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ComNet > Stormtrooper Corps > Archived Specialty Storynet > Crimson [A5] Close Combat
 
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Topic:  Crimson [A5] Close Combat
crimson-nexus
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  Crimson [A5] Close Combat
May 21, 2013 4:49:54 AM    View the profile of crimson-nexus 
Crimson had been part of Raiders squad for a while. His squad leader said it was time for him to take up a special training course. He talked to a few of the other troopers and learned there was one for close combat. Considering his past Crimson knew the perfect class to take. He signed on for close combat and found it quite fun. Although his fellow classmates were very rude to him except for those who knew him for his underworld fighting. Some of the troopers were older more experienced and laughed when a rookie signed on for the class. Crimson was a good fighter and some let up after sparring with him. Crimson was an exceptional fighter since he knew many different fighting styles. He also had fought many of the species that the troopers offered before so he knew some of their strengths and disadvantages.

The air was swelled with the smell of sweat and blood. The mats sat, patches of crimson painting their blue surfaces. It was a day for sparring and everyone knew it as they entered and saw the sergeant and medic waiting for them. Dirge Grinned as he looked at Crimson and the others who sat around him.

“Sparring time I want you to grab a sparring partner,” called Dirge.

Crimson began looking for a partner when a fist slammed down between his shoulder blades. Crimson turned to see the familiar eyes of Zarous Parr. Zarous was from another side of the galaxy and none the less a Cathar. He constantly picked on Crimson for being a rookie and Crimson resented it.

“Well, well boys look at the little baby he’s got to find a partner that matches his terrible fighting skills. Am I right boys?” Zarous
asked his cronies.

Some snickered as Zarous continues.

“Your a bad fighter kid and that’s what you’ll be until you take on a real challenge. The fancy title isn’t impressive. So kid why don’t you fight a real man like me.”Zarous commanded

“I only fight men who have the back bone to show honor. Although fine I never back down from a challenge. You can even bring in an extra guy, I’ll beat you both.” Crimson said calmly like he was speaking to a child.

When he spoke a few people turned to see what was going. When they saw the claws and the scar many stopped and watched the brewing fight. Crimson stood his hands gently on the back of his head.  He yawned as he turned to see Zarous’s shocked features. Zarous growled as he picked the second strongest in his group. The man he chose was called Jorge and he was an exceptional fighter. Crimson cracked his neck and waited his hands not even balled into fists.

Zarous charged and went to strike with his fist. Crimson caught the punch and spun around trapping Zarous’ hand between his torso and arm. Using his free arm, he brought his elbow down on Zarous’ arm right over the joint connecting the separate bones.  He then released Zarous who took a step back hissing.

“What are you doing standing there help me you idiot!” Zarous yelled at his partner.

His partner charged this time he had a plan although Crimson already knew how to combat him. Crimson charged toward him. They met at a point and each man grabbed below the others chest and tried to lift up. Crimson had an advantage though; he was taller than the man he was fighting. He grabbed tight and shot his legs so they locked into a standing position. He lifted the man and flipped him over his shoulder. He then threw him down on the opposite side. He then turned and lifted his leg into the air. He then stomped down onto the man’s face. He then turned around and walked away. While he cracked his knuckles, he yawned.

“Okay ladies, warm ups done lets fight for real now.” Crimson said mockingly as he turned to face his competition, who huddled together trying to think of a strategy to beat Crimson.

Crimson took this as an advantage and charged. Zarous and his comrade turned and went to leap out of the way. Crimson’s stretched out his arms and caught them despite their attempt. He bulldozed them over quickly and turned ready for their next move. Zarous was the first to stand his stance went out and the moment his fist came up Crimson grabbed it and spun around bending the arm behind Zarous’ back. He then punched him between the shoulder blades. That was when he noticed a dazed Jorge getting to his feet. He kicked Zarous’ in the butt and let go of his arm. Zarous went stumbling forward into his ally.

Zarous growled and charged at Crimson. Crimson went to make a blow with his fist but Zarous caught it. Crimson grinned and smashed his head against Zarous then he leaped into the air and kicked Zarous square in the chest. Then he heard the stumbling steps of Zarous’ ally. Crimson leaped once again and flipped up and his hands landed on his enemies shoulders. He pushed himself away making the man stumble. Crimson then landed on his feet and got into a fighting stance ready for the next attack. Both men charged at Crimson who grinned as they did. He leaped backwards in a flip his legs Whirled up landing blows at his enemies’ chins and Crimson landed on his hands and knees. He then pushed off in and upward movement he knocked Zarous’ and his crony to the ground then stood rigidly strait. He had cause no bleeding and never made a blow with his hands. Crimson reached down with outstretched hands to help the men up. Zarous’ crony took Crimsons hand the moment it was offered while Zarous was reluctant. The Cathar knew he could no longer make fun of Crimson and now was ashamed he had gone through with the fight. Although Zarous knew he had been beaten he knew that it could have been worse. With Crimson’s help Zarous and his friend went to the medic who quickly made sure none of their bones were broken.

“Good fighting both of you.” Crimson said as he walked back to watch the fellow troopers spar.
I am a mandalorian. No I am the crimson-nexus mandalorian son of the nexu.

TRP/ PSC Crimson-nexus/2SQD/1PLT/1COMP/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE
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Garryll Gates
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  RE: Crimson [A5] Close Combat
May 28, 2013 12:02:36 AM    View the profile of Garryll Gates 
In the future, I would advise getting a beta-reader to look over spelling, grammar and wording. Additionally, your character is kind of absurdly badass - two on one, no injuries, didn't have to use his hands, and one was a species with claws.

The combat itself is adequate, but the above issues are a problem. I'm marking this "Needs significant revisions." Please repost your edited copy in this thread, and DO NOT edit your previous post.

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