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ComNet > Stormtrooper Corps > Archived Army Main ComNet > Derf's Bio - Update #1
 
 
 
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Topic:  Derf's Bio - Update #1
derf96
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derf96
 
[VE-ARMY] Private
 
Post Number:  9
Total Posts:  27
Joined:  Dec 2006
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  Derf's Bio - Update #1
December 24, 2006 8:58:50 PM    View the profile of derf96 
Race: Human
Native Language: Basic with an ar'Quan accent
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Hazel
Skin color: Olive
Height: 5: 10"
Weight: 190 lb
Age: 20

Full Name: Mangel "Derf96" Ken'Zel
Physical Build and Appearance: Physically fit, with a diagonal scar across his face from eyebrow to corner of lip
Homeworld: Datooine

Skills: Sniper, Leadership

History: Derf96 never knew his father growing up; born to a single mother in the far outbacks of Datooine, this helped form his outlook on life.

In his early teens, Derf96 stole- er, liberated an old sniper rifle when it fell from the back of a land truck. The passing squad of Old Troopers never noticed it missing. Scrounging ammo whenever he could, Derf96 spent his afternoons taking off the heads of nerk rats and squamous bammits. AFter less than a year of practice, Derf96 could take a trimmit fly off the nose of a nerk rat without the nerk even noticing.

During this time, Derf96 fell in with a bad crowd, the ar'Quan Tummels, at his local kibbutz. It was during this time, when they were stealing liquor from the outposts, that Derf96 discovered his natural leadership ability. It was he that set up their raiding schedules; it was he that fanned the fires of jealousy between the Tummels and the Biz'Quik Kammels; it was he that skipped town as the Tummels and Kammels fought themselves to extinction in the flaming ruins of the old Mining Camp.

With only a rifle and fifty pounds of ammo, Derf96 headed to the closest actual city. He felt out of place here but quickly found a job that could utilize his skills- hunter for the towns largest and best restaurant that specialized in the most dangerous of the local indiginous prey- the 2 ton, clawed and horned, willet. These beasts, with their large bodies and tiny brains shielded with thick bone skulls, could only be brought under sustained fire from many hunters- or even larger numbers of extremely expendable hunters bearing only bone knives.

After the first year, tensions between Derf96 and the squad's leader came to a head. Hezszel, the boss, thought he knew the best way to bring down the willet using minimal amounts of ammo and increasing the risk of loss to life and limb only slightly; Derf96, meanwhile, thought that Hezszel was an idiot, and needed to have his head removed from his shoulders. During the bloody and protracted knife fight that raged in Hezszel's tent that night when Derf96 ambushed him, Derf96 recieved the colorful scar that crosses his face today.

With little sense of humour and a seriousness that seems to age him, Derf96, after his 20th birthday, enlisted at the local Emperial Recruiting Center.

[This message has been edited by derf96 (edited December 24, 2006 10:21:38 PM)]
[This message has been edited by derf96 (edited January 25, 2007 8:03:01 AM)]
[This message has been edited by derf96 (edited January 26, 2007 8:09:06 AM)]
[This message has been edited by derf96 (edited January 26, 2007 10:25:09 PM)]
[This message has been edited by derf96 (edited January 26, 2007 10:25:15 PM)]
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
 
Cosmic
 
[VE-ARMY] Major General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
 
Post Number:  5186
Total Posts:  7772
Joined:  Sep 2000
Status:  Offline
  RE: Derf's Bio
December 24, 2006 9:07:29 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
I like the concept you're going for, but remove the first paragraph... that's just a little unreasonable. Also, add in your Race if you don't mind.

I'd like to see more background history on your character as well - get his personality out and other traits. Make it a 2-3 paragraph bio.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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derf96
ComNet n00b
 
derf96
 
[VE-ARMY] Private
 
Post Number:  11
Total Posts:  27
Joined:  Dec 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: Derf's Bio - Update #1
January 6, 2007 12:07:20 AM    View the profile of derf96 
cosmic! can you read my bio ??

P.S. i sent you an email!
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
 
Cosmic
 
[VE-ARMY] Major General
[VE-DJO] Krath Prophet(ess)
[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
 
Post Number:  5212
Total Posts:  7772
Joined:  Sep 2000
Status:  Offline
  RE: Derf's Bio - Update #1
January 7, 2007 2:32:00 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Not bad.

Also, what I suggest (and what you can think about doing in the future) is coming up with a name for your character instead of referring to him as "Derf96" in all of your stories. For squad stories and such, yeah, the use of a callsign is preferred so that the readers won't get confused, but may want to come up with an actual name for your character.

For example, my character's Callsign is "Cosmic", but his name is Cleric Vor'soth.

I'll place you in a squad. Check your email for details.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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