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Topic:  I'm Back
KalabKhan
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  I'm Back
November 30, 2011 12:49:40 AM    View the profile of KalabKhan 
Sorry I haven't been here for a while, I have a habit of getting discouraged, and losing interest of things. I would like to promise it will not happen again, but I can't be to sure, sorry. I know I'll be here for a while longer, I rarely lose interest or get discouraged right away.

I rewrote my character's biography, which is what reminded me of here. Since I haven't yet played, I was hoping to submit it as my official biography, and hope that it is doable.

Here it is.

Kalab Khan of Earth

Have you ever wished that your ordinary life was extraordinary? My parents died when I was young, and I can barely remember them, and I have often found myself looking at the stars wishing that there was more to life and hoping that my real home was somewhere beyond the stars. The one thing that I knew for sure was that my parents were warriors. I love to fight, I don’t care if I win or lose, being in a fight thrills me, and as a child I would constantly get in fights, and even without technique I always won. I was unbeatable.

One day, I bested this one guy named Heinrich Emerson in a fight, and as it turns out, he was the leader of a street racing gang. And when I bested him, instead of ordering his gang to kill me, he saw that even though I had no real fighting technique, I had a lot of potential, and so he brought me in under his wing and taught me many different fighting styles. At first I was just one of his bouncers, but I was also able to fight in a lot of secret clubs, and I was unstoppable. I know it sounds weird, but when I fought, it was as if I knew my opponents’ next move, it was in their body language, and it was this skill that allowed me to win many of my matches. I was invincible.

One thing I had wanted since I was a child was to read and write. Although Heinrich, or Uncle Henry as everyone called him, wasn’t against the thought, he told me that all I needed to learn would be taught to me by life itself, but this wasn’t satisfying. So eventually, I taught myself to read and write. And when I learned to read, I found that I loved it. No matter what I picked up, science fiction, western, non-fiction, horror, even romance, I found it all interesting. I was inquisitive.

One thing that really fascinated me was an ancient concept called qi. I thought it would be cool to be able to move things with my mind and control other people’s minds, but I knew it wasn’t real, what did I know? I kept playing with it like it was real, concentrating on stuff to see if I could move it. It never happened, but it was fun. One day, I had absolutely nothing to do, completely bored, and everyone was taking forever to return home, so I just started concentrating on one an item, and I kept concentrating on it. I focused on it longer and harder than I had ever done before. And suddenly, the object moved. I went over to the object, to see is maybe it was rigged, like if one of the gang members was just playing a prank on me, but it wasn’t. I decided to concentrate on other objects, and before long, I indeed had the power to move objects with my mind. I was powerful.

Since I was now able to move objects with my mind, I decided to try and see if I could control other people’s minds. I didn’t want to try it on my own gang; I didn’t want to violate any trust issues. So I decided to do it on our rival gangs. At first, much like moving objects, nothing happened. But then I tried focusing just as intensely as I had when I first moved an object, and it worked. Most of the time, I only used either ability when it was necessary to save one of my family, or to prevent too much angst with one of our rival gangs. I was psychic.

I also studied machinery and auto mechanics. I invented a method of creating some red synthetic crystals that I could use to make our cars go faster than when they had nitrous in them. The only problem was that at full speed, it tore the cars apart, so I had to create some a stronger metal that we could use so that our cars would stay intact. When I created the medal, though it was indeed strong, amazingly it was also light, so we also decided to use it on all of our stuff we created, even to line out base with it. Then when that was done, we found that our drivers couldn’t even handle the vehicles at full speed. So, since we didn’t want to lose any of our friends, we gave up on it. We also learned that the red crystals were a great source of power, and so we used them to power our base. I was inventive.

But something inside me told me I wasn’t done. Somehow I knew I could handle the speed, and so I decided to give it one last shot, but this time, I would be the test driver. Despite warnings from my friends and Uncle Henry, I drove one of our cars to the test track and started to drive. I started driving as fast as my friends could normally handle it, and then I went faster. It was amazing; my reflexes were so in tune, every time I would go around a curb, I maneuvered the vehicle just right so that I wouldn’t over steer or break too hard, as though it were really my reflexes driving the vehicle. My friends were just as excited as I, and I became their main driver, both for any races we went on, and for any heist we took part of. I was lightning.

One day, something crashed outside of our base, when we checked it out; we found that it was a spaceship. We eventually found a way to board the ship, and then we found a dead alien on it. At first, some of the gang wanted to report our findings for fame and fortune; but something was stopping me, and I convinced them to hold off on doing so, at least for the time being. As we began to leave, we heard something move, and we noticed it coming from a pile of wreckage, we began digging through the pile until we found a curious creature locked in a cage. It was frightened a little, but showed no signs of aggression, so we let it out. And faster than we could blink, it zipped away, and just as fast it came back. it stayed with us, so we decided to keep it as our pet, and we even named it Otto.

Even though I had never seen the technology on the spaceship, somehow I knew it, and I was able to repair it. Shortly before my parents died, they gave me a small chip and told me that one day it would be the answers to all my questions. I never understood what they meant, but as I was repairing the ship, I saw something that looked as if it was made to hold such an item, I inserted it, and some kind of advanced third dimensional imagery started playing. It was my parents. They told me that though they were not from Earth, they came to Earth so that they could raise their child, me, in a world that was not ravaged by constant war. My dad said that he was from a people known as Mandalorians, a warrior race that loved the thrill of battle; apparently, he was the one I inherited my love for fighting from. My mom told me that she was an Echani, a near human race where battle was a means of communication, and that they learned much from their opponents simply from fighting them; and, I guess I got that skill from her.
When the ship was finally repaired and I learned how to control it, we decided to use it to leave Earth. I had no idea where to go, but I found a way to get it to automatically take us to where it had originated, so I figured that wherever that was, it would be a good place to start our journey.

When we finally arrived, we didn’t know what to do. At first we kept to ourselves and explored our new surroundings. We found that there were many different planets we could go to, and all of them were inhabitable. At first we tried not to get involved, it wasn’t out world, so whatever battles or wars were being fought, it wasn’t our problem. But it was my world; my parents had told me so. Could I really not involve myself in it? No I couldn’t, it felt like home, I felt that I had to do my part to keep it together. When I did start helping out, some of the gang decided to help me, even Uncle Henry. When we learned who the bad guys and the good guys were, we decided to aid the good guys.

(This is where his story for this RPG will begin)

We met up with some of the soldiers, and told them our story. They were intrigued, either that or they thought we were crazy, either way; they brought us to their leaders or we found ourselves being trained in their armies. At first, it was okay, but we began to feel uncomfortable with our situation; having come from a life where we looked out for ourselves. So, after our training, some of us left the army, and we were joined by a few others, and we sort of became space pirates. We would use our new skills, and raid lone ships that had strayed too far from their troops, though only if they were bad. We would then take the stuff we stole and sell it to the good guys. Sort of like Robin Hood, but with more profit.
One day though, they were ready for us. Those of us who survived were taken to a gladiator ring on some distant planet and were forced to fight in the arena. Pretty soon, I was the only one from my family left; even Uncle Henry had disappeared, so I figured he was killed in a battle, because I never heard from him again. That was when I met Chang. I have no idea why, but in our limited experience, we never ran across any aliens, not when we joined the army, not when we were raiding ships, and not in the arena, at least I had never seen any. But then I was put in a match against him. He looked almost human, but he had a crown of horns growing out from around his head, and he had several tattoos on his face. He was a good fighter, if it wasn’t for my reflexes, my ability to read peoples moves, and my knowledge of chi, he would’ve killed me, but I was still not match for his skills. Fortunately, because we had fought so well, we were both allowed to live.

During my times in the cell, I practiced my chi more, and I found that I could open the cell doors. So one day I did, and not just mine, I opened all the doors; I figured the riot that would ensue would make it much easier for me to escape. During my escape, I ran inside one of their spaceship, and just after in entered, somehow the door started to close. When I got to the cockpit, I found Chang, already in the seat and taking off. I don’t know how many other prisoners were able to escape, but Chang and I did.
Chang and I became fast friends. I told him my story, he told me his, I found out that his species was called Zabrak, and he showed me much more of our world that I hadn’t seen yet. We decided to become bounty hunters; we figured that with the use our combined skills, we would make a very good team. On out first job, we were sent to track down another alien that was called a Cathar, Chang explained to me that Cathars were cat like humanoids that were very strong and agile, and that it might be a challenge to catch.
During our search for the Cathar, our ship was hit by a meteor, and we crashed landed on a planet that looked like a big junk yard; I mean, there were piles of metal scraps everywhere. Fortunately, we were able to quickly find the parts we needed, and as Chang was fixing the ship, I explored the area a little. I found a droid that was almost in perfect condition. I managed to repair it and after making some more red crystals, I was able to use them for a power source, and then I programmed him to become our third ally in our bounty hunt.

We finally tracked down the Catharian; our battle was long but thrilling. The Catharian was a good strong fighter, and much faster than I, but as the odds were against him, we became victorious. On our way back to collect the bounty, I conversed with the Catharian. He introduced himself as Gideon, he explained what he had done to become worthy of a bounty. Apparently, some high up guy had killed his family, and in retaliation he killed the man, and because the guy was so high up, his death was enough to make others want to kill the Catharian. Having lost my family, I was able to feel his pain, and I managed to talk Chang out of the bounty as well. Gideon then said he owed me something called a ‘life debt’, I had no idea what he was talking about, but Chang explained that Gideon was giving me his life for offering to let him go free. I had no desire for such a gift, but Gideon was obstinate, so instead he became one of us.

Our group was formed, a half-Mandalorian/half-Echani human raised on a distant planet, a Zabrak, a droid and a Cathar. We searched far and wide for adventure. Often I would miss my family, and wondered if I would ever see any of them again, but I was also grateful for my new family, and my new life, and my ordinary life truly became extraordinary.
TRN/PVT KalabKhan/.SQD/.PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE
KalabKhan
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  RE: I'm Back
November 30, 2011 1:04:50 AM    View the profile of KalabKhan 
Notes –
Just in case you don't catch it right away, hat y inspiration comes from the Wonderful Wizard of Oz, a book series that I am very fond of and owe a life deb to. Except that, instead of a Dorothy character making the trip to Oz, it was the Wizard himself.
Chang, was a name given to the Scarecrow in the book "The Royal Book of Oz".
The droid would be an obvious analogue to the Tin Woodsman, by the way, I forgot to mention that his name is X-25.
I also meant to mention, that Otto would remain with him throughout his journey, even when he was at the gladiator arena. And Otto himself is supposed to be a copy of Toto, with the name Otto being an anagram of Toto.
Gideon, being a humanoid cat is the cowardly lion.
TRN/PVT KalabKhan/.SQD/.PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/VEA/VE
Corvin
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  RE: I'm Back
November 30, 2011 7:28:12 AM    View the profile of Corvin 
Um...it needs some work.

First, Earth? A no-no for character origins. I'll leave the rest to others.
ETRP/SGT Corvin/4SQD/2PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/Tadath/VEA/VE[ESC09][AoT][IH][HotC][RoM]
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Read the bloody manual!
"Never believe a rumour of my demise. I have as many lives as a cat. Also as many teeth, as many claws, and the same cheery, cooperative disposition." Peter Wiggin, Xenocide
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Luckystar
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  RE: I'm Back
November 30, 2011 12:06:06 AM    View the profile of Luckystar 
Due to my screen being the way it is I can't read all of that unfortunately but my Assistant or another Trainer will surely come onboard and give you a full report on what needs re-working.

As Corvin mentioned, earth is a very big no-no so that will need to be changed, as well the fact that you based yourself on the OZ series I find  bit worrisome...Please keep in mind that we need things to be realistic, so no Force 'powers' , super-human abilities, Jedi, etc.
KalabKhan
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  RE: I'm Back
November 30, 2011 6:51:34 PM    View the profile of KalabKhan 
Luckystar wrote:Due to my screen being the way it is I can't read all of that unfortunately but my Assistant or another Trainer will surely come onboard and give you a full report on what needs re-working.

As Corvin mentioned, earth is a very big no-no so that will need to be changed, as well the fact that you based yourself on the OZ series I find  bit worrisome...Please keep in mind that we need things to be realistic, so no Force 'powers' , super-human abilities, Jedi, etc.

Actually, George Lucas himself drew inspiration from Oz as well. And I had thought that Earth had been connected to the Empire by way of ET. I know ET was done by Steven Spielberg, but he was present in a scene of Phantom Menace.
Corvin
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  RE: I'm Back
November 30, 2011 6:55:56 PM    View the profile of Corvin 
George Lucas thought people would love Jar Jar. And Earth isn't connected at all in canon, or VE canon. It may have been at one stage in Star Wars' design process, but that was very, very early on. Bendak Starkiller and the Whills early.

And your character has a strange background and implausible abilities. Those need fixing.
ETRP/SGT Corvin/4SQD/2PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/Tadath/VEA/VE[ESC09][AoT][IH][HotC][RoM]
~BLACKJACK~
*Vehicle Pilot*
Read the bloody manual!
"Never believe a rumour of my demise. I have as many lives as a cat. Also as many teeth, as many claws, and the same cheery, cooperative disposition." Peter Wiggin, Xenocide
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"The Committee has also voted to change the name of the position, simply because no one liked the fact that its accronym spelled out Noo. "
Havock
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  RE: I'm Back
November 30, 2011 7:09:57 PM    View the profile of Havock 
Having the ET cameo in Phantom Menace was a homage to Lucas' friend Spielberg. It was not intended to link the cannon of the two franchises.

Kalab the decision you have to make here is if you want to write this story that you have created. Which isn't bad, it just doesn't fit at all into our cannon as a collective writing site. Or if you would be willing to create a new/revised character that can fit into our cannon.

This is from the Navy Academy wiki which I think puts the restrictions we have very well.
Quote:Restrictions
The Force Restriction

As a new member, your character is not allowed to use the Force, or affiliate with it in any way (this means your character can't be related to a Force-sensitive being, can't be the heir to a mysterious holocron, and may not own a lightsaber, to specify just a few impermissible scenarios). We know a lot of people want to be Jedi or use the Force, but we ask you to keep a few things in mind when you consider this ban on affiliating with the Force

1. During the time period in which we're writing (at the moment, 11 ABY), virtually all Jedi and Sith have been eradicated, with a very few exceptions who are already mentioned in the movies and books of the Expanded Universe. IC, Force-sensitive characters are rare.
2. We feel that using the Force in your writing is a privilege that you must earn; if you can't write a compelling story without using the Force, then you probably don't have the control or experience necessary to write well with it. In other words, we don't want you magically saving the day with the Force every time your character gets into trouble. OOC, Force-sensitive characters are overpowered.
3. If you prove yourself as a writer, maintaining high quality and high quantity activity over time, you may have a chance someday to delve into the mysteries of the Force, by joining the shadowy group known as the Dark Jedi Order. But again, this is not an available option for new members.

The Canon Characters Restriction

We also prefer your character is not affiliated with any well-known characters from the Star Wars saga. For example, we'd rather you didn't write a story about how you once beat Han Solo in a game of sabacc, and we're not keen on reading about all those years you spent as Wedge Antilles's roommate. We're not writing typical fan fiction, here; we're collaborating on a literary rpg with original characters.


This is how we do things, its not perfect but hey who is. If you are into expanding on your current writing talents and collaborating with others for story writing we welcome you aboard.
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