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Topic:  A New Guy -Redthorn-
Redthorn
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  A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 9:41:21 AM    View the profile of Redthorn 
Race: Human
Language: Common with accent
Height: 177cm
Weight: 67kg
Age: 20
Body Build: Slim

Features: Shoulder length, jet black hair; mostly scowling; hazal eyes; crooked nose, broken a few times; thin lips; thin facial hair; sharp jaw-bone; small scars scattered all around his face; bronze skin;

Knowledge: Simple melee weapons, 'street-fighting', characterizing, lock picking, stealth without devices.

Habits: He drinks until he is tipsy everynight. Converse with a voice in his head. Run his hand through his hair or rub his eyes when he gets nervous or tense. Loves fatal risks (I will add this later in a chapter later.) Tries to define what to do before, but acts reckless nonetheless.

(Hi)Story:
His name was long forgotten even to himself. He just hadn't been able to come to terms with his 'father' being merried another woman, and his 'mother' accepting this and living with a merried man. His given name had only been a disgrace to him. To forget, to pretend they had never been known to himself was easier, for he had not the power to change that.

*Running away from the reality, are we?* the voice in his had, his 'friend in the head' as he referred him, asked.

*No!* he thought, *Jus' think about it; if somebody says 'You son of a *****!' as a cursin', i can' beat the **** out o' him. Because it's also the 'reality' as ya put it! I'm jus' a son of a *****, jus' a fruit of a sinful act of two drunken idiots' lust. Bah! You have ta remind me everytime i try not ta think about that, huh!? What would you do if you were me!?*

*Who are you to talk about 'sin', if i may ask? And I must add, she is staying with him just because of you.*
*If it were jus' me, why didn't she leave when I left!? Nevermind, shut it, jus' shut it. I don't wanna talk 'bout it, okay?*
He was Redthorn, just Redthorn, only Redthorn and a Redthorn who had fought his way through the law of the streets and become a trusted member of the 'lads' at the age of fifteen, after five years of struggling, fighting, running, fighting, hiding, and fighting again. The five years following his departing from home -he didn't like 'running away' word. He thought himself too brave to run away something, except the times he had not something hard and sharp in his hand, and his 'opponent' had- had made him a fully grown man fighting for his own life with no family but the 'family' he got to know at the streets with lives not so unlike his own.
Redthorn took the last sip of his Ale. "I'm off, lads!" he said to everybody yet to pass out, "gotta find somewhere doesn't stink ta sleep!"
"**** you!" said a quite drunk Tom -an old, gray haired fellow of his- with a rude gesture.
"Okay, ya won!" he said holding his hands up, pretending to seem hurt.
"Why don't you just go 'way and find a hole...?" Tom began but he was fast asleep before he could finish his sentence.

He began pacing the empty streets slowly. There was nobody, nothing alive at all. Odd he thought.
*What is odd?* asked the voice.
*Can't I jus' think sumthin' without you pokin' you nose!?* he snapped but curiosity got better of him, *Why d'ya think there's nobody?*
*If I had all the answers, we wouldn't be here, wasting our lives at this rat hole now would we?*
*What 'bout findin' out wha's the matter?*
*Have I ever been able to talk sense into that thick skull of yours?*
*No, so jus' have to stick with me! Keh keh keh!*
*Have I ever told you what you are going to do cannot be described just as recklessness? This is simply stupidness!*
*Whatcha know 'bout what i'm gonna do?*
*Just so you would know, i'm living inside that little thing of yours you call as your brain.*
*Won' try and do sumthin' stupid, i will, and you'll shut up, deal?*
*Oh my! Did I hear you right!? Was that the first time sounded reasonable, or was it just my wistful imagination!?*
*Don' make a big deal of this, will ya!? And i said you'll shut up, i remember?..*
Silence...
Better he thought to himself, knowing that statement would his friend.

"HOLD YOUR HANDS UP!" someone screamed behind his back, "DON'T TRY SOMETHING STUPID!"
He looked around. There was no place to run or hide. Common Lotaith colony settlements. Just walls, fences and one or two story houses 'adjacent to(?)' each other. His brain was swinging like a maelstorm with the thoughts of death scenarios. He had been thinking about death since the day he departed home but it had never occured him that his life would end like this. Like a rabid dog caught in plain.Redthorn slowly pulled his hands out of the pocket of his robe and raised to the air.
"PULL YOUR HOOD BACK AND TURN TO ME!" came the second order.
He could feel the heat raise to his face, nonetheless pulled the hood back from his face and turned to his back. He was strong enough to face the death! I'll not go down alone! He released his hands from the hood to his sides, where his stilettos were waiting eagerly to be drawn and to pierce through flesh.
There were three men in something brown like military uniforms. He eyed one by one briefly. Left, rifle, untrained, miserable aim. Right over-confident. Two secure. Middle left pistol aiming head, right shoulder. Left handed, not ambidextrous, something shiny on shoulder, probably field commander. Good but not enough to fight... and win...
*What should I do?*
*Surrender and plead for mercy?*
*Won't work.*
"You are under arrest for breaking in others' property, stealing, fighting and attempting murder." the man between the others spoke.
*Did he jus' said under arrest or is it my imagination?*
*I think i'm daydreaming also.*
"If you come willingly, it will be to your benefit. If you don't, we will have to force you to obey." the officer said with a bussines-like voice, and added "but i don't advice it, believe me, you won't like it." with a rather 'friendly' tone.
*They are relieved! Now or never!* the voice urged Redthorn.
*Nay. If we won't die, cannae be worse than tha' ****ing garbage!* he replied with a tone hinting it was the end of the argument. "Wha'd'ya want me ta do?"
"What do we want you to do?" asked the officer rhetorically. "Nothing but walking where I say to. No sudden movement, no looking around, even no sneeze without asking first, is it clear or do you want me to demonstrate what will happen if you don't do?"
"Perfec'ly clear."

*Why didn't you just injured them when you had the perfect chance?*
*They give us food, water and bad. Wha' do ya want more?*
*We have been bottled up in this hole for five years for god's sake Red! Don't you want freedom!?*
*I sure wan' freedom as much as you, but, if freedom means to live in a smelly cave, I don' wan' to be free. I'm perfec'ly comfortable here. We don' have ta steal to eat sumthin', don' have ta shiver at nights if we can' find a shelter, don' have ta fight for our lives at leas' every week, don' have ta try ta sell sumthing knowin' he will sell it for twenty times more money. If you wan' I can find more. And at here, we are not nothing we used to be! We eat, drink and sleep regularly. They let us bathe. They clean our room. They see us as a person, not a piece of dirth. Is it nae enough for ya?*
*But you didn't have to give them our lockpick! Have you ever thought it could be very useful, should the circumstances make it necessary!?*
*Don' talk me with that nonsense sentences!*
"Red! You have a visitor." announced the prison-warder. "If I were you, I would try and be friendly with him. He is at a powerful position in the navy." added whispering.
"Now, made me really curious, Roony." Redthorn stated.

Warder called two other guards and took Redthorn to a room where a guy wearing gray tunic and black trousers. "Please sit down Mr. Thorn." he said calmly gesturing the only empty chair, "And you are dismissed, Mr. Rane."
Redthorn sat down quietly. He was facing a guy 'at a powerful position in the navy' over a table. Strong guy, training, probably waight lifting to keep in shape: muscular.. quite muscular... Trying to be cool. Creaking fingers. Vains pop up. Bad omen!
"I'm Shazam, Lieutenant Commander of Imperial Navy. But you will address me as either 'Lieutenant' or 'Sir'." Shazam waited a moment to see a reaction but none came. "Is it understood?"
"Yes." Redthorn replied curtly.
"I think we are going to have to work on you. I don't like being here. If it were up to me, I would have left you to rot in that cell, but unfortunately i have an order to make a good pilot of you. Now, let's try again. Is it understood, pilot!?" he asked again almost shouting.
*I don't think it's wise to try to push him than you already have.*
*If i say i thought so, wouldn' ya let me live with it, wouldn' ya? It's kind of scary.*
*Scary? Scary!? HE'S TERRIFYING! IF I HAPPENED TO HAVE A BODY I WOULD PEE MY KNICKERS!*
"I understand, Lieutenant, sir." answered with what he hoped to be a calm tone.
"I think we understand each other now. This, Mr. Thorn, is better. As I said, I came here with an order to make a pilot of you, but before you begin thinking highly of you, i must tell the reason. Too many ships, not enough crew. Is it understood, pilot?"
"Yes, sir." Good! Relax! This is really better than you can even think of...
"Now you will fill this form, then i'll take you to the training complex. Take as long as you want but i don't want to have my dinner here. You may begin."
"Can I ask a question, sir?" Redthorn asked as calmly as possible -after a quick scan on the page-, but it wasn't that much after the 'show' he experienced at the recieving end.
"Sure, pilot, what do you want to know?"
"I would jus' ask if it where possible.. I mean if i can.. I understand if I can't but.."
"WHAT..." Shazam cut in harshly "...do you want to ask, pilot?" finished calmly again.
"Err.. If it's possible, i don' wanna fill the family things, sir..."
[This message has been edited by Redthorn (edited July 11, 2006 9:45:52 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Redthorn (edited July 11, 2006 10:19:36 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Redthorn (edited July 11, 2006 10:26:15 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Redthorn (edited July 11, 2006 5:54:47 PM)]
Atrick25
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Atrick25
 
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 10:16:18 AM    View the profile of Atrick25 
Welcome to the VEN!

A bio would be good though. Details, details, details. That's good for some of the history though. Just expand.

Physical charecteristics and mental charecteristics are pretty much mandatory in a bio. Shazam will come and give you a handy link that will tell you about it though.

Oh. Please censor your swear words. There are children here. Like me.
 
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NazgulSquadron

FM/LCRW Atrick25/Nazgul-10/Phoenix Wing/[mSSD Atrus]/1VENF]/VEN/VE (=A=)
~Leading Crewman Atrick25~

Nerds stick together! (Until Football Players storm us, because then we run like the girly men we are!)

Why does Darth Vader want cookies?
DJ234
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 10:22:49 AM    View the profile of DJ234 
Welcome to the Vast Empire, Pilot
 
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Aegis Squadron


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I think war might be God's way of teaching us geography~Paul Rodriguez
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If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.
- Sun Tzu
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Redthorn
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 10:38:24 AM    View the profile of Redthorn 
Atrick25;
Thanks for the warm welcome.

I assume you think there is too much detail, am I right? If so, i'm sorry but i can't help but write them all to keep this as a story worth reading.

I think i need to remind you it's just the begining of the story.

And last, sorry, sometimes I forget. *Blushes*

DJ234;
Thanks, sir!
Atrick25
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 10:41:45 AM    View the profile of Atrick25 
No! The detail is fine! It's just you need more of the history aspect of it. Expand on the details you said here like the streets, his early life, his parents. That makes it easier for people to know about you in their stories.
 
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NazgulSquadron

FM/LCRW Atrick25/Nazgul-10/Phoenix Wing/[mSSD Atrus]/1VENF]/VEN/VE (=A=)
~Leading Crewman Atrick25~

Nerds stick together! (Until Football Players storm us, because then we run like the girly men we are!)

Why does Darth Vader want cookies?
Redthorn
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 11:20:28 AM    View the profile of Redthorn 
A few tips are in order, then, huh?

He will have to disclose his so called 'family' as a procedure in the recruiting program. But i'm not sure yet the reason for his joining the navy.

There will be a little prison problem in which his street life will be revealed a little more by an offical.

You mention, his early life... I didn't think about that much, but i'll find a way.

And last, as I said, it's *just* the begining.
Jaden
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 11:27:18 AM    View the profile of Jaden 
Biographies are always good to start with.  Shaz always likes it when a recruit comes into training with a bio done.  Once you get into training, you're going to have to start studying the pilots handbook and other information around the academy to get information for the Aviators Exam you're going to have to take.  After that, you'll be placed into a squadron, which is way funner than training, I promise.

Mayba if you get lucky you can be in my squadron, it's up to Shazam.

Ah, Welcome to the Vast Empire.
 
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Jaden Khaar
Aegis Squadron

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CMDR/WO2 Jaden Khaar/Aegis 1-1 (Aegis 1)/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE (=*A*=) (=*SA*=) [VC:S] (SV) (CBV)

Commander of Aegis Squadron
Krius
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 12:28:25 AM    View the profile of Krius 
Weclome to the VEN man, I hope you like it so far.
 
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KaphSquadron
FM/ LCR Krius/ Kaph 8/ Wing 2/ mSSD Atrus/ Pheonix Wing/ VEN/ VE/ (=A=)
Krius=Leon
Jack Nebulax
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 2:44:49 PM    View the profile of Jack Nebulax 
Welcome to the Vastest of Empires, pilot.
 
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Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

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Warrant Officer 2nd Class Jack Nebulax, Nazgul Squadron, Imperial Navy, Vast Empire.
FM/WO2 Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 11 (3-3)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:G]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
Jack Nebulax: King of the Reply
------------------------------------------------------------
Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)
Redthorn
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 11, 2006 6:03:39 PM    View the profile of Redthorn 
Thanks Jaden, Krius and Jack Nebulax.
I'm trying to find the best but i have never been able to satisfy myself and given up hoping to be able to long ago...
It's so far.. nice.. I love trying to write, so it was fun. I hope reading will be, too, for you.
Shazam
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  RE: A New Guy -Redthorn-
July 12, 2006 10:46:39 AM    View the profile of Shazam 
Welcome, I'm Shazam as it appears you have found out.  Using my name in this style isn't really sense worthy though, so you're going to have to change that man.  See, I am the training officer, but my character is just a squadron commander, he wouldn't be out recruiting people out of jails.  You could make up another character that might do so.  Also, I found your bio to be just a bit confusing, I'd like you to run through that and try to clean up some wording, maybe add or delete some, because it makes it difficult to understand-

Example 1: " *Why didn't you just injured them when you had the perfect chance?*"


Example 1: " The five years following his departing from home -he didn't like 'running away' word."

See, its just little things like that, so maybe just run through it quick and fix some things you think you stagger over, like you need to read it twice to get.  You want to avoid that, basically.

Also, you need to include a quick emotional description as well as physical description, we need to be able to describe you after all.  Think of this as an opportunity to let other people understand how to talk about your character.  And, if you aren't totally satisfied with the story you've told here, you don't need to write it out like that.  You could simply say "this is the order of event."  This isn't an actual story so we won't quite jump on you for it; you can see what I mean by  clicking some of the avatars around here and getting a whiff of real good bios.  Once you're satisifed with that, you can move on to Chapter 2 of your training called 'Pilot Procedure.'  Make sure you post the assignments here so we can check over 'em and keep you movin.  Rock On.

http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Flight_School_%28FS%29
 
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*Flash Was Here...*

CMDR/LtC Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]

NazgulSquadron

Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training
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