faction), but I suspect it also has to do with the lack of development around the actual words spoken.  In other words, just two characters talking at each other, without any sense of tone of voice, body language, or internal thoughts, can leave the reader wondering what he's just read.  Break up what they say with how they say it.

2.  I know formatting here on the ComNet is tricky at first, but try to get a hang of the italicization and other formatting buttons/codes. 

3.  While your character technically pulled off the mission - he got in, disabled something, and got out - you as a writer stretched plausibility at several points.  It wasn't "bad" enough to prevent you from passing the mission, but there were several points at which I didn't buy the scenario... no one raised the alarm when coming face-to-face with a stranger in a secret base, he magically gets back into his Interceptor's cockpit, which is several feet off the ground... those sorts of things.  Sometimes, you need the extra detail to show your reader exactly how things happen, otherwise our brains say: "that doesn't make sense."

With all that said, it was a great post.  I laughed at the soldiers talking about shoes, and at the medical warning for the anti-pest gas-ball - nice touches.  You certainly pass Infiltration; just keep my suggestions in mind while you continue your career here in the VEN. 

-WO2 Trykon
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SCAP/WO2 Wyl Trykon/CR90 Defiance/TF:B/2Flt/FC/VEN/VE
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