Hello all,

I've recently enlisted in the fine VEN and am awaiting further instructions. At your service!
 
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TRN/CRW Earem Drewa

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Emerson

Thanks a lot, glad to be aboard.
 
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TRN/CRW Earem Drewa

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Emerson

Excellent- you're progressing quickly Righteous.

Anywho- a quick note on you're format: we usually put that bit on 'Physical Attributes' at the top, but we call it a 'Brief.' Why? Well that's where you correlate the instant, very brief information like who, what, when where- the why comes afterword!

Also, your physical attributes might be switched to 'Physical Description.' Here you'll describe you're character, how they move, act or speak and maybe some idiosyncrasies they don't even know about like a tick. Don't forget the obvious descriptions either or maybe what makes them humorous looking, or sexy or smart! Remember- you're sculpting this character.

The emotional description, on the other hand, is in the right direction, but I think we could go deeper. Your character hides things with a scowl and a quick dismissive wave perhaps- is that all they are? She never enjoys herself or tells anyone anything? I find that difficult to believe, lol.  Perhaps she gets the greatest thrill from seeing he stars up close and personal or she just like spending time aboard a ship or seeing things she's never seen before. It could be simple like waking up and thinking she's doing something as opposed to sitting around doing what? Either way, lets try and get a bit more descriptive- after all, your flight and squadron members as well as anyone else who needs it, will be getting information and ideas from this bio so that they can include you in stories. From there, your character will fully develop, but we should have a pretty keen idea ahead of time. Its also very obvious that you're character is ambitious- what are some ways her emotional description contributes to that?

History: very brief- I don't try to get people to write a book here, but it seems as if you're characters soul motivation for joining the Imperial Navy is to get away from home and fly. While that's a noble example, its rather straightforward and difficult to phase into every waking moment of story-telling. Though your character loves flying and the like, she must ultimately realize she's going off to kill people- was her original intention to become a pilot then or perhaps just to work aboard a ship and she found her way here? Either way- we need to give you're character a few more dimensions. Find some alternate motivations for you're character to be here, perhaps a strong dedication to the Imperial Navy, no matter what shape or form its in (mind you the VE is a faction ), or maybe she was having other problems at home or has some other personal motive for joining the Navy- security perhaps: only you know!

So, if you'd like to put that together for yourself a bit more and try once more, I'd be more than happy to critique it again and give you a grade. Once you and I feel that your bio is pretty sufficient and there aren't any obvious errors, you can move on to Chapter 2. Since I won't be here tomorrow (Monday), you'll probably be seeing the TX, Jaden, and he'll critique you're bio a bit as well. I've given him authority to move you ahead if he feels you're ready. Also, the Operators might make comments, so be open to anything you hear from them.

Thanks for kickin butt so early- excellent having you aboard. Keep rockin!

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*Flash Was Here...*

SC/CMD Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]

NazgulSquadron

Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training

Hey guys, sorry it has been a while, I had a really hectic week at school. Anyway, I made some changes, let me know what you think.


Brief
Age: Early twenties
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 100 lbs
Race: Human
Hair color: Brown
Hair style: ponytail
Eye color: Blue
Skin color: Pale
Origin: Doaba Guerful, Corellia

Physical Description

Earem's stature doesn't seem imposing, but she compensates for that with the way she carries herself. Her stance is one of held by those who have only the utmost confidence in themselves, although not quite to the point of arrogance. She is what most would consider pretty, although nothing to attract one's attention out of the crowd. Behind the visible calm, Earem is constantly calculating her next move, so her response to you will likely depend on if she sees any benefit to carrying out a conversation with you.

Emotional description

Earem is cold, and ruthlessly driven. She knows what her goals are, and she'll do just about anything to accomplish them. She makes little connection or emotional ties with others, yet she will work with others to satisfy her mission. No one really understands why Earem behaves this way; it seems like something might lie underneath, but any glimpse of kindness expressed is quickly hidden with a deep frown.

When Earem is alone, she bitterly struggles against the emotions she so easily hides from others. She loved her time learning to fly, but her experiences somehow didn't live up to all she was hoping to achieve. "Should I have left my parents like that? I haven't found what I was looking for, and now I'm just confused. I love to see the stars, it is pure ecstasy but I miss my family, and I feel like I've abandoned them."

Character's history

Earem was the only child of a droid mechanic and a housewife. She was raised just outside of Doaba Guerful on Corellia. Life was as normal as it could be for the middle class household. Earem's life was relatively quiet and peaceful. She did well in classes and enjoyed the outdoors. Doaba Guerful was nothing compared with Coronet, and Earem could spend countless hours of the night staring up at the stars. Earem loved the stars. Despite a pleasant life, Earem always wanted more. She could never be content with her life on Corellia, although neither her nor her parents could understand why. Earem always kept dreaming of traveling to other planets,  and engaging in daring dog-fights with the "enemies of the Empire" that they spoke so often about on the HoloNet.

Earem never got along very well with other kids. The fact that she wasn't satisfied with her life made her take her anger out on others. At one point she played flying games with the other kids, but eventually none of them wanted to play with her anymore, so Earem gained the bitterness that would characterize her adult life.

When Earem realized that her family could not afford to buy her a ship and let her explore the stars on her own, she decided that the best way to learn to fly would be through the Imperial Navy. She saw an advertisement for the Vast Empire Navy. She didn't mind selling her soul, she wanted to escape and explore all that she had spent time staring at. With whatever credits of hers she could scrape together, Earem kissed her parents goodbye and enlisted in the Vast Empire Navy, where her story remains untold.




 
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TRN/CRW Earem Drewa

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Emerson

Do, or do not; there is no try.
-Yoda

Hey guys,

Just wanted to let you know that I have been really bogged down by school lately, so I haven't had any time to work on Pilot Procedure, and don't really know if I will have time for a while. You guys are awesome and I wish I had more time than I do to RP and everything, but I'm really stressed for time at the moment, so I'm going to focus on getting school work taken care of and then maybe try this again in a little while

Best of luck in everything,
Earem
 
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TRN/CRW Earem Drewa

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Emerson

Do, or do not; there is no try.
-Yoda