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Topic:  My new better Bio.
c.j.r2
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[VE-ARMY] Private First Class
 
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  My new better Bio.
July 19, 2005 7:10:42 AM    View the profile of c.j.r2 
CHARACTER
Born: 12 years before the "Battle of Yavin"
Language: Galactic standard
Hair color: brown
Eye color: yellow
Skin color: white
Height: 1.96 meters
Weight: 158 Lbs
Full Name: C.J.R
Age: 21
Personality: very friendly, (after losing my family) very aggressive and hateful 
Physical Build: big arm muscles
Homeworld: Csilla (distant planet)

TALENTS/SKILLS
-very good stick fighting
-very good in tactical things

HISTORY
I lived on Csilla (especially wood planet) with my father named Carl, my mother named Violla and my sister named Hella.
my father was a woodcutter who gathered wood for the villagers of our town. My mother and sister did the housekeeping!
We earned not much a day, we were very poor just like the other people of our town, but we were happy!
When I was 6 years old I always played with a by my father made stick of wood! I learned how to fight with it!
When is was 12 years old I start helping my father with his wood job! He learned me very much things about technique!
my father was very well-known because his wood business and everyone known us! Because the heavy job I did get big arm muscles. With my aid we did get more money!

But then one day everything became different!
Many more villagers gathered their own wood, and we became more and more poor! we didn't had enough money to buy foodstuffs or medicines anymore!

But then there was another day when the empire visit our Planet, they wanted more engineers for their army, and they had heard that here on Csilla lived many tactical people! The empire spotted my father at work and they wanted he to join the "Imperial Engineering Corps"!
Together with 5 other villagers of our town he were taking away from us! He were taking to a "Imperial Star Destroyer" to be trained as a "Imperial Engineer"!
He learned to repair Imperial war machines! From Tie-fighter to Star Destroyer, But it was very different for him because he now had to repair giant metal things in state of a little house of wood.

He was divide into an platoon that went to "the Battle of Bimmiel," many other Imperial soldiers were fighting there, they needed reinforcements and more engineers, so my father Carl was send to Bimmiel.
There something terrible happens!
While my father and 2 other engineers were saving 2 drivers from an AT-ST who were stuck into the cockpit, a rebel shoot a grenade near them and it explode!!! My father, the 2 other engineers, the 2 drivers and a Imperial stormtrooper get kilt, another engineer was very wounded!

Many months later when I was 13 years old we heard from a Imperial scout that "the Battle of  Bimmiel" was won by The Empire, but we heard also that many engineers from our town were kilt only one survived! We hoped that it was our father who survived the battle, but a week later we heard that only Noa, the husband from the woman next door survived!
My mother and sister started to cry, I didn't believe it, but deep in my heart I knew it!
I starting to hate those rebels!

Many months later there brook out a terrible disease in our town, it was very infectious!
Many people infect each other, my mother and sister became a victim of the disease, because my father was dead we didn't had enough money anymore to buy a medicine against it, and they died! I was 15 years old when I lost my mother and sister, and I had nothing left!

A few days later the woman next door asked me to life in her house, she said that I could call her: Isanne.
I sold my own house and we had more money, but it was not very much!
2 weeks later we heard from a Imperial scout that the husband of Isanne, Noa, died in battle, while he's repairing an damaged vehicle he get killed by an rebel marksman/sniper!
Isanne was very sad about losing her husband, she cried many times.

2 years later when I am 17 years old, the empire came again for new engineers, they took 3 more men from our village, but I asked if I could join them! The answer was NO!!!!!!, you are to young to join our "Imperial Engineering Corps"!
Then I asked them to not join the "Imperial Engineering Corps", but the "Imperial Stromtrooper Corps"!
I told them the story about my father, and they first didn't want me to join, but later they said; OK, you may join the "Imperial Stormtrooper Corps" but at your on risk!! I agreed with that suggestion and I told Isanne, she didn't want me to go, but now I had the change to take revenge, and I told her that she not could stop me! First I had to go to the Stormtrooper Academy, I said Isanne farewell and then I went to the shuttle who should take me and the other engineers to an star destroyer and prepare for battle! The Star Destroyer brought me to Stormtrooper Academy and now I'm there!!
[This message has been edited by c.j.r2 (edited July 23, 2005 2:28:06 AM)]
Jack Nebulax
ComNet Disciple
 
Jack Nebulax
 
[VE-NAVY] Senior Chief Petty Officer
[VE-VEEC] Reporter
 
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  RE: My new better Bio.
July 19, 2005 8:10:28 AM    View the profile of Jack Nebulax 
You sure do like exclaimation points, don't you?

Well, here's my opinion. Overall, I'd say it's good. It might need a little work done on it in a few places, but you apparently have the basics down good.

Oh, what species are you? I assume you are a Chiss, but you didn't specify that in the beginning.
 
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Revenge is what holds this galaxy together. Without it, the universe would be a boring place.

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Senior Chief Petty Officer and Reporter Jack Nebulax (*Formerly and No-Longer a ComNet Spammer*), Imperial Navy and VE Today Staff, Vast Empire.
XO/FL/SCPO Jack Nebulax/Nazgul 5 (2-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=) (=*SA*=) [SV] [VC:S]
Rep|Int/Rep Jack Nebulax/Rep: 4/Reporters-Interviewers/VE/VET
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Admiral Jack Nebulax, third-in-command of the Auroran Defense Fleet (ADF) and leader of Nemesis Wing (Wing I)
Hunter Emnis
ComNet Member
 
Hunter Emnis
 
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  RE: My new better Bio.
July 19, 2005 12:01:47 AM    View the profile of Hunter Emnis 
I liked it very much.  Good job, woodcutter interesting background.  Jack's right, you sure like exclamation marks don't you?

Good job on this, I look forward to reading more of your writing.
 
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"I have walked the paths; the shadowed roads
that lead to terror's breast. I have plumbed the depths of Hatred's womb and scaled Destruction's crest.
For every secret left unveiled, for every power learned,
I'd sell the remnants of my soul, regardless how it burned.
And still I sought a higher wisdom few could have attained,
'Though I found it, it would leave me-broken, damned, and drained.
For now I find this power gained is more unto a curse,
My spirit burns with every spell and each irreverent verse.
Despite this strength and knowledge earned, I have paid a heavy toll,
Never should've traded power for my own immortal soul."
Cosmic
ComNet Marshal
 
Cosmic
 
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[VE-VEEC] Chief Editor
 
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  RE: My new better Bio.
July 19, 2005 12:05:20 AM    View the profile of Cosmic 
Wow. That is an excellent bio, c. Outstanding. Your attempt at making it very detailed paid off, the story flowed smoothly, everything transitioned nicely. It was great.

The only thing I would like to see different from you is that you not use the exclamation points (!) so often. Also, if you look at the paragraphs in my bio, they aren't as choppy as yours. They're a smooth rectangular-shaped bundle of text. :P

Other than that, it is great! I'll place you in a squad.

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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
CoT/BG Cosmic/HCA-3/SL/3SQD/2PLT/1COMP/1BAT/Tadath/VEA/VE [OPE][OTH][OPA][EW1][CDS][IH][GS][LM][SoS][CRoM][CoH][PoC][MSM][SCP][SoA][IOC]
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Cleric "Cosmic" Vor'soth
SL/KPR Cosmic/Lion 1-1/Lopen/VEDJ/VE [VP][WoS2][KC1][SoY][EoP][OAK]
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[This message has been edited by Cosmic (edited July 19, 2005 12:05:40 AM)]
vint
ComNet Member
 
vint
 
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  RE: My new better Bio.
July 19, 2005 12:12:33 AM    View the profile of vint 
Awsome bio. But write "three" instead of "3".
 
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