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Topic:  NEW RECRUIT
Aquarius Raptor
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  NEW RECRUIT
November 3, 2007 3:04:26 PM    View the profile of Aquarius Raptor 
Hello, I am a NEW RECRUIT and my name is Aquarius. I am apart of the Imperial Navy and have loved Star Wars for all of my life.

Biography



Call sign: Aquarius Raptor

Full Name: Aquarius Solaris Raptor

Nickname: Raptor

Hobbies: Racing and Flying

Division: Navy

Species: Human

Favorite Color: Cyan

Gender: Male

Age: 20

Height: 5'8

Weight: 128

Hair Color: Blonde

Eye Color: Light Blue

Build: Athletic

Home city: Theed

Home world: Naboo

Native Language: Reads and writes Galactic Basic but has learned to read, write and speak Rly and Gungan

Skin Color: Light Tan

Eyesight: was born with low-light vision therefore allowing him to see twice as far as normal humans in circumstances such as moonlight or underwater

Hearing: Exceptionally well

Size: Medium

Talents and Skills

1: Has had training in using melee weapons such as the long sword, short sword, light mace, quarterstaff, spear, vibro-ax, vibro-blade, and the vibro-dagger. Also has had experience with ranged weapons such as the blaster carbine and blaster pistol.

2: Trained with the quarterstaff extensively and is near perfect with a spear. Well rounded in aim and precision with a blaster carbine and is handy when armed with a pistol.

3: Has a high dexterity and wisdom.

4: Understands most humans and has interacted with Twi'leks and Gungans since he was little, therefore increasing his intelligence and charisma.




Aquarius was born into a medium wealth family on Theed, Naboo. His parents were intimately romantic on Theed and had one son with great intentions. His name is Aquarius Solaris Raptor.

Ever since he was little he was interested in flying. It was his dream, his passion. Aquarius has always been highly alert of his surroundings. When he was little, the Rebels ambushed his parent's hovercraft while they were heading to their gorgeous Oceanside resort from their beautiful home on Theed, Naboo. His parents tried to out run them in the speeder, but failed. As they inspected the hovercraft they pushed around his parents like toy dolls, and he noticed that they didn't retaliate. He wanted to fight, but he didn't for fear of escalating the situation. The rebels ended up taking the craft and 2000 credits. They left him and his parents about 10 miles outside of the nearest town. They made it into a town safely, but as Aquarius replayed the Rebels actions in his mind, he began to highly despise them. His parents told him to always be on the alert and to watch out for them; so he has. When he grew older, his feelings never went away, in fact, they grew. Therefore when he heard a voice from one of the Imperial rallies in the town square that screamed," Let's crush those Rebel scum's!" he immediately pursued a career with the Imperials. He ended up choosing the Navy mainly because the Army didn't interest him as much, and he wanted to fly. Therefore he is starting a new life as a pilot, here, in the Imperial Navy. He is awaiting his revenge on the Rebels and for the opportunity to make them pay.

When he was 10 he gained an early reputation in various swoop bike races on surrounding moons. He became the master on Bespin, mainly because it was," The City in the Sky". He spent a lot of free time there wandering any hanger bays with the permission of the pilot and aircraft managers. He quickly became familiar with the various controls and types of aircraft. When he was busy, he was earning a good amount of credits in hopes of becoming a pilot one day. But one thing astonished most people during his races. His experience seemed to be gifted in some way; for he not only won the races, he dominated over legendary champions. He quickly gained much respect and at the age of 14, started pod racing. He excelled at the challenge in racing against the intergalactic opponents, but longed to fly.

His parents supported him in all that he did. At the age of 18 he finished his schooling, and started to contact the Imperial Navy for a future that would hopefully bring his dreams to a reality. His grades in school made him one of the best in his graduating class. In his spare time, he studied about flying and various techniques for utilizing various Navy aircraft such as the Tie-Fighter and the Tie-Bomber. He read about everything that he could in preparation to join the Navy.

From birth he was strong willed and extremely patient. He is obedient and very intelligent. He is athletically built with strong muscles and he has unfathomable endurance. Intermittently during his studies he spent time physically and emotionally training himself on Naboo. He often spent time at the tips of large waterfalls in Theed building up his concentration and conscience. He is ready to face the Navy and exceed in anything he pursues.

Aquarius is a 5'8 medium built athletic human. He is muscular but has a calm complexion. He is at peace with his emotions and has full control over them. He has learned through the years that patience is the key to succeeding; therefore he has developed a great amount of patience. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. He wears a dark brown all-temperature cloak that has black embroidering around the edges and the hood. He also wears a white shirt and brown pants. He has tall brown boots and a black waist belt with two pouches attached to it. Inside one is an Aquata Breather. In the other there is a Code Cylinder which is used when he enters his room or his private hanger. Inside the hanger he builds droids as well as complex speeders that are incomprehensible to most engineers on the core worlds. He also has a long braided strand of hair that comes down the left side of his head. On his back he has a quarterstaff which he carved himself with the finest wood on Naboo. Hooked on his belt he has a black holster with brown embroidering around the openings and, a metallically polished blaster pistol is enclosed which he bought custom made in Theed. On his head he wears a blue transparent visor over his eyes which aid his vision even more. He stands with confidence and respect as he is inspected on the first day of joining the imperial navy.



[This message has been edited by Aquarius Raptor (edited November 3, 2007 3:06:43 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Aquarius Raptor (edited November 3, 2007 3:42:11 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Aquarius Raptor (edited November 3, 2007 4:03:18 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Aquarius Raptor (edited November 3, 2007 4:43:11 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Aquarius Raptor (edited November 3, 2007 8:13:17 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Aquarius Raptor (edited November 4, 2007 12:17:50 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Aquarius Raptor (edited November 5, 2007 5:09:50 PM)]
C-3PX2
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C-3PX2
 
[VE-NAVY] Master Chief Petty Officer
[VE-VEEC] Journalist
 
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  RE: NEW RECRUIT
November 4, 2007 8:40:15 PM    View the profile of C-3PX2 
Welcome to the Vast Empire Imperial Navy, Aquarius.
I am C-3PX2, I am a Vast Empire Imperial Naval Academy (VENA) Operator.

By posting here you have completed Imperial Initiation (II), the first step of your Basic Training (BT). The Next step in Basic Training is Flight School, the Final Phase of Basic Training. The first step in Flight School is Chapter 1: Character Development. This is where you create your character; their physical characteristics, history, ect. The link above is to the Flight School section of our Wiki, it has very useful information and I encourage you to read it about the area of training you are in.

As for the Bio that you currently have written, it seems you have a very good idea on the character creation side of it (the skills, ect.) but i think you should expand on the history in detail of what your character did before joining the empire (ex. What made him hate the rebels, why did he join the empire, any conflicts along the way to joining). But on the Topic of the way the character was created, some things are not actully needed for a bio (ex. Base Speed, hearing) and things like degrees can actully be gained in the VE through programs that start after the (=SA=). But for the most part it is a good biography of your character, and i think you should have no trouble writing as this character.

If you have any confusion, writers block, or problems with any of this just let any VENA Staff Member know, you can get in contact with a VENA Staff member though a Com-Net Private Message (in the message center), e-mail, or in IRC (using MIRC, the Java Client, or whatever program you use). Any way of communication works, and we would be more than happy to assist you if have any questions or concerns.
> : There is nothing wrong with fear.
> : You need never be ashamed of it, as long as it doesn't stop you functioning.
> : Fear is your natural warning system; it keeps you alive so
> : that you can can fight. Show me a man who isn't afraid,
> : and I'll show you a fool who is a danger to his entire ship.
===================================================================================
-= Viper Squadron =- : "We Fly, You Die.."
===================================================================================
|| FL / SCPO C-3PX2  / Viper 9 / Phoenix Wing (Wing 1) / mSSD Atrus / DEF / VEN / VE / (=A=), (=SA=), [MC2], [MC1] ||
|| Vast Empire Imperial Naval Academy Operation Level 1 (O-1) |=|=| Author / JRN C-3PX2 /Lotaith / VET / VE ||
Aquarius Raptor
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Aquarius Raptor
 
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  RE: NEW RECRUIT
November 5, 2007 7:38:14 AM    View the profile of Aquarius Raptor 
Thank you for your reply. I will start working on it right away.

Aqua Raptor
Shazam
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Shazam
 
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  RE: NEW RECRUIT
November 8, 2007 9:28:03 PM    View the profile of Shazam 
Would anyone like to send Aquarius a message and see if he'll be returning?  I'll be sifting through the Academy this weekend, so do be patient!
*Flash Was Here...*

WC|NTO/LCP Shazam/Phoenix 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=MA=) (=*FOCE*=) [CBV*] [LoM] [LSM] [MC2] [VC:S] [SV*] [DSM] {Platinum Writing Medal}

Phoenix Wing Commander and Training Officer
Aquarius Raptor
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  RE: NEW RECRUIT
November 10, 2007 11:22:27 AM    View the profile of Aquarius Raptor 
Yes I will be patient. Thank you
Aqua Raptor
Shazam
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  RE: NEW RECRUIT
November 10, 2007 12:48:00 AM    View the profile of Shazam 
Alright- I'm back and I see you've got your bio up, so let's talk about that:

You've filled out all of our specifications pretty much, but you actually went a bit beyond it as well, lol.  In essence, I feel that you've taken your character and fit fifty years into twenty.  While it's great to have these aspirations for your character, it's unfair to you because your character has already achieved so much- too much, really.  So what I'm going to suggest you do is revisit a bit and say to yourself: is this realistic?  I understand we're in the SW universe, but kids on these different planets are still kids- they have to focus on school, home-life, relations with other species apparently, and so on and so forth.  Is there really room in your character's life for all the things you mentioned?  Could he have developed them so greatly at this point?  It's possible, yes, but why do it when you could just make yourself intermediate or downright crap on some things?  The reason I suggest them is so that you have something to 'develop' throughout your stories: if you're right at the top, it's far more difficult to create interesting conflict between characters.  And you might also want to consider deeper questions about your character like- does he have any kind of prejudice?  Is he overally nice?  Overally fair?  There's gotta be a weakness in there somewhere.

So while I'd like you to edit it in terms of achievement (downgrade them to the abilities of a 20 year-old vs someone who's been living for fifty years ), I'd also like to remind you that these bios are only a starting point for us: don't try and to plan out your whole story based on this bio.  But the bios serve us in this way: when we put you in a story and your character is forced to interact with other characters- is it going to be interesting?  Obviously the basis of our stories is the galactic civil war, but I think you'll see that the relationships between our characters are the most interesting aspect.  Either way, once you've edited your bio to your satisfaction (I'm not going to judge it any further because I think in time you'll see what needs editing, plus you haven't really broken any of the rules), you can move on to Chapter 2 "Pilot Procedure" of flight school.  Thank you for being so patient, Aquarius.
*Flash Was Here...*

WC|NTO/LCP Shazam/Phoenix 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=MA=) (=*FOCE*=) [CBV*] [LoM] [LSM] [MC2] [VC:S] [SV*] [DSM] {Platinum Writing Medal}

Phoenix Wing Commander and Training Officer
Aquarius Raptor
ComNet n00b
 
Aquarius Raptor
 
[VE-NAVY] Crewman
 
Post Number:  5
Total Posts:  6
Joined:  Nov 2007
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  RE: NEW RECRUIT
November 10, 2007 6:09:45 PM    View the profile of Aquarius Raptor 
Call sign: Aquarius Raptor

Full Name: Aquarius Solaris Raptor

Nickname: Raptor

Hobbies: Racing and Flying

Division: Navy

Species: Human

Favorite Color: Cyan

Gender: Male

Age: 20

Height: 5'8

Weight: 128

Hair Color: Blonde

Eye Color: Light Blue

Build: Athletic

Home city: Theed

Home world: Naboo

Native Language: Reads and writes Galactic Basic

Skin Color: Light Tan

Eyesight: was born with low-light vision therefore allowing him to see twice as far as normal humans in circumstances such as moonlight or underwater

Hearing: Exceptionally well

Size: Medium

Talents and Skills: Racing and Flying

Aquarius was born into a medium wealth family on Theed, Naboo. His parents were intimately romantic on Theed and had one son with great intentions. His name is Aquarius Solaris Raptor.

Ever since he was little he was interested in flying. It was his dream, his passion. Aquarius has always been highly alert of his surroundings. When he was little, the Rebels ambushed his parent's hovercraft while they were heading to their gorgeous Oceanside resort from their beautiful home on Theed, Naboo. His parents tried to out run them in the speeder, but failed. As they inspected the hovercraft they pushed around his parents like toy dolls, and he noticed that they didn't retaliate. He wanted to fight, but he didn't for fear of escalating the situation. The rebels ended up taking the craft and 2000 credits. They left him and his parents about 10 miles outside of the nearest town. They made it into a town safely, but as Aquarius replayed the Rebels actions in his mind, he began to highly despise them. His parents told him to always be on the alert and to watch out for them; so he has. When he grew older, his feelings never went away, in fact, they grew. Therefore when he heard a voice from one of the Imperial rallies in the town square that screamed," Let's crush those Rebel scum's!" he immediately pursued a career with the Imperials. He ended up choosing the Navy mainly because the Army didn't interest him as much, and he wanted to fly. Therefore he is starting a new life as a pilot, here, in the Imperial Navy. He is awaiting his revenge on the Rebels and for the opportunity to make them pay.

When he was 10 he gained an early reputation in various swoop bike races on surrounding moons. He became the master on Bespin, mainly because it was," The City in the Sky". He spent a lot of free time there wandering any hanger bays with the permission of the pilot and aircraft managers. He quickly became familiar with the various controls and types of aircraft. When he was busy, he was earning a good amount of credits in hopes of becoming a pilot one day. But one thing astonished most people during his races. His experience seemed to be gifted in some way; for he not only won the races, he dominated over legendary champions. He quickly gained much respect and at the age of 14, started pod racing. He excelled at the challenge in racing against the intergalactic opponents, but longed to fly.

From birth he was strong willed and extremely patient. He is obedient and very intelligent. He is athletically built with strong muscles and he has unfathomable endurance. Intermittently during his studies he spent time physically and emotionally training himself on Naboo. He often spent time at the tips of large waterfalls in Theed building up his concentration and conscience. He is ready to face the Navy and exceed in anything he pursues.

Aquarius is a 20 year old 5'8 medium built athletic human. He is muscular but has a calm complexion. He is at peace with his emotions and has full control over them. He has learned through his childhood years that patience is the key to succeeding; therefore he has developed a great amount of patience. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. He wears a dark brown all-temperature cloak that has black embroidering around the edges and the hood. He also wears a white shirt and brown pants. He has tall brown boots and a black waist belt with two pouches attached to it. Inside one is an Aquata Breather. In the other there is a Code Cylinder which is used when he enters his room or his private hanger. Inside the hanger he builds droids as well as complex speeders that are incomprehensible to most engineers on the core worlds. He also has a long braided strand of hair that comes down the left side of his head. On his back he has a quarterstaff which he carved himself with the finest wood on Naboo. Hooked on his belt he has a black holster with brown embroidering around the openings and, a metallically polished blaster pistol is enclosed which he bought custom made in Theed. On his head he wears a blue transparent visor over his eyes which aid his vision even more. He stands with confidence and respect as he is inspected on the first day of joining the imperial navy.
Aqua Raptor
Aquarius Raptor
ComNet n00b
 
Aquarius Raptor
 
[VE-NAVY] Crewman
 
Post Number:  6
Total Posts:  6
Joined:  Nov 2007
Status:  Offline
  RE: NEW RECRUIT
November 10, 2007 6:11:47 PM    View the profile of Aquarius Raptor 
Thank you, I have revised my Bio and am moving on to chapter 2.
Aqua Raptor
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