(OOC: This isn't meant to be taken seriously, i'm fairly certain i was drunk when i wrote it and i have done minimal editing, mostly for spelling errors. Oh and i think theres members mentioned that aren't with us anymore, i think i wrote it awhile ago, just found it today. Also, it dosen't seem to be finished. /OOC


Sitting up in his chair, Snipes smiled broadly. He was getting bored sitting around the Wraith squad barracks, so brainstorming on his next masterpiece he stumbled across an idea. If everyone in the VE ran out of clean underwear, and Snipes still had some, he could sell them for double, no triple the price of standard imperial boxers. Cackling evilly Snipes drew up a plan. He knew the first place he would have to hit would be the wash room, that was the only recycling plant for dirty underwear. Then, once he had taken out their vile washing machines and stolen their cache of clean boxers he could go about stealing the underwear of the entire Vast Empire. Snipes cackled again and stood up, surveying the equipment in his room he decided on what he needed to bring: a duffel bag of course to hold that much underwear, then he would need something to disguise his features, he looked around, there was a red kerchief on his bunkmates bunk, he folded that in half diagonally and wrapped it around his face, hrm. . .Now for the perfect weapon, Snipes thought, Ah-Ha! A paint ball gun! Snipes snitched a paint ball gun from a fellow squad mates room. Alright, Now I embark on my road to riches Snipes tried then to put his cigar in his mouth, but the face mask blocked it off, Snipes stabbed a hole in the mask and put the flaming health risk back in its proper place, his mouth. Snipes set out now, sneaking down the hall way, in the shadows, back to the wall, past people who couldn't see him, they looked into the shadows, their eyes fallowed him, but Snipes was a Wraith, you cant see a Wraith! Not when they're hiding, even the people pointing at him were merely pointing at the shadows in a ploy to get him to show himself, but he was smarter than them, he crept down the halls of the VE installation until he found the wash room, Snipes knew he would have to use all his skill to avoid the washing droids and their demon overlords. Snipes looked around the barren hallway, there was a vent at the top, but it was far too high for him to reach unaided, so Snipes tried anyway. Jumping up and down in the middle of the hall Snipes received many strange looks. HA! What do they know!? Nothing, soon they will bow to me and call me their God, for only I will hold the key to their underpants salvation! Snipes thought to himself, amused at their ignorance.

Snipes finally managed to get a stepping stool from one of the people who couldn't see him and climbed into the vent awkwardly, it was not meant for objects larger than his head, despite that his head was exceptionally large he still couldn't move his arms at all. He pushed himself around with just his feet for an hour before he found the washroom. Snipes smiled and hit vent with his forehead until it broke free and then he pushed himself thought he cavity until he came reeling down and hit the floor with a pronounced *THUD*. Snipes recovered quickly though and looked around, the washing droids did not notice.

"YOU!" A voice came from behind Snipes, and before he had a chance to look he was lying on the floor, "You would dare to enter my domain with intent to steal the most sacred of all garments?!"

It was a small man, no taller than Snipes waist and he held in one hand a great washboard, and with the other hand he was giving Snipes his IQ score.

"AYE! And if ye be smart, ye'd be handing over all yer underpants!" Snipes yelled in the Wraith Squad Pirate Voice(tm).

This helped him none though, now the droids were onto him, he had threatened the very purpose for their existence and they were pissed. Each one now transformed into a killer kung-fu washing unit. Each of them now resembled a washing machine with two kung-fu arms and two kung-fu legs, some even had wet towels with which they could use their deadly Thief Whipping Technique in which they actually wet towel whipped the thief hard enough to dirty his underwear for weeks to come. Snipes moved quickly to avoid them and withdrew his paint ball gun, he knew he was no match for them in one on one combat, or any kind of combat at all, he would have to find something for them to do until he could take down their demonic overlord: the short man with the IQ of one. Snipes looked around, as he hopped around the room avoid their crushing Kung-Fu blows and roundhouse kicks until he found the clean clothes hampers. Snipes pointed his gun at the whites hamper.

"Stop if ye wish these clothes to stay pearly white"  Snipes yelled, again in the Wraith Squad Pirate Voice(tm). The droids stopped then, in horror. Unfortunately Snipes was quickly distracted by a bug crawling on his shoe and accidentally shot the hamper anyway.

The droids screamed in eternal agony and together they uttered one phrase of mourning, "OUR QUOTA! BACK TO WORK!"

Snipes smiled gleefully as he planted explosives on their backs as they went back to work. Then Snipes went to find the Underpants Guardian that had gotten him in the back  before, Snipes looked for half an hour, until suddenly, he was on the ground, face first again.

"You should have left." The man said, waving his washboard around in an eccentric manner."Now we must do battle,"  Snipes pulled out the paint ball gun. "No! In order to gain access to the underwear storage facility you must first defeat me in a wash-off!"

Snipes groaned. "Can't I just shoot you?"

"yes, i suppose that wold work, but this really is more exciting" The man was still eccentrically waving the washboard around, Snipe took forth his paint ball gun and shot the man twice in the chest, turning his pure white linen into an apparent bloody mess.

Of course it was just this time that Fury walked in to inspect the area, fallowed by his guards, Snipes looked at the short man whithering on the ground in what could only look like bloody murder.
"AAHHH!!!!" Snipes screamed and ran out the back door, closely fallowed by the prefect and his guards, Snipes kept running, dodging and hiding, until at last he lost them.

heh heh, they'll never defeat me, for I am the chosen one! The Underwear King! Snipes cackled maniacally again and then remembered this duty, he ran back the wash room, in seemed the old man had been taken away by the paramedics and the washing droids had resumed their work in order to catch up, So Snipes found the clean underwear hamper, grabbed in and ran stealthily back to the barracks, Snipes took the underwear out and stashed it under his bed, then threw the hamper into another members room so he wouldn't be incriminated.

Snipes sneaked stealthily out again, Next on his list was the Iron Horse barracks, he knew this was the place that might get him caught. It had two members of the Dark Jedi Order, just thinking about the order brought up a question in Snipes mind: I wonder if members of the Order wear anything under those robes? Snipes thought about it for a minute and then shivered visibly and placed the thought as far from his mind as he possibly could, the implications were more than he wanted to consider.

As he made his approach he made sure to note that Kami and Angel were not there, it was prime time to do a little underpants thievery. Snipes sneaked in undetected, the barracks were almost deserted other than jinx, who was asleep in the middle of the floor,What eccentric people we have in this army. Snipes cackled maniacally before looking around and shoving all the members clean underwear into his duffel bag, but none of it was the supreme goal he had in mind when he set out, however it didn't take long to find Angels room, Snipes snickered, and hoped Angel wouldn't catch him. Snipes of course shoved all the underwear from Angels room into his bag (tighty whities). Then Snipes moved on to Kamis room, his snickering had gone almost to full blown laughter now as he put Kamis underwear into his bag, making sure to use the barrel of his paint ball gun, quite afraid to touch it. But just as Snipes finished he heard Angel and Kami enter the barracks, Snipes became as stiff as a log, afraid for his life, he started creeping out, but apparently they already knew he was there, because as he rounded the corner leaving her room he bumped into Angels chest and fell over.

"What are you doing!" He yelled, grabbing something from his belt.

Snipes screamed loudly and burst past them, but running down the hall he all of a sudden felt himself flying forward at a very fast speed until he hit the wall.

"I recognize that scream!" Angel declared.


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Minutes Later

"AAAAAHHHHHH! I"M ON FIRE!" Snipes screamed as he ran down the hall in the opposite direction of the Iron Horse barracks, he still had the bag of underwear, but his skin felt like it was boiling. He ran for hours until he finally got back to the Wraith barracks and stashed the underwear, but not before dousing himself in tequila in a futile attempt to put out the flames he covering his back


Iron Horse Barracks

"I saw somebody running from here screaming, what happened? What did you guys do?" Rizzit inquired of Angel and Kami.

"Us? Nothing, he tripped over Jinx trying to run away. . really, thats all. . .I swear,"Angel looked around shiftily before his voice fell," Of course it wasn't until after he was gone we realized all the squads underpants were gone as well"

Rizzit nodded as though it made perfect sense, even though he had no idea what was going on, it was the second underwear related incident that day that he had heard of, things were not looking good in the clean underwear department, he himself had had his entire store of clean boxers stolen in the wash room raid earlier that day. In an unrelated event, that also shook the world of clean clothes, all the washing droids had spontaneously exploded at once, the techs believed it was some sort of wiring failure.

Snipes

Snipes crept carefully into the Dark Dragoons barracks, only to find them away on a mission, Snipes chuckled as he stole their undergarments, they were going to be desperate once they got back, and Snipes was there to fill a gap. He chuckled to himself again. The DD barracks resembled a five star hotel and so the underwear was easy to find, and their undergarments were magnificent, made from the finest silk and gold; they were soft and shiny, Snipes wasn't surprised though, it was the Dark Dragoons, of course they would have shiny underpants. After looking around the hotel for any pieces that might be under a couch or something he had another brilliant idea, he took out his paint ball gun and, making sure it was full first, shot an outline of a pair of boxers on the wall with a circle around them. Then next to it wrote: All you're underpants are belong to me!"

Snipes moved onto RAIDERS barracks, these he knew well enough, he managed to sneak past the squad as they played (and probably cheated at) a game of sabacc, their underwear wasn't as rich as as DD's or as comfy, but it probably worked. Snipes snickered as he pulled forth the paint ball gun and left the same underpants print on the wall of their bar that he left on DD's wall. Snipes made his way through the mounds of used duct tape and dirty socks, the mounds were quite large, big enough for him so hide behind, until finally he was near the door, creeping in the shadows, the fools couldn't even see him. He cackled maniacally, then the squad all turned to him and Snipes felt his invisibility leave him, and his shame, he screamed loudly as he burst towards the door and out, running from the very bitey looking squad. Finally Snipes was cornered though and was time for his last resort, pulling out his paint ball gun he pelted them all as he charged their lines and bolted past, still showering them with the little red balls of goop.

Snipes made it again to the Wraith barracks, where he was rapidly running out of room for underpants storage, finally pulling his bunkmates footlocker over to him he threw the entire contents out into the hall and dumped all the imperial boxer shorts into that.

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TRP/SSG Sniping101/4SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE [LoR][IH][BoA]

Storm you better get your ass in gear, cause Wildcard's gonna make it hot in here.

Vin Diesel has been known to have philosophical debates with R2D2.

" (I) Is always hatching plots against newlyweds; I mar the beauty of virgins and cause their hearts to grow cold"