Cloud 9
ComNet n00b

[VE-NAVY] Crewman
Post Number: 1
Total Posts: 5
Joined: Jul 2006
Status: Offline
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New Recruit
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July 16, 2006
1:07:50 PM
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Hi there, I'm new to the Navy. Ummm. . . Yeah, that's it.
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Krius
ComNet Initiate

[VE-NAVY] Leading Crewman
Post Number: 147
Total Posts: 292
Joined: May 2006
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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July 16, 2006
1:19:09 PM
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Welcome to the VEN man, I hope you like it. ----------------------- KaphSquadron
FM/ LCR Krius/ Kaph 8/ Wing 2/ mSSD Atrus/ Pheonix Wing/ VEN/ VE/ (=A=)
Krius=Leon
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Demonic
ComNet Initiate

[VE-NAVY] Chief Petty Officer
Post Number: 118
Total Posts: 218
Joined: Jul 2005
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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July 16, 2006
2:22:49 PM
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Welcome to the navy, Leth. ----------------------- |FL/CPO_Demonic/Kaph 5/PheonixWing/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE| (=*A*=)(=*SA*=)(VC:B)
100% on both Exams, looking good.
Demonic = Darr-Rann
Kaph 2nd flight leader
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Jack Nebulax
ComNet Sage

[VE-NAVY] Warrant Officer 2nd Class [VE-VEEC] Reporter
Post Number: 3107
Total Posts: 3245
Joined: Aug 2004
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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July 16, 2006
2:57:55 PM
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Shazam
ComNet Marshal

[VE-NAVY] Lt. Commander [VE-VEEC] Chief Reporter
Post Number: 2532
Total Posts: 4197
Joined: Jun 2003
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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July 16, 2006
4:37:42 PM
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Howdy- I'm the commander of Training and thus- you're trainer. As of right now you are a part of our academy family, better known as Venom Squadron. There is a thread on the Main ComNet for communication between Academy members you may use if you so choose. Anywho, you are currently in Flight School, a latter part of Basic Training- from here we will prepare you for a squadron. The process takes a little under a week if you stay consistant, but you need to be trying or it could take longer.
Right off we're going to create your character- follow the link below to be taken to Flight School. From there read Chapter 1: Character Creation and then post your bio on this thread. I'll critque it then; perhaps look at some other bios around here.
http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Flight_School_%28FS%29
----------------------- *Flash Was Here...*
CMDR/LtC Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]
NazgulSquadron
Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training
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Cloud 9
ComNet n00b

[VE-NAVY] Crewman
Post Number: 2
Total Posts: 5
Joined: Jul 2006
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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July 19, 2006
8:50:44 PM
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[INCOMING TRANSMISSION]
[SCANNING FOR THREATS]. . .
[NO THREATS DETECTED]
[UPLOADING DATA]. . .
DATA FILE: Drach'Nyen Bael
SPECIES: Abrax: A near human species from a planet of the same name. The culture is a ritualistic one, practicing various forms of sacrifice and magic. The planet is a frozen wasteland, yet two active volcanoes dominate the poles of Abrax. These volcanoes are the root of the Abrax religion, and to them the people sacrifice children, animals, and anyone else considered especially worthy, or anyone not deserving of life. There are two groups on the planet who each worship one of the volcanoes, who constantly war with one another. The people generally have stark white hair, pale skin, and red eyes.
PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES:
Height: 5' 6" (1.67m)
Weight: 115 lbs. (52.16 kg)
Age: 17 standard years
Hair: Black; Shoulder Length; Face-Obscuring
Eye Color: Yellow
Skin: Extremely pale
Homeworld: Abrax (Planet unconnected to rest of galaxy. Closest planet is Ziost, where [CLASSIFIED INFORMATION]. . .
Native Language: Abrax (Heavily accented; very similar to Sith)
Identifying Marks: A nasty looking, but perfectly straight scar stretches from his sternum to his navel
Parents: DECEASED
HISTORY: A precocious yet unknown youth, Drach'Nyen Bael was hidden from soceity as he had black hair and yellow eyes, thus being cosidered an abomination by the religion of Abrax. Life was difficult, more so than any other life of an Abrax. He was not allowed to be seen by anyone accept his parents, who despite their protection of him, despised him nonetheless. He was only fed once per day, and would always raid the food store, only to be beaten by his parents if they caught him. Only when he was 12 standard years old did he learn to speak, as that is when his parents started speaking around him. Once he learned the language however, he began to read, though never uttered a word to his parents. He read everything he could get his hands on, eventually becoming more literate than his parents, or almost anyone else on the planet for that matter.
At the age of seventeen, Drach's life became more climactic. The society of Abrax had been trying harder and harder to find any heretics, traitors, or abominations. The government had been pressuring his parents to give up all their secrets. His father became very ill due to a previously unknown genetic falw that left him susceptible to a virus that almost no Abrax were affected by. After his father succumbed to the virus, only his mother remained between him and certain death. His mother was no where near as strong as his father, and soon let the government search the house. They found Drach hiding in a cupboard. They took both he and his mother to different detainment facilities. He was eventually informed of his mother's demise during her interrogation. This didn't really trouble Drach in the slightest, but he still reacted violently, feeling as if a part of himself died.
Several months of merciless torture passed, and the people, who just recently heard of this abomination, wanted his death. He was to be sacrificed to the Great Northern Volcano. Several days later, he was carried up to the summit of the mountain and tied to an altar of polished obsidian. A figure dressed in a blood red robe with a hood pulled over its head approached. This figure was the High Preist of the North, the man who controlled the religion, life, and people of the north. It was his duty to make sure that no abomination survived. The area was surrounded by black clad clerical guards armed with vibro-axes. The High Preist drew his sacrificial dagger from underneath his robes and began chanting, which caused the guards to start chanting in turn. The preist sent the blade down onto Drach's chest, and drew it slowly down his body, stopping at his navel. The pain became unbearable for Drach. In his suffering he found strength, which he used to snap his bonds. He leapt up from the altar, sending the preist careening down the mountainside. The guards moved in on him, but he was too fast. He jumped over the guard in front of him and broke into a run. Drach stopped at the edge of the mountain, looked at the guards, and looked down. He picked the second option, and began sliding down the mountain. Due to the suicidal nature of this maneuver, none of the guards dared follow him. He slid fast, though was as careful as he could be not to trip.
Upon reaching a plateau, he spotted the parked shuttle that belonged to the High Preist. After jumping in the cockpit, he looked at the controlls and remembered a flight manual he once read. After locating the ignition, he started on his way. Knowing that he would be slaughtered once he landed, he angled his craft towards the heavens. After traveling the void for quite some time, he came across the mSSD Atrus, which tractored in the shuttle. He was given the option of being an Imperial pilot by an officer present in the hangar in which Drach landed. Seeing no reason not to, Drach accepted this offer.
[END OF TRANSMISSION]
[This message has been edited by
Cloud 9
(edited July 19, 2006
11:45:45 PM)]
[This message has been edited by
Cloud 9
(edited July 19, 2006
11:46:52 PM)]
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Shazam
ComNet Marshal

[VE-NAVY] Commander [VE-VEEC] Chief Reporter
Post Number: 2546
Total Posts: 4197
Joined: Jun 2003
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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August 6, 2006
9:41:00 AM
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Pretty good bio up until the end, man- good job. What I mean by 'until the end' is how you jump into a transport, fly to the heavens and find the mSSD Atrus just sitting there. The likeliness of you seeing that particular warship is pretty small and being asked to join them upon entering is even less. Why? You presented us with good information, the whole religious experience bit makes your bio interesting. However, we don't exactly know your tech level- I was getting the idea maybe it was an inferior race in terms of intelligence, but you managed to acheive space technology as is evidenced in your excape of 'Abrax.' So- who are these people really ruled by? If the Imperials had a hand in this, in which case perhaps there would be a ship looming nearby to check up or maybe they were even stationed there, they'd probably be trying to get some kind of resource or taking some of these people to join their armies and navies as well. You could say it was neither republic or VEN I suppose, but if a VEN group was nearby it probably wouldn't have remained neutral for long...
That's just story wise, though. Let me review what you need to do there- figure out exactly what this society is like, what they live in and live like, explain that the government is pretty intertwined with this religion, and clearly state you are on the north side of the planet with the great Northern Volcano- there should be some kind of distinction between the north and south pole people- perhaps you could provide one as well. Also, downgrade that ship from the mSSD Atrus to maybe something like a support vessel, a carrack cruiser or lancer frigate. Just something that isn't of such importance basically unless of course that ship was coming to take your neutral planet under control. In which case- go for it, lol.
Not that looks complex, and this is really the only thing I get pretty worked up on in the academy where I actually write a good deal back to you. This next part should be pretty simple though-
It appears you've forgotten the Physical and Emotional description. Your working out a pretty good bio here in terms of history and storyline, but how does your character act? Is he happy, sad, arrogent, helpful, quiet, or loud? Or perhaps he's none of the above. Either way, you need to explain to us what you're character is like so we can actually include you in stories- this way people don't totally screw with your idea of your character. If you make it obvious what they're like, their facial expressions and tendencies, its a whole lot harder to make a mistake.
That's about all I have on your bio for now, but if you'll make those changes I'll be happy to move you on to Chapter 2. Actually, once you make these necessary changes, you can move on to chapter two "Pilot Procedure." I'll let you know if any more changes need to be made to your bio, but I'll also check the assignement for that chapter if you decide to complete it. Any questions, comments or concerns? I tried not to be too confusing there, but I kind of had to jump around. Don't worry, you're doing fine, I just like to write a lot in these, lol. Keep up the good work, man.
(As a side note- do the Abrax speak Basic then or a native language? Most belonging to the Imperial legions speak basic, so your character would either have to know it before hand somehow, or be forced to learn it, probably before they were ever asked to join the VEN. Also, once that occurs, does your character know what he's getting into? You may want to express that a bit. Rock on.)
-----------------------
*Flash Was Here...*
CMDR/LtC Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]
NazgulSquadron
Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training
[This message has been edited by
Shazam
(edited August 6, 2006
9:42:51 AM)]
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Cloud 9
ComNet n00b

[VE-NAVY] Crewman
Post Number: 5
Total Posts: 5
Joined: Jul 2006
Status: Offline
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Improved Bio
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August 6, 2006
2:26:33 PM
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[INCOMING TRANSMISSION]
[SCANNING FOR THREATS]. . .
[NO THREATS DETECTED]
[UPLOADING DATA]. . .
DATA FILE: Drach'Nyen Bael
SPECIES: Abrax: A near human species from a planet of the same name. The culture is a ritualistic one, practicing various forms of sacrifice and magic. The planet is a frozen wasteland, yet two active volcanoes dominate the poles of Abrax. These volcanoes are the root of the Abrax religion, and to them the people sacrifice children, animals, and anyone else considered especially worthy, or anyone not deserving of life. There are two groups on the planet who each worship one of the volcanoes. The people generally have stark white hair, pale skin, and red eyes. The people of the North volcano wear gray and red to represent the color of the North Volcano, whereas the people of the North wear black and orange to match the colors of the Southern volcano. The two cultures fight a war of dominance over the planet. The North exists in a fascist state ruled by the Ecclesiarchy while the South values freedom over all else. The North tries to overtake the South, but to no avail. The North is numerically superior, but the South fights for freedom and fights with fervor. Both races seem decently advanced technology wise, but several centuries behind the galactic standard. The people live in towns and cities made of stone and ice, each city in the North being dominated by an administrative building under control of the church. The people of the North go to church every day, sometimes several times a day. All those in the employ of the church live in church buildings. The people spend the day watching holodramas, most of them being a mix of anti-South propaganda and subliminal messages. There is a constant draft into the Northern army, while the South doesn't need one because the people will fight no matter what.
PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES:
Body Type: Ectomorphic, but strong.
Height: 5' 6" (1.67m)
Weight: 115 lbs. (52.16 kg)
Age: 17 standard years
Hair: Black; Shoulder Length; Face-Obscuring
Eye Color: Yellow
Skin: Extremely pale
Homeworld: Abrax (Planet unconnected to rest of galaxy. Closest planet is Ziost, where [CLASSIFIED INFORMATION]. . .
Native Language: Abrax (Heavily accented; very similar to Sith)
Identifying Marks: A nasty looking, but perfectly straight scar stretches from his sternum to his navel
Parents: DECEASED
PSYCH EVAL: As far as we can tell, he is highly intelligent, but very unwilling to communicate, withdrawn, and angry. If he chooses to utter any words at all, it's usually a torrent of choice swear words and curses that I've only heard in centuries old literature, otherwise he just glares at everyone. Though he shows a great deal of restraint, we did have one incident where one of our mental specialists pried too far. If we hadn't sedated him he would've torn the specialist to pieces. He seems willing to fly though, as whenever someone mentions it he seems to perk up a bit. I wouldn't suggest talking to him too much, but perhaps what he needs is a friend.
HISTORY: A precocious yet unknown youth, Drach'Nyen Bael was hidden from society as he had black hair and yellow eyes, thus being considered an abomination by the religion of North Abrax. Life was difficult, more so than any other life of an Abrax. He was not allowed to be seen by anyone accept his parents, who despite their protection of him, despised him nonetheless. He was only fed once per day, and would always raid the food store, only to be beaten by his parents if they caught him. Only when he was 12 standard years old did he learn to speak, as that is when his parents started speaking around him. Once he learned the language however, he began to read, though never uttered a word to his parents. He read everything he could get his hands on, including books in both Abrax and basic. Eventually he became more literate than his parents, or almost anyone else on the planet for that matter.
At the age of seventeen, Drach's life became more climactic. The society of Abrax had been trying harder and harder to find any heretics, traitors, or abominations. The government had been pressuring his parents to give up all their secrets. His father became very ill due to a previously unknown genetic flaw that left him susceptible to a virus that almost no Abrax were affected by. After his father succumbed to the virus, only his mother remained between him and certain death. His mother was no where near as strong as his father, and soon let the government search the house. They found Drach hiding in a cupboard. They took both he and his mother to different detainment facilities. He was eventually informed of his mother's demise during her interrogation. This didn't really trouble Drach in the slightest, but he still reacted violently, feeling as if a part of himself died.
Several months of merciless torture passed, and the people, who just recently heard of this abomination, wanted his death. He was to be sacrificed to the Great Northern Volcano. Several days later, he was carried up to the summit of the mountain and tied to an altar of polished obsidian. A figure dressed in a blood red robe with a hood pulled over its head approached. This figure was the High Priest of the North, the man who controlled the religion, life, and people of the north. It was his duty to make sure that no abomination survived. The area was surrounded by black clad clerical guards armed with vibro-axes. The High Priest drew his sacrificial dagger from underneath his robes and began chanting, which caused the guards to start chanting in turn. The priest sent the blade down onto Drach's chest, and drew it slowly down his body, stopping at his navel. The pain became unbearable for Drach. In his suffering he found strength, which he used to snap his bonds. He leaped up from the altar, sending the priest careening down the mountainside. The guards moved in on him, but he was too fast. He jumped over the guard in front of him and broke into a run. Drach stopped at the edge of the mountain, looked at the guards, and looked down. He picked the second option, and began sliding down the mountain. Due to the suicidal nature of this maneuver, none of the guards dared follow him. He slid fast, though was as careful as he could be not to trip.
Upon reaching a plateau, he spotted the parked shuttle that belonged to the High Priest. After jumping in the cockpit, he looked at the controls and brought to mind a flight manual he once read. After locating the ignition, he started on his way. Knowing that he would be slaughtered once he landed, he angled his craft toward the heavens. After traveling the void for quite some time, he came across a lancer frigate under the employ of the Vast Empire, which tractored in the shuttle as they were hunting a spy that had been spotted in the system. After much questioning to ensure he wasn't a spy he was asked what his goal was. He replied that he had none and a young crewman present in the hangar suggested he be a pilot. Drach recalled the liberating feeling he felt while at the controls of the shuttle and agreed. He is currently on a shuttle headed for Abrae.
[END OF TRANSMISSION]
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Shazam
ComNet Marshal

[VE-NAVY] Commander [VE-VEEC] Chief Reporter
Post Number: 2560
Total Posts: 4197
Joined: Jun 2003
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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August 7, 2006
10:43:05 AM
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Well alright then- that was certainly better. What you might add is that due to the nature of his planet and the particular whereabouts he came from that war was in his nature so killing people wouldn't really affect him. I like how you put that together though- well done.
On to Chapter 2 then: there is an assignment so make sure you read carefully. Also, post it here so we can see it and then correct it. Once you have completed it, you may move on to Chapter 3 "The Post." Again, make sure you put the post here so that we can see and critique them. I say you can go on to the third chapter because Chapter 2 (Pilot Procedure) will take a while to read but take almost no time at all to do the assignement. Questions, comments or concerns can be directed to this thread as always. You're doing awesome man- keep up the good work. ----------------------- *Flash Was Here...*
CMDR/LtC Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]
NazgulSquadron
Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training
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D'har Leth
ComNet Initiate

[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
Post Number: 154
Total Posts: 501
Joined: Feb 2006
Status: Offline
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RE: New Recruit
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August 13, 2006
3:27:41 PM
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Here goes. . . Recently my life has become a bit more active and I haven't had time to do much about my navy character. So until further notice, I won't be doing anything as Cloud 9. The good news is that I am staying in the Stormtrooper Corps.
Later ----------------------- Private First Class D'har Leth
-=Wraith Squad=-
TRP/PFC D'har/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/VEA /VE /Nar Shaddaa
{Official VE Zombie Expert}
www.pointedstick.chaosmagic.com
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