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Topic:  Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
Twin Blade
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Twin Blade
 
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  Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 14, 2006 6:27:52 PM    View the profile of Twin Blade 
Physical Appearance
{How he looks.}
Native Language: Basic
Hair Color: A deep black color.
Eye Color:Sky Blue
Skin Color: A Slight Tan, but still white.
Height: 6'2
Weight: 165 lbs.
Age: 24
Full Name: Twin Blade, but prefers to be called "TB"
Physical Build: A pretty decent build.
Home world: Tatooine


Talents/Skills
{Things that come easy to him}
1) Is very good with weapons, and has very accurate aim.He prefers heavy weapons when he can get them, but other then that, he'll take whatever he can get, and he'll deal with it.
2)Has studied many languages, he can only understand them, he cannot speak them.




Background History
{What had happened to him before he came a trooper.}
When TB was seven, his family had little to no money, living like poor people, in fact, they were poor. TB's parents were relativly new to the their planet, and didn't know too much about it, they liked to go outside for long walks, leaving TB at home. On one sading day, his parents went out for their walk and left TB at home, but about a half and hour a wind started to pick up. "What's going on?"Said TB's dad. "I don't know, but we should probably go home.."TB's mom awnsered. But they were too late, a sandstorm had begun. His parent's eventually died that same day from exashtion and hunger.

Later that same day, TB found himself barring up the window's and the door to keep the sand out. He then sat their for several hours, not knowing what to do.

Twin Blade slowly got off the floor, and looked outside, opening a window, it was nightime. The moonlight slowly lit up the sky, while the star's hovered in the distance. Where did my parent's go? What happened to my family? Twin Blade found himself asking these questions for many years. Soon later that day, TB's uncle stopped off at his house with his landspeeder, and asked him what he was up too. TB recounted all that he could to his uncle. His uncle looked at him with his deep eyes. "This is a terrible event TB"His uncle said, always calling him by his initials. Your parent's and I have set up a plan if in case this would (Ever) happen. His uncle motioned him to the landspeeder, and TB and his uncle rode to his house.

His uncle's house wasn't too big, yet not too small. It was just about big enough for about three different people to live in. His uncle tragically lost his wife years before, so it was only him that lived their. The door was made out of a type of wood that TB had never saw before, and their was about 4-5 windows around the house, it was only one story. Inside, their was a kitchen, with pots and pans, and with much bread. There was also a bathroom, two bedrooms, and a living room where they could eat.

Later that night, his uncle gave him a fresh pair of cloths, made him take a shower, and then made him a big meal. His uncle actually had a job, which in turn was different then what TB was used too. He was always used to staying in the same cloths, and eating crumps, and if he was lucky, some mere scraps. The next day his uncle took him outside, he said that they were going to do something that Twin Blade had never done before. His uncle then withdrew two blasters,and then he pointed at a multiple wooden stools that were set up behind the house.

"You will learn how to use a blaster, as you will need it to survive the various hazards of the world."His Uncle said. He then handed him one of the blasters. His uncle motioned:"Try and shoot one of them TB!"Twin Blade looked at his blaster, and then hesitated a moment. He quickly brought it up to his eye, it was like it had come naturally to him. With one swift click, he pressed down on the trigger, and a blast quickly excelled out of the gun, and hit the bottle directly. His uncle stood there, almost perplexed by what his nephew had just done.His uncle then taught him everything he knew about a gun, and what to do during some situations.

He then spent many a day in the backyard shooting down bottles. A couple years later after they had formed quite the relationship, sadly, his uncle had passed away. TB moarned over the loss of his uncle for many days. But it was time to move on. He then sold his uncle's house to make some money.

Several years later Twin Blade eventually found himself wanting something more then living in a little cottage, and knew that he could become an excellent Stormtrooper,as he was trained with a gun for a good time. He desperately needed money, and wasn't going to stay in Tatooine, it just didn't feel like home to him.




[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 15, 2006 10:34:15 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 15, 2006 10:58:55 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 15, 2006 11:02:47 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 15, 2006 7:19:27 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 17, 2006 11:00:32 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 17, 2006 11:21:46 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 17, 2006 2:19:08 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 17, 2006 3:28:51 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 18, 2006 11:18:08 AM)]
Yillis
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Yillis
 
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 14, 2006 11:32:25 PM    View the profile of Yillis 
Just a question, how didn't you know it was your farther, and why would he be stealing from his own family?
 
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Corporal Yillis
-=Wraith Squad=-  -=TRP=-

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Cosmic
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 15, 2006 12:10:57 AM    View the profile of Cosmic 
The "father stealing from his own family despite having Tusken Raider raids" might add a nice flash-back sequence series in your stories. However, I am not going to give my stamp of approval over this biography yet. I have a couple things I'd like to address:

1) Watch the grammar. Make sure the biography you are posting is a full final draft and not "one of the drafts". This means reading, rereading, and rereading again (aka proof reading) to be sure everything is correct. An example of this would be the planet name "Tatooine" (which is of the correct spelling in my case). Also, there is no such word as "seened".

2) You might want to think about your writing before you actually decide to go with it. How does your character sleep through an entire raid, being carried by your mother beneath their floor, and not even hear all of the noise that's going on around him?

Just a couple of things to keep in mind. I'd also like to see more about your character in terms of his personality, so add a little of that in as well in your next, and hopefully final draft.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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Twin Blade
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Twin Blade
 
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 15, 2006 10:37:29 AM    View the profile of Twin Blade 
TB knew that was his father... *Rereads post.* Oh, you must of gotten that mixed up. It was found out that his father was the one that was stealing from the Raiders. {Tusken}


*To Cosmic.
Yeah, my grammer does need some work, as I'm told by my English teacher alot, but I did this in a matter of about 10 mintues, I'm going to edit it today.

Edit/*
I'm guessing the personality is his Talents/Skills? Ok.
[This message has been edited by Twin Blade (edited October 15, 2006 10:39:44 AM)]
Yillis
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 15, 2006 10:50:43 AM    View the profile of Yillis 
You are correct, my apologies.  No more drunk posting.

Edit: I'll try not to drink and post, thats what I meant.

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Corporal Yillis
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[This message has been edited by Yillis (edited October 15, 2006 12:25:48 AM)]
Twin Blade
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 15, 2006 10:59:52 AM    View the profile of Twin Blade 
I'll try not too. :P
Cosmic
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 15, 2006 4:09:33 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
I know you updated it today, but I'm not going to read it yet as I noticed your little note "hope this is good enough" and "I did the previous one in 10 minutes".

I'm going to let you go over your biography and check for any and ALL errors. Just letting you know ahead of time here: I'm looking for quality, not quantity, and it doesn't matter if you make 100 amendments. If it doesn't have the quality and time spent on looking for errors, it will not be approved.

With that said, all writing you do in this club should be of the top quality - no "5-10 minute" jobs.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Twin Blade
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 15, 2006 7:13:04 PM    View the profile of Twin Blade 
No no no, thats not what I meant. That's all I had time to  do, because my mom has a set time that I'm on here. That's all.
Cosmic
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 15, 2006 9:34:16 PM    View the profile of Cosmic 
It doesn't matter to me if it takes you 4 days to write a quality biography, just as long as it's quality. I'll read what you've got later tonight (have to do some homework).
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
-----------------------
Twin Blade
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 16, 2006 11:46:12 AM    View the profile of Twin Blade 
Ok, thanks alot. ~_^
Twin Blade
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 18, 2006 11:18:39 AM    View the profile of Twin Blade 
Uh, when is it going to get accepted..o.o?
 
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~_^
Cosmic
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  RE: Twin Blade Reports Again...:P
October 19, 2006 12:07:55 AM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Very good. A great improvement over your last version. There are a few minor things that I'd like to point out for you to watch during your future works:

1) Watch the grammar (main point, really). There are some commas in places that they shouldn't be, watch out for words that sound alike, but have different meanings. (There, Their, They're, No, Know, etc.) Also, watch your tenses (past-tense, present-tense, etc.)

Other than that, the rest was pretty decent. Grammar correction and skills come with time and practice, and you'll have a lot of practice once you're in a squad.

Check your email for your squad assignment.
 
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/MG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/Drill Squad/Tadath/VEA/VE
[OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
-----------------------
Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE
[VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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