Name: Icearack
hair couler: Shaved
Eye Couler: turquise
Age: 18
Marks: one scar down left cheek
Height: 6'2


Autobiogarphy:
When I was young, my parents were killed. By what I dont  know why. All i can remember is flashes of icy blue and then nothing. The planet witch I was on was dececrated. In time the suvivors gathered, eleven of us. I live there for a few years untill I was twelve, but then I decided I had to leave. I carfully went about building a space shuttle aut of all the  destroyed ships. When it was finished i was thirteen years old. But what was I leaving for you say ? To get away from thoses elleven people thay my life revolved around, and kill the people who killed my parents.


There were no navigatinal insturments or maps on my ship, the MS five point star.I was flying blind.I became a acomplished pilot over those years i spent in that ship. Finaly I found what I had been looking for for all those years a recruitment officer.I chose to become a storm trooper.



P.S excuse my story writing skills as i am only 13

 
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TrUe MuSiC

An interesting story, but I'm going to have you revise it after you look at my following tips:

1) I know you're 13, but I still need to say it (to everyone): watch the grammar. No one is perfect, and perfecting grammar comes with time and practice.

2) You cannot have a "black belt in Judo". This is StarWars, not Earth.

3) You say that your planet was desecrated; you mention 11 survivors. First off, we must think logically. If the planets surface was completely destroyed, how were 11 survivors going to actually survive in that kind of environment? There would be no food, water - no basic necessities of living available.

4) I find it very hard to believe that an 11-12 year old boy and grown man could build a shuttle of sorts from the spare parts on the planet in a year. An outer shell, maybe (for shelter), but certainly nothing that is space-worthy.

5) You mention that your shuttle did not have any navigation systems - you were "flying blind". I can only assume logically that you did not have a working hyperdrive either. Well, some bad news for you: you would not survive any trip to another planet without the correct/accurate navigation systems/tools or a working hyperdrive. Some planets are many, many lightyears away. You would be long dead before you even came close to finding another planet. Hence why StarWars ships have Hyperdrives - engines that enable to ship to travel at, virtually, limitless speeds when they travel through the alternate dimension of space.

StarWars Databank gives a good explanation here:

Travel between star systems would be impossible were it not for the development of the revolutionary hyperdrive propulsion system. The term hyperdrive refers to the engine and interrelated systems that propel a starship through the alternate dimension of hyperspace. In hyperspace, there is no limit to how fast a starship can travel, and thus interstellar distances can be traversed in mere minutes.

Before entering hyperspace, a pilot must supply exact coordinates derived by the ship's navicomputer. Without precise calculations, a ship may collide with a body in hyperspace with catastrophic results.

Although largely reliable, constant modifications to a hyperdrive can render it untrustworthy. Han Solo's Millennium Falcon had an extremely recalcitrant hyperdrive which often failed when needed the most.

6) I high suggest you remove your "swastika" symbol from your ship. Yes, it is a sacred symbol to Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Odinism, but in the western world a swastika refers to Nazism. Not really one of those "isms" you want to relate to. I suggest you find another symbol (I would suggest the Transformers symbol, but that's already taken by the Transformers).

Other than that, it's a matter of working hard and doing a little research to make sure what you're writing is accurate to the highest degree of your capabilities.

Last, but not least: tell us the name of your homeworld. Even if it's not an "official planet" of the SW universe, that's fine. Space goes on in infinite, and there are... a lot... of planets out there. Just provide descriptions, etc.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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