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ComNet > Imperial Navy > Archived Naval Story Board > Lightning's First Strike
 
 
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Topic:  Lightning's First Strike
White_Lightning
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White_Lightning
 
[VE-NAVY] Leading Crewman
 
Post Number:  22
Total Posts:  23
Joined:  Apr 2009
Status:  Offline
  RE: Lightning's First Strike
May 23, 2009 11:12:54 PM    View the profile of White_Lightning 
“I’ve got you now!” White Lightning growled as she took out the X-Wing at the 9 o’clock position. That left one more, and it looked like Eaglle had it right where he wanted it. Now, there was one more thing left to do, and that was to take a look at that spinning asteroid to see what it really was. 

In all her time onboard the Corellian ship, she never ran across an asteroid that moved in a spinning motion. And, this one was actually spinning in a gyrating manner. Getting closer, so she could take a closer look, she found something that was not only strange, it was dangerous. She opened the secure channel, and shot Drac a head’s up.

“Black Leader, this is 10, do you copy?” As soon as she got a response from Drac, she continued. “That gyrating asteroid isn’t a dead rock. The scanner reads it has company. As far as I can scan without being detected by their own defenses, we’ve got at least two full squadrons back there. Should we radio for back-ups, or do you think we can handle them?”

While waiting for Black Leader’s response, she calculated the best route of escape should she be detected by enemy forces. She never thought that that darn flight maneuvers manual would come in handy, but she had to admit she had been proved wrong. It was definitely going to come in handy this time.

Only one problem existed. The book did not have the description for the maneuver she would have to use to get out of there in one piece. The move consisted of a sharp downward roll to get into free space, then a sharp vertical thrust to be able to rejoin the squadron.

After a few moments, Black Leader’s response came back. “As long as we keep our cool, we shouldn’t run into anything we can’t handle.”

“Great!” White Lightning snarled under her breath. “He talks about us keeping our cool, and forgets we are out-numbered. I just hope he knows what he’s doing.” Thankfully, she had the secure channel closed or the Squadron Commander would have heard that. She respected him, to be sure, but she sometimes wondered if he realized that he really only had a few people in the entire squadron who had any experience with battle and weapons.

She didn’t have any time to think about her next move, as she had a squadron full of X-Wings come out from behind the gyrating asteroid and they were aiming straight for Black Squadron. She got on the secure channel after she’d executed a roll to get out of their line of sight, just before she made the vertical thrust. “Black Leader this is ten, she said calmly over the comm, you’ve got X-Wings coming at you at 6 o’clock.” She then completed the maneuver she'd started by executing the vertical thrust that would take her back top-side and make her able to rejoin the squadron and turn the tables on those rebel scums. Sending them running for cover with their tails tucked under them in shame was what gave White Lightning the most satisfaction.

She smiled beneath her flight helmet as she rejoined her squad-mates and vaped a few rebel craft. But, she also remembered the warning she’d given Eaglle about not getting cocky. For all her ability, she could become a casualty if she didn’t keep her mind on the job at hand. And, truthfully, she didn’t want to become just another statistic, or another cadaver with a tag on its toe.


OOC:
word count: 596
FM/LCR White_Lightning/Nagzul 3-10 /Wing 1/SSD Atrus/1Flt/VEN/VE
Drac
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Drac
 
[VE-NAVY] Petty Officer 1st Class
 
Post Number:  168
Total Posts:  2191
Joined:  Jan 2009
Status:  Offline
  RE: Lightning's First Strike
May 24, 2009 9:39:07 PM    View the profile of Drac 
OOC:
A few things here, both of them innocent mistakes. You didn't know better, so no harm done. Note: If I seem like a jerk or like I'm nitpicking, I don't mean to. This topic's all about training, so I'm concentrating on giving you all the tips I know. You're both doing a whole lot right, even if I mostly comment on what's wrong. Keep up the great work.

The first thing is that unless you're told otherwise by whoever's running the mission, you need to wait for them to throw in the major twists. There's a certain rythym the mission's supposed to run on, and throwing in a big twist without permission can warp a story badly.

The other kind of ties into the first one: Don't skip enemies unless you're told to. In this case, as an example, there should still have been three enemies left after your kill. Skipping two warped the rythym of the mission.

Other than that, just try to be accurate with your labels. It may not seem like a big thing to say Flight rather than Squadron, but that's the difference between four ships and sixteen. Same goes for Flight Leader vs Squadron Commander.

One thing you can do to keep hitting the 500 word marker (good job, btw) is to expand on the actual dogfight between you and each opponent. Go into detail with things like whether you're using single, linked, or quaded laser cannon settings, single or paired missiles, shield power percentages, and which meneuvers you and your opponents use. You can throw in scenery and detailed observations of other dogfights as well. Make it a detailed process and the thread gains in depth and you'll enjoy it more as well. You already do a great job doing the same thing with Qayla's thoughts and conversations, so base off of that.

Now, back to the post itself: It's a good post, so we will keep it as it is. What we'll do, though, is put it on hold. Go ahead and make a post killing the third fighter, I'll take fourth, then you kill the fifth and Eaglle gets #6. After that I'll make another post connecting your post back into the story and we go from there.
FL/PO2 Drac/Nazgul 3-9/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1st Imperial Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)(=*SA*=) [SoA][MC:2][MC:1]
Defendo est optimus (To Defend is noble)
Drac's VE Wiki Profile: http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Drac
Imperial Network Star Wars Image
Drac
ComNet Initiate
 
Drac
 
[VE-NAVY] Petty Officer 1st Class
 
Post Number:  170
Total Posts:  2191
Joined:  Jan 2009
Status:  Offline
  RE: Lightning's First Strike
May 27, 2009 4:10:42 PM    View the profile of Drac 
OOC:
This should clear up any further confusion:

As of this point, three of the enemy X-wings are dead. Each of us has one kill. I will kill my second one, then each of you kill another and we'll go from there.


Drac scowled as one of the remaining enemy ships tried to come around on his tail. Not going to happen. Flipping into a barrel roll, he inverted his ship and pulled back hard to climb around one of the larger rocks. Rolling out to one side, he made the Avenger swerve around a second asteroid. He reversed there, forcing his craft to a complete stop relative to the asteroid. The X-wing, following at the best speed it could make, rocketed around the rock and settled itself squarely in his sights.

Will finish later...gotta go
FL/PO1 Drac/Nazgul 3-9/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1st Imperial Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)(=*SA*=) [SoA][MC:2][MC:1]
Defendo est optimus (To Defend is noble)
Drac's VE Wiki Profile: http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Drac
Imperial Network Star Wars Image
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