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ComNet > Imperial Navy > Archived Naval Academy > bio ver 2
 
 
 
Author
Topic:  bio ver 2
marcus oredius
ComNet n00b
 
[VE-NAVY] Crewman
 
Post Number:  6
Total Posts:  7
Joined:  Jul 2006
Status:  Offline
  bio ver 2
July 8, 2006 1:02:55 PM    View the profile of marcus oredius 
bio of my character.

Marcus was born in the imperial center but not in its housings but in the slums . as the slang goes I was invisible for a long time . the creatures there were different than any other me being human mostly bothered them why had my mother gave berth to me there I do not know dont remember her. I had basic training before my teens and some other training.

the day I was 18 0mperial years I saw the ad. ever since Ive looked at it. it was like a force feild a magnetic anomaly pulling me to it. at nights 1 would wake up and go look at. I had become obsesed withj the ad.

days turned to months . months turned to years when I looked 1 saw I was 21 and no life . then 1 decided I would leave the invisibility and return to my people and honor my self in their presence. so I got out of the bed took nothing with me and moved out walked all the way to the nearest recruitment center . and entered a booth here I was at home...

Why did the poster mesmerize me . I cant tell. nor can I say its to escape from being invisible. Here everyone is left alone . you are alone in the dark in the dreadful hour. in the joyful hour. no one cares for other thats if you human . if you were another being you may get in to a group but not human .

Marcus is a anti social being he works hard but not very social. he would work with his fellow beings and respond to their banter. 0f he ever comes close to being friendly he will be protective and understanding. if some one said hello to him he would look at that person and slowly asses him or her then would reply to the question . he is not retarded the reason is he is afraid of being close and losing friends.

then why did he join the Ve hmm.... this would take a long course in psychology well... he wanted to escape being inivisible he wanted to get on his life. he wanted to be in a place where he could call home .
Shiric
ComNet Novice
 
[VE-NAVY] Leading Crewman
 
Post Number:  33
Total Posts:  42
Joined:  Apr 2006
Status:  Offline
  RE: bio ver 2
July 8, 2006 1:12:32 PM    View the profile of Shiric 
1. Start sentences with capital letters.
2. Write in third-person's view. You obviously can't well from your own view point.
3. Include an personality, and appearance description.
4. Click on my avater for an example of the bio Shazam would look for.
5. Write in MSword, or if you sont have that, download Abiword
6. Spell the numbers, dont just say, 5 or 6 or something.
7. Make use of paragraphs.

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Aegis Squad
[This message has been edited by Shiric (edited July 8, 2006 1:13:04 PM)]
[This message has been edited by Shiric (edited July 8, 2006 1:13:56 PM)]
Shazam
ComNet Marshal
 
Shazam
 
[VE-NAVY] Lt. Commander
[VE-VEEC] Chief Reporter
 
Post Number:  2500
Total Posts:  4197
Joined:  Jun 2003
Status:  Offline
  RE: bio ver 2
July 10, 2006 10:03:14 AM    View the profile of Shazam 
More than anything, a bio is about information for your squadron mates to use, or perhaps even your wingmates in the event of a larger story.  Making it look good is just something I judge on and really common curtesy amongst pilots around here.  So- a couple of things you need to include besides correcting the errors Shiric mentioned-  you need a physical and mental description that gives us a real idea of how your character is.  If my character were to stride up to your character- how would they interact?  Is Marcus happy?  sad?  somewhere in between?  why?  Who gave him that basic training in his teens and what was that basic training?  I kind of like the 'do something with my life and bring some crusader honor back to my family' idea, so keep with that I think.  Maybe create some characters that encourage your journey to the VEN a little more though, just to supplement your character's yerning to go elsewhere.  Is any of this making sense?  Lemme know if you need any help man- you're doin good.  Let's try to get this wrapped up, but make sure we do it well.  Rock On.
 
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*Flash Was Here...*

CMDR/LtC Shazam/Nazgul 1-1/Phoenix Wing/mSSD Atrus/1VENF/VEN (=A=) (=*SA*=) (=*MA*=) (=*FOCE*=) [LoM] [LSM] [VC:S] [DSM]

NazgulSquadron

Commander of Nazgul Squadron, Phoenix Wing and Training
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