Isaac Darkness is a very fit and muscular man.  He is roughly 6 foot 5 inches tall.  He is always in his Imperial uniform because he takes great honor in being able to wear it.  He has a scar that is a line that goes from 2 inches above his right eye to 2 inches below his right eye.  He got this when battling a Republic Loyalist.  He joined The Empire so that he could gain glory and help restore peace and justice to the galaxy.  From the time he was a small child he always wanted to be in the Imperial Navy and fly starfighters.  He might finally get his dream since he is now in The Imperial Naval Academy.  He hopes to some day get into the Dark Jedi Order.  That is one of his ultimate goals for he always wanted to be able to bring people to there knees before him with just a flick of his hand.  He is a man on the edge with no current ties.  The only thing he has pledged his allegiance to is The Empire and his superiors.

Please will one of the training operators or whatever they are called review this and tell me their suggestions and whatnot and hopefully accept it so that I can advance in my academy training.

Good to see you've gotten to work here, man.  Thought I'd make a few comments and allow you to do with it what you will-

Suggestions:  First off, I placed your bio together because it doesn't really edit it and I think I can do it without breaking my mandate, though you'll have to start doing the things I ask of you from here on out. 

Very basically, if you haven't already read it, you need to read the page on bios- Character Development or 'Chapter 1'. 

http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Character_Development

Now then, presuming you've gone through that page, we can look at what hasn't been included in the bio you've presented below: 

1.  You need a physical and mental description for your character.  Those are going to be seperated away from the main bio, preferably above the history.  The physical description is just an overview of all your character's defining characteristics- how they walk, act, talk, smell- whatever.  Not to mention they way they look I suppose   Then you're emotional description should describe how you're character feels and perhaps a little of why: are they happy, sad, mournful, gross, hyper, fun, mean, arrogent, clever and smart or jocky and foolish?  Just give some defining characteristcs there and you'll be set.

Also, a history must be a little more specific: for instance-

What has brought your character to have such a deep hatred against the NR (New Republic)?  Perhaps you were born and raised during the time that the Emperor still ruled on high at Coruscant- that would create quite the emotional whirlwind for any Imperial Loyalist.  Then, striking out at the newly risen Republic, you decided to get into a fight with someone- maybe that's why you escaped offworld and that's why you've joined the VEN- to somehow restore the Empire?  However, it should be known that the VE is not the former, souless Empire, but a group that believes in control- they may be Imperalistic in the sense that they wear the armor, use the TIE Fighters and can be somewhat cruel in terms of punishment, but they usually act in a more controlled form.  This is a faction- not the former Empire.  Perhaps when you're character joins this will be his first surprise, to see that not so many people are out for blood, but out for VE control.  A lot of people just beleive that the NR is reckless and will ruin things, thus they've pledged support to the VE, but you're character seems to have a divine dedication to the Imperial way- where did that come from.  What about parents and guardians?  Did they flee when the Emperor died yet you're character stayed to fight on?  Or perhaps they were killed and/or improned for their attempts against the newly functioning NR government.  Or even yet- perhaps they joined the NR?

Either way- we need to understand what has made you're character the way he is.

Lastly, you're character would know nothing of the Dark Jedi Order- sorry to say but that can only be joined upon a lenghty application process and in story form- its a secret organization.  Perhaps you could note that your character was mesmorized by the old Jedi and Sith ways and tried to incorporate the same discipline into his own training?  Either way, force ability can not be indicated at this point-  though its always kind of fun to imagine.  Perhaps you will join the DJO in the coming half year, though- you never know.  That might be a good note to put for yourself in your bio.

Hopefully this has been helpful and if you have any questions, comments or concerns, you can always message myself or any one else on the VENA-S for help.  The link to all the members of the VENA-S is below as is you're slightly more put together bio.  Thank you for you're time and welcome to the VENA BT process.

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Name:  Isaac Darkness
Age:  approx. 19-26
race:  human
hair color:  blond
complexion: tanish color
eye-color:  permanetly evil yellow
home planet:  Coruscant
height:  6 ft 5 inches
weight:  140 lbs.

Isaac Darkness is a very fit and muscular man.  He is roughly 6 foot 5 inches tall.  He is always in his Imperial uniform because he takes great honor in being able to wear it.  He has a scar that is a line that goes from 2 inches above his right eye to 2 inches below his right eye.  He got this when battling a Republic Loyalist.  He joined The Empire so that he could gain glory and help restore peace and justice to the galaxy.  From the time he was a small child he always wanted to be in the Imperial Navy and fly starfighters.  He might finally get his dream since he is now in The Imperial Naval Academy.  He hopes to some day get into the Dark Jedi Order.  That is one of his ultimate goals for he always wanted to be able to bring people to there knees before him with just a flick of his hand.  He is a man on the edge with no current ties.  The only thing he has pledged his allegiance to is The Empire and his superiors.

Please will one of the training operators or whatever they are called review this and tell me their suggestions and whatnot and hopefully accept it so that I can advance in my academy training.
 
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*Flash Was Here...*

SC/CMD Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]

NazgulSquadron

Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training

Better, though its not in final bio form, but allow me to make a few more suggestions before we make the final touches, yes?

You've definitely given reason to why you're family would be wanted dead, but not by the New Republic. Trust me, if anyone would treat these people more fairly, it would be the New Republic, trying to coax them over rather than take them out in a blaze of fire.  Why?  I suppose you have to remember that the NR is trying to win over the entire galaxy and prove their better than the Empire- to send out a hit squad would go against their very mandate, though I suppose that would reveal them as treacherous.  In the end, you just need to realize these people are trying to appease everyone, so this is only one of millions of cases they deal with a day

If you're going to try and create original hatred against the NR, might I suggest that it was NR fanatics that took out your character's family? Perhaps, through protest and ill-feelings between neighbors and everyday people, a group of heavy NR supporters finally decides to take the government into their own hands without getting word from any government officials- then they do what you've created.

Also, not to say your idea is hackneyed necessarily, but revenge only goes so far. How long until your character feels satisfied? What then? Does he drop the act he's been putting on for ages that he's some kind of badass with a cause?  Lol, though that may be fun to write, you may want to add just a little more support. I'd suggest using that Imperial Regime that you'd grown up with as a support- that somehow you feel you are more Imperial or perhaps you're just doing it right? Maybe that's why you're so bent on you're studies- cause that's the way it should be. And maybe that's why you're character would continuing fighting, even after those members of that group, should he ever meet them in the entire galaxy again, were dead.

One final comment- might you say that you explored around space from planet to planet, checking out various organizations that claimed to be the Empire, because there are plenty of die-hard Imperial organizations out there without any substance behind them, until you came across a representative or planet controlled by the VE and you found them to be in the best interest of the galaxy or whatever motive it is that you choose.

So, does that make sense to you as to why I ask for these?  In brief- its like you're trying to explain to someone why it is you're character is the way they are. If you couldn't write about your character and someone else had to- how would you have them write about you? This bio is a tool for the members of your future squadron to describe you and put you into stories with them. Also, though your character may not be social- where is his or her one bit of joy that keeps them from going over the edge? Perhaps its the job but there are alternatives I'm sure. Take some time to explore your character and if you know you're character well enough, the bio tends to create itself.

Review- Add these things or edit and make sure all grammar and sentence structure as well as paragraphing is good to go. This part of BT is graded on look as well as substance after all. And last, for this chapter at least, combine these together and give your bio headings like Brief, physical description, emotional description and History.  So you're template may look like-

Brief

Physical Description

Emotional Description

History

You could put easy information like height, weight, eye and skin color underneath Brief where as that brief paragraph describing your character's physical or emotional description would go under their assigned headings. Finally, your character's story would go under history

If you have any questions, comments or concerns, go on ahead and message me like you did last time or post it here so someone may be able to answer it a bit quicker. Either way, you're doing awesome man and I can't wait to get you through and put you into an active squadron. Once you've put all these together you can move on to Chapter 2 while I critique the final and await the assignment from Chapter 2 "Pilot Procedure." Keep rockin.
 
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*Flash Was Here...*

SC/CMD Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]

NazgulSquadron

Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training