[OOC:  Until someone in the navy has some sort of idea of what to have me work on instead of this I'll be posting these about once a week or so.  Enjoy for all of those who missed it the first time around.  If you want more episodes then I have on hand to remaster talk to Geist.  He says he doesn't have comnet privladges anymore but that just means he has even more spare time on his hands.  /OOC]

VARNECK INHERITOR NERGAL
Dubbed in English

"You get to burning,
It's only arson, just control yourself,
Those burns will heal&"


Episode One: Invasion!

Prologue: To go like a man!

The entire shelter shook as far above the mysterious attackers continued their bombardment. In the meantime, Daishi frowned at the new tattoo that he had found on his hand. This was the last time he got drunk with the R&D guys. He didn't care if the tattoo was part of some kind of direct neural interface system that would let him pilot some of the cool new weapons platforms they were cooking up, they had no business injecting him with nanomachines while he was passed out.

Daishi caught sight of a small boy greedily eyeing the crate of citrus fruit he had managed to bring down into the shelter with him when the raid sirens had started going off. The kid looked hungry.

"You want one?" Daishi asked, offering the kid a piece of fruit.

"Wow, cool," the kid said as he snatched the fruit. The kid's mother turned and smiled.

"How kind of you," she said.

Daishi shrugged. "Naw, I've got a whole crate of them here."

"You're a nice man," the kid said. "You married?"

"Wha&?" Daishi said, surprised.

"My dad ran off with his secretary, and my mom is lonely," the kid said. "She needs a man. You want the job? Dad used to say that mom was dynamite in the sack."

"Jay!" the mother said, smacking her son in the head. "I told you to stop trying to fix me up!"

Daishi didn't have much of a chance to say anything, as an explosion wracked the shelter, and a hole opened in the roof, through which a massive armored form dropped.

The vaguely humanoid figure raked the shelter with slugthrower fire, strewing bodies about. The storm troopers assigned to defend the shelter opened fire in response, but their blasters seemed to have little effect on the attacker.

"Keep firing!" the commander of the troopers yelled to his men. "We've got to get these civilians out of here!"

Daishi could tell that the stormies weren't doing much more than making the attacker mad. With an almost annoyed sigh, he ran to a nearby forklift. It seemed like he always had to do everything himself, even when he was on leave.

The forklift was simple enough to operate. He switched it on and began revving the engine. "I'll hold that thing off!" he said. "You people get out of here!"

He thought he heard some shouts of protest, but he was already speeding towards the armored figure. The forklift slammed into the creature, pinning it to the wall, but Daishi didn't stop, he kept his foot pressed down on the accelerator, slowly crushing the armored figure.

"Kick his ass Mister!" he heard Jay yell.

"We've got the doors open!" someone else said.

Any shouts of success were short lived, however, when another explosion ripped through the shelter. The force of the blast nearly threw Daishi from the forklift, and his foot slipped from the accelerator. As the sound of the forklift's engine died, he looked around him.

"Ah hell," he said as he saw row upon row of armored figures marching into the shelter.

There was no way out.




*****
"One year has now passed since the disastrous defeat at the battle of Varneck" Tycho said. Around the table in this conference room on Erebria were a number of senior officials of the Vast Empire Engineering Corporation. "If the Vast Empire Navy continues to be unable to stop these invaders, Erebria will soon fall as well."

"Which is quite unacceptable," a senior VP made sure to point out. Up till now, these invaders had proven to be virtually unstoppable. They had conquered Varneck in a short, brutal fight, wiping out a Vast Empire battle group in the process.

"I have a question," the whipid in the business suit at the other end of the table said.

"What is that, Mr. Viper?" the senior VP asked.

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Project Copyright Violation," the VP replied. "Are you aware of it?"

"Of course," Argon Viper replied. Project Copyright Violation was something of a pet evil project that had been floating around the VEEC for some time. It used to be called Scaparelli, but there had been an unfortunate encounter with a band of lawyers that had necessitated a change.

"We want to implement it," the VP said. "And given your extensive military experience, we believe you to be the best choice to carry it out."

"I don't know," Argon said. "It's been a long time since I've worn a uniform."

"When do we ever wear uniforms?" Tycho asked. "Besides, this is going to involve at least a few lovely young women."

Argon raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"And then there's your bonus," Tycho added, typing up some figures on an electronic notepad and passing it to Argon. "How's this?"

Argon studied the notepad for a second before turning back to Tycho. "One more question," he said. "Is that& after taxes?"


*****

"Now all we need are our human resources." Tycho said as he and Argon left the office building.

"You mean our crew?" Argon asked. "Since when did you start talking like an accountant?"

Tycho shrugged. "So I've been working as an accountant part time. It pays the bills. But yeah, our crew. I'm sure we can get a hold of most of the old gang, but there are some that just aren't around anymore."

That was the truth. Geist had retired a while back and pretty much vanished. Daishi had been on leave on Varneck when the whole mess started and hadn't been heard from since. Others had just left here and there.

The pair halted at a ninja crossing to allow for a herd of ninja to cross the road in a chorus of hyahs. As everyone did when encountering herds of the black cloaked urban game animals, they immediately decided not to worry about where the creatures were coming from, where they were going, or for god's sake why they would be traveling in herds. Some things are better left unknown.

"So anyhow," Tycho said, breaking the awkward silence that always follows herds of ninja, "I've managed to find a lot of good people to fill out the crew, of course a few of them have some slight personality disorders&"

Argon nodded. Somehow that didn't surprise him at all.


*****

They began collecting their new crew immediately.

An engineer, Mr. Aniston, was the first one they picked up. He seemed more than willing to sign on for this job, not even bothering to read his contract. Between the damage caused by the security droid he had apparently been building and his desire to escape from his wife, he was more than anxious to get away for a while.

Stormtrooper 1026 came next, signing on as helmsman. His current job was fast becoming little more than that of a glorified secretary anyway, and he was up for something more interesting, even if only temporary. It probably also helped that Argon was able to blackmail him with a certain secret.

A young blonde girl named Excel signed on after Stormie as ship's janitor. Though her blatant personality defects nearly prevented her from getting the job, a glowing recommendation from the ghost of Yoda sealed the deal. Her companion was refused a job on the grounds that she kept dying.

Somewhere along the way a writer wearing a black hat was also picked up. His primary assignment was apparently to write strange stories that meshed far too many science fiction stories together at once.

A voice actress named Aku Koibito (who, if you want the hot gossip, is actually the evil clone of Jociam Geist's wife Mellisaa) was chosen for the position of communications officer. Despite the stigma of being a dedicated servant of all that is evil in the universe, she soon proved to be a welcomed addition to the crew, in addition to helping fill affirmative action quotas for cute girls serving in important positions on capital warships.

After much legal wrangling over copyright infringement, and the buying off of at least one federal judge, a twelve-year-old girl named Ruri Hoshino was named the ship's computer specialist after being kidnapped from a rival company in a rival story.

"One thing still bothers me," Argon said soon after delivering Ruri to the naval base.

"What's that?" Tycho asked.

"If I'm supposed to be tactical officer for this mission," Argon said, "then who is going to be the captain?"

"Don't worry, I've got someone in mind."

*****

"TINA!" Admiral Riel Fury's voice could be heard to echo through the house.

"Tina," Lieutenant Narm Greyrunner said to the closed door, "your father is starting to get upset."

"Well I'm sorry," a woman's voice came back through the door, "but this uniform is just so& it's just not me."

"It's a bit late to complain now," Narm said.

"I know," Tina replied. "But speaking of late, are you sure cutting the VE fleet to come with me is such a good idea?"

"Well& I was worried," Narm said. Even as he said it he realized how that sort of sounded. "That& That you might need help," he quickly added.

"Ah Narm," Tina said, "you're the best friend a girl could ask for."

"Yeah, sure." Narm said.

Riel Fury came stomping down the hall, stopping in front of Tina's door.

"Damnit Tina!" he yelled as he started pounding on the door. "You were supposed to leave an hour ago!" He reached for the doorknob.

Narm leapt forward to stop the admiral from opening the door. "She's still getting dressed right now!" he said. But the admiral would not be swayed. The two briefly struggled over the doorknob, in the process managing to knock the door open. Both men sprawled forward into Tina's room.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Tina screamed as she did her best to cover her mostly naked form.

"Urp!" Narm uttered as he turned beet red.

"My little girl is a woman!" Riel Fury exclaimed.

With expert aim, Tina downed both men with a piece of her luggage.

A bit later, Riel Fury watched his daughter leave.

"Not only is she an officer, but she's well endowed as well!" Riel Fury said as he watched the badly over laden landspeeder speed away. "Tina, your father is very proud."

*****

"The evil lizards from beyond the rim are attacking Erebria," the monitor in the restaurant blared.

"Its time to knock them out with our united fist!" A woman in the picture declared. She joined hands with a ring of children, all of them wearing little imperial navy uniforms. "THE VAST EMPIRE WILL PROTECT EREBRIA!" they declared.

"This message has been brought to you by the Vast Empire," the announcer said. The image changed to that of an ominous man wearing a black robe. "Remember, you belong to us," he said.

The picture suddenly cut out as a distant explosion rocked the building.

"Not another air raid," one patron said.

"Hey!" another yelled into the kitchen. "What's holding up my stir fry?"

In the kitchen, Daishi clutched the handle of the frying pan tighter as he heard the explosions of bombs detonating, the screaming fall of TIE fighters being swatted aside by invader fighters. The images continued to flash through his mind. The boy named Jay, his mother, all the other civilians that had been killed in that shelter, the legions of armored figures.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!" He yelled in rage, smashing the frying pan into the counter and splitting it in half, spilling the contents all over.

Daishi stopped for a moment, looking at the stir-fry he had spilled. "Ah damn, I burned it!" he said.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he found himself confronted by the manager of the restaurant. "We need to talk," the boss said.

*****

"Damnit!" Daishi yelled as he rode his swoop bike down the nighttime streets of Erebria. His boss at the restaurant had been very forthright and honest, saying that Daishi's behavior during the air raid just wasn't the sort of image that he wanted his restaurant to show, and perhaps it was time for Daishi to move on.

"What's wrong with running away! And whose business is it anyway!" Daishi demanded of the night sky, his former employer had used the term yellow soldier to describe him, and in exchange Daishi had taken all the money in the register, three bottles of some very good brandy, and his former employer's teeth with him as a severance package. "Why do I have to do all the fighting? Why can't those damned VE brats handle the battles on their own!"

Daishi had been very happy for the past year now, just working as a cook, fulfilling his family tradition of being a mighty chef, and then this happened. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

A landspeeder, hideously overloaded with luggage, shot past at well over the local speed limit and pulled in front of him.

"Jerk!" Daishi yelled. "You think you own the damn road!"

On the landspeeder, one of the bungee cords gave way, and a suitcase flew free.

There was no time to avoid it. The suitcase slammed directly into Daishi's upper body, flipping both man and swoop bike over. The latches on the suitcase came free next, scattering possessions all over the road.

"Why me god?" Daishi asked as he lay there, buried under a pile of women's unmentionables. "Why always me?"

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry," he heard a woman's voice say. Sitting up, he saw a not too bad looking girl standing before him with a look of concern on her face. Up ahead, the landspeeder had stopped and the passenger side door was open.

"I'm so terribly terribly sorry, how can you ever forgive me?" the woman continued. She seemed genuinely concerned in a mildly spastic sort of way. "Are you hurt? Is anything broken?"

Daishi shook his head as he got to his feet. Aside from a rather painful lump now developing on the back of his head, he seemed to be perfectly fine. Rather remarkable, really, considered all the nasty physics involved in that collision. "I'm fine," he said. "But you better get that luggage better secured, or you're going to kill someone."

"I don't understand," the girl replied. "We packed it the best we could."

Daishi shook his head. "No you didn't," he said. "Let me show you."

The job took twenty minutes and as many meters of space tape, but soon enough, they had completed the job.

"Thank you so much for all your help," the girl said as they loaded the last bag back onto the landspeeder.

"Yeah, whatever," Daishi said. "Just be more careful next time."

The girl nodded. "Yeah, I will." She suddenly looked at Daishi intently. "You know, this is going to sound really strange," she said.

"Yeah?" Daishi asked.

"Have you and I met before?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Don't you feel like there's some connection here?" the girl added.

"No, I really don't feel like that at all actually," Daishi replied.

"Oh, how very strange," the girl smiled. "Well, thanks for all your help. Bye."

Daishi watched the landspeeder pull away for a moment before turning back towards his swoop bike. It was time he got going wherever he was going. Not that he had an idea where that was or anything. Somewhere, maybe another restaurant would be willing to hire him.

He noticed an object lying in the road, and stopped to pick it up. Probably another of that girl's possessions that they had missed.

"Wha&?" he uttered when he looked at it. It was a picture of him.

"Wha? How? Why would she have a picture of me?" It hit him suddenly. "Of course, Tina!"

Daishi ran back to his swoop bike, and sent it barreling down the road after the landspeeder.

****

"Say what?" the ferret like creature protested. "What do you mean you don't need us? We're Kevin's personal aids!" He waved his stubby arm in the direction of the rest of the ship's bridge, as though to indicate the crewmembers that were gathered about at their various stations. "Do you really expect this band of primadonas do nothings and children will be able to do the job of trained officers?"

Argon Viper, still in a business suit, briefly turned to glance at the crewmen the ferret (named Ferrox by the way) was pointing out. Stormtrooper 1026 was talking with Aku Koibito and Ruri. He turned back to Ferrox. "There's nothing wrong with our crew," he said. Technically Ferrox was a naval captain, and tradition and regs dictated he should be addressed as sir, but Argon just couldn't bring himself to do it. "Of course they may be a little unusual, but they're all experts in their fields, and our captain has never been defeated in the simulations."

Ferrox scoffed. "Oh yeah?" he said. "Well just where is this miracle worker?"

"Well, actually&"

The door to the bridge slid open.

"This must be it!" Tina exclaimed with inhuman cheerfulness as she strode into the room. "Hi everyone! Have no fear, your new captain's here!"

For a moment, all anyone could do was stare blankly.

Argon shook his head. Tina. Of all the possible candidates of all the planets of all the galaxies, why did Tycho have to choose Tina?

*****

"Well you see sir," the security guard was saying, "this guy just rode up to the front gate on a swoop bike and started raising a ruckus."

Tycho stepped further into the cell to get a better look at the prisoner, then froze.

"Remove his restraints," he said to the guard.

"Sir?" the guard asked, confused.

"Now!"

The guard quickly complied, though he was still obviously confused about the order.

"Leave us," Tycho said.

The guard saluted, then walked out of the cell.

"I almost didn't recognize you," Tycho said, "without your armor."

Daishi rubbed his wrists as he got to his feet. "It's been a long time," he said.

"A year," Tycho said. "Everyone had assumed that you had been killed when the invaders attacked Varneck. How did you get to Erebria?"

Daishi shook his head. "I can't remember," he replied. "All I know is that I was on Varneck, and the next thing I knew I was here on Erebria."

"That's it?" Tycho asked.

"That's it. I'm as in the dark as you are."

"Hmm," Tycho said. "So why are you here? I see you've got the new neural interface implants. Did you come to sign on as one of our pilots?"

"No," Daishi said. "I'm not a pilot, and I'm sick of being a soldier. Right now I'm just a cook. I came to see Tina."

"Why do you want to see her?"

"Her connections," Daishi replied. "I want to know who it was that attacked Varneck and what they're doing there. Since her dad is so high up the VE totem pole, I'd hope he would have some answers. That planet is my home, and I need to know what's happened to it."

"I see, but I don't think there's all that much her father could tell you." Tycho scratched his chin for a second. "A cook, huh?" he said. "We need cooks. I guess this means you're in luck. From now on, you'll be a cook on the Nergal."

"The Nergal?" Daishi said with surprise. "You mean it's finished?"

"Yeah," Tycho said. "We're going to launch in a couple hours, so why don't you take a walk around to get to know her."

Daishi shrugged. "Why not?" then followed Tycho out of the cell.

*****

"Let's go Battlemech!" a voice echoed through the hangar bay. On the main bay floor a giant robot seemed to be shadowboxing.

"That's a hatav, not a Battlemech!" the chief engineer protested from the hangar bay floor.

The pilot of the giant robot didn't seem to care. "Get back you evil invaders or I shall crush you with my wrath!" he said with pure glee. "I'll finish you off with my particle cannon!"

Leaning against the rail of the catwalk above the hangar bay floor, Daishi watched the exchange. So this was a hatav. Daishi had heard about the new humanoid weapons platforms but had never seen one. He knew it was controlled by a direct neural interface system through nanomachine implants in the pilot, allowing the pilot to control it as though it were his body. This was supposed to make piloting a hatav so simple literally anyone could do it.

"Hey!" the chief engineer was saying to the giant robot, "Who are you and how did you get up there? Our pilots aren't supposed to be arriving for three days!"

The giant robot stopped and began to shake slightly as the pilot laughed, in essence chuckling right along with him. "Are you kidding?" the pilot said. "When I heard that we were going to be piloting real robots, I couldn't get here fast enough! This is the real thing baby, WOO!" The hatav struck a semi-dramatic pose.

"Will you stop that!" the engineer demanded. "Playtime's over!"

"Hey, you're talking to the greatest robo pilot who's ever lived!" the pilot replied. "And to prove it I'll show you one of my super amazing JERRY KILLER MOVES!"

The robot drew back for a punch.

"JERRY SUPER CHIN STRIKE!"  the pilot cried out as he swung at an imaginary opponent. Even before he completed the swing, it was obvious that he had thrown his balance horribly off. The robot's arms flailed about briefly, but there was nothing that could be done as the machine crashed to the hangar floor.

The hatch of the machine popped over, and the pilot climbed out, laughing. At first he seemed fine, but fairly suddenly he collapsed to the floor. Daishi couldn't quite hear everything that was being said as the engineer was checking the pilot, but he heard something about a broken leg. Daishi didn't know how anyone could break their leg piloting a war machine, but apparently that was what happened.

"Hey!" the pilot yelled as they were hauling him out on a stretcher. "You up on the catwalk!"

"Me?" Daishi asked.

"Is there anyone else up there?" the pilot asked rhetorically. "My most precious possession is still in that cockpit, could you get it for me, pretty please?"

It took Daishi a while to get down to the main floor, and by that time the stretcher had already been taken away. Daishi climbed into the cockpit of the hatav.

"A museum scale Atlas is this guy's most precious possession?" Daishi asked himself as he spotted the pewter miniature laying in the pilot seat. "Just how old is this guy mentally?"

An alarm began to blare, and Daishi suddenly heard Argon Viper's voice come over the intercom.

"Our forces are now engaged with the enemy's tactical fighters," he said. "All bridge crews, report to the command center immediately!"

Daishi looked up at the ceiling. Far above he heard a faint explosion.

"They're here!"

*****

"The enemy seems to be concentrating their attacks directly above our position," Argon said. The main holotable was displaying the forces buzzing around the massive facility where the Nergal was housed. All the senior officers were present for this meeting.

"And we can assume that the Nergal is their target," Kevin said. Kevin was their liaison with the VE fleet, a decorated admiral (okay, not WITH the VE per se, but lets not worry about that), and though actually just a figurehead to give the operation some legitimacy, technically in charge.

"If that's the case," Ferrox said. Some quirk of fate (and possibly ninjas) had made the ferret like creature Kevin's adjutant. "We'll hit them where it hurts!"

"What do you mean?" Argon asked.

"If we sweep the perimeter with the Nergal's cannons, we'll burn them to a crisp."

"Are you proposing to vaporize our own fighters?" Stormtrooper 1026 asked.

"Well why not?" Ferrox asked. "They're going to die anyway."

"Would you call that cold blooded," Aku asked Stormie, "or just cowardly?"

"Captain," Kevin said, speaking to Tina. "Do you have any suggestions?"

The cute and bubbly young woman that had pranced onto the bridge not that long ago seemed to vanish instantly, replaced by a woman of deadly seriousness. "The Nergal will go through the underwater passage, and into the open ocean," she said, "flank the enemy from behind, and obliterate them. We'll need a decoy."

"That's where Jerrard Cranston comes in!" the ship's only current pilot said once everyone got over the shock caused by the captain acting seriously. "I can engage the enemy with my giant robot, and lure them away from the base. It'll be great!" He raised one crutch high in excitement. "It's my destiny, YEAH!"

"With a triple compound fracture?" Aniston, the chief engineer, asked.

Suddenly realizing he was feeling pain, Jerry stumbled to the ground. "I forgot that," he admitted.

"Not to contribute to this grotesque feeling of déjà vu any more than I have to," Ruri, the computer officer, interrupted, "but we already have a decoy."

Everyone looked at the twelve year old in surprise.

"There's a hatav in the main elevator shaft," she elaborated.

In that hatav, Daishi continued to gripe to himself.

"There's no way I'm going to die aboard this ship!" he said. Piloting this thing really was as simple as it was supposed to be. Just resting his hand on the control port allowed him to control it as though it were part of him. "I'm just a freaking cook now! I'm not going to get killed in some stupid war!"

Without warning a holographic image of one of his former commanders, Kevin, appeared before him. For a second he thought it was some sort of evil spirit coming after him (or perhaps another ghost like Tina used to be) but then he remembered the special holographic communication system that had been installed aboard the Nergal and tied into each crewmember's communicator.

"Identify yourself," Kevin started. "Wait& Daishi?  I didn't know you were on this ship. You're one of our pilots?"

"Um, no," Daishi replied.

A second holographic face appeared. This one was that pilot that had been in the hangar bay. "That's my battlemech!" he protested.

"So what are you doing&" Kevin started to ask.

"I signed on as a cook," Daishi replied.

"A WHAT?!" the pilot yelled. "WHAT'S A COOK DOING INSIDE MY ROBOT!?"

Back on the bridge, Tina began to wonder. This was the man that helped her on the road. "Daishi&" she said, running the name over in her head. Suddenly, it hit her. "Robert, ITS ROBERT!"

In the cockpit, a holographic representation of Tina's face appeared as the others were cut off.

"I knew it," she said eagerly. "I knew we knew each other somewhere Robert, I was right, wasn't I? Did you just pretend not to know me because you're so shy Robert?

"Now wait just one second here!" Daishi demanded. "Just what are you doing on this ship anyway?"

Tycho's face popped up. "Why she's the captain of the Nergal."

"WHAT?"

"That's right, Robert," Tina said. "I'm the captain of the Nergal, pretty cool, huh?"

"Does Geist know you gave his favorite toy to Tina?" Daishi asked Tycho.

"Relax," Tycho said. "It'll all work out fine." He then cut off his transmission. His floating disembodied head vanished.

"Oh," Tina said. "But I can't let you act as a decoy against the enemy."

"What? Act as a what?"

"But I know how devoted you are towards conducting your mission," Tina continued, "and mere words from a sentimental woman wouldn't sway you, will they?"

"Yeah they will!" Daishi said frantically.

"All right," Tina said, "I'm entrusting the fate of the Nergal and all her crew to you Robert. Just promise me that& you'll come back alive." Her transmission likewise cut off.

"Alive? Hey, what?" Daishi said, but there was no further response from Tina. A young girl, about twelve, was the next to appear.

"The elevator is about to reach ground level," she said.

"Good luck and may the force be with you," another girl, who looked disturbingly like Geist's wife, said next.

"GIVE ME BACK MY BATTLEMECH!" the pilot yelled one last time.

"JUST SHUT UP!" Daishi yelled back as the elevator arrived at the top. All three holoimages cut off, replaced by Argon.

"You have ten minutes," he said. "Just keep the enemy occupied. Good luck."

Daishi looked around him in shock. There were literally hundreds of armored figures identical to the ones he had faced on Varneck surrounding him. How was he supposed to fight all of these?

Tina's words flashed back through his mind. "I'm entrusting the fate of the Nergal and all her crew to you Robert," she had said.

Daishi triggered the reaction jets built into the back of the hatav, hurling it into the air.

"OH THIS STINKS!" he began to yell, "IT'S NOT FAIR! THIS WAS NOT PART OF MY PLAN!"

The hatav landed on its feet a good one hundred and fifty meters away from where it jumped. "I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS CRAP!" Daishi yelled as he sent the war machine running.

He kept up a good pace for some time, and his radar screen told him he had most of the enemy following him, but he doubted he could keep this pace forever.

"Seven minutes?" he said, looking at the timer on his control panel, "How am I supposed to keep running for another seven minutes? I've had it with this, damnit! Enough is enough! ARRRRRGHHH!" He brought the hatav to a sliding halt and turned it to face his pursuers. "I'M SICK AND TIRED OF RUNNING FROM YOU MONSTERS!" he screamed as he opened fire with the formidable arsenal his war machine wielded. Clusters of small concussion missiles flew out into the attacking swarm, striking down scores of enemy units. Daishi followed that up with short, controlled bursts from the massive laser cannon-rifle the machine carried, downing more with each volley, but it still wasn't enough. The enemy kept coming. A lucky barrage from an enemy unit slammed into the hatav's upper torso, in the process wrecking the rifle.

"Okay you freaks!" Daishi yelled as he discarded the rifle. "You want a piece of me? Come and get it!"

The enemy swarmed him from all sides, and Daishi plunged his machine into close combat. The battle became a blur, and Daishi responded by reflex. Strike, dodge, parry. A reaction jet assisted jump to evade one blaster barrage, using an enemy unit as a shield against a missile barrage. Without any real idea of how he got there, Daishi soon found his hatav standing in a sea of shattered enemy machines, wielding the leg of an AT-ST (no doubt downed before he arrived) as a club.

"WHO WANTS SOME!?!" Daishi yelled at the remaining enemy units, who were forming up elsewhere, as though to respond to another threat out to sea.

The sea in the meantime rumbled with a sudden turbulence. Riding powerful repulsorlifts, a warship slowly rose from the depths. The sleek and awesome vessel turned its bow and the improbably huge gun barrel protruding from it towards the invaders. There was a single puff of smoke from the main gun, and it was over. One by one the armored attackers exploded, leaving little more than small fragments behind.

"Whoa!" Daishi said. He'd heard estimations of the Munchion Cannon's capabilities, but he had never imagined this.

Tina's face appeared before him. "I'm sorry we kept you waiting, Robert," she said.

"What do you mean?" Daishi asked. "It hasn't been ten minutes yet, has it?"

"I rushed the schedule for your sake," she replied. "You were really amazing out there."

"Now hold on a second," Daishi said. "I didn't come here to fight, and I didn't come here to save you or anything. I just came here to see you&"

"ME! You came to see me!" Tina exclaimed.

"That's not what I said." Daishi held up the picture he had found on the road. "I just saw this and I came to find&"

"Oh, the picture!" Tina said. "You came all this way to bring it back to me? Oh you're just too good for little old me!"

"Will you stop that!" Daishi demanded. "I have a question to ask you and its important, so shut up!"

"A question?" Tina asked with a puzzled look. Her look changed back to excited soon enough, however. "You mean THAT question? Oh, you're rushing things now Robert!"

"NO I'M NOT!"

"Yes, of course," Tina replied. "I know you didn't mean it like that. First we'll have to spend a lot of time together and&"

"I WANT MY BATTLEMECH BACK FRYBOY!" The pilot interrupted.

"WILL SOMEONE LISTEN TO ME!" Daishi demanded.

"Oh, Robert," Tina said, "I know exactly how you're feeling right now&"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"

"Oh my dearest," Tina said. "You drive me a little crazy too. It will be tough at first, but we can make things work&"

On the Nergal's bridge, Argon turned towards Tycho. "You knew this would happen, didn't you? Hiring crew is your responsibility."

Tycho seemed to be doing his best to restrain a chuckle. "It makes the whole thing a bit more interesting, doesn't it?"

"I would have said warped."

*****

Epilogue: It only gets worse from here&

"I close my eyes and I keep seeing things, rainbow waterfalls&"

The song kept playing as the writer typed. He always preferred to write with background music.

Of course right now he was at something of an impasse, he didn't know where to take the story from here.

There was a knock at his cabin door.

"Come in," he said.

The man who entered his cabin stopped to look around the room with a disgusted look, and for the ten thousandth time, the writer decided that he needed to clean the place up at some point. Every surface was covered with empty pop cans, computer parts, cloths (dirty and otherwise) and books on subjects ranging from Immortal Warrior to quantum mechanics.

"Can I help you?" the writer asked his visitor.

The visitor nodded. He wore a well-tailored Italian suit (which should tell you something is wrong, I mean, just how did he get that anyway?) and carried a briefcase. "I'm here on behalf of Harmony Gold, to talk to you about this little story of yours."

"Harmony Gold?" the writer asked. "You mean Xebec, or maybe AD Vision?"

"No, I mean Harmony Gold. We have the exclusive rights to the story that you are so blatantly copying and we are going to sue you for it."

"No you don't," the writer replied. "Harmony Gold has nothing to do with this. You're just being a brat."

The lawyer looked like he was about to cry. "Shut up!" he said as he tried to hold back the sobs, "How dare you suggest that we don't have ultimate power over all things related to giant robot anime! We are going to sue your ass off!"

"Whatever, pal," the writer said. "Just get out of my cabin."

"You're mocking me!" the Lawyer exclaimed. "How dare you ignore us! YOU WILL BE CONSUMED BY OUR UNHOLY FIRE!"

The writer blinked. "Okay, this is getting a little weird&"

The door to the cabin opened again, and a slightly hyperactive girl came in, trying to hide a sword behind her back.

I was going to do a watch your eye line gag here, but it just doesn't work in this format, so lets just skip ahead.

"Oh, a witness!" the girl said, "Excel cannot allow any witnesses to escape, it would be an incredible danger to the security of ACROSS!" she raised the sword.

At this point I don't think it would be proper to describe all the gory details of this encounter, so instead let us meditate on more beautiful things.

"Come on! Die like a man!"

Picture the beauty of a butterfly, how it looks like a little angel fluttering through the air.

"Wow, you're resilient! You can sure take a slashing!"

Imagine the beauty of the meadow. A small white rabbit hops serenely across.

"No please no! I'm too self important to die!"

The majestic beauty of the Falcon as it glides through the blue sky.

"That's right, I'll feed you your liver in the name of Ilpalatzo!"

All those wonderful things that God, in his wisdom, put on this Earth.

"Come off! Who knew that cartilage could be so tough?"

Yes, all those wonderful things in that great tapestry of nature, but anyhow, lets get back to this story.

The girl slipped out of the cabin, and marched down the corridor, content that her job on the Nergal was done.

*****


TO BE CONTINUED! (whether you like it or not!)

Next Episode: It's just like that show!
 
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RA(U) Daishi COSOS
"If we had all knowladge then why would we seek what we already know and if we had no knowladge then how could we even ask the question?"  Plato
"Indeceant exposure is fun." Sonatina
"There are at least three sides to any situation." Me