Ah- good to see you back, man.  I see you said this was you're final draft so I can't actually make you do anything more on it, I will, however, offer comments should you decide to apply them.

First: no need to indent- simply start a new paragraph as I have, though you may if you so wish.  Everyone is allowed their own style of course

Two:  Your sentences tend to be very choppy and without description, but in some cases this excentuates style and I can see how it would in first person writing.  As a general rule of thumb, I usually advocate third person writing to everyone in the Navy because it just works better in story posting with other people.  However, in a bio, I won't tell you that' necessarilly the best way.  Particularly if we pretend that the officers forced your character to create a bio of his own so that they could use it for references.  Either way, it gives your chracter something to go off of- you've indicated that he feels a little confused by writing in this style and he just wants to get to work and be comfortable, not in the spotlight any more.  The sooner he's out of that interigation room, the better- so I suppose I like this. 

Three:  Usually the History is where people talk about their home world, how they grew up and what things were like- however, you've chosen to write in a different first person.  You write as if you've literally just been picked up by an imperial cruiser and are scribbling things down as quickly as possible.  Thus, if you'd like a more complete bio that people could use more effectivelly, you could talk about your character in third person under a different heading of your choice.  That's not required as my initial notice indicated, but its a thought so that your bio would be even more useful.

---

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, you can continue on to Chapter 2 - "Pilot Procedure."  This is where you actually learn what it is you need to be learning to get through our process and in an Active Squadron.  As I've noted before, there's plenty of room for new members and a lot of promotion possibilities for people willing to work hard, so getting through this fast but as efficiently as possible is very important.  So, if you'll continue to the link below, make sure to do the assignement and post it here as soon as you can- we'll move you right along. 

http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Flight_School_%28FS%29#Chapter_I

Trainer or Operator is allowed to move someone on from Chapter 2 as long as the recruit has done it- Trainers will grade and critique but an Operator can okay it, letting them know that they've gone on the right path and can continue.
 
-----------------------
*Flash Was Here...*

SC/CMD Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]

NazgulSquadron

Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training