"Almost there," Zeven said with his tongue between his teeth.


He was sitting at a wooden table rewiring a blaster pistol.


"Oh really," said a timid looking officer standing behind him watching his progress.


"why yes I am, all I have to do is cross these wires here," he held up the blaster pointing at two wires out of place.


The officer said "Can I have a closer look?"


"Why sure," Zeven said.


He hands the blaster to the officer. He stood there examining the work.


"Interesting," The officer said every now and then.


Then unexpectedly he throws the blaster to the ground with all his strength. The crunching sound echoed all around the pale grey walls.


"Oh, sorry it slipped," He said with a wicked grin on his face.


Zeven got up and began to pick up the pieces, he silently cursed the officer as he tried putting every thing back together. After an hour he managed to get the casing together but the wires lied in a mass to the side. Zeven laid his head down on the table. "there is no way ill finish by sun down" he thought. Another sleepless night, but when does he get to sleep nowadays.


He raises his head, "Guess I better get back to work," He thought. The day turned to night as he sat at the table, the mass of wires has thinned considerably. Only if he was finished.


Zeven retrieved another wire, he tries to fit the wire into the right space.


"OW!" Zeven yelled as the wires shocked him.


He was sucking his finger in an attempt to stop the pain.


"This is no time for slaking off," said the officer.


He hit Zeven with a stun baton.


"Ok, ok, back to work," Zeven said.


Zeven went back to trying to put in the wire.


"There," Zeven said as he finally put the wire in.
Now he had about 30 more to go. He took a dark red wire, which he thought was the link between the trigger and the laser cell. He hooked the wire to the trigger. Then as he touched the wire to the laser cell, an electrical current went from the cell through the entire gun.


"Oh, this is just great," Zeven said with an air of what seemed to be carcasim.


"I think its time I turned in," said Zeven turning toward the officer


"Dismissed," said the officer.


Zeven stood up from his seat. As he walked it made a clicking sound at the meet of boot and floor. "Time to get some sleep," he thought. He had a long walk ahead of him, the training area was on the other side of the academy than his quarters. He could see his reflection in the metallic wall. He past the gym, mess hale, and research lab. Then he tripped over a cord leading from the mess hall up the walkway. Zeven thought this strange because stray cords were not permitted in the walkway in case of an emergency. He followed the cord to a locked door. He could here faint voices.


"Should I break into the room or get an officer?" Zeven thought. If he went to get an officer what ever they were doing in there might happen before the officer comes. He had to decide fast, he checked if he had a blaster on him, he did. He retrieved it and turned it to the stun setting.


He took out a vibro-knife and started to cut open the access panel. A mess of wires behind the panel suggested that this would not be easy.


"Dang it, some one fried the wires," Zeven said to him self


He reached into the interior of his pockets, withdrawing some spare wires. Zeven picked up the habit of keeping spare wires in his pockets, as he frequently needed them when he misplace a wire in training. He also took from the depths of his pockets, a wire cutter. He held the wire cutters firmly and steadily in his hand. The cutters closed around the wires. It cleanly cut the wires in two.


Zeven placed the replacement wires into the panel. Twisting wire ends here and there, the lights on the cover of the panel flashed green. "I did it right!" He thought excited. He griped his blaster until his knuckles were white.


He pushed the open command on the panel. Immediately, he shot a few stun blasts from the side of the doorway. He walked in and found 3 people laying on the floor. An unarmed bomb was in the middle of the room. Varying equipment laid strewn across the floor, each hooked up to the cord that lead from the mess hall. Zeven unhooked them one by one.


"I think I need to report this to a officer now," He said to him self.


He ran out after securing them so that if they woke up while he was away, they couldn't run.

Hey Zeven.

I agree with Ae that it was a good effort, and that there are a couple things to look at. Like she said, details. The single-line paragraphs can be a bit hard to read.

Also, I'm afraid that it needs to be a bit longer - My count only shows it to be at a little bit longer then a page - it needs to be two pages minimum to pass.

But yeah - Good start - follow the advise we outlined for you, and it should be fine.