Hector Vandaval
Specialty: Cover Tactics 1 (Heavy Weapons Specialist)
Story: Fire Support Tactics
Level 1: Cover Tactics

The Battle Ground was stretched as far as the eye could see, it was mind numbing, many people were fighting amongst each other and a lot of things were happening all at once. Explosions could be heard for miles on end and the endless amount of firepower that was being put into the field was tremendous.

Hector himself knowing full well of the duty that he had partaken was getting himself into a battle of seismic proportions. Men on the battle field were looking up to him for help and he was clothed in armor and had the best the empire had to offer him.

With the push of enemy forces coming from the other direction the allied advance was not going to well. The soldiers watched and waited for a counter advance. But could only listen and point there weapons at those that were getting closer to them on the approaching enemy advance. Hector saw this advance and went near the one of the sentry posts, aiming his e-11 sharply at one of the nearest enemy fronts.

With the pulling of his gun and the pulling of the trigger the blaster shot 5 to 6 shots out at the rebel forces. Two men were shot in the head by hector’s e-11, and the soldiers nearest them looked in amazement then pushed onward toward the sentry post. Hector watched as the soldiers approached then, grabbed a thermal detonator and tossed it down at the group of rebel hordes.  Few of them died upon impact, and then many others were hurting badly from the explosion, with blood covering there faces, then died moments later. Hector then dropped down from the outpost and made his way to the allied bunker.

Running, he then saw to rebel soldiers turn around and fire at him. Some of his squad moved along with him, then he made the covering fire, by pulling out two blasters, aiming at two of the soldiers and taking them both out in the head. The squad clearly amazed by his action let out a roar to symbolize there gratitude for saving them. As the soldiers thudded on the ground, hector forwarded his advance to the enemy mobile artillery with his squad. They would move along with him and enjoy his company but also run with him on towards the mobile artillery in the hope that both him and the squad themselves could accomplish taking out rebel key advantage points.

Moving forward, hector pulled his scope and looked as one of the rebel troops got inside the mobile artillery, It was primed and ready to go. Motioning to the Squad Hector grouped himself up and sprinted onwards to put mines on the target. With the mines in hand, the rebel forces looked in awe as Hector moved in surprising speed, then got themselves in there outpost, but found themselves outnumbered, because Hector had a squad alongside him. They each were going to take that artillery out if there lives depended on it.

Aiming his weapon, Vandaval jumped side to side evading the weapons fire, then fired back at the direction of the opposing rebel forces at there outpost, each soldier was taken down with 2 to 3 shots to the chest, and nothing left but steaming air was behind, an a roasting carcass was in the outpost. The artillery men gearing up for a shot at the enemy imperial forces, configured the gun turret for its final motions, but Hector would not let that happen.

Moving very quickly and jumping to each side of the structure, Vandaval placed a mine on all four sides, then waited as the rebel artillery operator was ready to fire, pressing the button, Vandaval jumped as far away as possible then hit the switch. Watching behind him, the artillery and shrapnel flew in the air, along with a dead rebel. The opposing rebel infantry group listening to the blast turned around then ran towards the blast, watching and waiting, The commander motioning to his troops “Get your act in gear, this is a definite enemy menace were dealing with and we should use extreme caution, use all courses of action that you need in exterminating this individual or individuals” Hector heard in the background then laughed, the commander heard him then turned towards Hector, and pulled out his blaster and shot near Vandaval.

Hector seeing the blast, moved to the other side, cautioned to his squad and speed his way to the commander, with his blaster in hand, and bashed the commander’s head from side to side. The enemy infantry was looking in astonishment fired in all directions, Hector fired his weapons at the soldiers, along with his squad killing the infantry group. The group had been killed in roughly a few minutes and Hector watched as each soldier fell down to the ground, not pleading for there dear life. It was evident that Hector’s unit was unscratched and unhinged by the enemy to even care about the tiniest fatality of the enemy group.

The group continued on killing more infantry and watched and waited as more continued to be as fruitless and mind numbing to say things that would get the blood thirsty for more. Hector wanted to continue through the battlefield and wanted to prove that his skill was far surpassed than anyone had imagined it had been, even watching him alone, he was like a rogue soldier who was trained by the very best.

He knew exactly was needed to be done, and how exactly to do it, Some with him in camp would just watch and wait for him to make the next move and He would be the one to talk about new ideas and new things to bring about for the squad.  Hector was a true soldier but not the best mind you, He had to deal with his start and the beginnings

OOC:

Lets start with the good. You describe the fighting very well. Now what needs to be fixed: you have quite a few instances where things should be capitalized and they are not, E-11 for one, and you missed capitalizing your name a few times as well. You describe your equipment as being the "best the empire could offer" that would simply not be the case. You are a trainee you have the absolute worst equipment the empire could offer. Unless you are in the past we are fighting the New Republic or NR not the Rebels, please do not refer to them as 'Rebels' again.

Heres the big one. Your character appears to be an infallible bad ass, which is just unlikely at this point. And if you wanted him to be better than the others in his class I see no reason in this story that that would be the case. If he can use a sniper rifle before you work on that spec, I need to know where he learned that, because the army hasn't taught it to him yet, hell he wouldn't have even been issued such equipment yet to be honest. Also a recruit breaking lines to run up and attack an enemy commander, if you were in my squad I would be chewing your ass out for weeks (in character of course). These are all things you need to consider, keep it real. Everyone has flaws, embrace them and explore them in your writing.

I would say you need to fix these things before I would pass you but thats up to your academy trainer, hope this helps.

Heh, you also need to concider Hector, that since that story has been passed, our expectations and quality have shifted perhaps.

I used to the STCA specialty story marker, and Havock had a few valid points I would also have pointed out. If you were a complete fresh recruit, I would have overlooked those few things, you're new, and you have plenty of time to learn.
However, if you are a returning member, then I would actually mark you story as someone with more writing experience than the average fresh meat.

All in all, you write good. I assume that story takes placed in a real environment. I highly doubt your classes would take place outside a controlled environment such as a simulation for instance.

I would also warn  and friendly advise you to watch out for godmodding, assigning your character a superior air when he is in fact a private first class isn't very respectable. Wait a few ranks more before you become the infallible bad-ass  

Take care, hope to see more stories from you soon

Hector Vandaval
Specialty: Cover Tactics 1 (Heavy Weapons Specialist)
Story: Fire Support Tactics
Level 1: Cover Tactics

Entering the classroom with the cadets seated watching the instructor giving a lesson over information and details Hector watched the display. There was an intricate amount of detail about the battles that were given, and there was weapons, and schematics shown. The instructor had looked at the troopers seated in there desks and taken there names and then schedules of each. Taking his data pad, and the instructor passed by the cadets seated, then tapped there desks to see if they were awake then making them jump out of there seats he said. “Pop Quiz”. Hector saw the instructor give the call in front of class and raised his hand.

The instructor approached “What is your question, Hector?” the instructor replied. “What details of the battle and where is it that the imperial army is having to proceed to. There are various clues, and whereabouts to the remains of both Imperial Army, and New Republic soldiers during that war.” Hector inquired. “Well we can have a test for that, we will enter our simulator, and test our your weapons training skills with the rest of the squad. Together it is teamwork.” the instructor replied.

After mentioning they got out of there seats turned off the view screens, and entered a simulation station. Getting there helmets on with gear ready. Hector and training squad ready the instructor mentioned. “This is a simulation of the battlefield of what really happened in the past. You will endeavor to correct and work out this battle, work out your skills and use teamwork.” The simulation started.

Hector a fresh recruit from basic training could be seen with other soldiers like him with a squad ready for battle. There were explosions heard out in the distance, meanwhile Hector, and his squad mates were putting gear on and maintaining defenses. It had looked like a bombardment of some sort from the attacking New Republic. They were absolutely relentless with shots from one end of the battlefield to another.

They had come from carracks placed in orbit firing onto the planet. Hector, listening to his commander, and his squad mates there was a loud yell, and a screech, “All right maggots get your gear on, your weapons ready and lets kill our hunters today.” Hector listened to this nodding and upholstering his E-11 and pressed the safe switch.

As he watched through his visor, there were troopers already walking out from the imperial barracks and onto the battlefield shooting blaster fire. There was a few explosions and some vehicles had been placed in between for cover fire. A Star Destroyer from the Imperial Navy was not due for a couple of days so it was up to Hector and his squad mates to keep up with the relentless attacks of the New Republic.

Hector walked with his shoes banging against the ground with his storm trooper armor, the clank and rickety sounds were enough to let a small animal run away or an enemy know of there presence. The squad was well protected as they stood together it was as though from Roman times the imperial legions had shields open around them ready for arrows when stricken.

Two Imperial AT-ST’s followed with the squad, as Hector watched them as they clanked about with each foot step, there weapons primed. There heads turned from side to side surveying the area. His squad took this moment to analyze the area for defenses. Hector stood close keeping his E-11 by his side as well as looking out of his visor from his helmet.

It was an open area but there was explosions heard in the surrounding area. Continuing there pursuit the squad walked for another five miles before finding a new republic outpost stationed on imperial lands. Making there move Hector and his squad moved to the side in unison under trees and bushes.

“I think that would be our enemy attack point” Hector suggested to the Squad Leader. The Squad Leader looked back and nodded. As the squad garrisoned with weapons primed they were ready to attack. The squad leader gave the motion to attack and then proceeded with a shot straight into one of the New Republic guards. All of a sudden shots were fired from both sides.

Hector’s heart pounded from within his storm trooper armor, he was frightened but also anxious to get some enemy kills. Taking this moment Hector and his squad started there shots on the outpost. Providing cover fire was essential in this battle and hector and his squad were able to amplify it by aiming there weapons at strategic points of importance then displacing the New Republic outpost from top to down.

It was almost a mad house with the fire being shot between both sides many imperials were dying from shots hit into there armor from sentry posts and vehicle postings. Grenades were flung and explosions could be heard. Hector took this chance to work with his squad more than ever with ever vigilance to target new republic soldiers or sentry posts while providing cover fire.

The outpost was almost finished from bombardment, grenades and AT-ST fire had blown target locations. As Hector watched he grouped with his squad walking with them into the outpost to clear the remaining New Republic “stench”

As the troopers walked through they found themselves into a dark haven with little more than food supplies and ammo storage. The New Republic soldiers waved there hands up as there was only a few left in the battle to surrender. Hector looked to his Squad leader and motioned, “Where are we going to go next?” , “For now, Lets work on getting some supplies here and get the ammunition.” The Squad leader replied. Hector nodded and watched as the Squad Leader motioned to the rest of the squad to garrison inside the outpost grabbing all they could while taking ammunition and food supplies the New Republic soldiers were then taken prisoner with the squad.

They would continue there march from the outpost, Hector looked behind him as a few grenadier’s placed thermal charges on key points rigged to explode. As they left the outpost was lit like a celebration and was now rubble. With his weapon in hand and grenades on his belt Hector walked with his squad, viewing through his visor carefully watching and waiting for another enemy movement. No telling if there was going to be another bombardment after the incursion on the outpost cover fire was necessary. Hector gripped his weapon firmly against his side ready to fire and walked in unison with the rest of the squad as they marched.

Suddenly there was screams but this time from the New Republic Soldiers. The Squad Leader quickly told his second in command to put them in line. One of the troopers took an E-11 an battered it across the soldiers heads putting them unconscious for the duration. The Hector watched this but also continued with pursuit to the next enemy target station. The soldiers were laid into the armor crates and they were closed while two heavy troopers carried them marching along with the squad.

As they continued there was evidence of wreckage and fire on the horizon. Sentry drones were sent out from the scout troopers to investigate. As Hector continued marching and his weapon armed while the squad stayed halted a vehicle approached over the hillside. It was New Republic, the squad leader gave the command to fire and Hector along with other troopers provided cover fire to hold off the vehicle. They continued there march with pin point precision with there weapons ready the squad had fired on the vehicle each trooper was aimed at target points. The shots from the blaster rifles were zooming past hitting the vehicle as thousands of red blaster fire came hurling by.

The vehicle was enduring too much firepower from the squad then exploded with ammunitions inside. Hector watched the fire, and left over shrapnel fly off to the side. The squad leader issued new orders to continue there march another enemy came into view. More New Republic soldiers this time in two brigades. With weapons primed, the squad aimed to divide both of the brigades. The squad leader issued an order to split off and form a O formation around the first group. As they did that the first brigade became suspicious. Hector was following his squad leaders orders but also kept his weapon at hand after the Squad leader gave the order to fire they shot into the second brigade mauling then strafing the New Republic soldiers one by one.

There was defensive positions from the first brigade as there second brigade became powerless they shot down some of the storm troopers. Hector and some of his squad mates provided cover fire sending blaster shots into the defending enemy wave. Soldiers and Troopers were falling as the battle insued, Hector became worried looking to his Squad leader or other troopers for assistance. Then the visor became black. “End Simulation”

“Recruit Good Job you have finished the training exercise, and saw the past history of both the Imperial Army and New Republic in one of our Battles, after further training exercises you will do better.” The training officer replied.

Hector nodding to the Training Officer replied “That was a lot of work but I feel we met our goal in the end. I think my skills with the blaster have improved with this training exercise."

OOC:

Hector:

The edits that I suggested you did, good job on that. You should work on your sentence structure and at the same time you should work on your punctuation and occasionally spelling. You'd best not use the same set up for all of your specialty stories (that setup being a simulation). Good work overall.

Passed.