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ComNet > Neutral Messages > Archived StoryNet > Boba Fett and slave 1
 
 
 
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Topic:  Boba Fett and slave 1
lando
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  Boba Fett and slave 1
April 13, 2005 7:50:44 PM    View the profile of lando 
I'm new and so this fist story might be bad so be good critics.

As he walked out of slave one the wind was blowing and the sand stung against his face.  As he was walking away Boba put on his helmet, which had the T shaped visor that was feared thoughout the galxie.  He was traveling though Jaba's place, he had just arrived for a mission to Yavin to catch a smuggler that Jaba had wanted dead.  When he entered the throne room he presented the smuggler's decapitated head as proof that he had succeded in his mission, even though Jaba knew that he would not fail him, as in the deal Jaba gave 12,00 creditd as his payment. 

After just being there for a few days Joba had another mission for the Bounty Hunter.  "It appears that there is a small group of rebles that the Empire wants dead.  They are located on an outer rim planet, it seems they are trying to start a training academy there. The empirer has more important things to do than kill stragglers so your job is to stop them with any means posible." exclaimed Jaba.

"You got it." Replied Boba.

Exiting hyper space now.  When he exited hyperspace the planet came into veiw.  Mostly consisting of vegitation, Boba found a clearing to land in.  After hiking many miles he came across a X-Wing starfighter, it was empty and unocupied.  He continued forward untile he found some ruins that were in the middle of a small lake.  After he had thought out the situation his jetpack flared to life and flew him the ruins.  He quietly approched the structure and entered.  As he walked down the tunnel he heard someone behind him, he paused and pushed himself up against a wall.  After a few moments a human walked by.  Holding his breath for not wanting to alert him of his presence.  He folowed in the darkness, when they had stoped walking they came across a room filled with equipment and a small group of about 10 Allience members and about 30-40 recruits. 

Knowing what he was up against he retuned to his ship.  He then decided to lurer them out of the ruins and blast them with his laser cannons, and then pick up what was left of them.  When he retuned he found that they had been aware of his presence the whole time.  Armed with a variety of repeater blasters and missle launche tubs.  They all fired in unison apon his ship.  Boba then launced two concusion missles and moved to a safe distance.  When he retuned he found the ruins destroyed and nothing left alive, but in the process his ship tock heavy damage and is unable to return to Tatoine for the time being.




Shazam
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  RE: Boba Fett and slave 1
April 16, 2005 4:49:26 PM    View the profile of Shazam 
Well, for one, you like to jump around alot.  Like, a whole lot.  It appears to be more of a storyline/flowchart composition.  So I suggest, include thoughts of your characters, understanding of whats going on (background and future expectations), and some real detail.  You never want to 'overdue' detail, but a little description of what its like would help you out as well.  This goes for every area of your story, because you'll want it to move in the way your thinking, so if someone is taking their time, right it that way, but if its happening quickly, you don't put much inbetween.  I hope that massive rambling will help you somehow.  Good luck and continue on...
 
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Darius
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  RE: Boba Fett and slave 1
April 19, 2005 1:33:35 PM    View the profile of Darius 
Doing ok, but watch the spelling and do a little more research on Boba Fett.  He never kills his victims.  Hasn't let one die yet.  Plus, Jabba doesn't speak Basic (English).  Another tip that might help your story not jump around so much is to describe the moment.  Include on people's reaction as Boba enters Jabba's palace.  Describe the scene.  Make it possible for people to visualize it in your head.  Detail is the key and don't keep on starting your sentences consecutively, he is, he has, he was.  Remember the few things Jensen taught you in 8th grade. 
 
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Feed a womp rat a food ration, he'll want an energy stim.  Give him an energy stim, and he'll rip your throat out.

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FM/CRW Darius/Nazgul 3-2/mSSD Atrus Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=)
Fury
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  RE: Boba Fett and slave 1
April 21, 2005 6:13:44 PM    View the profile of Fury 
Honestly, take your time and detail what you need to.

Some folks here have stories they haven't finished in months, much less years.  Hell, I have one I haven't even started because I know it will be a lot of work.

Other than that, check your research, read other Star Wars books if need be (more libraries have at least a small collection).
 
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Darius
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  RE: Boba Fett and slave 1
April 28, 2005 10:55:55 PM    View the profile of Darius 
Man, I hope we didn't scare you or destroy your confidence .  I'm looking forward to your stories.  Hopefully you've read the comments and done a little research.  It'll be good, just take your time, no one is rushing.  Boba Fett is a very difficult person to write about.
 
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Feed a womp rat a food ration, he'll want an energy stim.  Give him an energy stim, and he'll rip your throat out.

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FM/CRW Darius/Nazgul 3-2/mSSD Atrus Defensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=A=)
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