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ComNet > Stormtrooper Corps > Archived Specialty Storynet > Psycho (3.1) Heavy Weapons Mobile Anti-Infantry
 
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Topic:  Psycho (3.1) Heavy Weapons Mobile Anti-Infantry
Psycho
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Psycho
 
[VE-ARMY] Private Second Class
 
Post Number:  40
Total Posts:  131
Joined:  Aug 2011
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  Psycho (3.1) Heavy Weapons Mobile Anti-Infantry
March 18, 2012 3:20:51 PM    View the profile of Psycho 
OOC:
Psycho
(3.1) Heavy Weapons Mobile Anti-infantry
First Level 1 - 10 Weeks and 10 posts


Army Private Second Class, Dev “Psycho” Bandoran, strolled up the muddy, slippery hill, a drizzly rainfall dripping upon him. Coming down the hill, a trooper passed him, his once white armor now covered in grass and mud. Psycho nodded to the trooper, who stopped at the sight of him.

“How’d the test go?” casually asked Psycho, his helmet in his arms.

The trooper shrugged. “The best it could. That Sergeant up there will throw a lot of droids at you, though.”

“So I expected. Well, don’t want to be late.” The trooper nodded, wishing Psycho good luck, and he continued on his way up the wet, gushy slope. The hill gradually became steeper and steeper till it abruptly flattened into an oval like platform. Panting hard, he came around the last bend and came to the top of the hill, where he would begin his training. Ahead of him was the Sergeant Major who stood firmly in the mud, unchanged by the strengthening downpour. He grasped a clipboard and pen, writing something down in large, jerky strokes. Psycho promptly saluted, doing his best to make a good impression. He knew training Sergeant would and could be tough and aggressive. He wouldn’t be intimidated, but if the Sergeant liked him, he might get a better score.

“At ease, Private,” Vhent stated, authority and experience driving his tone. He wore the standard training officer attire, a pistol at his side. His head was completely shaved, as to regulation, and despite his attitude and hostility, he had a set of light blue eyes, sparkling in the dim light of the evening. The figure was, at the least, intriguing. “Private Psycho? Is it?”

“Yes sir,” Psycho replied, unintimidated by the warlike being.

“Alright, trooper. Let’s get right to it. You’re here to test for your Heavy Weapons Specialty. This here is a Z-6 rotary blaster cannon, as you probably know. 166 rounds per second. Very high rate of fire.” The Sergeant gestured toward the large, cylindrical weapons sitting securely on a rack. “You’re going to hold this hill for five minutes. No more, no less.” He walked over to the other side of the hill, pointing down the slope. “Down there, I’m going to send an army of droids at you. Don’t worry, there weapons are stun, and short ranged. You won’t and can’t die here. Just hold this position for five minutes, don’t get shot, and you’ll pass. Understand?” Psycho nodded slightly nervously. He really didn’t want to fail this test. All those weeks of training going down the drain.

He walked over to the weapon, grabbed it by its two handles, and proceeded to a small mound of dirt on the crest of the hill where he knelt down, propping the gun on the dirt. It would be useful for cover. Below him was a muddy, steep slope, barren of any cover. At the bottom of the hill was a thick tree line, bushes and undergrowth filling any area the trees didn’t.

This should be easy. I’ve got a height advantage, the hill is hard to climb up, and there is no cover. I can’t believe they call this a test...

“You ready Psycho?” the Sergeant asked, a remote in his hands.

“Sure am.” Hearing that, the Sergeant pressed a button on the remote. For a second, nothing happened. The air was still, and the only noise was from the light rain. Then, without warning, several humanoid-like droids came rushing out of the trees, followed by more and more. Immediately, Psycho pulled the trigger, spraying a thick wall of blaster bolts. His immense amount of shots came flying into the droids, shredding them into scrap piles. Though, he was surprised for two reasons. Number one: the recoil from the gun was extreme, and he had to hold it tight to keep it steady. Secondly, as soon as he destroyed the first wave of droids, another one had come out, and after that, another one. The amount of droids seemed endless! What seemed easy had now turned into something tough. The terrain was on his side, but the numbers, however, were not.

Despite the apparent odds, he continued to face the army, keeping them at bay with his powerful arsenal. The waves of droids had made progress up the hill, but Psycho had kept them from approaching any further. Suddenly, his overwhelming fire of blasts stopped. He cursed as he checked the temperature gauge on the gun. It had gotten to hot and jammed. Without anything to stop them, the droids slowly traversed up the hill. Psycho ducked as one fired a stun blast. He was now within firing range of the droids!

“Come on, damn gun!” he yelled, not particularly caring that he was talking to himself. Slowly the temperature meter died down, but it wasn’t fast enough! The droids were coming close. Now completely in prone position, and behind the mound of dirt, he quickly lowered the gun into a small puddle of water, hoping that the cool liquid would help with the process. It did, but very slightly. He cursed again, noting that the droids were very close to his position. Suddenly, the small pointer on the meter dropped down, and the gun was cool again! He didn’t waste any time, and immediately set the gun back down on the dirt barrier, releasing a rapid spray of blasts and fire.

The droids, which were only a few yards away from him, fell in pieces and metal shards. Soon, the front line of the droids had fallen back, and Psycho became confident again. He let the cylinder of his gun fire for a moment or two more before the Sergeant pressed a button, deactivating the droids.

“Alright,” he said, clearly impressed with Psycho’s abilities, “That’s five minutes. Reinforcements are here to relieve you.” And boy, was Psycho relieved. “Good work, Private.”

“Thank you,” he said, pushing his muddy body up. “When will I know if I passed?”

“Oh, officially, in an hour or so, but you did a splendid job. Now get off this hill! I’ve got more troopers to test.” With that, Psycho placed the heavy gun on the weapons rack, and raced down the hill, passing another trooper. As they passed, the trooper suddenly spoke up.

“Hey...do you have any suggestions for passing?” he nervously asked in a quiet tone.

Psycho thought for a moment. “Keep the gun and yourself cool, and you’ll do fine.”

“Alright. Thanks!” Psycho, proud of his performance, continued his hustle back down, leaving the muddy hill behind in the drizzle.
ETRP/PSC Dev "Psycho" Bandoran/3SQD: "Blackjack"/1PLT: "Wildcard"/1COM: "Phoenix"/1BAT: "Dragon"/1RGT: "Osiris"/VEA/VE/Tadath
Garryll Gates
ComNet Marshal
 
Garryll Gates
 
[VE-ARMY] Captain
[VE-DJO] Dark Jedi Knight
[VE-ICS] Privateer Captain
 
Post Number:  1873
Total Posts:  2159
Joined:  Sep 2007
Status:  Offline
  RE: Psycho (3.1) Heavy Weapons Mobile Anti-Infantr
March 18, 2012 9:19:10 PM    View the profile of Garryll Gates 
OOC:
“How’d the test go?” casually asked Psycho, his helmet in his arms.


Who's asking who? Which helmet is being held, and by which person? This sentence is vague.

OOC:
The hill gradually became steeper and steeper till it abruptly flattened into an oval like platform.


Not 'till' try, 'until.'

OOC:
He knew training Sergeant would and could be tough and aggressive.


There's a word missing in this sentence. Read it aloud and insert an appropriate one.

OOC:
Vhent stated, authority and experience driving his tone.


Vhent? Eh? Who's this? Make sure to introduce your characters.

OOC:
Don’t worry, there weapons are stun, and short ranged.


Their, there, they're. Make sure to keep them straight. Vhent's dialog ends with Psycho's reaction; for stylistic purposes, I prefer to see dialog have its own paragraph and a new line for any new actions by someone other than the speaker.

OOC:
The air was still, and the only noise was from the light rain.


I think the wording 'the air was still' seems a bit strange; it is raining, after all. In addition, you led me to believe we had some heavy rain, whilst you say there's just light rain here.

Later paragraphs have statements punctuated by exclamation points. Personally, I don't like to do that; the statement should be able to convey the desired feeling without requiring punctuation I generally reserve for dialogue. This is, of course, my opinion.

I've decided to Pass this spec. You seem to understand the operation of the weapons involved, but watch for these style problems and whatnot.

Company Commander of Phoenix Company |Tactical Officer of the Army | Adept of the Dark Jedi Order | Captain of the
Bloodfist in the Osk Company
TO/CPTGarryll Gates/3SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/Tadath/VEA/VE [SCP][RoM][ICE] [IH] [CCA] [BC] [SRP] [AS-4] [ES1] [CoS] [EW1] {RESx3} [ESC09] [RoTx2] [CRoS] [AoT] [CoZ][CoDS][VT][CRoM][KAD][RCA][*QW 12*](3.1)(1.1)

TRN/AD Gates/Lopen/VEDJ
Longtime leader of Blackjack Squad
For Tadath, for the Empire.

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